..iM.nmi  ii  I  I  i  I  lillllllltlliiiii.litllli 


iniiiliiii  tiHiiliiii.  ..^dti£ 


tihvaxy  of  trhe  theological  ^eminarjo 

PRINCETON  •  NEW  JERSEY 


^^j> 


PRESENTED  BY 


John  Stuart  Conning,  D.D. 

BV  2623  .L4  H4  1855 
Heighway,  Osborn  W.  Trenery 
Leila  Ada,  the  Jewish 
convert 


^3-v^^  I;; 


4f. 


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LEILA    ADA, 

THE    JEWISH    CO'lT\^ERT't 

BY 

OSBORN  W.  TEENEHY  HEIGHWAY. 

TO    WHICH   IS   ADDED 

HER  DIARY  AND   CORRESPONDENCE 


The  blue  deep  skies 
Dissolve  in  radiance  like  a  summer  cloud; 
Pure  spirit  melodies  float  past  mine  ear 
From  many  a  stringing  harp.    Let  me  too  join 
The  mingling  music  of  theh-  mighty  song. 

To  Thee,  well-spring  of  love,  who  gave  the  Son, 

To  Thee,  the  Conijueror,  the  Victor-King, 

To  Thee,  tlie  Holy  One,  who  sanctified, 

And  gave  my  hopes  of  yon  immortal  crown, 

I  come.    Receive  my  winging  soul.— Leila  Ada- 


SECOND   AMEEICAN   EDITION,    WITH    ADDITlO:?ft 

NEW  YORK : 
JOHN  WILEY,  167  BROADWAY. 

1855. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  In  the  year  1854, 

By  JOHN  WILEY, 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  United  States  for  the 
Southern  District  of  New  York. 


R.  CRAIGHEAD,  Printer  and  Stereotyper 
63  Vesey  street,  New  York. 


TO 


SIR   CHARLES   LEMON,   BART., 


CARCLEW,    PENRYN", 


M.P.     FOR     WEST     CORNWALL, 


THIS     LITTLE     VOLUME     IS,    WITH     HIS     PERMISSION, 


RESPECTFULLY   INSCRIBED. 


PREFACE  TO  THE  AMERICAN  EDITION 

OF   THE 

LIFE   OF  LEILA  ADA. 


About  a  year  since  the  Life  of  Leila  Ada  "was  published  in 
England. 

It  was  so  cordially  received  as  to  induce  the  author  within 
the  last  few  months  to  give  to  the  public  another  volume, 
containing  much  of  the  diary  and  correspondence  of  the 
young  Jewess.  In  preparing  an  American  Edition  of  this 
work  it  has  been  thought  best  to  combine  and  condense 
both  volumes  in  one,  inserting  the  diary  and  letters  in  their 
natural  connexion,  and  omitting  such  passages  as  involved 
repetition,  or  possessed  less  interest  for  the  general  reader 
than  for  the  pers9nal  friend. 

These  omissions  have  been  made  mainly  in  the  account 
of  the  journey  to  the  Holy  Land,  where  a  mere  outline  of 
travel  occupied  many  pages. 

On  the  other  hand,  every  incident  of  importance  and 
every  expression  of  Leila's  feelings  in  regard  to  the  great 
change  in  her  religious  experience  has  been  carefully  pre- 
flerved. 


VI  PKEFACE. 

The  only  interpolations  have  been  a  few  words  here  and 
there  which  were  necessary  as  connecting  links  in  the 
arrangement  of  the  book. 

These  are  in  every  instance  inclosed  within  brackets. 

The  narrative  has  sufficient  romance  to  satisfy  the  most 
imaginative,  while  the  elevating  influence  of  the  spiritual 
life  it  portrays  far  transcends  any  work  of  fiction. 

Both  in  beauty  of  person  and  loveliness  of  character, 
Leila  seems  to  have  charmed  and  attracted  all  who  enjoyed 
f.he  privilege  of  her  acquaintance,  while  to  the  narrow- 
er circle  of  intimate  friendship  she  was,  in  the  words  of 
her  biographer,*  "  one  of  those  fair  and  flower-like  natures 
that  rise  at  intervals  to  cheer  us  along  the  dusty  highway 
of  Hfe." 

"  Her  natural  abilities  (he  says)  were  very  rare,  and  she 
cultivated  them  with  the  strictest  care,  so  that  had  God 
seen  fit  to  spare  her  life,  and  call  her  to  a  more  public  situa- 
tion, she  would  have  occupied  no  humble  position  among 
those  noble-souled  and  intellectual  women  who  are  an 
honour  to  our  country. 

"  She  was  one  of  the  loveliest  flowers  that  ever  gleamed 
in  the  cold  atmosphere  of  a  world  of  sin — a  flower,  fragile 
in  its  pensile  form,  delicate  in  its  tender  purity,  spiritual  in 
its  beauty,  too  frail  to  live  amidst  these  tempestuous  clouds 
of  earth,  and  only  at  home  in  the  kindlier  soil  and  among 
the  Btormless  skies  of  the  better  land. 

"In  her  short  Christian  course  she  walked  with  God,. 

*  Preface  to  the  English  edition. 


PREFACE.  Vil 

and  her  dying  weeks  were  lived  upon  the  very  verge  of 
heaven." 

In  another  place  he  says :  "  we  have  been  scrupulously 
exact  in  our  descriptions  throughout.  We  have  written  from 
knowledge  obtained  through  personal  acquaintance  of  the 
dearest  kind." 

But  her  wonderful  conversion  is  after  all  that  upon  which 
the  interest  of  the  book  chiefly  depends. 

It  is  as  the  sun  around  which  her  personal  attractions 
like  lesser  lights  revolve. 

From  the  first  aspiration  after  holiness  to  the  spiritual 
enjoyment  of  maturer  years,  every  candid  reader  will  ac- 
knowledge that  to  the  suggestions  and  teachings  of  the 
Holy  Spirit,  unaided  by  human  influence,  Leila  Ada*  was 
indebted  for  her  escape  from  the  thraldom  of  Judaism  to 
the  light  and  liberty  of  the  gospel  of  Christ. 

May,  1854. 

•  "  A  beautiful  coincidence  between  Leila's  name  and  her  conduct,  was 
remarked  to  me  by  one  of  my  many  correspondents.    Her  name — 

which  is  in  Hebrew— {^ "13?  nj^^I?  Leila  Ada,  A  Witness  by 
Night,  is  sweetly  like  her  noble  confession  at  midnight  before  the 
rabbins  at  her  uncle's  house." 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

Introduction. — Leila's  Character  and  Pursuits. — The  Mishna. 

—The  Talmud 1 


CHAPTER  H. 

Extracts  from  Leila's  Diary. — Prayer. — Visit  from  the  Rabbi. 

— Eastern  Tour  contemplated 21 

CHAPTER  III. 

Leila    accompanies    her  Father  to   the   Holy  Land. — Their 

Journey. — Cologne. — The  Rhine. — Geneva. — Staubbach  36 

CHAPTER  IV. 

The  Journey  continued.— Athens. — The    jEgean    Sea. — Con- 
stantinople           47 

CHAPTER  V. 

The  Journey  continued. — Antioch. — Jerusalem. — Account   of 

the  Holy  Land.— The  Return  Home      56 

CHAPTER  VI. 

Leila's  Conversion      64 

CHAPTER  VII. 

Leila's  Letter  to  her  Father 92 

CHAPTER  VIIL 

Leila's  Letter  to  her  Father  continued        Ill 


X  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  IX. 

Conversations  between  Leila  and  her  Father. — Leila  is  sent 

to  her  Uncle        127 

CHAPTER  X. 

Treatment  of  Leila  by  her  Uncle.— Her  Trials.— Character  of 

Leila's  Cousin      160 

CHAPTER  XI. 

The  final  Effort  to  reclaim  Her.— Cut  off  from  her  Nation.— 
Her  acquaintance  with  Miss  H. — Returns  to  her  Father. — 
"How  soon  we  fade  !"       237 

CHAPTER  XII. 

Evanishings         266 

CHAPTER  XIII. 

"  We  all  do  fade  as  a  Leaf!" .     ,  ,      311 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

Leila's  Dying  Hours.— The  Closing  Scene 325 

CHAPTER  XV. 

Rest        331 

CHAPTER  XVI. 
Dlness  and  Death  of  Leila's  Father       337 


LEILA  ADA, 

THE    JEWISH    CONVERT. 


CHAPTER  I. 

iKTRODUCTio:;. — Leila's  character  and  pursuits. — the 

IMISILXA. — THE  TALMUD. 

The  West  of  England  abounds  in  scenes  of  quiet 
and  picturesque  beauty.  Its  shores  are  girded  by 
tall  grey  cliffs,  bold  headlands,  numerous  islets, 
and  large  caves  hollowed  out  and  draped  with  rrn- 
weads  by  the  musical  waves  of  the  Atlantic  ;  v/hi)c 
the  inland  scenery  is  rich  in  h.ills  and  valleys,  dells 
and  dingles,  woods  nnd  nic:nlovvs  combined  in  forms 
of  surpassing  loveliness.  Crystal  streamlets  wind 
amongst  quivering  aspens ;  and  glide,  bn-ak'ng 
into  fall  and  rapid,  and  murmuring  with  a^  sweet 
complaining  eloquence  as  though  they  v,ere  of 
life. 

Amidst  one  of  the  sweetest  of  these  scenes,  and 
near  the  southern  coast  of  Cornwall,  there  is  an 
ancient-looking  mansion,  soft  and  trauvquil  in  its 
1 


2  LEILA   ADA, 

elegant  simplicity,  and  removed  far  away  from  the 
smoke  and  stir  of  earth.  It  stands  in  a  deep  but 
most  lovely  valley,  between  a  line  of  picturesque 
eminences.  Embosomed  amid  lofty  and  luxuriant 
trees,  and  surrounded  by  a  verdant  lawn  thickly 
dotted  with  beds  of  rich  flowers,  it  impresses  the 
mind  as  the  very  repose  of  peace  and  beauty. 
Several  of  the  windows  are  partially  hidden  by 
festoons  of  luxuriant  ivy  ;  while  roses,  jessamines, 
and  other  sweet-scented  plants  and  creepers,  have 
thickly  interlaced  the  open  trellis-work  of  the 
balcony  which  encloses  the  door. 

Many  a  time  and  oft  have  we  wandered  at  sun- 
rise over  the  velvet  greensward,  and  in  the  noble 
^^ardens  attached  to  the  house,  seeking  to  learn 
the  life,  the  freshness,  the  purity,  the  joy  of  this 
little  Eden.  The  commonest  objects  shone  with  a 
glory  not  their  own ;  the  rich  sunlight  was  poured 
over  all ;  and  the  same  sunbeam  that  lighted  the 
distant  hill  glowed  on  the  pebble  and  the  road-side 
weed.  It  filled  the  soul  with  love  to  gaze  upon 
the  pensive  fragile  floweret  bathed  in  morning 
dew,  or  watch  the  sparkling  drops  as  they  glanced 
amidst  the  emerald  light  transmitted  through 
leaves  that  trembled  in  the  early  breeze.  The 
eye  wandered  with  delight  from  the  peaceful 
clouds  that  reposed  so  lovingly  on  the  cerulean 
vault  above,  to  the  far  bright  distance  that  invited 
to  unguessed  regions  of  light  and  freedom,  and 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  3 

tlien  returued  to  rest  upon  the  quiet  shadows 
ijiixhig'  with  the  soft  hues  of  darker  things.  And 
t.hou  vv'e  went  on  to  the  side  of  the  clear  streamlet, 
and  sat  down  by  its  little  gushing  waves.  Each 
had  its  own  separate  being  ;  they  varied  in  form  ; 
one  pare  and  glassy  reflected  an  unbroken  sun- 
beam ;  another  dashed  it  into  a  thousand  glittering 
sp;uiglcs  ;  but  they  all  came  from  the  same  deep 
fountain — they  all  rejoiced  in  the  same  light — 
they  all  hasted  on  their  happy  race  to  the  same 
wide  ocean,  xlnd  ever,  as  they  flowed,  soft  voices 
like  a  spirit-melody  met  our  ears  ;  purity,  life, 
and  joy,  must  produce  sweet  tdnes  of  harmony. 

Several  pretty  nests  of  trees  grow  in  the  little 
park  which  adjoins  the  house,  and  beneath  them 
are  some  tastefully  arranged  seats.  And  often, 
after  wearying  herself  in  frolics  with  the  goat  and 
her  kid,  tliat  lived  in  a  small  paddock  separated 
from  the  lawn  by  a  ring  fence,  the  subject  of  this 
memoir  has  reposed  herself  upon  one  of  these 
seats,  and  gazed  upon  the  loveliness  of  nature,  and 
watched  the  majestic  glories  attendant  upon  the 
setting  sun.  But  it  were  well  to  be  there,  if  you 
would  feel  the  witchery  of  such  a  sunset.  The 
trees  move  listlessly  and  wearily  in  the  evening 
breeze,  as  though  the  drowsiness  of  sleep  were 
fast  stealing  over  them.  The  tops  of  the  distant 
hills  are  dipped  in  gold  and  purple,  while  the  last 
rays  show  rich  green   shrubberies  as  they  rise 


4:  LEILA    ADA, 

higher  and  higher  on  the  opposite  ascent  from  the 
valley.  The  gentle  murmurs  of  the  river  seem  to 
swell  into  a  hymn  of  softest  music  to  the  departing 
day,  as  the  lengthening  shadows  softly  steal  upon 
its  steps.  Not  a  song  is  heard  from  the  birds  of 
the  forest,  with  the  exception  of  the  indescribably 
sweet,  melancholy  notes  of  the  wood-robin  ;  he, 
perched  in  a  moss-rose  bower,  is  singing  his  fare- 
well song  to  the  setting-sun  ;  and,  as  each  note, 
seeming  fainter  and  more  faint,  dies  in  melodious 
intonations  among  the  groves  and  thickets,  it 
touches  the  listener  with  an  exquisite  sense  of 
pleasure. 

Before  taking   possession  of  this  mansion,  A. 

T ,  Esq.,  had  buried  the  wife  of  his  youth  ;  and 

on  coming  to  this  charming  retreat,  he,  and  an 
only  and  lovely  daughter,  named  Leila,  lived  in 
comparative  seclusion  from  the  world.  He  knew 
no  happiness  independent  of  his  child,  for  all  his 
enjoyments  consisted  in  promoting  her  interest  and 
gratification.  She  was,  indeed,  the  very  being  to 
excite  the  most  tender  lavisliment  of  paternal  love. 
Beauty  surrounded  her  as  a  mantle,  but  her  culti- 
vated mind,  and  amiable  disposition,  threw  around 
her  an  influence  superior  to  any  of  the  short-lived 
fascinations  of  the  body.  In  her  conduct  and 
manner  there  was  a  freshness  of  innocence,  and  a 
winning  ahandonncnicnt,  which  could  not  fail  to 
arrest  the  interest  of  every  beholder.     She  was 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  fl 

higlily  accomplished,  and  could  read  and  write 
several  languages  with  fluency.  The  idol  of  her 
fond  father,  he  loved  her  tenderly  ;  a  feeling  which 
she  as  tenderly  reciprocated.  Being  of  the  seed 
of  Abraham,  he  had  educated  her  in  the  strictest 
principles  of  the  Jewish  ritual,  and  felt  the  most 
intense  satisfaction  in  witnessing  her  early  serious- 
ness and  devotion.  To  her  religion  he  thought 
her  an  ornament. 

For  our  slight  knowledge  of  the  early  part  of 
Leila's  life,  we  are  principally  indebted  to  a  series 
of  papers  written  by  herself,  and  entitled,  "  Re- 
flections." A  few  references  to  it  are  also  made 
in  her  diary  and  correspondence.  From  these 
sources  we  learn,  that  a  leading  characteristic  in 
the  earliest  development  and  exercises  of  her 
mind,  was  an  ardent  thirst  for  TRUTH.  It  is  also 
erident,  that  from  her  earliest  years  she  felt  the 
drav/ings  of  the  Holy  spirit,  and  had  an  anxious 
desire  for  her  eternal  salvation.  And  it  is  painful, 
yet  pleasing,  to  witness  the  deep  struggles  of  a 
soul  whose  whole  wish  is  simply  to  be  a  true  and 
accepted  servant  of  the  living  God,  yet  surrounded 
by  the  exclusive  spirit  and  deadening  influences 
of  Judaism.  It  never  appears,  however,  that 
through  the  whole  course  of  her  childhood,  and 
the  first  years  of  more  thoughtful  youth,  she  had 
any  misgiving  respecting  the  trulh  of  the  Jewish 
belief.    Her  conviction,  upon  this  point,  was  doubt- 


6  LEILA    ADA, 

less  heightened,  in  her  maturer  years,  "by  her  deep 
acquaintance  with  the  Eastern  writings.  From 
her  conversation  and  reflections  it  is  evident  that 
the  fanciful  and  mystic  lore  of  these,  joined  to  a 
supposition  that  she  observed  coincidences  in  ap- 
proaching changes,  greatly  strengthened  her  be- 
lief in  the  approaching  advent  of  the  "  Murdah," 
or  "  Good  One" — the  Messiah  of  the  Scriptures. 
But  the  dawn  of  a  brighter  day  was  coming. 

Her  character,  even  in  childhood,  was  thought- 
ful and  reserved  ;  she  was  always  disposed  to  the 
grave,  rather  than  the  gay.  In  adverting  to  this 
phase  of  her  disposition,  we  cannot  do  better  than 
use  her  own  language  ;  we  therefore  extract  from 
her  diary  the  following  reflection  :  "  I  enjoy  soli- 
tude much  ;  my  heart  delights  in  its  own  com- 
pany, and  finds  this  a  richer  enjoyment  than  any 
which  can  be  had  in  busy  life.  It  is  an  important 
matter  to  feel  in  no  way  embarrassed,  because  ex- 
cluded from  the  bustling  joy  of  social  life.  Really, 
I  am  in  no  way  indebted  to  external  sources  of 
amusement :  in  contemplating  God,  in  nature,  I 
have  opened  a  mine  of  happiness  which  is  inde- 
scribable. Indeed,  I  am  rather  unsocial ;  I  do  not 
like  company  ;  I  am  quite  miserly  in  selecting  the 
sources  of  my  happiness.  To  hold  sweet  converse 
with  my  own  heart,  and  sit  in  my  dear  closet,  with 
my  pen  and  my  book,  are  the  greatest  delights  I 
can  enjoy.     I  do  not  know  that  I  could  wish  for  a 


THE    JEWISH    CO.WERT.  ' 

large  diiuislon  of  all  and  exactly  this  feeling :  if 
universally  indiilgccl,  it  might  cast  a  shade  of 
morosity  over  our  fireside  enjoyments.  Being 
natural  to  me,  however,  I  cannot  avoid  it ;  and, 
really,  it  makes  me  very  happy." 

At  sixteen  years  of  age  she  began  to  keep  a 
diary,  or,  rather,  prescribe  rules  for  her  conduct, 
and  note  her  experience,  by  way  of  meditation 
and  reflection  ;  for,  it  does  not  appear,  that  she 
began  to  keep  a  regular  diary  till  she  had  nearly 
completed  her  seventeenth  year.  Her  diary  and 
reflections  were  designed  to  be  a  secret  correspon- 
dence with  her  own  heart,  and  certainly  were 
never  written  Avith  any  expectation  that  they 
would  meet  the  eye  of  man.  Extracts  from  these 
portraitures  of  her  inmost  soul,  will  more  justly 
display  her  character  than  anything  which  could 
be  said  by  any  other  person. 

Among  this  interesting  collection  of  papers,  we 
find  the  following  prayer.  It  is  powerfully  de- 
scriptive of  the  feelings  and  aspirations  of  her 
heart  at  a  very  early  age,  for  it  is  dated  at  the 
commencement  of  the  neAv  year,  18 — ,  when  she 
had  just  completed  her  thirteenth  year  : — 

"  0  thou  great  and  adorable  Jehovah  !  fountain 
of  love  !  listen  to  the  prayer  of  a  sinful,  rebellious 
child  ;  hide  not  Thyself  from  my  supplications. 
May  Thy  Spirit  illuminate  my  dark,  benighted 


8 


LEILA    ADA, 


soul ;  may  it  dispel  the  gloom  whicli  now  casta 
down  my  spirit,  and  guide  my  petition  aright. 

"  I  adore  Thee  for  the  countless  blessings  which 
to  the  present  time  Thou  hast  bestoAved  upon 
me ;  and  for  Thy  care,  which  has  preserved  my 
existence  amid  these  numberless  mercies.  But 
when  I  look  into  my  heart,  and  see  its  depravity ; 
when  I  think  on  the  ungrateful  return  I  have 
made  Thy  love  ;  I  am  abased — I  am  prostrate  in 
the  dust. 

"  Thou,  vdio  pcrmittest  me  to  address  Thee  as 
my  God,  and  my  Creator,  Thou  seest  my  state  ; 
Thou  knowest  me  altogether.  0  that  I  could  ex- 
press half  that  I  feel  of  love  to  Thee,  who  hast 
done  so. much  for  me.  0  God,  I  am  proud,  self- 
willed,  worldly-minded,  and  I  cannot  be  happy  ; 
but  Thou  hast  inspired  ardent  desires  for  Thyself; 
answer  me,  according  to  Thy  word — Thy  word 
whicli  is  truth  itself — eternal  as  Thy  duration — 
0,  that  on  it  my  soul  may  repose.  0,  that  Thy 
love  may  refresh  my  spirit,  and  cause  my  eyes  to 
overflow  with  tears  of  joy,  in  the  conviction  that 
Thou  lorest  me.  Then,  how  poor  and  mean  Avill 
be  all  earth-born  joys  ;  then  will  my  soul  rejoice 
in  its  freedom,  and  exult  in  its  immortality. 

"  The  dissolving  universe  shall  one  day  proclaim 
that  the  hour  of  retribution  is  at  hand ;  and  the 
great  arcana  of  nature,  in  which  I  love  to  trace  Thy 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  Q 

finger,  shall  melt  before  tlic  piercing  glance  of 
Thine  avenging  eye.  0,  that  through  Thee  I  may 
be  enabled  to  hail  the  moment,  as  that  of  my  com- 
plete happiness. 

"  On  this  commencement  of  another  year,  I 
enter  into  a  solemn  covenant  with  Thee,  to  dedi- 
cate myself  to  Thee.  Show  me  what  Thou 
wouldst  have  me  to  be  and  do,  and  I  will  pray 
earnestly  for  Thy  assistance,  that  I  may  fiillil  Thy 
will.  0,  that  Thou  wouldst  arise,  and  by  Thy 
glorious  beams  scatter  my  spiritual  darkness. 
Grant  me  Thy  aid,  that  I  may  not  swerve  from 
my  resolution.  Enlarge  and  bless  my  soul ;  and 
let  me  be  happy  from  a  constant  walking  in  Thy 
fear.     Amen." 

We  have  every  reason  to  suppose  that  at  this 
period  Leila's  belief  in  her  religion  was  unshaken  ; 
yet  from  this  hor  earliest  record  of  thoughts  and 
imaginings,  written  at  the  time  she  felt  them,  we" 
may  see  that  she  was  now  earnestly  in  pursuit  of 
that  in  which  she  afterwards  found  solid  happiness. 
We  can  perceive  an  enthusiastic  lon^ng  of  the 
spirit,  and  a  deeply  wrought  effort  of  the  soul, 
which,  when  the  veil  fell  from  her  eyes,  abun- 
dantly prepared  her  to  press  into  the  liberty  of 
the  children  of  God. 

Although  the  children  of  Israel  profess  to 
receive  the  Old  Testament  Scriptures  as  Divine, 
yet  they  greatly  neglect  their  study,  and  as  a 


10  LEILA    ADA, 

consecjiience  are  involved  in  gross  darkness.  But 
wliile  tliey  have  cast  Moses  and  the  Prophets 
into  the  shade,  they  have  introduced  an  enormous 
rival  to  divine  revelation,  under  the  pretence  that 
it  is  a  comment  upon  the  Law  of  Moses.  This 
they  call  the  Mishna,  or  oral  law. 

The  Mishna  is  divided  into  six  orders : — the 
first  order  treats  of  the  vegetable  world ;  the 
second  of  feasts  ;  the  third  of  women  ;  the  fourth 
of  damages ;  the  fifth  of  holy  things ;  and  the 
sixth  of  purifications. 

The  Mishna  was  published  to  the  world  in  1698, 
in  six  folio  volumes,  by  Surenhusius,  of  Amster- 
dam. The  principal  part  of  these  volumes  is 
occupied  by  the  comments  of  translators  and 
rabbis. 

We  will  give  an  account  of  the  Mishna  by 
Rabbi  Moses  Ben  Maimon.  This  Moses  Ben 
Maimon  was  one  of  their  ablest  doctors.  He  was 
physician  to  the  Sultan  of  Egypt,  lived  in  the 
twelfth  century,  and  was  enthusiastically  en- 
grossed in  the  philosophy  of  Aristotle.  From  the 
initials  of  his  name  the  Jews  call  him  Ixambam  : 
he  is  the  writer  of  their  creed  and  liturgy  ;  and 
they  have  a  saying,  that  from  Moses  to  Moses 
there  is  no  one  like  Moses.  Of  the  Mishna  he 
gives  the  following  account : — "All  the  precepts 
of  the  law  were  given  by  God  to  Moses,  our  mas- 
ter, together  with  an  interpretation  of  what  the 


TIIR    JEWISH    CONVERT.  11 

authentic  text  signified.  Moses,  going  into  his 
tent,  first  related  to  Aaron  the  text  and  the  inter- 
pretation ;  he  rising  and  going  to  the  right  hand 
of  Moses.  Eleazar  and  Ithamar,  the  sons  of 
Aaron,  came  and  heard  the  same  that  had  been 
before  dictated  to  their  father ;  so  that  he  heard 
it  twice.  Then  came  the  seventy  elders,  and  at 
last  the  whole  people  heard  the  same.  They  all 
committed  to  memory  the  text  and  the  interpreta- 
tion, which  xVaron  had  heard  many  times,  and 
hence  arose  the  written  law,  and  the  oral  law — 
613  precepts  together  with  their  interpretations  : 
the  precepts  inscribed  in  the  books — the  interpre- 
tations handed  down  by  word  of  m.outh. 

"  Moses  dying  left  these  interpretations  to  Joshua, 
and  he  again  to  tlie  ciders,  and  they  to  the  pro- 
phets, who  handed  them  down  from  one  to  ano- 
ther without  any  dissent,  till  the  time  of  the 
men  of  the  gre^t  synagogue,  Vvho  wero  Ilaggai, 
Zechariah,  Malachi,  Daniel,  Ilannaniah,  Mishael, 
Azariah,  Ezra  the  Scribe,  Nehemiah,  Chacalise, 
Mordecai,  and  Zcrubhabel  the  son  of  Shealtiel, 
with  others  to  the  number  of  120.  But  the  last 
of  the  men  of  that  sacred  company  was  the  first 
of  the  wise  men  mentioned  in  the  IMishna,  Simeon 
the  Just,  at  that  time  high  priest.  After  whom 
it  came  in  process  of  time  to  our  Ilabbi,  tlie  holy, 
who  was  the  phoenix  of  his  age  and  tlio  unique 
glory  of  that  time,  a  man  in  whom  God  had  ac- 


12  LEILA    ADA, 

cumulated  sucli  virtues  that  lie  merited  to  "be  called 
by  liis  contemporaries,  our  Rabbi,  the  holy,  ■whose 
name  was  Judah,  so  that  it  was  said,  '  From  the 
days  of  Moses  to  the  Rabbi,  we  have  never  seen 
law  and  nobility  together,  and  from  the  time  that 
he  died,  humility  and  the  fear  of  sin  ceased;'  and 
so  rich  was  he  that  it  used  to  be  said,  '  The  groom 
of  the  stables  of  Rabbi  was  richer  than  Sapor 
king  of  the  Persians.'  lie,  tracing  his  doctorial 
geneajogy  up  to  Moses,  composed  the  Mishna, 
partly  from  tlie  traditions  from  the  lips  of  Moses, 
partly  from  consequences  elicited  by  argument 
in  which  there  is  unanimous  consent,  partly  from 
conclusions  in  which  there  is  a  difference  arising 
from  two  modes  of  interpretation  (for  they  have 
thirteen  modes  of  interpreting) ;  so  that  some- 
times our  Rabbi  says,  *  Such  a  one  affirms  this, 
such  another  says  that.'  " 

Such  various  modes  of  interpretation  have  given 
rise  th  numberless  dissensions  among  the  Jews. 
From  Simeon  the  Ju£t  to  tlie  year  150  of  the 
Christian  era,  Judah  mentions  ninety-one  wise 
men,  as  handing  down  to  him  their  decisions. 

The  Mishna  is  said  to  be  an  oral  laAv,  received 
from  the  lips  of  God,  and  intended  as  an  exponent 
of  his  written  law.  Rut  we  should  transgress  the 
purity  which  religion  demands,  were  we  to  quote 
some  of  its  puerile  and  absurd  follies.  If  those 
who  penned  it  set  about  tlieir  v>ork  with  an  inteii« 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  l.**. 

tion  to  sliock  common  sense,  and  load  tLc  Jewish 
religion  with  contempt,  they  couki  scarcely  liav« 
acquitted  themselves  better.  And  let  no  one  snp- 
])'>se  that  our  strictures  are  unkind ;  any  one  at 
ail  acquainted  Avith  the  Mishna,  will  at  once  per- 
ceive them  to  be  within  the  bounds  of  that  charity 
and  pity,  Vvhicli  we  owe  to  those  who  err.  Indeed, 
it  were  but  too  easy  to  quote  passages  Avhich 
would  justify  our  severest  censures. 

But  withal,  the  Mishna  is  surrounded  with  a 
degree  of  obscurity  and  hardness,  owing  to  its 
orientalisms,  and  a  considerable  perversion  of  a 
sort  of  Hebra-Grecism  in  its  structure.  This  ob- 
Hcurity  has  given  rise  to  another  commentary, 
called  the  Gemara,  or  completion.  One  Gemara, 
written  in  Palestine,  forms  Avith  the  Mishna,  the 
Jerusalem  Talmud,  and  another,  written  at  Baby- 
lon, composes  the  Babylonish  Talmud.  Thus  the 
Mishna,  which  the  Jews  declare  to  be  God's  own 
interpretation  of  his  law,  requires  interpretation 
from  man,  and  the  whole  together  forms  a  mighty 
v,ork  of  tv/elve  folio  volumes.  These  are  the 
volumes  which  contain  the  Avliole  of  the  Jewish 
divinity ;  for,  dishonouring  to  God,  they  have 
almost  completely  withdrawn  the  Jews  from  the 
8tudy  of  Moses  and  the  Prophets. 

In  common  with  the  rest  of  her  nation,  the 
Talmud  formed  the  basis  of  Leila's  religious  edu- 
cation. Of  the  Old  Testament  she  kncAv  compara- 
2 


14  LEILA   ADA, 

lively  little.  It  is  far  from  certain,  indeecl,  tlial 
she  knew  a  great  deal  of  ttie  Talmud.  For  tliia 
there  were  causes  : — first,  she  did  not  like  its 
study  :  she  tells  us  in  her  reflections,  that  while 
believing  in  its  divinity,  as  she  was  instructed, 
she  experienced  a  smothered  dislike  to  many  of 
its  forms,  observances,  and  precepts.  "  I  felt  it," 
she  says,  **  smouldering  at  the  bottom  of  my  heart 
long  before  I  had  moral  courage  to  permit  a  single 
thought  upon  it.  I  shuddered  at  my  suspicions 
as  blasphemous,  yet  I  could  not  conquer  them. 
But  as  the  spirit  of  God  opened  my  eyes,  I  felt 
no  difficulty  in  fully  avowing  my  severest  thoughts 
upon  the  inane,  absurd,  debasing  studies  of  the 
Talmud.  I  felt  no  compunction  while  I  openly 
declared  to  my  own  heart  that  it  was  an  impure, 
stupid  fabrication,  composed  by  fallen  and  sinful 
man."  What  a  volume  is  contained  in  these  few 
thrilling  sentences  !  Would  the  sons  of  Jacob 
speak  out,  how  many  would  tell  us  the  same 
story  1  Impossible  it  is  but  that  among  them 
there  are  thousands  who,  while  they  dare  not 
repudiate  the  Talmud,  are  conscious  of  a  feel- 
ing of  offence  at  its  impurities  and  absurdities. 
Secondly,  her  father,  although  strictly  a  Jew  in^ 
belief  and  profession,  gave  himself  little  trouble 
about  their  requirements  and  observances,  and 
therefore,  was  very  far  from  pressing  them  upon 
his  daughter. 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  15 

But  a  mind  constituted  like  that  of  Leila, 
eagerly  tlui'sting  after  truth,  could  not  be  always 
content  without  strictly  examining  the  Old  Testa- 
ment Scriptures  ;  those  Scriptures  which  all  her 
nation  believe  in,  as  the  pure  word  of  God.  Her 
first  intentions  to  study  them  (for  certainly  she  had 
previously  read  them,  especially  the  Psalms)  are 
expressed  among  the  earliest  entries  in  her  diary, 
and  bear  date  when  she  was  about  seventeen  years 
old.  We  extract  the  passage  :  "  I  have  read  the 
Talmud,  and  have  dipped  into  the  learning  of  the 
East,  and  while  my  heart  has  been  intent  in  the 
prosecution  of  these  studies,  I  have  comparatively 
neglected  the  blessed  Word  of  God — the  majestic 
Scriptures.  The  result  of  my  reading  is  a  strong 
opinion  that  the  advent  of  the  Messiah  is  probably 
near  ;  yet  while  I  have  been  consulting  the 
writings  of  men,  I  have  greatly  neglected  the 
prophecies  which  relate  to  Him.  Why  then  do 
I  profess  to  my  heart  that  I  have  formed  an 
opinion,  when  I  have  neglected  the  great  test, 
the  predictions  of  the  Scriptures  1  0  Lord,  for- 
give my  thus  dishonouring  Thee,  as  I  now  deter- 
mine that  in  thy  strength  I  will  give  myself  to 
the  earnest,  simple,  devout  reading  and  study  of 
Thy  holy  Word,  I  ask  of  Thee,  I  beseech  of 
Thee  illuminate  my  soul,  and  guide  my  judgment 
aright. 

•'  0  Lord,  my  God,  Thou  knowest  my  heart, 


16  LEILA    ADA, 

and  tlioii  knowest  how  ardently  I  pant  to  bo 
Thine  accepted  servant ;  yet,  alas  !  I  am  in  bond- 
age ;  yet,  alas  !  I  am  not  happy.  Oh,  that  I  could 
pour  out  my  eyes  in  tears  for  my  sins  !  It  is  they, 
which,  like  a  mountain,  cast  down  and  oppress 
my  spirit.  I  find  no  comfort  but  in  aspirations 
after  Thee  ;  and  Thou  knowest  I  am  sincere — at 
least  I  believe  I  am  sincere  ;  if  not  I  beseech  Thee 
rectify  my  heart.  O  that  I  knew  how  I  might 
please  Thee  !  for  then  should  I  be  at  rest.  For- 
give me  for  the  time  that  is  past  :  guide  me,  and 
teach  me,  and  assist  me  in  the  future.  0  that 
Thou  wouldst  visit  me  according  to  the  word 
which  Thou  hast  declared  unto  my  fathers ! 
Amen." 

Leila  was  fully  aware  of  the  necessity  of  acting 
on  a  digested  plan,  that  all  her  time  might  be  used 
to  some  purposes  of  good.  A  considerable  portion 
of  it  was  devoted  to  reading,  and  other  endea- 
vours for  the  improvement  of  her  mind  ;  and  this 
was  to  her  a  source  of  pleasure  which  she  highly 
valued — far  more  so,  indeed,  than  the  empty  fri- 
volous pursuits  of  many  of  her  own  age  and  sex. 
That  she  might  have  every  help  to  strictly  fill 
each  moment,  she  drew  up  an  arrangement  in 
writing.  In  this  she  apportioned  to  every  hour  its 
occupation,  and  to  it  she  endeavoured  to  rigidly 
adhere.  '*  I  strive,"  she  says,  in  her  diary,  **  to 
occupy  every  moment  well ;  I  do  this,  not  simply 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  l1 

because  it  is  my  interest,  but  also,  and  I  bope  and 
believe  cbieflj,  because  it  is  my  duty." 

At  about  the  same  time  slie  also  formed  a  series 
of  resolutions  for  the  regulation  of  her  conduct ; 
and  the  mind  which  could  make  and  act  upon 
them,  must  have  had  in  it  all  the  elements  of 
greatness  and  efficiency ;  it  must  have  possessed 
a  character  deservedly  esteemed  and  revered. 
They  are  worthy  the  imitation  of  every  one,  espe- 
cially the  young,  and  we  cannot  forbear  copying 
them  here  : — 

"  For  the  regulation  of  my  life,  and  balancing 
my  conduct,  I  resolve  : 

"  1.  That  the  salvation  of  my  soul  shall  be  my 
first  and  great  concern. 

"  2.  That  I  will  never  be  ashamed  of  my  reli- 
gion, but  will  always  avow  it  when  and  where  it 
shall  seem  proper  so  to  do. 

*'  3.  That  I  will  always  carefully  speak  the 
truth  ;  never  indulge  in  the  very  hast  equivoca- 
tion, but  always  be  both  verbally  and  substantially 
correct,  and  to  this  end  I  will  carefully  watch  the 
meaning  of  all  I  utter. 

"4.  That  I  will  always  be  ready  to  confess 
a  fault,  or  ask  forgiveness  for  it,  no  matter  what 
the  character  or  position  of  the  person  against 
whom  I  have  offended. 

2* 


18  LEILA    ADA, 

"  5.  That  I  will  do  notliing  to  others  which  I 
should  object  to  their  doing  to  me.  That  I  will 
never  do  anything  which  if  I  saw  it  committed 
by  another  would  cause  him  or  her  to  fall  in  my 
esteem. 

"  6.  That  as  far  as  in  me  lies,  I  will  never  do 
nor  be  anything  upon  which  I  cannot,  expecting- 
ly  and  confidingly,  ask  the  blessing  of  God. 

"  7.  That  Avheirl  have  fixed  a  principle  in  my 
mind  I  will  never  abandon  it,  whatever  occurs, 
unless  I  am  convinced  that  it  is  a  wrong  one,  or 
would  involve  me  in  bad  consequences. 

"  8.  That  in  fulfilling  a  clear  duty,  or  in  the 
pursuit  of  a  good  and  proper  object,  I  will  never 
allow  myself  to  be  overcome  by  any  trials  or  diffi- 
culties whatsoever. 

"  9.  That  I  will  daily  study  the  Scriptures. 

"  10.  That  I  will  encourage  meditations  upon 
death  and  eternity. 

"11.  That  I  will  live  to  God,  with  all  my  might 
while  I  do  live.  That  I  will  strive  never  to  en- 
gage in  anything  which  I  should  shun,  if  assured 
I  was  living  the  last  hour  of  my  life. 

"  12.  That  I  will  decide  nothing  which  is  brought 
before  my  judgment,  until  I  have  thoroughly  ex- 
amined it  on  every  side.  That  what  I  hare  once 
decided,  shall  be  fixed  and  irrerocable.  That  I 
will  take  nothing  for  granted,  but  that  I  will  en- 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  19 

deavour  to  discover  what  is  truth  in  reference  to 
the  smallest  principles. 

"  13.  That  upon  all  occasions  I  will  discounte- 
nance improper  levity  and  conversation,  m  what- 
ever company  I  may  be. 

"  14.  That  I  will  carefully  guard  my  temper, 
and  never  show  the  least  symptom  of  impatient 
emotion  ;  not  even  by  an  altered  tone  of  voice,  or 
expression  of  countenance.  That  I  will  do  this 
even  if  from  physical  causes  I  feel  fretful  and  un- 
easy ;  no  one  else  should  suffer  on  this  account. 

"  15.  That  I  will  never  speak  sharply  or  crossly 
to  our  servants  ;  on  the  contrary,  I  will  be  gentle 
and  affectionate,  which  will  gain  all  my  desires 
the  sooner. 

"  16.  That  my  conversation  shall  be  always  in 
love,  and  as  far  as  possible  adapted  to  the  tone  of 
feeling  in  those  with  whom  I  converse.  That  I  will 
never  talk  upon  trifles,  nor  self,  nor  the  failings 
or  defects  of  others  ;  nor  in  it  will  I  ever  seek  to 
display  superiority  of  attainment  over  the  compa- 
ny I  may  be  among  ;  but  I  will  always  use  it  in 
advancing  the  happiness  of  my  social  and  domes- 
tic circle. 

"  17.  That  I  will  never  waste  a  moment. 

"  18.  That  I  will  be  temperate  in  eating  and 
drinking. 

"  19.  That  I  will  strictly  guard  against  pride  in 
dressi   and   every   other   of    its    manifestations; 


20  LEILA    ADA. 

against  vanity,  self-conceit,  and  indulging  suppos- 
ed superiority  of  mind. 

"  20.  That  I  will  live  only  to  serve  God  and 
for  the  good  of  others.  Never  seek  my  om'u  plea- 
sure or  satisfaction  at  the  expense  of  that  of  any 
one  else  ;  but  as  far  as  possible  I  will  forget  that 
there  is  a  self  to  please. 

"21.  That  I  will  love  my  dear  father  with  all 
my  might,  and  do  everything  I  can  to  promote  his 
temporal  and  spiritual  happiness." 


CHAPTER   II. 

EXTRACTS   FROM    LEILa's   DIARY. — VISIT  OF  THE  RAEEI.— • 
EASTERN    TOUR    CONTEMPLATED. 

About  this  time  v/e  find 'the  following  entries 
in  her  diary. 

The  first  extract  I  shall  give  is  dated,  March- 
eslivan  16th,  a.m.  5606, — answering  to  the  begin- 
ning of  November,  a.d.  1S45.  Like  every  other 
portraiture  of  her  heart  at  this  time,  it  exhibits  her 
deep  religious  feeling,  and  that  ardent  breathing 
after  an  indwelling  God,  wdiicli  characterises  her 
entire  Judaic  life. 

"  Forsake  me  not,  0  Lord  !  0  my  God  !  be 
not  far  from  me."  In  this  language  of  Thine 
own  w^ord  I  address  Thee.  0  hear  it  and  answer 
it  for  Thine  own  sake.  Surely  I  may  expect  it ; 
for  Thy  power  is  constantly  exerted  on  behalf  of 
Thy  feeble  children. 

To  Thy  commandments  I  attend  ;  to  Thy  law 
I  submit  myself,  with  an  entire  willingness  to  be 
Thine.  Grant  me  then  that  I  may  not  seek  the 
salvation  of  my  soul  in  vain.     I  desire   to   be  ac- 


22  LEILA    ADA, 

cepted  of  Tliee  ;  and  Tliou  art  not  willing  that  a 
sinner  "  should  perish,  but  rather  that  he  should 
turn  from  his  wickedness  and  live."  Eternal  Fa- 
ther !  visit  me  in  gracious  compassion.  I  wait  in 
hope  for  the  fulfilment  of  the  word  thou  hast  de- 
clared unto  my  fathers,  "  I  will  rejoice  over  thee 
with  joy  ;  I  will  joy  in  thee  with  singing ;  I  will 
set  thee  as  a  signet,  for  I  have  chosen  thee,  saith 
the  Lord  of  hosts." 

With  such  a  promise  as  this,  hovv^  I  ought  to  re- 
joice, and  with  what  love  should  I  engage  in  Thy 
service,  0  my  King !  I  think  this  restlessness  I 
so  often  feel  must  be  exceedingly  sinful ;  yet  alas  ! 
I  cannot  prevent  it.  I  will  try  again  to  do  better. 
O  give  me  Thy  assistance,  0  God  !  Enable  me  to 
rest  in  Thy  hand,  and  to  trust  in  Thee  always,  re- 
membering that  I  am  but  Thy  creature,  so  I  have 
nothing  to  question,  but  simply  lie  passive  in  Thy 
hands. 


Kislov  11,  5607  (thirteen  months  later). 

This  has  been  a  happy  day  :  so  I  desire  to  re- 
cord the  impressions  I  have  received. 

Kabbi  M.  conducted  Divine  service  in  the  draw- 
ing-room. Uncle,  aunt,  Isaac,  myself,  «ind  papa 
were  present.  Papa  very  feelingly  and  beautifully 
read  the  book  of  Zechariah — what  a  glorious  part 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  29 

of  the  Sacred  Books  !  I  must  read  it  for  myself. 
Rabbi  M.  read  the  prayers,  and  expounded  a  por 
tion  of  the  prophet  Ezekiel :  "  Thus  saitli  Jehovah 
one  Lord  ;  I  do  not  this  for  your  sakes,  O  house  of 
Israel,  but  for  mine  holy  name's  sake,  which  ye 
have  profaned  among  the  heathen,  whither  ye  went. 
And  I  will  sanctify  my  great  name,  which  was  pro* 
fjxned  among  the  heathen,  which  ye  have  profaned 
in  the  midst  of  them  ;  and  the  heathen  shall  know 
that  I  am  the  Lord,  saith  the  Lord  God,  when  I 
shall  be  sanctified  in  you  before  their  eyes.  For 
I  will  take  you  from  among  the  heathen,  and 
gather  you  out  of  all  countries,  and  will  bring  you 
into  your  own  land."* 

Oh,  how  the  lovely  word  thrilled  through  me  as 
I  listened.  Israel !  beloved  of  the  Eternal !  re- 
joice with  me  ;  our  restoration  is  near.  The  Lord 
will,  in  his  abundant  mercy,  restore  our  captivity. 
That  glory  flowing  from  before  His  mercy-seat, 
but  far  enriched  above  its  ancient  splendour,  shall 
again  be  spread  over  us  :  our  temple,  more  glori- 
ous than  ever,  erect  its  majestic  front  upon  the 
hill  of  Zion.  Jehovah  will  Himself  come  to  sanc- 
tify us,  and  to  be  our  Prophet,  our  Priest,  our 
King. 

To  hear  such  a  beloved  servant  of  the  Most 
High  discourse  upon  the  future  glory  of  our  people, 

*  Ezekiel  xxxvi.  22—24 


24  LEILA   ADA, 

oh !  it  is  soothing  <aiid  exalting  ahove  anything. 
He  has  given  me  far  better  and  larger  views  of 
our  present  condition,  and  our  opening  prospect, 
than  I  ever  had  before,  llabbi  M.  believes  that 
the  advent  of  the  Messiah  is  very  near.  Observa- 
tions amongst  our  people  lead  him  to  this  conclu- 
sion— as  also  do  the  Scriptures — and  the  condition 
of  the  nations  of  the  earth.  So  he  expects  Him 
daily,  and,  at  furthest,  at  no  greater  distance  than 
one  or  two  years.  Oh,  hoAv  I  rejoiced  with  all. 
Our  present  condition  may  be  sad,  and  very  deso- 
late ;  but  the  word  of  our  God  standeth  for  ever, 
giving  a  present  reality  and  glory  to  the  picture 
of  our  future  joys,  full  of  life,  and  depth,  and 
power.  Oh,  who  can  think  such  thoughts  without 
their  hearts  swelling  with  praise  within  them, 
without  glowing  with  devotion  and  holy  love. 

Dear  papa !  how  I  love  him  !  how  good,  how 
holy  he  is.  The  remembrance  of  the  sweet  feel- 
ing with  which  he  read  the  book  of  Zecharicih  can 
never  be  effiiced — especially  that  part  Avhere  he 
says,  that  in  Jerusalem  there  shall  be  a  fountain 
opened  for  sins  and  uncleanness ;  and  Ave  shall 
look  on  Him  whom  our  sins  and  ingratitude  have 
pierced,  and  mourn  that  we  have  so  shamefully 
requited  His  love  and  care. 

In  the  afternoon,  llabbi  M.  read  several  of  the 
Haphtoroths ;  also  he  read  to  us  from  a  very  ancient 
and  choice  Hebrew  work  a  description  of  the  Holjr 


TIII5   JEWISH    CONVERT.  26 

Citj  and  of  Judea.  And  tlicn  again  he  offered  the 
prayers. 

I  took  an  opportunity  to  converse  with  him  in 
respect  to  the  Messiah.  I  told  him  I  had  formed 
an  opinion  that  His  advent  was  probably  near, 
from  reading  the  Eastern  books,  and  from  general 
impressions  of  our  national  condition.  He  kindly 
said  he  was  greatly  pleased,  stroked  my  head,  and 
blessed  me. 

He  has  also  given  me  a  stone,  brought  from 
Mount  Zion.  **  It  formed,"  he  says,  "  a  part  ot 
the  outward  enclosure  which  was  beyond  the 
court  of  the  Gentiles."  This  stone  I  shall  prize 
most  dearly. 

'T^  T'bDlD  {Kklov  l4th).  To-morrow  our  dear- 
est friend,  Rabbi  M.,  will  leave  us.  I  am  filled 
vrith  sadness,  for  the  few  days  we  have  been  fa- 
voured with  his  society  have  been  happy  beyond 
measure.  When  he  speaks  I  agree  with  him  in 
every  point.  His  views  of  God,  and  of  the  neces- 
sity of  being  a  Jew  at  Jtcart,  accord  with  those  I 
long  since  formed  fx'om  the  teaching  of  my  dear 
father,  and  from  our  sacred  books. 

In  company  with  two  others,  he  is  about  to  visit 
the  Jews  in  Asia;  to  inquiie  into  their  condition; 
to  endeavour  to  elevate  the  cadence  of  their  piety ; 
and  to  warn  them  to  prepare  for  the  coming  ]\Ie3- 
sieh,  Ben  David.  Oh  !  with  what  joy  should  I 
enrol  myself  amongst  that  chosen  few,  and  in  the 
3 


26  LEILA  ADA, 

strengtli  of  the  Eternal  whom  I  love,  be  strong  tc 
perform  great  things,  and  to  bear  great  trials  ! 

This  morning  he  invited  me  to  walk  with  him ; 
and,  on  the  way,  he  cleared  up  several  difficulties 
in  relation  to  the  present  circumstances  of  our 
people,  entirely  to  my  satisfaction.  When  we 
reached  the  top  of  one  of  the  eminences  near,  he 
pointed  in  the  direction  of  Jerusalem,  saying, 
"  Yonder,  my  dear  daughter,  yonder  lies  the  be* 
loved  city.  We  know  what  excludes  us  from  it, 
and,  blessed  be  the  Eternal !  we  know  the  remedy. 
Standing  here  let  us  now  spread  forth  our  hands 
and  pray.  It  may  be  that  the  Holy  One  will 
hear  us,  and  that  hearing  He  will  forgive."  And 
then  he  prayed  one  of  the  sublimest  prayers  in 
our  service.  The  solemnity  of  the  words,  the 
appropriate  scene,  nature  smiling  in  loveliness, 
and  the  deep  blue  sky  suspended  above  our  heads, 
filled  me  with  an  inexpressible  feeling  of  love  and 
devotion.     I  was  powerfully  affected. 

When  offering  the  prayer  this  evening,  he 
prayed  most  fervently  for  me.  How  grateful  I 
felt  for  this  new  and  unexpected  proof  of  his  af- 
fection !  So  earnest,  so  pathetic,  was  his  address, 
that  I  shed  abundance  of  tears.  Oh !  Lord  my 
God,  hear  and  answer  the  prayers  which  this 
day  have  ascended  from  Thy  servant  for  me. 
Have  respect,  I  beg  Thee,  unto  the  prayer  of  Thy 
servant,   and   cleanse   me  from  my  unrighteous- 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  27 

ness,  and  make  me  fitting  to  be  loved  by  Thee. 
Amen. 

It  is  to  relieve  the  mournfulness,  which  separa- 
tion from  one  so  truly  loved  has  cast  over  my 
spirit,  that  I  so  particularly  note  the  various  inte- 
resting occurrences  of  this  day. 

S  J7i;2'[2  [Thahat  10th).  The  impression  made 
by  the  history  of  Abraham,  as  recited  and  com- 
mented upon  to  me  by  Rabbi  M.,  I  find  still  re- 
mains with  me ;  and,  as  a  result,  I  have  thought 
much  about  it.  It  has  improved  my  views  of 
God,  and  His  purposes  concerning  me.  I  have 
felt  more  comfort  in  the  services ;  I  think  I  am 
much  happier.  I  feel  more  assurance  that,  while 
I  live  as  I  do  now,  He  loves  me  and  will  take  me 
under  His  care  for  ever.  As  a  consequence  of 
this,  I  have  ceased  to  question  about  my  condition 
so  much ;  which  often  made  me  restless  and  un- 
happy. Indeed,  I  have  altogether  much  to  be 
thankful  for  through  the  visit  of  Rabbi  M.  He 
has  been  the  means  of  greatly  enlarging  my  con- 
ceptions of  God,  and  of  His  dealings  with  us  ever 
since  He  constituted  us  His  chosen  nation ;  and 
what  I  used  to  shrink  from  as  inexplicable,  I 
now  see  to  be  quite  right  and  clear,  and  that  it 
oijght  to  be  all  just  as  it  is. 

The  promise  made  to  Israel,  is,  "  Thy  people 
shall  be  all  righteous,"  and  they  shall  be  called 
"The  holy  people,  the  redeemed  of  the  Lord." 


28    .  LEILA   ADA, 

What  more  than  this  assurance  can  I  require? 
It  seals  God's  covenant  with  me  for  ever,  while  I 
render  to  Him  all  the  service  of  the  holy  law, 
which  is  now  in  our  power.  I  will  reason  about 
it  no  longer ;  at  least,  I  will  try  that  it  shall  be 
80.  I  must  think  how  little  I  can  know  ;  of  how 
much  God  very  rightly  keeps  me  entirely  igno- 
rant ;  and  how  presumptuous  it  is  in  me  to  expect 
to  unfold  the  cause  of  things  He  has  chosen  to 
keep  secret.  "  Thy  people  shall  be  all  right- 
eous ;"  God  hath  told  me  this ;  and  herein  may  I 
repose. 

Oh  !  for  a  faith  like  that  possessed  by  Abraham, 
my  father !  a  faith  which  believes  God,  without 
questioning,  without  doubting.  To  judge  accord- 
ing to  human  judgment,  it  must  have  seemed  to 
Abraham,  not  only  improbable,  but  utterly  im- 
possible, that  the  promise  could  be  fulfilled,  that 
God  had  made  him.  But  he  did  not  reason  in 
that  way.  He  knew  the  might,  and  the  un- 
searchable wisdom  of  Him  that  had  promised, 
and  therein  he  reposed ;  and  when  the  beloved 
Isaac  was  demanded  back  again,  which  was 
enough  to  crush  his  faith  at  one  heavy  stroke,  he 
did  not  hesitate,  but  calmly  prepared  to  give  him 
back  to  God,  assured  that  He  still  would  find  a 
way  to  keep  the  promise  He  had  given  him.  Nor 
was  his  faith  in  vain ;  neither  will  mine  be  vain 
if  I  thus  trust  without  a  single    doubt.     I  shall 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  29 

be  blessed  of  the  Lord,  the  Eternal,  for  ever,  no 
matter  what  difficulties  may  surround  my  path. 

'^3  tintO  {T/iabat  2lst).  I  am  thankful  it  is 
decided  we  shall  visit  the  Holy  City  this  year. 
Papa  thinks  of  going  about  the  end  of  "ii^i^ 
(Nison).  I  am  quite  rejoiced  about  it.  Oh,  that 
lovely  place  !  whence  I  look  for  the  revelation  of 
Messiah  Ben  David,  my  hope,  and  the  hope  of 
Israel.  Oh  that  He  were  come,  that  all  ungodli- 
ness might  be  turned  away  from  Jacob. 

1  shall  see  the  lovely  mountains  which  sur- 
round my  city,  as  the  Lord  surrounds  His  people  ; 
I  shall  stand  upon  the  holy  spot  where  once  our 
temple  reared  its  majestic  front ;  a  place  won- 
drously  beautiful  and  blessed  even  in  its  present 
ruin ;  but  how  glorious  will  it  be  when  Jehovah 
shall  gather  us  together  again  with  tender  mer- 
cies, and  remaining  with  His  people,  be  their 
King  for  evermore. 

"  Sing  unto  God,  sing  praises  to  His  name. 
Extol  Him  that  rideth  upon  the  heavens  by  His 
name  JAH,  and  rejoice  before  Him.  The  Lord 
gave  the  word  :  great  was  the  company  of  those 
that  published  it.  Though  ye  have  lien  among 
the  pots,  yet  shall  ye  be  as  the  wings  of  a  dove, 
covered  with  silver,  and  her  feathers  with  yellow 
gold.  Why  leap  ye,  ye  high  hills  1  this  is  the 
hill  which  God  desireth  to  dwell  in ;  yea,  the 
Lord  will  dwell  in  it  for  ever.  Bless  ye  God  in 
3* 


30  LEILA   ADA, 

the  congregations,  even  the  Lord  from  the  foun- 
tain of  Israel.  There  is  little  Benjamin  with 
their  ruler,  the  princes  of  Judah  and  their  council, 
the  princes  of  Zebulon  and  the  princes  of  Naph- 
tali.  Thy  God  hath  commanded  thy  strength : 
strengthen,  O  Lord,  that  which  thou  hast  wrought 
for  us.  Ascribe  ye  strength  unto  God  :  His  ex- 
cellency is  over  Israel,  and  His  strength  is  in  the 
clouds.  0  God,  Thou  art  terrible  out  of  Thy 
holy  places ;  the  God  of  Israel  is  He  that  giveth 
strength  and  power  unto  His  people.  Blessed  be 
Godr 

How  beautiful  is  such  a  song !  How  glad  I 
shall  be  to  lay  my  lips  against  the  stones  which 
remain  of  the  wall  that  surrounded  the  beloved 
city  !  With  what  rapture  I  shall  breathe  over 
them  my  humble  prayer  for  succour  and  deliver- 
ance !  And  then  the  Mount  of  Olives,  and  the 
valley  of  Jehoshaphat,  the  burial-place  of  my 
fathers,  the  ancient  worthies  of  my  nation,  whose 
name  I  so  honour,  and  whose  devotion  I  long  to 
imitate.  It  seems  I  should  almost  wish  to  die 
there,  that  I  might  be  buried  amongst  them  !  I 
am  indeed  very  happy,  and  rejoice  much  that  we 
are  going.  I  expect  a  great  deal  of  rich  delight, 
and  feel  assured  I  shall  not  be  disappointed. 

Accept,  0  Lord,  my  thanks  for  the  mercies 
Thou  so  graciously  art  now  bestowing  upon  me. 
I  desire    that  henceforth  they  may  be  acknow- 


THE    JE^VISH    CONVERT.  31 

ledged  in  my  heart  by  a  more  complete  dedication 
of  myself  to  Thee,  my  Lord  and  my  King. 

Oh  !  do  Thou  go  with  me  and  my  dear  father 
when  we  leave  this  our  happy  home,  which  is 
rendered  so  sacred  to  our  spirits  by  recollections 
of  years  of  holy  joy  in  each  other  and  in  Thee, 
Take  us  into  thy  care,  that  we  may  be  preserved 
in  the  midst  of  every  danger,  and  may  each  day- 
find  us  increasing  in  knowledge  and  love  of  Thee. 
Amen. 

Si  lli^  (Adar  12th). — The  last  few  days 
have  indeed  been  blessed  ones,  through  the  pre- 
sence in  our  family  of  Mr.  S.  C.  C ,  a  chachavi* 

from  Germany,  with  his  daughter.  What  a  lovely 
creature  is  the  latter  !  I  am  greatly  delighted  in 
having  her  as  my  companion,  and  the  superiority 
of  her  piety  has  much  tended  to  correct  the  de- 
fective parts  of  my  own.  She  understands  He- 
brew well,  but  no  English ;  so  we  converse  in  our 
Sacred  language,  loveliest  of  all  others  ! 

The  rabbi  is  the  most  venerable  man  I  have 
ever  yet  beheld  ;  he  has  gained  my  entire  affec- 
tion and  reverence.  His  aspect  is  very  noble,  and 
once  seen  can  never  be  forgotten.  He  dresses  in 
a  large  long  robe  of  dark  blue  cloth,  fastened  at 
the  waist  by  a  girdle.  Over  his  chest  and  down 
to  his  waist  descends  a  thick  heavy  beard,  white 

♦  RabbL 


32  LEILA    ADA, 

as  frosted  silver ;  and  with  his  white  eyebrows 
and  thin  scattered  locks,  it  makes  him  a  most  im- 
pressible person.  On  his  head  he  wears  a  high 
black  cap,  with  a  band  of  yellow  muslin  twisted 
round  it ;  and  seldom  throws  off  the  large  talith* 
whilst  in  the  house.  I  like  him  exceedingly,  and 
am  glad  to  have  him  with  us  ;  his  conversation, 
dress,  and  appearance  are  so  essentially  Jewish. 

His  daughter  is  in  every  way  worthy  of  such  a 
parent.  She  is  of  middle  height ;  with  a  counte- 
nance like  one  whose  thoughts  feed  upon  her 
heart ;  and  this  impression  is  still  deepened  by 
the  low,  sad  tones  of  her  sweet  voice.  To  me  she 
is  the  semblance  of  uncomplaining  sorrow  ;  her 
papa  says  she  is  ever  thinking  of  our  departed 
glory,  our  present  captivity,  and  our  future  bles- 
sedness when  Messiah  shall  come.  When  I  knew 
this,  I  felt  I  loved  her  beyond  anything ;  and  shall 
indeed  feel  deep  regret  at  bidding  her  farewell — 
it  may  be  for  ever.  Her  disposition  is  exceedingly 
affectionate  and  gentle,  so  I  am  quite  at  ease  in 
her  society ;   which  so  fascinates  me  that  I  can 

*  Talith,  or  veil,  the  "  garment  of  fringes"  commanded  to 
be  worn  in  memory  of  the  deliverance  from  the  bondage  of 
Egypt,  This  veil  was  once  even  here  in  "Christian  Eng- 
land," the  signal  for  slaughtering  the  unoffending  Jew; 
therefore,  the  large  talith  is  only  worn  in  the  house  or  the 
synagogue;  but  the  small  talith — which  can  be  bidden b» 
neath  the  other  clothing — is  worn  constantly. 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  3% 

seldom  allow  myself  to  quit  it,  so  slie  accompa- 
nies me  almost  everywhere  I  go. 

They  have  come  to  keep  the  feast  of  t^'^'^^g)  * 
with  us.  After  which  they  will  visit  other  friends, 
and  then  returning  to  us,  we  shall  accompany 
them  as  far  on  their  route  as  possible. 

'p  •i^^  {Adar  17th).  Last  evening  I  spoke  to 
Rabbi  C.  about  the  present  aspect  of  our  nation, 
and  the  agencies  which  are  bringing  about  ap- 
proaching changes,  as  being,  I  thought,  significant, 
that  the  Messiah's  advent  would  soon  arrive.  He 
thinks  so  too  ;  and  tells  me — which  filled  me  with 
intense  pleasure  and  gratitude  to  the  Most  High — 
that  this  feeling  is  becoming  very  general  amongst 
the  Jews  in  Germany  and  other  parts  of  Europe, 
and  also  in  Africa.  He  laments  the  time-serving 
character  of  most  of  the  British  Jews,  and  their 
dreadful  carelessness  of  the  Holy  Law  ;  and  says, 
if  the  "  precious  people  of  God"  loved  Him  more, 
the  coming  of  the  Messiah  would  never  be  so  pro 
tracted.  In  all  this  I  fully,  though  sorrowfully, 
agree  with  him.  But  soon  the  Lord  Jehovah  will 
arise,  and  all  those  who  will  not  serve  Him  shall 
flee  before  the  glance  of  His  piercing  eye.  We 
spoke  much  of  our  long  and  painful  captivity,  with 
i(6  attendant  afflictions.  He  accounts  for  it  on 
the  ground  of  our  multiplied  sins,  and  the  gi'eat 

*  The  feast  of  Purim,  or  Lots. 


34  liEILA    ADA. 

numbers  of  apostacies  ;*  and  directly  these  cease, 
Messiah  will  come.  I  was  greatly  affected  and 
grieved  to  hear  him  say,  that  the  number  of  apos- 
tacies that  have  lately  come  under  his  notice  is 
much  increased.  Lord,  save  our  afflicted  Israel  I 
and  gather  him  out  of  all  his  troubles. 

He  solemnly  warned  me  against  ever  thinking 
of  becoming  a  Meshumed  t  or  reading  any  of  their 
books,  saying,  "  Let  me  tell  you,  be  as  bad  as  the 
worst  Jew,  but  never  do  this."  A  Christian  I  am 
never  likely  to  be,  I  know ;  but  I  do  think  I  shall 
read  the  book  they  profess  to  take  their  religion 
from. 

As  my  intercourse  with  him  has  enabled  me  to 
feel  the  utmost  unreserve,  I  opened  my  heart  to 
him  and  spoke  of  the  unhappiness  and  doubt  I 
often  felt.  He  was  very  kind,  and  instructed  me 
at  great  length ;  urging  me  against  questioning 
Ood — ^which  he  said  was  what  ended  in  the  perdi- 
tion of  many  amongst  us — and  concluded  by  say- 
ing that  there  was  nothing  to  occasion  a  doubt  or 
shadow  of  fear  ;  for  "  we  Jews  are  the  only  people 
who  were  ever  favoured  with  a  Divine  revelation, 
and  therefore  we  are  and  must  be  right."  He  de- 
sired me  to  follow  the  teachings  of  the  rabbins — 
especially  those  most  reputed  for  wisdom — ^and  to 

*  Meaning  converts  to  Christiauity. 
f  '•  Meshumed,"  or  Christian. 


THE   JEWISH   CONVERT.  36 

read  the  holy  T<almud,  although  to  do  this  was 
not  usual  with  women  ;  and  then  I  might  rely  on 
my  acceptance  with  God,  and  should  be  blessed 
of  Him  here  and  hereafter.  On  the  whole  he 
comforted  me  much.  I  certainly  will  read  the 
Talmud  more  ;  and  hope  I  shall  be  enabled  to  do 
so  in  all  simplicity  and  singleness  of  heart.* 

*  Referring,  I  should  think,  to  that  dislike  she  always 
felt  in  her  heart  about  reading  those  books.  S«e  page  14 
of  her  Memoir. 


CHAPTER  III 

LEILA  ACCOMPANIES  HER  FATHER   TO   THE    HOLY   LAXD.— 
THEIR  JOURNEY. — COLOGNE. — THE    RHINE. — GENEVA. 

Leila  was  now  in  the  elgliteentli  year  of  her  ago 
Her  mother  was  dead.  Her  father,  lonely  except 
in  the  company  of  the  child  of  his  love,  resolved 
to  visit  with  her  the  Holy  Land  and  the  city  of 
his  fathers.  This  was  a  season  of  joyous  excite- 
ment to  Leila.  Happiness  in  ten  thousand 
dreamy  forms  flitted  before  her  mental  vision, 
and  filled  her,  even  in  anticipation,  with  inde- 
scribable pleasure.  In  a  letter  written  just  before 
leaving  England,  after  much  playful  description 
she  continues :  "  I  love  the  East ;  it  has  always 
been  the  sweetest  spot  in  my  imagination.  All 
my  anticipations  are  in  joyous  exercise.  I  shall 
be  fired  by  the  loneliness  of  the  ocean,  the  stir- 
ring excitement  of  new  scenes,  the  romantic  and 
historical  associations  connected  with  the  places 
through  which  I  shall  pass,  their  variety  of  man- 
ners, customs,  and  costumes,  the  shores  and  hoary 
mountains  which  border  upon  the  sea,  the  sublime 
golitariness  of  the  wildly  beautiful  isles  of  the  blue 
iEgean,  and  a  host  of  adventures  and  pleasurable 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  37 

situations.  At  every  step  I  shall  be  furnished 
with  abundant  materials  for  thought  and  reflec- 
tion." And  to  a  large  extent  she  was  not  disap- 
pointed, as  is  proved  by  some  of  her  beautiful 
sketches,  in  poetry  and  prose. 

But  that  the  enjoyment  which  she  proposed  to 
herself  was  tinged  by  a  deep  religious  feeling,  and 
that  with  it  was  connected  a  deep  concern  for  her 
religious  interests,  is  evinced  by  the  remarks 
made  in  her  diary.  Here,  too,  we  notice  the 
commencement  of  a  glorious  era  in  the  life  of 
Leila;  the  circumstance  which, under  the  blessing 
of  the  Holy  Spirit,  led  to  her  embracing  the 
Christian  faith  ;  and  how  delightful  it  is  to 
trace  the  prevailing  character  of  her  mind  in 
these  reflections,  hastily  as  they  sometimes  ap- 
pear to  be  written.  But  we  will  go  on  with  our 
extract : — 

"  For  a  while,  then,  I  am   about  to  leave  thee, 

my   much-loved   C .      The  green  sward   on 

which  I  have  so  often  sported — the  groves  which 
have  so  often  rung  with  my  wild  and  girlish  joy 
— the  sweet  river,  whose  constant  clianges,  and 
whose  lulling  murmurs,  give  a  sweet  variety  and 
music  to  the  scene ;  and  ye,  my  lovely  flowers, 
whose  culture  has  so  often  engaged,  my  time  and 
attention,  and  led  me  to  look 

'  To  Iliin  wliose  sun  exalts, 
Whose  breath  perfutnea  you,  and  whose  pencil  paints;* 

4 


38  LEILA   ADA, 

yes,  I  must  leave  you  all.  Shall  I  ever  again 
behold  you  ?  A  stray  tear  flows  down  my  cheek 
— welcome  drop  !  I  would  on  no  account  forego 
thy  pleasure.  The  passions,  when  acted  upon  in 
a  manner  both  pure  and  innocent,  are  sources  of 
deep  delight. 

"  Thou  Infinite  Eternal !  go  with  me.  I  visit 
that  land  which  has  in  a  special  manner  been 
visited  with  exhibitions  of  thy  miraculous  power  ; 
the  land  in  which  my  fathers  worshipped.  *  Oh  ! 
that  the  salvation  of  Israel  were  come  out  of  Zion. 
When  God  bringeth  back  the  captivity  of  His 
people,  Jacob  shall  rejoice,  and  Israel  shall  be 
glad.' 

.  "  I  am  sensible  of  my  sinfulness  :  I  am  unworthy 
of  the  slightest  mark  of  favour  from  Thy  hand  ; 
but  cast  me  not  utterly  from  Thy  presence.  Save 
me,  0  God,  by  Thy  name ;  take  not  Thy  Holy 
Spirit  from  me.  Thou  desirest  no  other  sacri- 
fice than  that  of  a  broken  spirit  and  a  contrite 
heart — this  I  offer  to  Thee.  Dispel  Thou  now 
the  cloud  which  afflicts  my  soul.  Enable  me 
to  rejoice  in  Thy  salvation,  and  evermore  glo- 
rify Thee  in  my  body  and  spirit,  in  my  life 
and  conversation. 

"  I  desire  to  record  the  blessed  effect  which  the 
reading  of  the  Scriptures  has  had  upon  my  mind. 
I  desire  to  read  them  more  attentively,  that  in 
future  this  good  may  be  increased.     I  have  also 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  39 

cletermined  to  read  the  book,  whicli  tlie  Cliristiana 
call  tlie  New  Testament.  They  profess  that  pro- 
phecies in  the  Old  Testament  are  clearly  fulfilled 
in  the  New.  I  intend  to  see  what  ground  they 
take.  It  is  true  I  have  heard  much,  and  read 
much,  of  the  awful  character  of  that  book  ;  and 
am  told  that  a  fearful  curse  rests  upon  the  reading 
of  it.  I  cannot  think  this  to  be  true,  where  it  is 
intended  to  increase  a  knowledge  of  the  difference 
between  the  Jew  and  the  Christian.  Besides, 
shall  I  not  be  a  better  Jew  for  reading  it  ?  Will 
it  not  assist  to  imbue  my  mind  with  the  proofs 
of  the  dreadful  mistake  which  the  Christians  com- 
mit 1  I  cannot  doubt  that  I  am  right.  Suppose 
I  were  conversing  with  a  Christian,  how  could  I 
give  the  lie  to  a  book  I  have  never  read  1  Would 
he  not  turn  upon  me  and  inquire,  *  Where  is 
your  principle  ? '  The  Christians  read  and  study 
the  Old  Testament ;  and  how  should  I  be  prepared 
to  prove  to  them  that  the  New  Testament  is  un- 
true, if  I  am  unacquainted  with  the  nature  of  the 
proofs  in  i^ivour  of  Christianity  which  it  contains  1 
Curiosity,  a  sense  of  duty,  and  a  desire  to  have  a 
well-instructed,  well-balixnced  mind,  all  impel  me 
forward.  Indeed,  too,  I  look  at  the  Christians, 
and  I  see  no  manifestations  that  a  curse  rests 
upon  them — shall  I,  dare  I  say,  that,  compared 
with  our  own  afflicted  nation,  they  are  most 
happy  ?  it  is  true;  then  I  will  repeat  it. 


40  LEILA    ADA, 

'*  With  sentiments  of  gratitude  to  God,  I  at  pre- 
sent close  my  Cornisli  journal.  May  my  future 
one,  in  addition  to  the  catalogue  of  mercies,  of 
Divine  favours,  record  also  more  heartfelt  thank- 
fulness for  their  bestowment,  and  more  ardent 
longings  for  an  entire  devotion  of  myself  to  the 
service  of  my  God  and  King.     Amen." 

It  was  arranged  that  their  pilgrimage  to  Asia, 
should  be  by  way  of  Switzerland,  Italy,  Greece, 
and  Turkey.  In  a  journal  entitled  "  Notes  of  a 
Tour  to  the  Holy  Land,"  Leila  has  given  us  a 
most  interesting  series  of  remarks  upon  the  places 
in  their  course.  From  this  we  shall  make  largo 
quotations ;  more  especially  as  her  reflections 
upon  her  spiritual  state  are  in  many  cases  insepa- 
rably mixed  with  the  accounts  of  the  emotions, 
excited  by  the  solemn  beauties  of  nature,  as  pre- 
sented to  her  view. 

On  the  9th  of  April,  18 — ,  Leila,  in  company 
with  her  father,  left  London  for  Ostend.  In  the 
following  pathetic  lines,  she  has  beautifully  ex- 
pressed the  feelings  produced  in  her  mind,  as  she 
beheld  the  shores  of  her  native  country  gradually 
vanish  in  the  distance  : — 

*'  One  look,  one  parting  look,  and  now  thy  shores^ 
Thy  happy  shores,  are  vanished,  Albion ; 
Adieu !  Adieu ! 

What  can  my  grief  be  ? 
Have  I  not  hope,  and  joy,  and  happiness  ? 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  4l 

Is  not  the  world  before  me,  and  my  homo  ? 
Have  I  not  with  me  all  1  have  to  love  ? 
What  can  my  grief  be  ?     AVhy  am  I  so  sad  ? 
Wliy  measures  thus  mine  eye  each  saucy  wave, 
Which  coursing  drives  me  onward  ? 

AVliy! 
There  is  a  spot  engirt  by  those  white  rocks. 
Most  sacred  of  tlie  earth;  the  Mecca's  fane 
To  which  my  holiest  memory  ever  kneels — 
My  mothers  grave  !  a  fragrant  shrine.     From  thence 
I  distance  count,  henceforward  and  for  aye." 

Arriving  at  Osteiid  the  pilgrims  pursued  their 
way  to  Cologne. 

Thence  they  steamed  up  the  Rhine  ;  and  in  a 
{:eA\  slight,  but  poAverful  touches,  Leila  has  given 
her  testimony  to  the  living  freshness,  and  un- 
changing beauty,  of  the  vine-clad  banks  of  that 
glorious  river.  "  In  looking,"  she  says,  "  upon 
clie  smiling  fields  and  rich  orchards  and  luxurious 
vineyards,  with  the  pretty  towns  and  villages 
buried  amongst  them — upon  the  ancient  and 
hoary  castles  tottering  Avith  age,  upon  the  toAver- 
ing  crags  which  support  their  foundations,  I  felt 
I  was  living  some  of  the  most  delicious  moments 
of  my  life  :  and  I  wept  Avith  a  feeling  of  unutter- 
able delight.  Oh  !  how  good  is  God,  to  provide 
so  much  innocent  pleasure  for  the  gratification  of 
the  senses.  Oh  !  that  men  Avould  praise  Him  for 
His  goodness.  I  trust  that  I  can  trace  a  feeling 
of  increased  thankfulness  and  gratitude  for  the 
4* 


42  LEILA    ADA, 

abundant  blessings  and  mercies  He  has  bestowed 
upon  me.  May  He  lielp  and  save  me,  and  make 
me  all  that  is  pleasing  in  His  sight :  in  Him,  the 
Strong,  the  Almighty,  do  I  put  my  trust :  I  will' 
not  be  afraid.  Thy  vows  are  upon  me,  0  God  ; 
then  come  Thou  to  my  present  salvation." 

Amid  scenes  of  living  loveliness,  which  more 
and  more  imbued  her  mind  with  the  purifying 
and  exalting  influences  of  nature,  she  approached 
the  Alps.  This  stupendous  range  of  mountains, 
proudly  rearing  their  snowy  summits  to  the  skies, 
seemed  to  her  imagination,  as  something  spiritual, 
which  she  had  seen  in  her  dreams  :  as  something 
too  ethereal  to  belong  to  reality. 

Proceeding  onward  they  came  to  the  heights  of 
the  Jura.  "  Here,"  says  Leila,  "  the  scene  which 
burst  upon  our  view,  far  exceeds  my  powers  of 
description.  It  was  intensely  grand  and  beautiful. 
The  lovely  lake  of  Geneva,  lying  in  a  hollow, 
begirt  by  the  sublimely  majestic  Alps,  which  in 
their  turn  rouse  feelings  of  wonder  and  delight ; 
and  then  the  other  objects,  sweet,  chaste,  and 
impressive,  which  compose  the  landscape,  form  an 
enseiiible  of  overpowering  magnificence.  I  was  at 
once  reminded  of  Rousseau's  description  of  a  Swiss 
exile  beholding  again  his  native  country.  I  could 
enter  into  the  passionate  ecstacy  ;  as  far  as  a 
stranger  could  feel  it,  it  was  my  own  : — 

"  *  The  moment  in  which,  from  the  heights  oi 


THE    JEWISH    CO?.'VERT.  43 

the  Jura,  I  discovered  the  lake  of  Geneva,  was  one 
of  ecstacy  and  ravishment.  The  view  of  my 
country,  that  country  so  dear  to  me,  where  my 
lieart  had  overflowed  with  torrents  of  delight; 
the  Alpine  air  so  salutary  and  so  pure  ;  the  soft 
air  of  my  native  soil,  sweeter  than  all  the  per- 
fumes of  tlie  East ;  this  rich  and  fertile  land,  this 
unique  landscape  !  the  most  beautiful  with  which 
the  human  eye  was  ever  struck  !  delightful  abode, 
to  which  I  had  never  found  an  equal  in  the  world  ! 
the  aspect  of  a  free  and  happy  people,  the  sweet- 
ness of  the  season,  the  serenity  of  the  climate — a 
thousand  delightful  recollections,  which  awakened 
all  the  feelings  I  had  tasted  there  ;  all  this  threw 
me  in  such  transports  as  I  cannot  describe,  and 
seemed  to  give  back  to  me  at  once  the  enjoyment 
of  my  whole  existence  !'  " 

****** 

Our  travellers  lingered  awhile  to  contemplate 
the  lovely  Staubbach.  "  Staubbach,"  says  Leila, 
"  is  like  nothing  which  my  richest  imagination  had 
depictured  or  conceived.  Its  effect  is  beautiful — 
indescribable :  falling  from  an  immense  height 
(about  900  feet),  like  a  volume  of  finely  powdered 
snow,  gradually  widening  in  the  most  graceful 
curves  as  it  descends.  Upon  it  sits  an  iris  of 
great  beauty,  so  near  that  you  may  walk  into  it ; 
I  myself  did  so.  Though  so  very  high,  its  descent 
ifl  soft  and  peaceful. 


44  LEILA   ADA, 

**I  find  these  scenes  of  inestimable  value  in 
fitirring  me  up  to  a  deeper  acquaintance  with  the 
Word  of  God,  and  also  in  enlarging  my  views  and 
conceptions  of  His  majesty,  and  greatness,  and  love 
and  power.  To  gaze  upon  the  bright  stars,  as  one 
by  one  they  peep  from  behind  the  distant  peaks, 
or  are  seen  through  the  vista  of  the  rocky  pass ; 
to  watch  the  fading  glories  of  the  setting  sun,  and 
mark  their  brilliant  hues  as  reflected  in  the  clear, 
deep  bosom  of  the  soft  lake ;  how  beautiful !  how 
exalting  !  how  impressive  ! 

"  I  trust  that  this  effect  may  not  be  lost  upon 
me ;  but  that,  as  where  much  is  given,  much  is 
also  required,  I  shall  be  found  faithful  to  my  op- 
portunities and  privileges.  For  this  I  pray 
earnestly.  0  God,  go  not  far  from  me,  but  arise 
and  deliver  me  for  Thy  name's  sake.  Thou  know- 
est — Thou  art  my  witness — how  much  I  desire 
that  my  heart  might  be  rightly  guided,  and  entirely 
subdued  to  Thy  service.  *As  the  hart  panteth  after 
the  brooks  of  water,'  even  thus  doth  my  soul  pant 
for  the  enjoyment  of  my  God. 

**At  such  seasons  as  the  present,  when  indispo- 
sition and  languor  affect  my  body,  how  practically 
I  feel  that  no  mere  earthly  good  can  make  me 
happy.  Nothing  but  the  constant  presence  of 
Him  who  fills  the  earth  and  heaven,  can  content 
my  soul.  For  this,  my  prayers  shall  be  more 
earnest  and  persevering  than  ever ;  and  though  he 


THE    JEWISH    COXVERT.  45 

seem  to  tarry,  I  will  endeavour  to  wait  patiently 
for  His  coming'. 

"  What  can  I  do  ?  All  the  curses  of  God's 
broken  law  seem  impending  over  me ;  my  soul  is 
earthly  ;  the  heavens  reveal  my  iniquity  !  And 
God  is  *  a  just  God.'  But,  too,  he  is  inexhaustible 
in  mercy.  He  is  a  Being  all  love.  0  that  I  and 
my  sins  may  be  swallowed  up  in  its  pure  unsearch- 
able sea.  0  Thou  Eternal !  I  appeal  to  Thee  if 
I  do  not  love  Thee  with  my  whole  heart.  Thou 
knowest  that  with  all  my  soul  I  desire  to  serve 
Thee. 

"  I  can  scarcely  write  for  v/eeping :  often  I  spend 
the  night  watches  restless,  and  wateiing  my  couch 
with  my  tears.  I  am  in  a  strait  of  bitter  dark- 
ness— darkness  which  may  be  felt.  /  know  not 
the  way  of  salvation.  In  the  Talmud  I  have  no 
faith — I  can  have  no  faith.  The  more  I  read  the 
lovely  Scripture,  the  more  clearly  do  I  perceive 
that  that  book  is  altogether  a  fabrication  (f  man. 
I  can  believe  nothing  else ;  nay,  more,  I  feel  that 
for  worlds  I  could  not  insult  God  by  imputing  it 
to  Him,  or  supposing  that  he  had  any  thing  to  do 
with  its  being  written.  And  the  Mosaic  law  1 
cannot  fulfil ;  it  is  impossible  for  me  and  all  or.r 
nation.  Lord,  help  me  and  save  !  O  that  Thou 
wouldst  take  compassion  on  my  woeful  state,  and 
teach  me  what  to  do. 

*'  My  condition  so  oppresses  my  spirits,  that  tc 


46  LEILA   ADA, 

elevate  tliem  I  often  write,  and  endeavour  to  make 
myself  believe,  that  God  will  enable  me  to  rejoice 
in  His  salvation,  altliorugli  I  cannot  tell  why,  nor 
how,  for  if  I  can  understand  the  Scripture,  there 
are  clearly  conditions  which  must  be  fulfilled.  I 
repent,  heartily  repent ;  my  heart  is  indeed  broken 

on  account  of  sin ." 

She  has  left  this  painful  entry  unfinished. 

[After  visiting  Venice,  Florence,  Rome,  and 
Naples,  they  bade  adieu  to  Italy,  and  turned  to 
the  equally  classic  land  of  Greece,  embarking  in 
ail  English  vessel  bound  to  Athens.] 


CHAPTER  IV. 

THE  JOURNEY  CONTINUED. — ATHENS. THE  ^GEAN  SEA.— 

CONSTANTINOPLE. 

Landing  at  tlie  harbour  of  the  Pirasus,  Leila  and 
her  father  lingered  to  contemplate  the  lovely 
islands  anchored  off  the  blue  jEgean,  the  gulf  and 
rock  of  Salamis,  the  ancient  Sunium,  the  chain  of 
marble  mountains  which  enclose  the  plain  of  At- 
tica, the  temples  of  Phidias  on  the  top  of  the 
Acropolis,  the  olive  groves  of  the  Academus,  im- 
mortalized by  Plato  and  his  disciples ;  and  then 
slowly  drove  into  the  city  of  Athens. 

"Visited  the  Acropolis,"  (we  quote  from  Leila), 
"  the  beautiful,  venerable,  and  hoary  Acropolis, 
with  its  magnificent  ruins.  Thence  I  turned  to 
the  Parthenon,  and  with  my  eye  fixed  upon  its 
mouldering  but  majestic  desolation,  I  reclined  in 
the  delicious  shadow  of  the  temple  of  Erechtheus. 
There  I  sat  for  hours,  looking  upon  its  fallen 
columns,  which  in  immense  blocks,  were  scattered 
upon  the  pavement  by  the  side  of  its  broken 
capitals. 

"  On  a  piece  of  ruin  before  me  sat  a  Grecian 
girl,  whose  picturesque  costume,  in  my  imagina- 
tion, added  much  to  the  poetry  of  the  scene.    On 


48  LEILA    ADA, 

the  crown  of  her  head  she  wore  the  close,  red  cap 
of  Albania.  Her  temples  were  bound  by  a  rich 
nmslin  turban,  elegantly  tied  by  a  costly  band  set 
with  pearls,  and  from  thence  it  depended  almost 
to  the  shoulder,  the  end  being  finished  by  a  tassel. 
Ilcr  dark  hair,  enwreathed  with  pearls,  fell  in  thick 
ringlets  upon  her  neck.  A  loose  robe,  open  in 
front,  was  negligently  thrown  across  her  shoulders, 
leaving  her  wrists  (on  which  she  wore  bracelets) 
iind  part  of  her  arms  bare.  Beneath  this  was  a 
gown  of  striped  silk,  and  white  stockings  and  yel- 
low shoes  completed  her  elegant  attire.  Her  look 
was  pensive,  with  somewhat  of  melancholy,  but 
very  intellectual,  clearly  indicating  a  mind  superior 
to  that  of  Greek  women  in  general ;  and — I  can 
scarcely  tell  why — but  I  felt  for  her  such  an  affec- 
tionate interest,  such  a  desire  for  intimate  com- 
munion of  soul,  as  quite  oppressed  me  when  I 
reflected  it  could  not  be. 

"  From  contemplating  the  Parthenon,  I  turned 
to  the  Propylea,  and  the  temple  of  Erechtheus, 
and  of  the  Caryatides  :  all  these  are  close  to  the 
Parthenon.  But  majestic  as  they  are — magnifi- 
cent as  they  are,  the  mind  is  incapable  of  receiv- 
ing their  adequate  impression  through  comparison 
with  the  great  Majesty  itself  In  the  contempla- 
tion of  that,  the  soul  has  expanded  all  its  strength 
— it  is  full  of  the  true  emotions  of  sublim.ity,  and 
has  no  chord  left  to  be  excited  by  the  others.    As 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  49 

I  gazed  upon  tliesc  great  and  almost  snperLnman 
cttbrts  of  genius,  I  was  transported  in  admiration 
and  praise  of  that  great  and  lovely  Being,  who  ia 
the  source  of  all  mind,  whom  to  know  is  the  high- 
est wisdom,  whom  to  serve  is  happiness,  wliom  to 
love  is  heaven.  0,  that  all  this  may  be  the  expe- 
rience of  my  soul !  I  do  not  despair.  The  hand 
of  the  Lord  is  not  shortened  that  it  cannot  save. 
He  will  lead  my  ignorant,  guilty  soul  to  drink  of 
the  fountains  of  repose.  He  will  teach  me.  O,  I 
ara  sometimes  quite  animated  with  hope  !  My 
trust  is  in  God,  I  shall  yet  praise  Him  :  soon  He 
«hall  arise  upon  my  soul,  and  His  glory,  yes,  His 
glory  shall  scatter  this  night,  which  prevents  my 
knowing  or  doing  any  thing  aright,  and  I  will  re- 
joice in  the  Lord,  I  will  joy  in  the  God  of  my 
salvation.  In  a  spiritual  sense,  I  do  record  it,  that 
at  the  present  moment,  I  am  more  happy  than 
usual.  I  can  confidently  rely  upon  the  Divine 
direction  in  those  momentous  considerations  which 
now  engross  my  mind. 

***** 

"  In  the  midst  of  the  ruins  of  what  was  once 
Athens,  rises  a  precipitous  mountain.  It  is  sur- 
rounded by  enormous  walls.  At  their  base,  they 
are  constructed  of  fragments  of  white  marble  ; 
higher  up,  with  ruins  of  columns  and  broken 
friezes.  Its  summit,  which  is  levelled  to  receive 
the  foundation  of  temples  of  the  gods,  contains  an 
5 


60  LEILA   ADA, 

area  of,  perhaps,  upwards  of  a  hundred  thousand 
square  feet.  From  its  top  is  obtained  one  of  the 
most  beautiful  views  of  all  the  space  which  was 
ancient  Athens,  and  the  country  which  surrounded 
it-— divested,  indeed,  of  most  of  its  gorgeous  splen- 
dour, its  thousand  temples  fallen  to  decay,  the 
great  wall  of  the  Piraeus  broken  and  mouldering 
into  dust,  the  magnificent  Parthenon  mutilated 
and  destroyed  by  Venetian  cannon,  the  slopes  of 
yon  beautiful  amphitheatre  of  mountains,  once 
clothed  in  forests,  in  pastures,  in  groves  of  vines, 
and  citron,  and  oranges,  and  olives,  in  towns  and 
villages — all,  all  desolate  and  depopulated ;  but 
notwithstanding  this,  one  glance  over  to  that  lovely 
horizon,  the  recollection  of  which  since  I  saw  it, 
has  haunted  me  both  awake  and  asleep — one 
glance  on  the  glorious  colouring  of  the  scene,  will 
till  the  soul  with  emotions  most  deep,  and  noble, 
and  sublime. 

"  With  a  heart  beating  quick  from  association 
and  memory,  you  take  a  first  hasty  look — are 
overpowered  by  the  comparison  of  ancient  and 
modern  Athens — of  the  city  and  surrounding 
country  when  Plato  stood,  and  taught,  and  ad- 
mired on  that  very  spot  where  you  now  stand, 
and  its  present  ruin  and  decay.  You  imagine  for 
a  moment,  that  you  see  the  port  of  Phalerus,  the 
harbour  of  the  Piraeus,  the  sea  of  Athens,  and  the 
gulf  of  Corinth,  as  in  ancient  times,  covered  with 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  51 

forests  of  masts,  and  snowy  sails,  and  proud  flags, 
trembling  in  the  classic  air ;  tliat  you  hear  the 
murmurs  of  the  busy  tribe  within  the  mighty 
capital,  and  the  sound  of  the  sonorous  hammer  as 
it  detaches  the  huge  blocks  of  marble,  from  the 
quarries  of  Pentelicus  ;  that  you  see  the  people 
pressing  in  a  wavering  mass  towards  the  very  place 
where  you  are  now  seated,  to  burn  incense  and 
offer  sacrifice  to  their  imaginary  deities  ;  that  you 
hear  the  declaim  of  the  mighty  orator,  and  the 
plaudits  of  the  delighted  audience.  You  feel 
what  you  have  imagined  ;  and  then  look  again, 
and  behold  the  present  solitude  and  ruin — you 
turn  away  weeping.  Let  your  tears  flow  !  the 
ground  is  consecrated  to  remembrance  !  " 

At  Nauplia  they  embarked  for  the  Turkish 
capital. 

Their  course  lay  among  the  beautiful  islands  of 
the  ^gean,  "  amid  scenes,"  writes  Leila,  *'  enrap- 
turing in  beauty  and  classical  interest."  Delos, 
Syra,  Myconi,  Scio,  Lesbos,  Lemnos,  were  each  in 
turn  intensely  attractive  objects.  At  length  they 
entered  the  Dardanelles,  the  ancient  Hellespont, 
and  passing  Sestos  and  Abydos,  they  soon  arrived 
at  Constantinople. 

Here  Leila  found  scenes  full  of  intc.ise  interest. 
"  Every  day,"  she  says,  "  I  ascend  ihc  liclvedere 
upon  the  top  of  our  house,  and  give  myself  tc 
dreamy  and  delicious  contemplations.     The  beau- 


52  LEILA    ADA, 

tiful  objects  around  me  fill  my  soul  with  the  most 
cliarming  images,  and  the  most  sublime  emotions  : 
yet,  as  often  as  I  go,  I  experience  an  increased 
delight." 

The  walls  of  Constantinople  are  now  in  ruins. 
"  I  know,"  writes  Leila,  "  no  walk  in  the  wholo 
city  of  Stamboul  which  I  prefer  to  that  by  its 
decayed  walls.  That  triple  line  of  immense  bat- 
tlements is  now  in  ruins,  and  covered  with  ivy.  It 
is  four  miles  in  length,  and  surmounted  Avith  two 
hundred  and  eighteen  towers.  From  the  historical 
scenes  connected  with  it,  and  which  have  been  so 
beautifully  described  by  Gibbon,  every  step  along 
it  is  full  of  the  deepest  interest.  On  the  other  side 
of  the  road  are  those  lovely  spots,  the  Turkish 
burying  grounds,  full  of  lofty  and  luxuriant 
cypresses,  and  interspersed  with  the  choicest 
flowers  of  the  East.  In  them  I  spend  many  hours. 
I  love  to  visit  every  repository  of  the  dead  wher- 
ever I  go.  Meditations  upon  death  and  eternity 
are,  with  me,  favourite  ones  ;  and  no  means  should 
be  neglected,  which  have  the  effect  of  making  the 
mind  familiar  with  that  solemn  event  which  must 
soon  arrive,  and  through  which  we  must  pass  to 
heaven.  0,  that  when  it  comes,  it  may  find  me 
prepared  to  meet  it !  0,  that,  at  that  season,  I 
may  have  that  Divine  support,  and  that  blessed 
hope  of  heaven,  which  shall  encircle  my  brow  with 
composure  and  my  spirit  with  calmness  and  de- 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  53 

light !  Tlien — yes,  then — I  will  meet  liim  witli  a 
smile,  I  Avill  welcome  liim  as  my  dearest  friend. 
His  gloomy  v^alley  passed,  I  shall  be  for  ever  with 
my  Lord — ever  in  the  presence  of  Him  whom  my 
soul  lovetli.  Lord,  prepare  me,  I  beseech  Thee  ! 
0,  lift  up  the  light  of  thy  reconciled  countenance 
upon  me,  for  the  sake  of  Him  whom  Thou  hast 
promised  shall  bo  our  Saviour  from  the  retribution 
which  our  sins  have  deserved  !  I  tremble  with 
emotions  of  fear,  uncertainty, — uncertainty  1 — 0, 
I  do  not  know  myself !  I  do  not  know  my  con- 
viction !  I  do  not  know  what  to  do  !  I  some- 
times scarcely  dare  to  think,  lest  I  am .   Lord, 

do  teach  me;  do  make  me  happy!  0,  give  me 
Thyself;  convince  me,  show  me  the  truth;  yet 
hast  Thou  not  answered  my  prayers  for  guidance  ? 
surely.  Thou  hast  made  my  way  plain.  Lord, 
Thou  knovvest  me  altogether ;  I  cannot  disguise 
my  heart  from  Thee.  I  fear  no  trial,  no  loss  of 
friends,  no  difficulties,  so  that  I  am  not  oifending 
Thee,  but  am  living   according  to   Thy  written 

word,  and  believing  every  thing  which  Thou 

I  may  not  write.  Lord,  make  me  to  know  thee  ; 
and,  if  it  be  necessary,  I  will  forsake  all  to  follow 
Thee,  and  to  serve  Thee.  0, 1  love  Thy  delight- 
ful service  !" 

To  the  present  part  of  her  diary,  Leila  carefully 
abstains  from  making  any  refercDco  to  the  cause 
of  all  this  commotion.     AVith  the  fact  that  she  had 


64  LEILA.   ADA, 

commenced  to  read  the  New  Testament,  -vve  are 
already  acquainted.  But  to  explain  her  turmoil 
and  agitation  of  mind,  and  the  reason  of  her  re- 
mark, "  I  may  not  write,"  we  must  refer  to  her 
writings  of  a  later  date.  And  in  these  she  tells 
us,  that  until  she  had  obtained  a  clear  conviction, 
she  carefully  abstained  from  making  any  remarks 
which  palpably  referred  to  a  belief  in  Jesus  as  the 
Messiah  ;  she  knew  that  if  they  were  found,  they 
would  subject  her  to  the  severest  trials. 

Who  does  not  feel  emotions  of  deep  sympathy 
while  reading  such  a  portraiture  ?  How  faithfully 
does  it  depict  the  tossing  and  uncertainty  of  her 
mind?  "When  I  begin  to  write,"  she  says,  else- 
where, "  I  am  in  such  a  whirl  of  doubt,  fear,  and 
conviction  that  I  can  hardly  trust  myself.  But, 
it  would  not  be  thus  with  me,  if  I  had  any  one  to 
whom  I  could  lay  open  my  soul.  Oh,  no  !  I  shall 
be  glad  to  return  to  England  ;  here,  I  cannot  havo 
any  books  to  help  me ;  no,  nor  yet  sympathy,  ex- 
cept from  my  Lord  ;  and  I  do  praise  him  for  those 
seasons  of  inexpressible  comfort  which  I  receive 
from  His  love.  I  am  determined  that  I  will  sim- 
ply follow  where  He  leads,  no  matter  how  great 
my  earthly  difficulties." 

And  now  we  turn  to  our  narratire. 

After  a  season  of  the  "  richest  delight"  at  Con- 
Btantinople,  they  embarked  for  Smyrna.  As  they 
sailed  down  the  Dardanelles,  Leila  cast  a  longing 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  55 

lingering  look  towards  the  city,  with  its  magnifi- 
cent domes  and  minarets,  and  then  turned  aAvay 
to  enjoy  fresh  and  not  less  lovely  scenes.  Their 
course  lay  among  some  of  the  most  heautiful 
islands  which  stud  the  blue  /Egean.  Their  wild 
and  sunny  grandeur,  their  sublime  rocks,  their 
deep  inlets,  were  favourite  contemplations  foi 
Leila. 


CHAPTER  V. 

THE     JOURNEY    COiNTINUED. ANTIOCH. JERUSALEM. AC- 
COUNT   OF    THE    HOLY    LAND. THE    RETURN    HOME. 

After  a  stay  at  Smyrna,  wliicli  did  not  exceed 
many  hours,  they  proceeded  in  the  same  ship  to 
Cyprus,  and  thence  they  Avent  on  to  Antioch. 

*'  The  present  city  of  Antioch,"  says  Leila, 
"  although  superior  in  size  to  any  other  of  the 
towns  upon  the  coast,  is  not  beautiful,  scarcely 
handsome,  for  it  is  not  well  built.  There  is  not 
one  of  the  public  buildings  which  strikes  the  ob- 
server as  being  worthy  of  particular  notice,  but 
the  view  of  the  town  and  valley  from  an  eminence 
is  picturesque,  even  pretty.  The  streets  are  very 
narrow,  and  not  particularly  clean.  On  each  side 
of  them  is  a  raised  pavement  for  foot  passengers, 
and  in  the  middle  a  deep  defile  for  the  horses,  but 
it  is  seldom  that  this  is  sufficiently  wide  to  admit 
of  two  horses  passing  each  other.  The  river  Or- 
ontes  winds  through  the  valley,  at  about  three 
miles  an  hour.  It  is  here  about  a  hundred  and 
thirty  feet  wide,  and  crossed  by  an  old  but  really 
romantic  and  picturesque  bridge  of  four  arches. 
The  bazaars  are  very  numerous,  and  in  them  may 
be  purchased  all  the  usual   articles   of  demand. 


TFIE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  bl 

Here  are  scver<al  fountains,  all  ratlicr  ordinary 
ones.  One  is  called  the  Aiii-el-Omra,  or  fountain 
of  life.  The  water  which  it  supplies  is  very  beau- 
tiful, and  being  supposed  to  possess  medicinal  vir- 
tues, is  a  great  resort  of  the  afflicted.  Between 
the  stones  are  great  quantities  of  nail-s  driven  in 
by  these  persons,  either  as  a  propitiatory  or  a 
thank-offering  to  the  imaginary  genius  of  the 
spring.  The  Jews  here  are  quite  unmolested  in 
the  exercise  of  their  peculiar  observances.  There 
are  twenty-one  families  of  them,  and  they  meet  in  a 
small  room  in  the  rabbi's  house.  The  mosques 
are  fourteen  in  number.  Six  of  these,  in  the  purely 
Turkish  style  of  architecture,  have  tall  white  mi- 
narets, close  galleries,  and  blue  pointed^  tops,  sur- 
mounted by  the  crescent.  The  men  wear  cloth 
kaooks,  long  robes,  red  trousers,  and  yellow  boots. 
The  women  wear  white  muslin,  and  veil  their 
faces  with  black  gauze.  Indeed,  both  men  and 
women  are  Turkish  in  their  dress,  taste,  and 
lanj^uacre. 

They  were  now  approaching  the  ancient  land 
of  Canaan.  And  let  us  by  no  language  of  our  own 
trespass  upon  Leila's  most  touching  account  of 
the  sacred  and  holy  feelings  and  associations 
awakened  in  her  bosom,  as  she  first  saw  it 
stretched  before  her  in  all  its  goodly  beauty  : — 

"  How  languid  is  this  land  which  once  throbbed 
with  animation  and  warm  deliirht !     How  silent 


58  LEILA    ADA, 

those  groves  and  valleys  v/liicli  were  wont  to  echo 
the  notes  of  softened  and  joyous  music !  How 
desolate  and  solitary  those  plains  which  were  the 
garden  of  the  Lord  ! — a  land  of  fountains,  springs, 
and  murmuring  streams,  of  wheat,  and  barley,  and 
grapes,  and  olives,  and  fig-trees,  and  pomegranates, 
of  oil,  and  milk,  and  honey.  These  hills  and  dales 
which  even  still  repose  in  placid  and  sunny  beauty, 
are  the  Jewish  father-land ;  those  smiling  plains 
their  home — alas  !  how  could  I  say  their  home  ? 
Poor 

*  Tribes  of  the  wandering  foot  and  weary  breast, 
How  shall  ye  flee  away  and  be  at  rest  ? 
The  wild  dove  has  her  nest,  the  fox  liis  cave, 
Mankind  their  countr}',  Israel  hut  the  grave.* 

"  They  are  homeless  wanderers — exiles.  Jeru- 
salem, although  so  dear,  is  not  now  theirs.  They 
are  permitted  to  remain  on  this  their  ancient  soil 
only  by  tolerance.  Not  an  inch  can  be  claimed 
as  their  own.  A  Turk  may  scare  them  from  the 
tomb  of  their  father  Abraham.  A  look  upon  the 
hallowed  spot  which  contains  the  ashes  of  their 
fathers  must  be  obtained  by  stealth.     Their  land 

has  been 

'Trodden  down 
By  all  in  turn,  Pagan,  and  Frank,  and  Tartar — 
So  runs  the  dreadful  anathema — trodden  down 
Beneath  the  oppressor ;  darkness  shrouding  thee 
From  every  blessed  influence  of  Heaven ; 
Thus  hast  thou  lain  for  ages  iron-bound 
As  with  a  curse.' 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  59 

—*  Iron-bound  as  with  a  curse'  May  that  bo 
true  ?  0  !  if  I  will  believe  the  truth  I  fear  it  is. 
How  else  am  I  to  explain  the  position  of  cur  peo- 
ple through  the  past  eighteen  centuries  ?  What 
adequate  cause  can  be  assigned  for  our  long  pro* 
tracted  and  unexampled  chastisement  1  Oui 
fathers,  who  were  guilty  of  idolatry,  the  greatest 
crime  they  could  possibly  commit  against  God  as 
their  King  and  lawgiver,  were  only  punished  with 
a  captivity  in  Babylon  of  seventy  years'  continu- 
ance, but  though  we  have  ever  since  entertained 
the  utmost  abhorrence  of  idols,  and  have  not  as  a 
people  been  chargeable  with  greater  vices  than 
other  nations,  yet  that  captivity,  in  which  we  are 
at  present,  has  lasted  more  than  twenty -five  times 
seventy.  What  can  be  the  crime  which  our  an- 
cestors committed,  and  of  which  to  the  present  we 
have  not  repented,  that  the  hand  of  the  Lord  has 
lain,  and  still  lies,  so  heavily  upon  us  ?  Whatever 
it  is,  it  must  be  some  act  or  deed  of  a  most  atro- 
cious character,  which  they  perpetrated  before 
our  dispersion  :  an  act  or  deed  in  the  approval  of 
which  we  have  unchangingly  persisted,  and  the 
guilt  of  which  we  have  obstinately  refused  to  ac- 
knowledge. 

"  I  have  read  our  national  recoills,  and  I  find 
but  one  act  to  which  all  our  nation  have  in  every 
age  given  their  unanimous,  and  persevering,  and 
really  obstinate  adhesion.      It  is  the  crucifixion 


/ 


CO  LEILA    ADA, 

of  Jesus,  the  Son  of  God.  That  he  was  the  Mes- 
siah I  no  longer  doubt.  The  New  Testamenl 
agrees  with  the  Okl.  In  the  26th  chapter  of  St 
Matthew  I  find  the  fulfilment  of  the  53d  of  Isaiah 
0,  what  glories  it  has  unfolded  to  my  view  !  1 
thank  my  God  and  Father  for  the  palpable  influ- 
ence and  assistance  of  His  Holy  Spirit,  while  en- 
gaged in  its  delightful  reading.  I  am  not  now 
afraid  to  write ;  I  am  no  longer  intimidated.  I 
never  feared  the  curse  of  the  Habbis  ;  and,  there- 
fore, I  have  endeavoured  to  calculate  the  time  of 
the  prophecies  which  relate  to  the  coming  of  the 
Messiah.  These  are,  I  think,  in  almost  every 
case,  expired  ;  in  all  perhaps.  But  0,  my  nation, 
with  what  heart-rending  agony  of  soul  must  I 
view  this  act !  The  innocent  Jesus — terrible 
thought ! — that  He  who  is  the  Saviour  of  His 
people,  should  have  been  by  our  nation  crucified, 
and  afterwards  sneered  at  as  the  Talui!'^  That 
the  Divine  Redeemer  of  the  Avorld,  the  promised 
Messiah,  should  be  blasphemed  in  the  miserable, 
msane  Toldoth  Jeshu.  Weep,  weep !  ye  Jews, 
for  your  iniquities  ;  let  your  wails  rise  to  heaven, 
long,  loud,  and  deep.  0,  what  will  ye  feel — who 
shall  describe  your  ^^oignant  grief  when  the  Spirit 
of  God  convinces  you  of  this  guilt — the  ni3?^S-^ 
The  very  land  in  which  it  was  committed  weeps, 
looks  mournful,  and  is  desolate. 

•  The  "  Crucified  One."        f  The  great  transgresaioiw 


THE   JEWISH   CONVERT.  Gl 

"  ^ly  heart  is  very  full.  I  liavc  read  the  lovely 
Gospel,  but  I  am  a  poor,  ignorant,  benighted  crea- 
ture, and  cannot  understand  it  as  I  wish.  0,  that 
f  were  in  England !  that  I  might  obtain  mor« 
knowledge  from  the  servants  of  Christ.  I  am  now 
tossed  in  a  whirlwind  of  thought,  all-engrossing, 
yet  so  agitated  and  indefinite  that  I  can  select  no 
language  to  portray  it.  It  is  an  agon?/  of  soul. 
I  wish  to  be  a  Christian.  O  Lord  !  calm  my 
troubled  spirit.  Do  of  thy  loving-kindness  guide 
me  to  thy  simple  truth.  Let  me  rest  and  be  at 
peace  beneath  the  canopy  of  Thy  love.  Teach 
me  Tk?/  law  of  liberty,  as  Thou  in  Thy  Word 
hast  described ;  and  having  taught  me  Thy  will, 
assist  me  to  follow  Thee,  to  give  up  my  own, 
whatever  shall  happen  to  my  body.     Amen. 

"  Now,  my  Lord  and  Saviour  Jesus  Christ,  my 
hope  is  in  Thee,  my  prayer  is  unto  Thee ;  in  the 
multitude  of  Thy  mercy  hear  me.  Deliver  me 
out  of  the  mire,  and  let  me  not  sink,  and  out  of 
these  deep  waters,  that  they  may  not  overflow 
me." 

Almost  immediately  upon  their  arrival  at  Jeru- 
salem, Leila  was  visited  with  a  severe  and  wast- 
ing illness.  "  I  am  just  recovering  from  the  most 
severe  illness  I  ever  had.  Throughout  my  indis- 
position I  received  much  Divine  support,  yet  I 
have  not  that  indwelling  peace  I  desire  to  have# 
and  which  it  is  clearly  my  privilege  to  possess. 
6 


62  LEILA   ADA, 

I  want  the  evidence  that  I  am  what  God  would 
have  me  be.  Although  I  earnestly  pray  for  this 
evidence,  all  seems  dark  and  mysterious.  Lord, 
arise  and  scatter  my  darkness  for  the  Redeemer's 
sake.  O,  let  me,  unworthy,  miserable,  sinful  mti 
obtain  thy  promised  salvation  !     Amen. 

*'  It  is  a  solemn  scene  !  From  my  window  I 
see  the  Mount  of  Olives,  the  deep  ravine  that 
forms  the  bed  of  the  brook  Kedi'on,  and  the  val- 
ley of  Jehoshaphat  where  my  fathers  lie  buried. 
Beneath  me  lies  most  of  the  Holy  City.  With  a 
slight  turn  of  my  head,  I  see  the  Mount  Moriah, 
and  the  enclosure  where  once  stood  the  Temple 
of  the  Lord.  Again  shifting  my  view,  I  see  the 
few  thin-leaved  olives  which  are  supposed  to  mark 
the  garden  of  Gethsemane — the  scene  of  the  agony 
of  the  Divine  Redeemer !  A  solemn  calmness 
hovers  everywhere  around  me.  My  spirit  har- 
monizes with  the  time  and  scene." 

The  illness  of  Leila  resolved  her  father  that 
they  would  proceed  no  further  in  their  pilgrimage ; 
although  his  original  intention  was  to  visit  the 
Dead  Sea,  and  various  parts  of  Arabia  Petrea.  As 
soon,  therefore,  as  she  was  sufficiently  recovered 
to  be  removed,  they  left  Jerusalem  for  Jaffa,  its 
port :  there  they  embarked  for  Alexandria. 

After  an  inconsiderable  stay  at  Alexandria, 
they  left  for  England  (via  France)  in  a  govern- 
ment steam-ship. 


THE    JEWISH    CO  WERT.  63 

*  #  *  *  # 

In  France  tliey  made  no  stay,  but  proceeded 
directly  homeward ;  and  it  was  not  long  ere  they 
safely  arrived  at  their  sweet  mansion  in  Cornwall. 

On  the  day  following  their  arrival,  Leila  re- 
marks in  her  diary  :  **  I  am  very  grateful  while  I 
acknowledge  the  many  mercies  and  kind  provi 
dences  we  have  experienced,  since  I  left  this,  my 
loved  closet.  Our  travel  has  been  one  of  rich 
and  pure  enjoyment ;  but  I  am  very  thankful  to 
be  again  at  home.  I  feel  a  blissful  assurance  that 
I  am  about  to  enter  upon  a  life  of  blessing  and 
happiness ;  and  my  delight  is  beyond  expression  *' 


CHAPTER  VI. 

Leila's  conversion. 

We  are  now  brought  to  the  most  interesting 
portion  of  Leila's  life — her  conversion  to  Chris- 
tianity. 

It  has  already  appeared  that  her  belief  in  the 
tenets  of  Judaism  had  received  an  irremediable 
shake  ;  the  absurd  fables  of  the  Talmud  were  cast 
aside  as  unworthy  of  a  thought,  and  the  trammels 
of  rabbinical  authority  completely  burst  asunder. 
On  her  return  to  England  she  was  only  waiting 
for  more  instruction  in  the  articles  of  the  Christian 
belief,  to  dispose  her  to  embrace  it  with  all  her 
lieart.  One  of  her  first  objects,  therefore,  was, 
she  says,  "  to  find  a  company  of  simple,  earnest 
Christians." 

At  a  small  village,  distant  about  three  miles 
from  her  residence,  there  was  a  chapel  in  which 
was  exercised  such  a  ministry  as  she  desired. 
This  was  the  nearest  place  of  Christian  worship 
which  presented  itself,  and  it  was  here  she  began 
to  attend.  Being  aware  that  a  knowledge  of  this 
would  call  down  the  severest  displeasure  of  her 
father,  her  visits  to  it  were  by  stealth,  and,  chiefly 
indeed,  except  in  one  or  two  instances,  solely  by 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  65 

night ;  and  she  always  sat  closelj  veiled.  The 
way  to  the  chapel  was  through  a  long,  dreary,  and 
solitary  lane  ;  but,  at  all  hours,  when  it  was  pos' 
sible  for  her  to  be  present  at  the  services,  Leila 
might  be  found,  unattended,  wending  her  way 
among  the  gloomy  trees.  Her  natural  timidity 
was  painful,  and  her  dread  of  walking  alone  at 
night  unconquerable,  until  now  that  an  earnest 
desire  for  the  salvation  of  h)sr  soul  made  her 
superior  to  any  bodily  fear  she  might  entertain. 
In  her  own  pleasing  way,  she  says,  "  I  was  dread- 
fully frightened  during  my  first  essays  in  the  dark, 
I  usually  ran  the  very  utmost  of  the  distance  that 
I  could  ;  my  agitation  and  terror  of  mind  being, 
during  the  Avhole  time,  Indescribable.  Hurrying 
in  this  manner,  the  whole  distance  from  our  house 
to  the  chapel  was  frequently  done  In  a  few 
minutes  over  half-an-hour ;  but,  by  prayer,  all 
my  terror  was  removed,  and  although  I  continued 
to  be  just  as  fearful  of  going  any  where  else,  yet 
I  could  always  go  to,  and  return  from,  my  dear 
chapel  without  the  slightest  perturbation  of  mind, 
feeling  quite  sure  that  my  Father  would  give  me 
His  protection." 

We  have  said  that,  during  the  first  part  of  her 
attendance,  she  kept  herself  strictly  secret,  even 
from  the  congregation  ;  but,  as  the  influence  of 
the  Holy  Spirit  applied  each  discourse  more  and 
more  powerfully  to  her  mind,  this  fear  subsided, 
G* 


66  LEILA    ADA, 

and,  in  proportion,  she  felt  an  increased  desire  to 
unbosom  herself  to  some  Christian  friend,  who 
would  sympathize  with,  and  still  further  instruct 
her  in  that  glorious  cause  to  which  she  had  now 
engaged  her  whole  heart.  Being  assured  that  this 
would  assist  her  to  the  attainment  of  that  peace 
she  so  ardently  desired,  she  conferred  not  with 
flesh  and  blood,  but,  with  that  fearless  decision  in 
favour  of  duty  which  ever  characterized  her,  she 
resolved  to  seek  an  interview  with  her  minister. 
This  was  easily  obtained  ;  and  she  describes  it  as 
**  a  blessed  season  :"  and  says,  further,  **  It  has 
stirred  me  up  to  seek  the  Lord  fully — to  agonize 
with  a  determination  not  to  rest  till  I  am  accepted 
in  the  Saviour — till  my  mourning  is  turned  into 
joy."  And,  again,  "  0,  for  that  earnest,  child-like 
simplicity  and  faith  of  which  Mr.  [her  min- 
ister] told  me.  I  want  to  take  the  Word  of  God 
simply  just  as  it  is.  This  is  the  faith  of  the  New 
Testament :  this  is  the  faith  God  requires,  and  will 
have  in  order  to  my  salvation.  Lord,  save  me  ! 
increase  my  faith  ;  increase  it  largely — mightily  ; 
confirm  my  hope,  and  fan  my  love  for  Thee  into 
a  mighty  flame  !" 

She  was  an  earnest  and  humble  seeker  of  the 
truth  as  it  is  in  Jesus.  Her  heart  had  now  become 
intent  upon  one  great  business — the  salvation  of 
her  soul,  and  to  this  end  she  used  every  means, 
and    every  effort,  regardless  of  personal   conse- 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  67 

quences.  This,  we  think,  is  abundantly  set  forth 
in  the  entries  made  in  her  diary  at  this  important 
period. 

March  31st,  1848. — Eternal  Father  !  how  con- 
tinually does  the  manna  of  Thy  love  drop  around 
my  tabernacle.  How  every  day  brings  me  fresh 
proofs  of  the  affectionate  care  that  Thou  hast  for 
my  soul ;  and  at  its  close  I  am  called  on  to  adore 
Thy  long-suffering  with  my  sinfulness.  Multi- 
plied mercies  make  up  the  sum  of  my  existence. 
Oh  !  how  I  praise,  how  I  love  that  love  which 
could  leave  the  realms  of  uncreated  blessedness,  to 
endure  the  suffering  which  my  sins  had  incurred, 
and  thus  introduce  me  to  the  immortality  of  glory. 
Truly  the  whole  of  my  redemption  is  an  unsearch- 
able mystery.  I  wonder  how  I  ever  succeeded  in 
persuading  myself  to  expect  forgiveness  without  a 
sacrifice  for  sin.  But  I  bless  Thee,  0  Jesus  !  my 
Teacher,  that  Thou  in  much  mercy  hast,  quite 
unknown  to  myself,  directed  all  my  steps  ;  and 
when  no  earthly  hand  was  near  to  assist  me,  no 
human  voice  to  pour  the  balm  of  sympathy  into  my 
heart.  Thou  gavest  me  comfort.  Wondrous  was 
the  goodness  !  unspeakable  the  love  !  Oh  !  I 
sometimes  fear  I  am  ungrateful ;  that  I  do  not  think 
of  and  value  it  enough.  Dearest  Redeemer  !  help 
me  to  adore  Thee  for  that  illumination  which 
enabled  me  to  see  that  in  Thee,  my  beloved  Lord 
and  Saviour,  the  old  covenant  was  done  aAvay,  and 


6S  LEILA   ADA, 

the  iieTT  one  established  for  evermore.  With 
trembling  awe  during  the  still  shadows  of  mid- 
night, I  muse  on  what  Thou  hast  done  for  me, 
upon  the  course  which  in  wondrous  mercy  Thou 
hast  led  me,  and  feel  my  spirit  fill  with  love,  so 
that  with  exulting  tears  I  exclaim,  "  My  beloved 
is  mine,  and  I  am  his  !  His  desire  towards  me 
is  love."  Surely,  my  Jesus,  these  were  exercises 
of  faith.  Sweet  peace  has  filled  my  soul  at  such 
seasons,  and  introduced  a  taste  of  heaven.  Why 
did  I  not  keep  the  grace  imparted  ?  Oh,  help  me, 
my  precious  Redeemer  !  Give  me  the  comforts  of 
Thy  Holy  Spirit,  that  I  may  rejoice  in  Thee.  Thy 
name,  my  Jesus,  dwells  on  my  lips,  and  fires  my 
tongue.  And  now  this  full  heart  and  these  joyful 
thankful  tears  testify  how  much  I  desire  salvation 
by  it.  O  let  me  have  a  constant  experience  of  the 
joy  and  peac#  of  believing.  For  this  I  pray  fer- 
vently  ;  and  Avithout  it  my  soul  looks  in  vain  for 
happiness. 

Very  blessed  has  been  the  consequence  of  my 
attendance  upon  the  Christian  services.  They 
have  imparted  to  me  a  calmness  to  which  during 
the  preceding  months  I  was  a  stranger,  and  have 
enlightened  my  understanding  of  God's  holy  Word, 
in  its  practical  character,  in  a  very  large  degree  r 
and  I  think  if  I  had  made  myself  known  I  might 
have,  before  this,  received  such  encouragement  as 
should  have   ensibled  me  to  feel  that  rest  they 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT,  06f 

speak  of.  I  feel  condemned  in  this  respect :  my 
fear  seems  to  defy  conquering.  Lord  help  me  in 
this  my  strait.  SutFerinj^  must  come  if  I  will 
worship  Thee.  And  if  I  suffer  for  Thee,  Thou 
hast  promised  me  that  to  reign  with  Thee  shall 
be  my  reversion.  Why  do  I  fear,  when  the  God 
of  all  the  heaven  and  earth  is  engaged  in  my 
behalf? 

Night  of  the  8ame  day. — Oh,  how  I  have 
changed  !  The  few  past  hours  have  indeed  been 
spent  in  sadness  and  sorrow  of  heart.  I  have  been 
much  cast  down.  Dreadful  thoughts  pass  through 
my  mind.  My  soul  is  filled  with  darkness  and 
blasphemous  ideas.  I  can  hardly  save  myself  from 
uttering  the  curses  of  our  books  against  the  Lord 
of  glory.*  They  are  always  present  to  me,  and  I 
fear  I  have  said  them.  Lord,  help  me.  Where 
are  past  feelings  ?  Hast  thou  indeed  surrendered 
me  up  to  perdition  ?     Oh,  in  mercy,  blessed  Jesus, 

*  Awfully  bitter  are  some  of  these.  Far  be  it  from  my 
heart  to  explain  the  heavy  temptation  which  the  lovely 
Leila  was  suffering,  an<l  accuse  my  Jewish  brethren,  by 
writing  their  curses  against  the  high  and  lofty  name,  to 
which  every  knee  shall  bow.  It  is  enough  to  say  that  He 
is  generally  spoken  of  as  "  the  hanged  one  ;"  and  on  the 
ninth  of  Ab,  when  the  destruction  of  the  temple  is  com- 
memorated, the  crimes  of  the  nation  bewailed,  and  Hia 
name  mentioned,  they  spit  and  saj',  "  May  Ilis  name  be 
blotted  out" 


70  LEILA   ADAr 

in  mercy  speak  with  that  voice  which  in  the  days 
of  Thy  sojourn  amongst  men  could  calm  the  fury 
of  the  tempests,  and  heal  those  possessed  with  the 
spirit  of  evil ;  oh,  speak  to  my  soul,  and  tranquil- 
lise  my  tumultuous  spirit  !  Oh,  my  aching  head, 
my  throhbing  temples  !  Lord,  Jehovah  God,  what 
have  I  done  that  Thou  shouldst  forsake  me  1  But, 
why  do  I  say  this,  when  I  will  believe  that  the 
fault  lies  in  my  own  wicked  heart  1  I  go  from 
room  to  room  and  from  book  to  book  in  vain.  And 
this  solitude,  where  I  hoped  perchance  to  meet 
the  calm  I  have  so  often  here  experienced,  is  worse 
than  all.  I  will  seek  dearest  papa,  and  resting 
my  weary  head  upon  his  beloved  bosom,  will  yet 
be  happy. 

April  1st. — To  day  I  am  rather  more  ealm,  but 
very  unhappy  ;  and  the  excitement  of  last  evening 
has  left  a  feeling  of  weakness  of  mind  and  body, 
which  entirely  incapacitates  me  for  exertion.  Papa 
has  observed  my  agitation.  He  imputes  it  to  bo- 
dily illness,  and  I  am  every  minute  in  expectation 
of  a  visit  from  our  physician.  He  would  not  al- 
low me  to  desire  that  he  might  not  be  sent  for. 

As  yet  my  mind  is  not  free  from  the  dreadful 
cloud.  I  have  engaged  in  prayer  with  much  ear- 
nestness, but  yet  without  result.  But,  what  gives 
me  most  grief  is  the  feeling,  which  haunts  me  con- 
stantly, that  God  is  unkind  and  cares  nothing  for 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  71 

me.  Still,  I  will  hope  in  Ilim  ;  He  is  my  all.  I 
desire  nothing  but  to  know  that  in  everything  He 
is  pleased  with  me. 

Oh,  that  my  dear  friend  Emily*  were  home  ; 
for  then  I  should  have  the  Christian  aid  I  so 
greatly  need.  I  have  no  one  to  sympathise  with 
me.  I  must  wait  with  patience  ;  and  I  have  a 
sweet  hope  that  heaven  at  last  will  be  my  home. 

Alas  !  that  I  should  write  so  despondingly — I 
who  am  created  to  glorify  God  in  the  land  of  un- 
clouded light  and  perfect  felicity.  I  am  unhappy, 
because  I  have  sinned.  And  is  there  no  one  to 
save  me  '^  If  I  have  not  an  earthly  friend,  is  there 
none  to  whom  I  can  fly  for  succour?  Yes,  there  is 
One.  To  Thee,  0  God,  my  Saviour,  I  will  cling, 
fully  certain  that  thou  lovest  me,  and  wilt  not  refuse 
thine  aid.  If  I  am  weak.  Thou  wilt  gently  lead 
me,  and  temper  the  wind  to  Thy  shorn  Lamb. 
Hear  me,  gracious  Lord.  Let  Thy  Spirit  descend 
into  my  heart  that  pants  to  receive  it,  so  that  I 
may  be  rightly  guided,  and  made  pure.  Once 
more,  I  pray  Thee,  0  King  and  Keeper  of  Israel, 
to  guard  me  that  I  sin  not,  and  spare  me,  if  it  be 
Thy  pleasure,  from  new  sorrows. 

*  Who  was  still  abroad.  She  did  not  return  to  Leila 
until  the  week  during  which  she  was  denied  her  father's 
presence ;  and  then  commenced  a  friendship  which,  for 
onenesa  and  beauty,  was  an  image  of  heaven. 


T'.  LEILA   ADA, 

But,  though  I  should  even  walk 
Through  the  shadowy  vale  of  death, 
I  will  advance  and  fear  not ; 
For  Thou  art  with  me: 
Tliy  rod  and  Thy  staff 
Are  my  support  for  ever. 


May  18tli. — "  If  ye  sliall  ask  anything  in  my 
name,  I  will  do  it."  On  these  words  of  Him  who 
is  Truth  itself,  I  will  rely,  believing  that  whatever 
He  has  promised  He  will  perform.  Not  one  doubt 
have  I  respecting  my  eternal  safety  ;  I  confide  in 
the  atonement  of  Jesus,  my  Lord,  and  I  have  re- 
pose. The  services  of  last  Sunday  were  much 
blessed  to  me.  While  engaged  in  them,  I  received 
inexpressible  comfort ;  even  much  holy  peace 
and  love,  and  sweet  anticipations  of  the  rest  of 
heaven.  Vain  world !  what  are  thy  comforts  ? 
Lighter  than  a  vapour,  compared  with  those  I 
seek. 

Although  I  have  not  that  happy,  holy  feeling 
which  I  more  and  more  clearly  see  the  soul  must 
have  that  is  united  to  its  Heavenly  Source,  yet  I 
will  receive  these  visitations  as  a  pledge,  that,  in 
my  Lord's  own  time,  I  shall  have  a  perfect  union 
with  himself  Oh,  I  long  for  this  ;  for  then  I  shall 
be  very  happy.  My  Jesus  !  Thou  knowest  how 
very  dearly  I  love  thee.  Oh,  condescend  to  come 
into  my  poor   heart,  and  tnake   it   Thy  temple. 


i 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  73 

Without  this  vital  union  with  my  God,  I  must 
often  be  uneasy  and  restless.  There  is  one  tiling 
I  would  especially  have  before  me — the  uncertain- 
ty with  which  the  Jewish  religion  is  believed  in 
by  all  Avho  will  think,  has  produced  in  me  quite  a 
habit  of  reasoning  and  doubting.  I  see  the  evil 
of  this,  and  I  pray  for  strength  to  conquer  it.  For 
this  end  I  must  be  watchful,  and  ever  remember 
that  DOUBT  is  a  word  which  does  not  belong  to  the 
vocabulary  of  a  Christian,  To  him  everything  is 
true  and  fixed;  yea  and  amen,  in  the  Lord  Jesur 
Christ.     0  God,  strengthen  me  ever  thus  to  act. 

But,  oh !  the  future,  how  often  it  casts  a  veil  of 
deep  sadness  over  my  spirit,  especially  when  1 
am  receiving  the  ever  recurring  expressions  of  the 
love  of  my  precious  papa.  At  such  times  I  have 
been  compelled  to  leave  him  to  hide  my  sadness, 
and  shed  abundance  of  tears.  It  depresses  me 
dreadfully  when  I  think  of  our  relation  ;  I  imagine 
to  myself  the  change  if  he  knew  what  I  had  done. 
Sometimes  I  fear  to  live  as  I  do  with  him  is  using 
hypocrisy.  I  hope  I  am  not.  But,  oh  !  it  is  so 
hard  to  make  it  known.  I  would  fondly  continue 
the  sweet  dream  of  affection,  such  as  is  seldom  be- 
stowed upon  a  child,  a  little  longer.  I  tremble  at 
the  possibility  of  separation  from  him  so  far  as  the 
endearments  of  intercourse  are  concerned.  Oh  \ 
it  is  more  than  I  can  bear.  But  I  have  adopted 
7 


74  LEILA.   ADA, 

my  Saviour's  will ;  and,  whatever  it  is,  it  must  be 
done. 

Oh,  my  precious  parent !  if  upon  my  knees  and 
with  many  tears  I  could  but  convince  you  of  the 
truth.  Oh,  do  believe,  and  be  merciful  to  me ! 
How  I  love  you,  how  my  heart  feels  about  you- 
Oh,  will  you  be  kind  when  I  speak  1  Will  you 
hear  me  1  May  I  speak  now  ?  Might  I  hope  for 
your  smile  and  affectionate  kiss,  when  I  have  done  f 
Would  you  give  your  Leila  the  joy  of  seeing  you 
serve  your  Saviour  too  1  Father,  dear,  I  shall 
sink,  if  you  will  take  me  from  your  love.  Oh, 
what  relief  I  cjuld  find  in  begging  you  to  mildly 
listen,  while  weeping  on  your  bosom,  I  told  mv 
happy  confidence  in  Jesus  !  But  hush  my  rebel- 
lious heart ;  it  is  for  Jesus  thou  art  called  to  en- 
dure conflict.  Trust  Him  for  strength  sufficient  to 
thy  need.  What  have  I  to  do  with  the  events  of 
my  life  but  submit  myself  to  them !  When  dear- 
est papa  knows  that  I  have  become  a  Christian, 
as  soon  he  must,  let  me  receive  whatever  he  says 
as  sent  from  God.  Lord,  help  me  from  carefulness 
about  it.  Preserve  me  in  peace,  for  I  have  given 
up  myself  without  reserve  unto  Thee.  Do  not  I 
desire  Thy  favour  beyond  anything  else  that  can 
concern  me  ?  Oh,  then,  calm  my  spuit  in  thia 
respect !  When  the  sorrow  comes,  it  may  not  be  bo 
great  as  I  am  prone  to  imagine.     Oh,  direct  me  in 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  75 

it ;  and  comfort  me  with  the  assurance  that,  once 
having  passed  it,  such  a  serenity  will  be  diffused 
through  my  soul,  as  Avill  more,  much  more,  than 
compensate  my  present  anguish. 

************ 

Probably  it  was  about  this  time  that  Leila  sought 
an  interview  with  her  minister. 

Everything  connected  with  Leila  is  impressed 
with  a  sacred  value  in  the  feeling  of  the  circle 
whom  she  has  left  to  mourn  her  early  call  away  ; 
and  the  letters  I  have  received  from  those  who 
have  seen  her  memoir  tell  me,  that  amongst  her 
readers  this  feeling  obtains  in  a  very  large  degree. 
Some  of  the  testimonies  of  this  kind  I  recur  to 
with  pure  and  thankful  delight :  and  as  her  life 
is  thus  felt,  I  write  an  account  of  this  interview, 
as  it  was  given  me  on  a  late  visit  to  Leila's  home, 
by  the  daughter  of  the  gentleman  under  whose 
ministry  she  sat. 

The  visit,  she  says,  of  a  veiled  lady  to  our 
chnrch,  even  when  it  was  only  the  first  time, 
produced  a  not  unnatural  curiosity  ;  and  when 
tiic  visit  was  again  and  again  repeated,  the  won- 
der was  proportionately  increased.  Who  could 
(yhe  be  ?  What  was  her  motive  in  coming  1 
Why  did  she  preserve  such  an  inviolable  incog- 
nito ?  These  were  the  questions  that  occurred  to 
Bevcral.  Her  figure  and  movements  indicated 
that  she  was  young ;  her  patrician   elegance  of 


76  LEILA    ADA, 

manner  proclaimed  her  breeding  and  rank  ;  her 
devout  deportment  in  the  house  of  God  evidenced 
the  power  of  religion  on  her  heart.  Beyond  this 
nothing  could  be  known.  It  was  believed  that 
the  hymns  and  sermons  greatly  affected  her ;  and 
this  received  additional  confirmation  by  the  use 
she  often  made  of  her  handkerchief.  Father 
thought  she  should  be  spoken  to  ;  but  it  was  so 
clear  by  her  manner  that  she  declined  conversa- 
tion, and  wished  to  preserve  secrecy,  that  he  felt 
it  impossible  to  put  the  wish  into  practice. 

But  she  herself  was  about  to  unriddle  the  mys- 
tery. One  morning,  when  both  my  parents  were 
from  home  together,  taking  their  usual  ride,  as  I 
was  looking  from  our  window  down  the  avenue, 
I  saw  a  young  lady,  whom  I  directly  recognised 

as  Miss  T. ,  for  we  already  knew  both  herself 

and  her  father  by  sight — approaching  on  horse- 
back. Being  the  only  member  of  our  family  at 
home,  I  went  to  the  door  myself  to  welcome  her, 
and,  if  she  intended  to  stay,  to  assist  her  to  dis- 
mount. I  had  never  spoken  to  her  before,  but  it 
is  needless  to  say  that  I  quickly  entertained  un- 
bounded esteem  for  her  disposition.  I  thought 
her  one  for  whose  society  the  word  fascinating 
seemed  expressly  made,  and  we  were  soon 
engaged  in  a  conversation  in  which  she  delighted 
me  by  her  easy  cheerfulness,  and  extensive  and 
varied   learning;    and  yet,  though   I    could   not 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  7 

help  observing  my  inequality  in  respect  of  know- 
ledge, there  was  such  a  sweet  simplicity  and 
delicate  sensibility  about  her,  as  quite  prevented 
me  from  feeling  any  inferiority.  At  last  she  said 
somewhat  abruptly, 

"  I  came  here  to  request  the  kind  attentions  of 
your  papa ;  but  if  you  would  love  me  so  well  as 
to  take  the  trouble  upon  yourself,  I  had  much 
rather.  In  truth,  I  believe  in  the  Lord  Jesus 
Christ.  I  have  attended  your  papa's  ministry 
since  I  came  home,  and  I  have  suffered  much 
through  want  of  a  Christian  friend,  to  whom  I 
could  tell  all  that  is  in  my  heart ;  for  you  may 
suppose  I  am  very  ignorant." 

The  unveiling  of  her  soul,  with  that  genuine 
simplicity  and  humility  for  which  she  was  so  con- 
spicuous, that  followed  this  announcement,  was 
delightful  indeed.  Wq  were  still  talking  when 
my  father  returned.  The  introduction  was  at 
once  made.  I  was  about  to  leave.  She  requested 
me  to  stay.  I  explained  to  father  the  object  of 
her  visit ;  and  you  may  suppose  his  joy  to  find 
that  the  mysterious  lady  about  whom  he  had  felt 
60  much  was  Miss  T.,  the  Jewish  young  lady, 
whose  benevolent  visits  to  the  poor  around  her 
had  been  so  often  testified  by  their  blessings  and 
tears— that,  then,  it  was  Miss  T.  come  to  inquire 
respecting  Christianity.  Tears  came  into  her 
eyes  as  she  gratefully  marked  his  pleasure  j  a 
7* 


78  LEILA    ADA, 

long  converse  followed,  and  after  lunclieon  she 
departed.  And  though  after-circumstances  pre- 
vented us  from  having  much  intimacy  with  each 
other,  yet  they  permitted  a  little  ;  and  the  time 
thus  spent  I  shall  ever  cherish  as  one  of  the 
sweetest  remembrances  of  my  life. 

The  lady's  father  was  fully  satisfied  of  Leila's 
safety.  He  saw  that  she  had  indeed  passed  from 
death  unto  life.  This  he  told  her,  and  kindly 
described  to  her  the  error,  with  the  results  of  it, 
too,  which  injures  the  peace  of  many  a  devoted 
child  of  God — that  is,  connecting  enjoyment  with 
safety.  He  showed  her  the  simplicity  of  the 
feeling  which  Christ  requested.  She  was  only 
asked  to  use  the  act  of  faith  in  His  atonement  ; 
the  gift  of  the  Holy  Spirit  to  lead  her  into  all 
truth,  and  advance  her  into  God  was  His  own 
act.  For  this  additional  covenant  she  was  to 
ask,  and  wait  for  it  in  quiet  expectation  ;  but 
never  for  a  moment  allow  the  want  of  it  to 
damp  her  confidence,  or  cause  her  to  doubt  her 
acceptance. 


[Again  we  find  in  her  diary  :] — 

July  24th. — He  whose  name  is  the  Holy  One 
hath  done    great   and   wondrous   things  for  me. 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  79 

Each  morning  may  I  give  myself  up  entirely  to 
His  service,  and  renew  my  dedication  every  even 
ing.  Oh,  how  I  rejoice ;  how  I  bless  the  Lord 
my  Saviour,  Avhile  I  record  the  sweet  happiness 
He  constantly  vouchsafes  me.  Peace,  His  death- 
bequest,  is  mine.  Glorious  Emmanuel,  I  lovo 
Thee  !  Thy  cross  is  my  theme,  and  my  hopo 
of  the  endless,  unutterable  bliss  of  heaven.  To 
Thy  Holy  Name  be  glory,  blessing,  and  honour 
for  ever. 

Hitherto  Thou  hast  graciously  sustained  my 
heart  amidst  all  my  languor  and  inconstancy,  and 
enabled  me  to  go  forward  without  doubt  of  Thy 
assistance  ;  though  too  often  I  have  been  faithless, 
and  allowed  the  uncertain  future  to  depress  my 
Bpirit,  and  deprive  me  of  my  peaceful  repose  in 
Thee,  when  I  should  rather  have  been  occupied 
in  praising  Thy  love.  For  this  I  now  express 
unfeigned  sorrow,  and  my  hope  that  I  shall  have 
grace  to  do  so  no  more.  What  Thy  will  concern- 
ing me  is  I  soon  shall  know ;  and  oh  !  may  I, 
having  taken  Thee  as  my  strength  and  guide, 
never  act  so  dishonourably  as  to  sink  in  circum 
stances  of  less  trial  than  many  worldly  persons 
would  go  through  victoriously. 

I  am  writing  my  altered  views  in  a  letter  which 
I  intend  to  convey  to  my  dear  father  in  some  way. 
It  seems  to  me  the  best  mode  of  making  them 
known,  and  also  the  most  likely  to  inclhie  him  to 


80  LEILA   ADA, 

regard  me  favourably.  I  certainly  could  not  pre- 
serve my  memory  in  sufficient  command  to  say 
much  to  him  personally ;  this  effect  my  agitation 
would  produce,  even  if  he  were  willing  to  hear 
me  speak  at  length. 

And  oh,  my  Saviour  !  fail  me  not  in  that  trying 
moment  when  I  shall  he  spoken  to,  perhaps  in 
tones  of  sorrow,  by  that  belowed  parent,  for  whom 
I  have  always  blessed  Thee  with  much  joy,  and 
from  whom  I  have  been  accustomed  to  hear  only 
words  of  love  and  purest  endearment.  Oh,  my 
ftill  heart !  how  it  glows  with  intense  affection  for 
him.  He  is  a  beautiful,  a  lovely  papa.  If  he 
might  love  Jesus  !  Hov/  sweet  the  thought !  I 
will  yet  cherish  it.  My  dearest  Redeemer,  I 
thank  Thee  with  all  my  heart  for  the  happiness 
which  my  much-loved  papa  has  been  the  instru- 
ment of  shedding  over  my  life.  And  oh  !  when  he 
speaks  to  me,  let  the  efficacy  of  Thy  salvation  be 
proved  in  my  holy  calmness  and  obedience.  Do 
hear  me  in  this,  gracious  Lord  ! 

At  this  moment  I  make  a  renewed  determina- 
tion in  His  strength,  who  is  Almighty  to  save., 
that  I  will  surrender  myself  up  to  Him  more  fully 
than  I  have  yet  been  able  to  do.  I  will  endeavour 
to  press  forward  in  the  life  Divine  with  greater 
earnestness ;  I  will  pray  more  often,  more  con- 
stantly, that  I  may  drink  deeper  and  deeper  into 
the  Spirit  of  my  God.     Then  I  need  fear  no  evil 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  81 

no  temptaUon.  What  arc  these  to  mc  1  "  In 
the  world  ye  shall  have  tribulation  ;  but  be  of 
good  cheer,  I  have  overcome  the  world."  This  is 
the  victory  declared  by  the  Captain  of  my  salva- 
tion ;  I  will  trust  in  it,  and  enjoy  calmness  and 
repose.  He  will  ever  be  with  me.  His  name  is 
love.     All  His  footsteps  are  love. 

Indeed,  too,  I  should  take  much  courage  from 
the  thought  that  very  soon  this  rude  world  must 
pass  away  from  me  for  ever,  and  I  shall  rise  to 
my  sweet  immortal  home,  where  Jesus  lives  and 
reigns  in  every  spirit.  Oh,  glorious  thought !  It 
lifts  my  head.  In  that  region  of  cloudless  light 
and  love,  my  native  home,  my  soul  shall  shine 
with  unsullied  purity  for  ever,  and  my  peace  be 
deepened  with  eternity.  In  the  pernicious  at- 
mosphere of  earth,  I  see  everything  as  through  a 
glass,  dimly.  There  I  shall  see  all  things  as  they 
really  are,  and  know  even  as  I  am  known.  How 
sweet  that  holy  bliss  !  I  long  to  call  it  mine 
And  it  will  not  be  lonj?  in  cominj^*. 

Oh  !  what  a  lovely  thing  is  religion  !  What  a 
pure  and  never-failing  spring  of  happiness  ! 

Aug.  7th. — Now  that  the  inward  witness  of 
Christianity  pervades  my  soul,  I  find  it  an  irro 
futablo  proof  of  its  divinity.  If  there  Avere  no 
other  conviction  of  the  truth  of  its  ori<rIn  tliat  I 
could  obtain,  I  should  rest  utterly  satisfied — nay, 
more    than    satisfied.     I    could    desire    nothing 


82  LEILA   ADA. 

greater;  notliing  which  could  more  effectually 
resist  all  the  arguments  of  unbelief.  Oh  !  how  I 
am  blessed  !  I  rejoice  that  ever  I  was  created  tc 
enjoy  the  love  of  my  God.  Amazing  love  is 
Thine,  0  Father !  and  when  I  think  upon  it,  my 
heart  is  full  and  vibrates  with  gratitude  ;  for  then 
I  think  upon  Thy  greatness  and  beauty,  and  with 
this  comes  the  knowledge  that  all  Thy  glorious 
attributes  unite  to  assure  me  of  my  eternal  peace 
and  joy,  that  all  engage  to  produce  peace  in  my 
soul. 

If  such  is  the  glorious  inheritance  of  my  spirit, 
how  insignificant,  oh  !  how  mean  is  all  earthly 
grandeur,  and  even  earthly  devotion,  in  compari- 
son of  that  I  shall  one  day  be  permitted  to  witness 
and  to  share  !  What  bliss  !  what  glory  will  the 
children  of  God  then  possess.  We  shall  then 
receive  blessings  of  which  our  present  powers 
cannot  form  the  slightest  conception.  I  love  to 
think  of  that  holy  place.  I  shall  gladly  hear  the 
summons  which  calls  me  away  from  this  scene  of 
bitterness  and  strife. 

Vain  world !  what  hast  thou  to  offer  ?  Even 
thy  best  pleasures  are  more  elusive  than  the 
moonlight  shadow ;  but  those  I  seek  are  substan  • 
tial  and  eternal. 


"  Oh,  that  I  could  express  half  that  I  feel  of  love 
to  that  gracious  Being  who  has  kept  me  hitherto^ 


THE   JEWISH   CONVERT.  83 

and  led  me  from  my  deep  darkness  into  spiritual 
light.  I  have  not  yet  the  evidence  that  He  has 
pardoned  my  sins  through  the  blood  of  the  Atone- 
ment— through  my  Jesus,  but  I  earnestly  pray 
for  it ;  I  am  determined  to  agonize  for  it  in  simple 
faith.  I  know,  I  believe — oh,  yes  !  I  do  believe — 
that  Jesus  died  for  me.  I  thirst,  I  pant  for  the 
Spirit  of  adoption,  Avhereby  I  shall  be  enabled  to 
cry,  '  Abba,  Father.' 

"  0,  my  Father,  I  thank  thee ;  I  adore  and 
praise  Thy  holy  name,  that  Thou  hast  removed 
from  my  heart  that  dark,  impervious  veil  which 
so  long  separated  between  me  and  Thyself,  and  so 
between  me  and  the  source  of  all  happiness.  Now 
through  Thine  infinite  mercy,  I  behold  Thy 
glory,  Avho  art  full  of  grace  and  truth,  and  the 
form  and  comeliness  of  Him  who  is  altogether 
lovely,  even  the  Saviour  and  Preserver  of  my 
soul." 

*  #  «  #  • 

"  I  am  convinced  by  the  experience  of  every 
day  that  I  am  utterly  dependent  upon  Thee  for  all 
the  power  through  which  I  can  persevere.  Oh, 
continue  to  help  me  !  Give  me  Thy  present  as- 
sistance. Without  this  aid  from  Thee,  I  sink — I 
die.  Enable  me  to  rigorously  fulfil  all  the  means 
Thou  hast  prescribed  for  the  salvation  of  my  soul : 
and,  0,  do  Thou  bestow  the  blessings  which  Thou 
hast  promised  shall  attend  their  use.  Only  believe 


84  LEILA    ADA, 

and  all  tilings  are  possible ;  believe,  and  all  tbo 
fulness  of  the  blessings  of  the  Gospel  are  mine, 
Christ  Jesus  is  mine,  full  and  perfect  salvation — 
holiness  is  mine — and  the  blissful  fruition  of  holi- 
ness, in  the  enjoyment  of  God  for  ever  in  heaven 
is  mine —  all  are  mine  through  faith.  Lord,  I 
do  believe ;  help  Thou  my  unbelief.  Blessed 
Jesus,  my  hope  is  in  Thee !  take  up  Thy  abode 
m  my  heart ;  there  reign,  and  direct  my  every 
thought  and  act. 

"  Father,  forgive  my  manifold  sins  and  offences 
against  Thee  !  my  rest  is  on  Thy  mercy,  through 
the  atonement  of  my  Lord  Jesus  Christ.  Make 
me  a  temple  for  Thyself.  Be  near  me  in  the  hour 
of  temptation.  0,  be  with  me  in  the  future ; 
Thou  knowest  what  is  before  me  to  endure ;  but 
do  Thou  only  make  the  season  of  worldly  trial 
a  time  for  communications  of  Thyself,  and  I 
will  cheerfully  embrace  whatever  Thou  shalt 
appoint.  Lord,  hear  and  answer  my  petition ; 
increase  my  faith  and  my  humility,  and  make  me 
wholly  Thine,  through  the  merits  of  my  Saviour, 
Amen." 

And  in  a  very  little  time  after  this  she  was 
enabled  to  rejoice  in  the  God  of  her  salvation ; 
her  heart  was  fdled  with  joy  and  gladness,  and 
her  mouth  with  praise.  This  delightful  change 
took  place  while  receiving  the  sacrament  of  the 
Lord's   Supper,   after  having  been  dedicated  to 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT,  85 

God  ill  baptism.     In  her  diary  she  thus  refers  to 
it : — 

"  Bless  the  Lord,  0  my  soul,  and  never  forget 
this  day's  benefits  !  I  have  sealed  the  covenant 
— have  enlisted  under  the  banners  of  the  cross,  by 
receiving  the  ordinances  of  baptism  and  the  Lord's 
supper — but,  let  me  write  wliile  my  eyes  overflow 
with  tears  of  joy — my  gracious  Redeemer  has  mani- 
fested His  presence  to  my  suul,  lias  filled  me  with 
joy  and  peacG  qfhelieving.  That  blood  which  the 
Jews  have  imprecated  upon  themselves  and  their 
children,  has  been  showered  upon  me,  in  the  most 
abundant  and  unspeakable  mercies  ;  I  am  happy 
beyond  expression ;  I  do,  indeed,  rejoice  with  a 
joy  that  is  unspeakable  and  full  of  glory.  I  feel 
on  the  very  verge  of  heaven  ;  I  have  experienced 
a  glorious  elevation  of  soul — Christ  is  mine  and  1 
am  His.  Unspeakably  happy  conviction  !  Come 
unto  me  all  ye  that  fear  God,  and  I  will  tell 
you  v/hat  He  hath  done  for  my  soul  !  Eless 
the  Lord,  0  my  soul,  and  never  forget  this  day 'a 
benefits. 

"  It  is  a  solemn  season,  a  day  to  be  held  in 
everlasting  remembrance.  When  the  cup  was 
held  to  me  and  the  solemn  words  were  pronounced 
— '  The  blood  of  Jesus  Christ,  which  was  shed 
for  thee,  preserve  thy  soul  and  body  unto  ever- 
lasting life  !  Drink  this  in  remembrance  that 
Christ's  blood  was  shed  for  thee,  and  be  thankful 
8 


86  LEILA   ADA, 

— I  felt  tliat  my  God  was  reconciled  tlirotigh  tny 
Saviour's  death,  and  I  was  enabled  to  feed  upon 
Christ  in  my  heart  through  faith,  and  with 
thanksgiving. 

"  O,  my  Jesus,  help  me  now  to  persevere ! 
There  are  heights  and  depths  in  religion  which 
I  long  to  experience  :  my  soul  is  on  fire  with 
the  Divine  love.  Help  me  to  tell  to  all  what 
a  gracious,  what  a  mighty  Saviour  Thou  art 
May  no  motives  of  personal  comfort  induce  me  to 
gwerve  from  the  character  of  an  Israelite  indeed* 
in  whom  there  is  no  guile.  0,  that  Thou  wouldst 
give  me  Thine  assistance,  and  direct  me  by  Thy 
Holy  Spirit,  wldle  I  make  it  known  to  my  dear 
father  !  Do,  0  my  Saviour,  hear  my  prayer  for 
this,  and  to  Thee  I  will  give  all  the  glory,  now 
and  through  endless  ages.     Amen. 

"  I  bless  and  adore  Thee — Father,  Son,  and 
Holy  Ghost,  that  all  have  united  to  deliver  me 
from  my  guilt  and  bondage.  And  now,  0  God« 
my  heart  is  fixed  :  my  heart  is  fixed  to  live  in 
Christ.  Nothing  but  the  constant  indwelling  of 
Thyself  will  satisfy  my  soul.  0,  for  that  myste- 
rious and  incomprehensible  union  with  my  God 
which  shall  produce  in  me  mighty  faith,  ardent 
love,  lively  hope,  and  active  obedience.  Blessed 
be  God,  all  this  is  promised  !  I  believe  it.  Who 
shall  circumscribe  the  Holy  One  ?  He  can  so 
touch  the  heart  as  to  extirpate  sin,  and  save  with 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  87 

this  full  salvation ;  for  it  shall  be  my  never-ceas- 
ing prayer.  Lord,  enable  me  to  feel  myself  as 
nothing,  and  Thou  my  all.  Keep  me  in  the 
hollow  of  Thy  hand.  Prepare  me  for  all  Thy 
righteous  will,  for  I  have  given  up  all  my  soul 
and  body's  powers  fully  and  unreservedly  to 
Thee.  0,  accept  my  sacrifice  ;  enter  into  cove 
nant  with  me  and  ratify  it  in  heaven.     Amen." 

Leila's  baptism  was  an  interesting — a  singularly 
lovely  scene.  We  do  not  expect  ever  to  witness 
another  equally  affecting  on  earth.  It  was  our 
privilege  to  be  one  of  four  friends  who  at  her  re- 
quest waited  near  her  during  the  performance  of 
the  solemn  ceremony.  Arrangements  had  been 
made  to  prevent  the  gaze  of  inquisitive  and  idle 
curiosity,  by  ensuring  that  none  but  regular  mem- 
bers of  the  congregation  should  be  present.  At 
the  appointed  time  Leila  was  led  from  the  vestry, 
her  pure  countenance  having  in  its  expression 
more  of  heaven  than  of  earth.  Her  answers  to 
the  questions  were  made  in  a  calm  and  decided, 
but  weak  and  tremulous  tone  ;  for  she  was  bathed 
in  tears.  Indeed,  we  think  all  present  wept  with 
deep  emotion.  The  solemn  act  of  baptizing 
her  in  the  name  of  the  Triune  Jehovah  having 
been  performed,  the  minister  delivered  an  ex 
quisitely  touching  and  beautiful  address.  This 
finished,  the  sacrament  of  the  Lord's  supper  was 
administered  to  ail  present,    which   concluded  a 


88  LEILA    ADA, 

season  of  hallowed  and  lioly  influence  never  to  be 
forgotten. 

Having  herself  become  acquainted  with  the 
truth  as  it  is  in  Jesus,  she  wept  as  she  thought 
of  the  darkness  which  still  surrounded  her  dear 
father  ;  she  felt  that  her  Christianity,  and,  indeed, 
every  natural  feeling  was  involved,  if  she  made 
no  effort  to  induce  him  to  renounce  Judaism. 
But  how  was  she  to  proceed  1  To  obtain  an 
answer  to  this  question  cost  her  much  mental 
agony.  To  her  father  she  Avas  tenderly  devoted, 
and  she  knew  that  he  was  a  strict  believer  in  the 
faith  of  his  fathers  ;  and,  therefore,  all  the  pre- 
judices of  his  mind  would  be  strongly  against 
her  Christianity.  To  the  present  period  in  her 
life  he  had  never  once  spoken  to  her  with  a  look 
or  tone  of  displeasure,  and  she  had  at  no  time 
crossed  his  will,  nor  done  'anything  to  which 
he  would  not  give  permission ;  but  God  was  with 
her,  and  through  the  fortitude  of  Christian  prin- 
ciple, slie  Avas  enabled  to  dare  the  worst.  And, 
unquestionably,  if  we  reflect  a  moment  upon  the 
Jewish  character,  we  shall  perceive  that  she  had 
cause  to  fear  this  would  not  be  a  little. 

Of  the  means  taken  by  Leila,  she  thus  re- 
marks in  her  diary  : — 

"  I  have  this  night  laid  a  letter  on  my  father's 
dressing-table  ;  in  it  I  have  detailed  the  change 
which  has  taken  place  in  my  soul ;  in  it  I  have 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  8^ 

avowed  my  belief  in  Jesus  of  Nazareth,  and  the 
joy  and  peace  which  I  experience  in  believing. 
0,  that  it  may  do  him  the  good  I  ardently  pray 
for — that  it  may  lead  him  to  embrace  the  Gospel 
of  Christ.  I  have  committed  it  to  God  ;  I  leave 
it  in  Thy  hands,  0  my  Father ;  bless  it,  I  beseech 
Thee.  This  whole  night  do  I  intend  to  devote 
to  special  wrestling  with  Thee,  for  the  salvation 
of  my  dear  father. 

"  And  now,  I  beseech  Thee,  be  Thou  my  help- 
er. Choose  thou  for  me  my  future  portion  ;  be  my 
inheritance,  calm  my  agitated  spirit ;  have  I  not 
committed  the  event  to  Thee  1  0,  be  with  me  on 
the  morrow,  when  I  shall  be  questioned  respect- 
ing the  hope  that  is  in  me  ;  do  Thou  be  veri/ 
present  with  me,  and  enable  me  to  speak  as  be- 
comes a  temple  of  the  living  God.  May  I  be  saved 
from  bringing  any  disgrace  or  disrepute  upon  the 
religion  of  Jesus — that  Divine  cause  which  now 
possesses  my  heart.  May  my  feet  be  firmly  fixed 
upon  the  rock  Jesus  Christ ;  and  then,  whatever 
shall  occur,  whether  I  live  or  die,  I  shall  be  happy 
— for  I  shall  be  the  Lord's. 

"  It  is  with  gratitude  I  record  that  my  soul  is 
impressed  with  a  sense  of  the  Divine  presence  and 
love.  I  can  rejoice  in  the  blessed  conviction  that 
my  beloved  is  7nine,  and  I  am  His  / — I  have  a 
present  salvation.  Blissful  hopes — animating  pros- 
pects arc  before  me.  Whatever  results  happen  to 
8* 


90  LEILA   ADA, 

me,  temporarily,  may  my  soul  hut  enjoy  the  pre- 
sence of  God,  and  all  will  be  well.  O,  my  father, 
baptize  me  largely,  and  still  more  largely,  with  the 
hallowing  influences  of  Thy  Holy  Spirit ;  this  will 
renovate  my  nature,  and  cleanse  the  very  thoughts 
of  my  heart.  This  is  what  I  want — inward  holi- 
ness— to  be  holy  as  Thou  hast  called  me  to  be. 

"  Each  day  lays  me  under  increased  obligations 
to  dedicate  myself  entirely  to  the  service  of  my 
God  and  King,  and  I  find  the  blessed  effect  of  each 
morning  renewing  my  covenant  engagements  with 
God,  my  devotion  of  all  I  have,  and  all  I  am,  to 
Him.  I  desire  to  have  a  constantly  indwelling 
God.  Unspeakable  love  !  that  He  whom  the  hea- 
ven of  heavens  cannot  contain,  will  condescend  to 
come  and  take  up  His  abode  in  the  humble,  con- 
trite heart.  My  religion  calls  m^e  to  be  up  and  do- 
ing. My  time  is  short ;  the  veil  which  separates 
me  from  eternity  may  soon  be  drawn  aside.  In- 
deed j  I  am  not  able  to  repress  a  serious  and  solemn 
foreboding  that  my  days  on  earth  will  not  be  pro- 
longed. How  important  that  I  should  prepare !  so 
that,  with  holy  calmness  and  composure  I  may 
await  the  momentous  summons.  If  I  am  always 
ready,  it  cannot  come  upon  me  unawares.  One 
with  Christ,  through  faith,  when  I  shall  hear  that 
*The  master  is  come  and  calleth  for  thee,'  I  shall 
then,  in  its  full  triumph,  be  enabled  joyfully  to  ex- 
claim, *  Even  KO,  come,  Lord  Jesus.'     I  am  really 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  91 

in  a  strait :  I  have  *  a  desire  to  depart  and  be  with 
Christ.' 

"  Ere  I  close  my  book,  I  again  pray  Thy  bless- 
ing, 0  my  Father  ;  bless,  0  bless,  I  beseech  Thee, 
the  confession  I  have  made  of  Thee,  and  give  me 
fitrength  according  to  my  need.     Amen." 


CHAPTER  VII. 

Leila's  letter  to  her  father. 

The  letter  to  wliicli  Leila  refers,  ^ye  shall  give  in 
full ;  it  breathes  with  filial  piety  and  love,  and  in 
at  once  a  fine  proof  of  her  good  sense,  and  ar 
ornament  to  the  religion  she  professed  : — 

"  My  very,  veri/  dear  Father, 

"Do  you  love  me  ?  0,  how  plainly  I 
hear  you  say, '  How  can  my  dear  daughter  ask  me 
this  question  t  Has  not  she  had  proofs  of  my  af- 
fection again  and  again  1  Does  she  not  know  that 
she  is  dearer  to  me  than  all  the  world  besides  V 
But,  my  very  dear  father,  do  you  love  me  1 — do 
you  love  me  1  Yes,  I  know  that  you  love  me — 
dearly  love  me ;  and,  my  dear  father,  I  love  you 
most  tenderly — most  deeply ;  so  as  no  language  I 
could  think  upon  could  describe  to  you;  and  I 
know  that  you  believe  that  I  do. 

Well,  then,  my  dear  father,  will  you  not  rejoice 
whilst  your  daughter  tells  you  of  the  goodness  of 
God  as  manifested  towards  her  —  a  poor,  sinful, 
guilty  creature  1  0  !  I  do  so  fear  you  will  distrust 
this  delightful  work,  and  yet  not  from  wilful  un- 
kindness  neither,  but  from  what  you  will  believe 
to  be  a  proper  nense  of  duty.    But,  my  dear  father, 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT,  93 

with  tears  of  joy  coursing  down  her  cheeks,  your 
Leila  tells  you  that  she  knows,  she  feels  all  her 
sins  are  forgiven  through  the  blood-shedding  of  Je- 
sus of  Nazareth.  0  !  be  mild  while  I  speak  turther, 
and  yet  I  am  faint,  and  my  hand  trembles  so  that 
I  can  scarce  go  forward. 

"  I  am  so  happy  ! — 0  !  my  dear  father,  if  you 
did  but  know  how  very  happy,  I  am  quite  sure  of 
this,  you  would  rejoice  with  me  ;  you  would  not 
hesitate  a  single  moment,  but  would  come,  as  you 
are  invited,  and  drink  largely  of  those  fountains 
of  bliss,  the  streams  whereof  make  glad  the  city 
of  God.  I  feel  that  God  loves  me,  and  that  I  love 
Him.  I  feel  that  I  am  His  child,  and  I  have 
through  grace  a  blissful  assurance  that,  saved  by 
my  blessed  lledeemer,  I  shall  see  Him,  and  be 
happy  in  His  presence  to  all  eternity.  And  will 
you  not  come  to  heaven,  too,  my  dearest  father  ? 

"  Do  not  suppose  that  I  am  mistaken,  or  that  I 
am  deceiving  myself.  0,  no  !  I  am  as  sure  that 
all  my  sins  are  forgiven  through  Christ  Jesus  as  I 
am  of  the  being  of  God  himself.  I  could  tell  you 
the  very  minute  when  I  first  received  this  convic- 
tion, and  was  enabled  to  rejoice  in  God  my  Sa- 
viour. And  if  you,  my  dear  papa,  would  in  this 
same  way  test  its  reality,  by  possessing  for  your- 
self a  knowledge  of  the  love  of  God,  it  would  alone 
bo  quite  sufficient  to  convince  you  of  the  truth  of 
the  Christian  religion.     When  under  the  influcnco 


94  LEILA    ADA, 

of  joy,  no  argument,  however  forcible  or  sophisti- 
cated, could  convince  you  that  sorrow  filled  your 
heart.  The  result  of  faith  in  Christ  is  j)eace  and 
joy  in  believing ;  to  this  my  experience  bears  tes- 
timony. What  further  proof  can  I  wish  that  its 
origin  is  divine  ?  I  do  not.  I  have  this  internal 
consciousness,  and  am  as  certain  of  it,  as  of  any- 
thing that  affects  my  external  senses. 

"  With  great  propriety  we  always  attach  im- 
portance to  a  remedy  that  has  been  tried,  and 
more  especially  too,  if  the  individual  recommend- 
ing it  has  personally  proved  it  to  be  efficacious, 
/once  was  very  unhappy.  Instead  of  submitting 
myself  to  the  righteousness  of  God,  I  was  going 
about  to  establish  my  own  righteousness.  At 
this  time  I  was  sunk  in  sin,  and  knew  not  where 
to  look  for  one  ray  of  comfort.  My  whole  soul 
hungered  for  food  my  religion  could  not  give; 
it  groped  in  its  deep  night  for  some  pillow  on 
which  to  repose  itself,  and  find  the  dawnings  of 
heaven,  but  all  was  in  vain  till  it  found  repose 
in  the  wounded  side  of  Jesus ;  and  here  may  I 
abide  for  ever  !  Allow  me,  then,  my  dear  father, 
in  the  fullest  filial  affection,  to  recommend  to  you 
this  remedy.  I  know  you  are  not  happy ;  you 
cannot  be  happy  as  you  are  at  present,  and  this  is 
the  only  cure,  and  it  is  the  never-failing  cure,  for 
a  weary  sin-sick  soul. 

'  I  need  not  tell  you  the  train  of  circumstances 


THE   JEWISH   CONVERT.  96 

which,  m  a  gracious  and  benignant  providence, 
God  used  to  produce  this  sweet  change — of  course 
you  will  understand  me  as  meaning  instru- 
mentally ;  to  God's  Holy  Spirit  alone  am  I  in- 
debted for  that  illumination  which  enabled  me 
to  see  His  way  of  salvation.  And  O,  it  is  so 
simple — only  believe  1  *  Whosoever  believeth  on 
Him  [that  is  Christ  J  shall  be  saved.'  Christ  is 
the  end  of  the  law  for  righteousness  to  every  one 
that  believes. 

"  But  the  proofs  that  the  Messiah  has  come,  and 
that  Jesus  of  Nazareth  is  the  Messiah,  are  num- 
berless, unmistakable,  and  positive.  Shall  I  go 
on  ?     I  must  hope  that  you  will  bear  with  me. 

"  The  law,  which  was  given  by  Jehovah  to 
Moses  upon  Mount  Sinai,  was  designed  for  that 
land  which  was  given  to  our  great  ancestor  Abra- 
ham, and  for  that  land  only,  for  it  cannot  be 
fulfilled  in  any  other;  therefore,  through  the 
dispersion  of  our  nation,  we  are  in  the  position 
of  a  people  who  have  a  law  given  to  them  by 
God  which  they  cannot  obey.  From  what  we 
know  of  the  Divine  government  v/e  are  sure  that 
it  cannot  consist  with  the  wisdom  and  character 
of  God,  that  this  shall  still  be  the  law  by  which 
we  are  governed. 

"  And  is  not  our  destitution  of  a  sacrifice  be« 
wailed  in  our  service  as  a  great  calamity?  In 
one  of  the  prayers  that  are  offered  on  the  Day 


96  LEILA    ADA, 

of  Atonement,  is  this  expression  :  *  Woe  unto 
us,  for  we  liavc  no  Mediator  ! '  And  to  make  up 
for  tliis  want  of  a  sacrifice  we  have  transgressed 
the  lav/  by  our  invention  of  rites  and  observances : 
a  course  expressly  forbidden. 

"  Then,  my  dear  father,  in  the  absurdities  of 
the  Mishna  and  Gemara — the  Tahnud — see  the 
consequences  of  man's  atteniptinj^  to  supply  the 
place  of  God's  law.  0  !  I  do  think  that  in  every 
sense  that  book  is  a  terrible  insult  to  the  Divine 
wisdom,  and,  therefore,  how  sinful !  If  it  had 
been  desired  to  hold  up  the  religion  of  the  Jews 
to  universal  contempt,  and  outrage  propriety, 
delicacy,  and  common  sense,  a  more  fitting  book 
than  the  Talmud  could  scarcely  have  been  de- 
vised. Moses  gave  no  intimxation  of  this  tradi- 
tionary or  oral  law — -of  this  interpretation  ot 
God's  written  law.  The  law  which  was  loritten 
and  laid  up  in  the  ark,  was  the  only  law  of 
which  he  spoke,  and  that  only  was  commanded 
to  be  read  in  the  ears  of  all  the  people. 

"  You,  my  dear  father,  are,  doubtless,  as  well 
acquainted  with  the  Mishna  as  I  am,  and,  there- 
fore, I  need  not  point  out  to  you — need  not  quote 
its  impurities,  nor  its  follies.  Indeed,  I  must  beg 
you  will  let  me  recal  a  part  of  what  I  have  just 
said;  for  some  of  them  I  could  not  read — you 
would  not  love  me  if  I  could.  But  how  impious, 
to  stigmatize  God  as  the  author  of  such  a  book ! 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  97 

"  The  Jews  declare  th<at  the  Mishna  contains 
God's  interpretation  of  His  law  ;  yet  this  interprt 
tatioii  is  so  obscurely  given,  that  it  requires  an 
interpretation  from  man. 

**  And  you  know  that  this  belief  in  the  childish 
tollies  and  foolish  observances  of  the  Talmud  has 
caused  an  almost  total  neglect  of  Moses  and  the 
Prophets ;  or,  when  they  are  read,  it  is  so  care- 
lessly and  cursorily  in  spirit,  that  Ave  never  un- 
derstand their  meaning.  Hence  we  are  involved 
in  a  fearful  darkness.  We  acknowledge,  and 
honour,  the  Scriptures  of  the  Old  Testament  as 
divine — so  do  the  Christians :  and  during  many 
centuries,  the  deep,  rational  study  of  the  Old 
Testament  Scriptures  has  been  confined  to  them 
solely,  or  very  nearly  solely.  Now,  my  dear  father, 
this  forms  to  us  a  powerful  presumptive  proof 
that  the  Scriptures  of  the  New  Testament  are  also 
divine ;  for,  as  the  Christians,  who  are  so  deeply 
acquainted  with  the  Old  Testament,  believe  in 
them  as  divine,  it  clearly  follows  that  they  can- 
not  be  hostile  books.  Indeed,  I  might  say  further 
than  this — that  the  Scriptures  of  the  New  Testa- 
ment have  led  them  to  study  those  of  the  Old 
Testament ;  and  the  result  is,  that  they  acknow- 
ledge both  as  the  written  Word  of  God,  for  they 
arc  agreed  together.  Can  we  say  as  much  of  our 
inane,  debasing  Talmud,  and  the  books  of  Moses 
and  the  Prophets  %  Beside,  what  man  knows 
9 


98  LEILA   ADA, 

muchi  of  the  enormous  Talmud  ?  and  lie  tliat  does 
know  much  of  it,  knows  this  likewise,  that  no 
mortal  can  ever  fulfil  the  law  as  set  forth  in  it. 
Who  then  is  safe  ?  Hence  it  is  that  the  Jew  looks 
beyond  the  present  life  with  terror  and  alarm ; 
hence  his  dread  of  death,  and  his  fear  that  in  the 
grave  he  will  be  beaten  by  the  Evil  One,  and 
suffer  other  terrors  too  numerous  to  mention ; 
hence  he  cannot  die  with  holy  confidence  and 
composure,  for  he  cannot  be  certain  whether  he 
shall  be  taken  to  heaven  or  not.  11.  Inani  on  his 
death-bed,  confessed  and  said,  *  that  he  did  not 
know,  whether  he  should  be  happy  or  miserable.* 
Once,  too,  my  dear  father,  like  the  rest  of  our 
nation,  I  was  unhappy  and  in  doubt,  and  knew 
not  where  to  turn  for  comfort ;  But  now,  through 
my  Redeemer,  I  am  very  happy,  for  I  have  found 
the  place  of  rest  and  calm  repose ;  and  this  can 
be  found  in  no  other  way  but  by  resting  the  soul 
upon  the  atonement  of  Jesus. 

"  Before  this  I  might  have  said  that  unques- 
tionably the  law  of  Moses  is  not  perfect,  inasmuch 
as  it  leaves  some  sins  without  an  atonement ;  but 
this  is  to  teach  us  to  look  forward  beyond  the  typo 
to  the  great  antitype — even  the  Messiah. 

**  All  our  nation  and  all  Christians  believe  that 
the  Old  Testament  writings  give  promise  of  a 
Redeemer,  who  will  save  His  people  from  their 
sins.     The  prophecies  in  reference  to  this  are  most 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  99 

explicit,  so  that  if  we  will  diligently  study  tliem, 
with  a  prayerful  dependence  upon  Divine  aid,  I 
do  not  see  that  we  can  be  easily  mistaken  as  to 
His  person.  A  history  of  the  promised  Deliverer's 
life  is  given  :  the  manner  of  His  death,  His 
empire,  the  time  and  circumstances  of  His  birth, 
and  other  particulars  are  clearly  written.  Let  us 
see,  my  dear  father,  if  Jesus  of  Nazareth  be  not 
the  Messiah,  and  if  we  can  prove  it  from  the  books 
of  the  Old  Testament,  will  you  not  then  believe  1 
O  !  you  must ;  I  must  be  sure  you  will ;  and  then 
you  and  your  child  will  glorify  God  together.  I 
pray  that  the  Lord  Jesus  will  grant  me  the  aid  of 
His  Holy  Spirit,  and  graciously  answer  my  peti- 
tions for  the  salvation  of  my  beloyed  father. 

"  The  Jews  admit  that  they  have  no  certain, 
definite  knowledge  of  the  time  of  the  Messiah's 
appearing.  '  Hope  deferred  maketh  the  heart 
sick.'  '  Our  eyes  fail  while  we  wait  for  our  God,' 
was  anciently  the  language  of  our  people.  The 
hope  of  Israel,  the  Saviour  thereof  in  time  of 
trouble,  they  know  not.  Hence  they  have  ever 
been  liable  to  deception,  and  again  and  again  they 
have  been  bitterly  disappointed.  That  there  was 
a  general  and  strong  expectation  of  the  Messiah 
at  the  time  that  Jesus  of  Nazaretli  appeared,  is 
evident  by  the  numbers  of  well-informed  and 
learned  men  who  received  him  ;  and  who  were 
so  convinced  of  tlie  truth  of  what  they  saw  and 


100  LEILA    ADA, 

heard,  tliat  tliey  willingly  suffered  the  most  cruel 
martyrdom  for  His  sake. 

*'  But  the  Jews  themselves  likewise  expected 
Him  at  this  period.  This  is  especially  testified 
by  the  heathen  writers,  Suetonius  and  Tacitus  ; 
and  a  reference  to  Josephus,  our  own  historian, 
proves  that  from  their  hope  of  deliverance  by  the 
Messiah  proceeded  their  desperate  resistance  of 
the  Roman  powfer.  Under  every  misfortune  of 
their  country,  they  still  clung  to  this  hope,  and 
more  and  more  earnestly  as  its  calamities  increased. 
They  were  buoyed  up  by  it  during  the  miseries  of 
the  most  dreadful  siege  which  history  records — 
that  of  Jerusalem.  And  we  are  told  by  Josephus, 
that  on  the  day  upon  which  the  city  was  taken, 
the  poor,  infatuated  people  were  persuaded  by  a 
false  prophet  to  ascend  the  battlements  of  the 
temple  with  the  expectation  that  they  would  there 
receive  miraculous  signs  of  their  deliverance. 

"  And  that  Jesus  was  the  Messiah  is  confirmed 
by  the  sufferings  of  the  early  Christians.  Their 
belief  in  Jesus  was  not  a  mere  matter  of  opinion, 
it  related  to  matter  oi  fact.  We  certainly  know 
whether  we  see  a  person,  or  do  not  see  him ;  we 
certainly  know  whether  we  see  anything  wonder- 
ful, or  do  not  see  it.  The  first  Christians  united 
to  assert  a  series  of  miraculous  and  astonishing 
facts  ;  they  were  convinced  of  what  they  saw, 
and  rather  than  compromise  or  deny  the  truth, 


THE    JEWISH    CO^'VERT.  101 

they  submitted  to  the  most  horrible  sufiferings, 
and  the  most  cruel  oppressions.  These  they 
endured,  not  for  a  short  time  merely,  but  through 
a  long  course  of  years.  But  they  had  seen  the 
miracles  of  Jesus,  and  had,  also,  seen  Him  after 
His  resurrection  from  the  dead ;  for  *  he  was  seen,' 
says  St.  Paul,  *  of  Cephas,  then  of  the  twelve 
[apostles],  after  that  he  was  seen  of  above  Jive  hun- 
dred hrcthren  at  once,  of  whom  the  greater  part 
remain  unto  this  present.'  Now  supposing  the 
btory  were  false,  would  St.  Paul  have  dared  to 
make  such  an  assertion,  and  mention  in  connection 
with  it  a  host  of  witnesses,  who,  as  he  declares, 
still  lived,  and  might,  therefore,  have  come  for- 
ward and  contradicted  this  statement. 

"  Then  the  accounts  of  the  Christians  by  heathen 
writers  agree  as  to  sufiferings  and  numbers  with 
those  accounts  we  have  in  the  Scriptures.  I  extract 
the  following  passage  from  Murphy's  Tacitus  :  *  In 
order  if  possible  to  remove  the  imputation  [of 
ordering  Rome  to  be  set  on  fire],  he  determined 
to  transfer  the  guilt  to  others.  For  this  purpose 
he  punished  with  exquisite  tortures  a  race  of  men 
detested  for  their  evil  practices,  by  vulgar  appel- 
lation commonly  called  Christians.  This  name 
was  derived  from  Christ,  who  in  the  reign  of 
Tiberius  suffered  under  Pontius  Pilate,  the  pro 
curator  of  Judea.  They  were  put  to  death  with 
exquisite  cruelty,  and  to  their  sufferings  Nero 
9* 


102  LEILA    ADA, 

added  mockery  and  derision.  Some  were  covered 
with  the  skins  of  wild  beasts  and  left  to  be  devoured 
by  dogs  :  others  were  nailed  to  the  cross,  numbers 
were  burnt  alive  ;  and  many,  covered  over  with 
inflammable  matter,  were  lighted  up,  when  the  day 
declined,  to  serve  as  torches  during  the  night/ 
Now,  although  it  was  shameful  to  misrepresent 
the  conduct  of  such  a  suffering  people,  yet  Tacitus' 
testimony  is  valuable ;  and  not  the  less  valuable 
because  he  was  a  heathen  and  an  enemy  to  the 
Christians.  It  proves  that  Jesus  suffered  under 
Pontius  Pilate  ;  and  that  within  thirty-one  years 
after  His  crucifixion,  there  were  great  numbers  of 
Christians  in  Rome,  as  Avell  as  in  Judea ;  and  that 
for  their  belief  in  Christ  they  were  called  to 
endure  most  fearful  sufferings.  All  these  beauti- 
fully agree  with  the  accounts  we  have  in  the 
Scriptures. 

"  But  now  that  the  Jews  have  rejected  the  true 
Messiah,  they  are  ever  liable  to  imposture,  for  they 
cannot  calculate  the  time  for  His  appearing  ;  thus 
at  a  loss,  they  have  always  been  ready  to  grasp  at 
any  shadow.  It  has  been  so  from  the  time  of  the 
impostor,  Bar  Cozab,*  to  that  of  Napoleon  Buona- 

*  "We  extract  the  following  note  from  Leila's  corres- 
pondence. "  In  the  second  century  of  the  Christian  era, 
the  Jews  scattered  over  the  whole  Roman  empire  rose  in 
rebellion.  Their  leader  in  the  province  of  S3-ria  waa 
Cozab,  who  represented  himself  to  be  the  Messiah,  and  in 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  lOci 

parte ;  and  so  far  have  they  now  lost  all  pretension 
to  a  knowledge  of  the  true  time  for  His  appearing, 
that,  embittered  by  frequent  disappointment,  they 
have  uttered  the  dreadful  anathema,  *  Cursed  be  he 
that  shall  calculate  the  time  !'  Yet  is  the  period 
for  the  Messiah's  appearance  most  clearly  marked 
out  in  Scripture.  Why  are  our  nation  sceptical 
in  reference  to  the  prophet  Daniel's  inspiration  ? 
Simply  because  it  is  Daniel  who  most  unmistak- 
ably defines  the  time  of  the  Deliverer's  appear- 
ance ;  and,  if  Daniel  be  true,  that  is,  if  he  be 
inspired,  they  have  a  deep  conviction  that  the 
period  is  past.  Therefore,  it  is,  that  they  have 
removed  him  from  his  place  in  this  "7^^,  and  made 
him  one  of  the  writers  of  the  tD'^iltlD'  ^^^  ^^* 
one  of  the  0'^i^*'!!lD- 

"  And  who  and  what  the  Messiah  is  to  be,  the 
Jews  profess  to  know  not,  except  that  they  declare 
to  us  one  thing,  *  He  is  to  deliver  them  from  their 

this  lie  was  supported  by  a  celebrated  Rabbi  named 
Akibah.  This  Cozab  persecuted  the  Christians,  struck 
medals,  and  pretended  to  work  miracles.  He  was  crownej 
King  of  the  Jews  at  Bether,  and  he  then  assumed  the  nam* 
Bar  Cozab,  or  son  of  a  star.  The  Emperor  Adrian  sent 
Julius  Severus  to  quell  the  rebellion.  He  completely  sub- 
dued the  rebels,  took  fifty  fortified  places,  destroyed  very 
nearly  one  thousand  towns  and  villages,  and  sle'V  m  various 
engagements  about  580,000  Jews.  Embittered  by  the  ter- 
rible consequences  of  his  pretensions,  the  Jews  afierwarda 
designated  this  false  Messiah  Bar  Cozba^  or  »on  of  a  lie.'* 


104  LEILA   ADA, 

afflictions,  and  give  them  in  reversion,  Joj,  tem- 
poral dominion  and  prosperity,  and  the  triumphant 
possession  of  their  own  land/  I  will  notice  this 
belief  again  directly.  *  When  the  Messiah  comes,' 
they  say,  *  He  will  manifest  His  claims,  and  make 
His  mission  altogether  plain.'  How  are  they  to 
judge  of  these  claims,  but  according  to  their  agree- 
ment with  the  prophecies  1  How  would  they  have 
ever  known  that  any  Messiah  should  be  given, 
except  God  had  promised  Him  1  And  has  God 
declared  no  means  by  which  He  was  to  be  known  I 
Has  He  said  nothing  about  Him  ;  what  He  is  to 
be  ;  hoAV  we  are  to  be  certified  of  Him  ;  whether 
He  is  to  be  a  Gentile  or  a  Jew  1  Yes  :  they  know 
something  of  this,  from  the  predictions  of  the  Scrip- 
tures ;  they  know  that  He  is  to  be  a  Jew ;  and 
they  profess  further,  that  they  know  enough  to  be 
able  to  declare  that  Jesus  of  Nazareth  was  an 
impostor  rind  blasphemer.  Why  do  they  not  study 
all  that  can  be  known  by  the  prophecies ;  and 
having  studied,  why  do  they  not  declare  to  the 
world  all  that  can  be  told  about  the  Messiah  ;  so 
that  the  Christians  may  compare  the  Messiah  in 
whom  they  believe,  with  the  one  whom  the  Jews 
expect,  according  to  the  Scriptures ;  so  that  the 
Jews  may  be  able  to  say,  *  This  is  a  picture  of  the 
promised  Messiah  ;  a  history  of  His  life,  acts,  death 
and  sufferings,  as  drawn  from  the  unerring  standard 
of  Scripture.     Judge  ye  between  us  this  day  1'— 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  306 

Why  should  they  hesitate  to  do  this  ?  The 
Christians  are  ever  ready  to  bring  into  light  their 
multitudinous  proofs  that  the  Jesus  in  whom  they 
believe  is  the  Messiah,  the  promised  Son  of  God. 
But  if,  for  a  moment,  we  suppose  that  He  is  to 
come,  how  are  the  Jews  to  know  him  ?  They 
neglect  the  reading  of  the  only  book  which  tells 
of  Him  ;  then  how  shall  they  know  Him  ?  Even 
should  a  mighty  conqueror  appear,  it  could  be  no 
proof  that  he  is  the  Messiah,  any  more  than  the 
conquests  of  Alexander,  or  Caesar,  or  Judas  Mac- 
cabeus, or  Buonaparte,  could  prove  them  to  be  the 
expected  Deliverer.  And  even  if  one  should  come 
and  work  miracles,  he  must  be  brought  to  the  test 
of  the  Scriptures.  This  our  nation  admit ;  then, 
why  do  they  not  study  them  ?  They  also  admit 
another  Scriptural  definition  of  who  He  is  to  be  : 
*  He  is,'  they  say,  *  to  be  the  son  of  Abraham,  and 
Judali  and  David.*  But,  if  He  were  to  come  now 
tliat  the  genealogies  are  lost,  by  what  means  could 
the  descent  be  proved  1  It  is  a  visionary  and  idle 
theory  to  suppose  that  Messiah  will  miraculously 
restore  the  genealogies.  This  inane  supposition 
lays  our  nation  open  to  imposture  and  forgery  in 
this  very  particular.  It  is  essential  to  the  very 
nature  of  genealogical  proofs  that  they  be  trans- 
mitted from  age  to  age  through  all  posterity.  If 
the  Messiah  were  to  restore  these  registers,  they 
would  neither  be  genealogical  proofs;  nor,  indeed, 


10$  LEILA    ADA^ 

any  proof  at  all  of  His  descent.  If  He  were  dis- 
tinctly seen  to  create  such  records,  it  would  prove 
that  He  had  performed  a  miracle — nothing  more ; 
it  would  be  just  as  availing  that  He  testified  His 
descent  by  some  other  miracle.  I  speak  reverently , 
1  can  think  of  no  miracle  which  the  Messiah,  if  He 
be  not  come,  could  now  perform,  that  could  be  to 
man  a  test  that  he  had  descended  from  Abraham, 
and  Judah,  and  David.  To  restore  our  genealogies 
would,  in  the  opinion  of  man,  bear  the  character 
of  fraudulent  evidence  -,  and,  therefore,  it  would 
not  be  such  as  God  would  ask  of  Him  to  believe. 
In  God's  dealings  with  mankind  He  universally 
appeals  to  the  exercise  of  their  judgment,  and> 
according  to  this  judgment  does  He  suit  all  con- 
viction by  means  of  miracles.  He  makes  His 
proofs  so  plain,  so  clear,  so  direct  to  the  reason^ 
that  man  cannot  avoid  conviction,  unless  He  deter- 
minedly oppose  himself  to  the  truth.  When 
Jesus  made  His  appearance  upon  earth  he  did  not 
ask  men  to  take  it  for  granted  that  He  was  the 
Messiah  because  He  declared  himself  to  be  so. 
No  ;  He  exhibited  miraculous  signs  ;  and  of  what 
character  ?  Were  they  of  a  kind  which  might  be 
forged ;  was  it  possible  that  they  could  be  sur- 
reptitiously performed ;  or,  after  all,  according  to 
human  judgment,  would  they,  as  proofs,  be  regarded 
as  inconclusive  1  O,  no  :  to  the  commonest  reason, 
they  were  palpably,  clearly  Divine.    Were  they 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  107 

aot  1  To  walk  upon  the  sea ;  to  restore  the 
blind ;  to  raise  to  life  the  dead ;  to  heal  the  sick 
by  a  word  ;  to  calm  the  fury  of  the  tempest,  &c. ; 
can  there  be  any  doubt  that  these  were  exercises 
of  Divine  power  ?  Indeed,  our  Saviour  appeals  to 
the  judgment  of  the  multitude  ;  *  If  I  do  not  the 
works  of  My  Father,  believe  Me  not  !' — I  ask  not 
that  ye  shall  believe  My  Divinity,  except  as  I 
prove  it  to  you  by  My  acts.  Of  this  kind  would 
be  His  language  in  reference  to  our  genealogies : 
"  If  it  cannot  be  proved  by  your  own  registers  that 
I  am  the  son  of  Abraham,  and  Judah,  and  David, 
believe  it  not.' 

'*  But,  as  the  prediction  that  He  vras  to  be  the 
Son  of  Abraham,  and  Judah,  and  David,  is  ex- 
plicitly written  in  the  Scriptures,  it  follows, 
clearly,  that  his  appearance  was  to  take  place 
while  His  descent  could  be  proved  by  our  registers. 
Therefore,  here  again  is  powerful  evidence  that 
He  has  appeared ;  and  here,  I  say,  too,  that  this 
prediction  is  fulfilled  in  the  person  of  Jesus  of 
Nazareth.  He  was  proved  by  our  genealogies  to 
be  lineally  descended  from  Abraham,  and  Judah, 
and  David. 

"  I  just  now  observed,  that  our  people  expressly 
believe  that  a  part  of  the  Messiah's  office  is,  that 
He  shall  be  a  temporal  deliverer.  If  this  belief 
bo  a  correct  one,  my  dear  father,  it  would  show 
just  this — that,  on  the  coming  of  the  Messiah,  He 


108  LEILA   ADA, 

would  find  them  in  a  condition  wMcli  needed 
temporal  succour.  And  was  not  their  position  at 
the  appearance  of  Jesus  one  which  needed  help  ? 
Were  they  not  suffering  intensely  from  the  galling 
yoke  of  their  Roman  masters :  from  the  severe 
government  of  Herod,  the  deputy  sovereign  under 
Caesar?  *Yes,'  they  will  answer,  *and  if  this 
Jesus,  of  whom  you  speak,  were  the  Messiah,  we 
should  have  been  delivered  from  this  tyranny  1' 
How  can  you  tell  what  he  would  have  done,  had 
you  believed  upon  Him  ?  The  prophet  describes 
the  Messiah  as  first  to  suffer,  and  then  to  conquer ; 
and,  from  this  very  prophecy,  the  Jews  have 
thought  fit  to  invent  what  I  may  call  a  twofold 
Messiah — Ben  Joseph  the  Sufferer  and  Ben  David 
the  Conqueror.  He  is  to  be  a  conqueror — but  in 
what  way]  Is  it  not  in  this? — That  all  His 
enemies  shall  be  put  under  His  feet :  that  all  His 
foes  shall  be  bruised  and  made  His  footstool? 
And  were  not  all  the  promises  of  deliverance  made 
to  His  friends  ?  Were  not  temporal  blessings,  in 
abundance,  promised  to  these,  and  shame  and  con- 
fusion to  his  enemies  ?  Undoubtedly.  Evidently 
it  was  thus  understood  by  Zacharias,  the  father 
of  John  the  Baptist.  This  fully  appears  in  his 
beautiful  and  prophetic  song,  in  reference  to  the 
birth  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ:  'Blessed  be  the 
Lord  God  of  Israel,  for  He  hath  visited  and  re- 
deemed His  people;  as  he  spake  by  the  mouth 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  109 

of  His  lioly  prophets,  which  have  been  since  the 
H'orld  began :  that  we  should  be  saved  from  our 
enemies,  and  from  the  hand  of  all  that  hate  us; 
to  perform  tlie  mercy  promised  to  our  fathers,  and 
to  remember  llis  holy  covenant ;  tlie  oath  which 
lie  sware  to  our  father  Abraham,  that  He  would 
grant  unto  us,  that  we,  being  delivered  out  of  the 
hand  of  our  enemies,  might  serve  him  without 
fear,  in  holiness  and  righteousness  before  Him, 
all  the  days  of  our  life.' 

"  And  those  who  rejected,  blasphemed,  insulted, 
and  crucified  the  Messiah,  cauld  it  be  expected 
that  He  would  grant  such  heinous  sinners  tern 
poral  deliverance?  That,  at  about  the  period 
of  the  coming  of  Jesus,  the  Jews  were  a  most 
iniquitous  nation,  is  proved  by  the  testimony  of 
Josephus ;  so  wicked,  that  he  observes,  *  If  God 
had  not  sent  the  Romans  as  His  executioners,  the 
earth  would  have  opened  and  swallowed  us  up.' 
What  a  dreadful  place !  And,  doubtless,  the  most 
crying  evil  of  these  people  was  their  rejection  and 
treatment  of  Jesus  Christ  the  Son  of  God.  How 
could  such  sinners  expect  deliverance?  Did  not 
Jesus  weep  and  lament  over  Jerusalem,  while  he 
foresaw  the  punishment  which  would  descend  upon 
it,  and  the  calamities  which  would  befal  it,  for 
putting  Him  to  death?  Listen,  my  dear  father, 
to  the  thrilling  passage,  as  I  copy  it  from  the 
Gospel  of  St.  Luke ;  and,  0  that,  by  the  aid  of 
10 


110  LEILA   ADA, 

the  Holy  Spirit,  it  may  sink  deep  into  your  heart, 
is  your  loving  daughter's  prayer:  'And  when 
He  [Jesus]  was  come  near,  He  beheld  the  city 
[Jerusalem]  and  wept  over  it,  saying,  If  thou  hadst 
known,  even  thou,  at  least  in  this  thy  day,  the 
things  which  belong  unto  thy  peace !  but  now  they 
are  hid  from  thine  eyes.  For  the  days  shall  come 
upon  thee,  that  thine  enemies  shall  cast  a  trench 
about  thee,  and  compass  thee  round,  and  keep 
thee  in  on  every  side,  and  shall  lay  thee  even  with 
the  ground,  and  thy  children  within  thee ;  and 
they  shall  not  leave  in  thee  one  stone  upon 
another !  because  thou  knewest  not  the  time  of  thy 
visitation.''  What  a  solemn  subject  for  deep 
thought  is  this  passage !  How  signally  was  it 
fulfilled! 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

Leila's  letter  to  hek  father  continued. 

"  Do  you  ask  me  what  deliverance  Jesus  wrought 
out  for  His  friends — for  those  who  believed  on 
Him  1  Did  he  not  deliver  them  from  those  awful 
calamities  and  sufferings  which  overwhelmed  those 
who  crucified  Him  ?  Most  certainly :  He  promised 
that  He  would  do  so.  Permit  me,  my  dear  father, 
to  transcribe  the  passage.  It  is  in  St.  Luke's 
Gospel :  '  And  as  some  spake  of  the  temple,  how 
it  was  adorned  with  goodly  stones  and  gifts,  He 
said,  As  for  these  things  which  ye  behold,  the  days 
will  come,  in  the  which  there  shall  not  be  left  one 
stone  upon  another,  that  shall  not  be  thrown 
down.  Nation  shall  .rise  against  nation,  and  king- 
dom against  kingdom :  and  great  earthquakes 
shall  be  in  divers  places,  and  famines,  and  pesti- 
lences; and  fearful  sights,  and  great  signs  shall 
there  be  from  Heaven ;  but  there  shall  not  a  hair 
of  your  head  perish.  And  when  ye  see  Jerusalem 
compassed  with  armies,  then  know  that  the  deso- 
lation thereof  is  nigli.  Then  let  them  which  are 
in  Judea  flee  to  the  mountains;  and  let  them 
which  are  in  the  midst  of  it  depart  out;  and  let 
not  them  that  are  in  the  countries  enter  thereinto.' 


112  LEILA    ADA, 

He  promised  his  disciples  tliat  'not  a  hair  of 
their  heads  should  perish;'  and  this  promise  He 
(jilfilled.  He  warned  them  of  the  terrible  events 
which  were  to  happen,  and  that  when  they  saw 
Jerusalem  compassed  with  armies,  they  were  to 
flee  to  the  mountains — to  depart  out  of  the  midst 
of  Judca.  The  disciples  obeyed  their  Lord,  and 
were  kept  amidst  the  desolating  scourge. 

"  In  reading  the  page  of  history  we  find  that,  in 
every  case,  nations  are  blessed  in  a  ratio  pro- 
portioned to  their  Christianity.  Mark  England! 
Christians  really  rule  the  world  with  a  power 
which  is  irresistible.  All  heathen,  idolatrous,  and 
unbelieving  nations  are  weak  and  helpless.  Look 
at  the  Jews !  they  are  quite  at  the  exercise  of  tho 
Christian  will.  And  at  the  Mahometans!  they 
are  impotent  as  their  religion  is  baneful  and  false. 
Just  so  of  the  Pagan  nations.  When  no  Jew 
could  approach  the  city  of  his  fathers,  a  Christian 
church  was  peacefully  flourishing  in  Jerusalem. 
Here,  my  dear  father,  it  might  not  be  out  of  place 
if  I  were  to  say,  that  you  must  not  suppose  that 
the  spirit  of  persecution  and  oppression  Avhich  has 
been  so  often  manifested  towards  the  Jews,  is  at 
all  sympathized  with  by  the  real  Christian.  Oh, 
no!  I  have  found  it  to  be  exactly  the  reverse. 
I  find  that  the  real  and  earnest  Christians  love  and 
honour  the  Jews,  as  the  nation  from  which  sprang 
the  Messiah;  as   the  penmen  of  the  Gospel;  as 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  113 

the  people  to  whom  it  was  first  delivered,  and  by 
whom  it  was  first  preached;  as  they  who  in  the 
first  a^es  of  Christianity  fonned  an  impregnable 
defence  of  the  Christian  religion ;  as  a  proof  of  the 
Gospel ;  and,  to  say  no  further,  as  their  brethren 
in  Christ,  He  being  the  great  centre — the  great 
salvation  both  of  Jews  and  Gentiles.  0,  I  always 
find  that  a  true  Christian  is  ready  to  acknowledge 
even  that  he  is  under  obligations  to  the  Jews 
which  he  can  never  repay.  Father  dear,  with 
tears  I  beg  of  you,  do  not  think  unkindly  of  the 
Christians — love  the  Christians;  they  very,  very 
ardently  love  the  Jews ;  and  they  are  such  a 
lovely  and  aU'ectionale  people  as  I  could  not 
describe ;  I  have  found  real  and  true  happiness 
among  them.  Their  hearts  are  knit  to  each  other : 
the  grief  of  one  appears  to  be  the  grief  of  all,  and 
rach  is  ready  to  sympathize  and  soothe  ;  indeed,  I 
could  not  have  imagined,  a  short  time  ago,  that 
Kuch  happiness,  such  union,  and  such  affection 
were  to  be  found  upon  the  eart'n.  It  is  a  reflection, 
faint,  certainly,  but  real,  of  that  feeling  which 
pervades  the  bosoms  of  the  spirits  in  celestial  bliss. 
(),  that  my  dearest  father  may  soon  partake  of  it 
too !  and,  then — but,  indeed,  I  must  not  think, 
how  happy  wc  shall  be. 

"  But  I  did  not  say  what  kind  of  Christians  they 
were  who  persecuted  the  Jews;  well,  I  scarcely 
need,  for  you  could  hnagine  for  yourself.     They 

10* 

41 


114  LEILA    ADA, 

were  dead  professors  of  Christianity,  and  perhaps 
not  that — the  last  indeed  is  ahnost  certain,  for. 
of  the  nations  called  Chnstlan,  the  great  bulk  is 
composed  of  men  making  no  profession ;  and  the 
number  who  really  and  genuinely  possess  tho 
faith  of  the  Gospel  are  very  few  indeed.  I  pray 
that  they  may  be  increased.  But  there  is  no 
salvation  for  an  unbelieving,  nominal  Christlan» 
any  more  than  for  a  rejecting  Jew. 

"  But  whither  am  I  wandering  '?  I  return,  and 
ask,  have  the  Christians  had  no  temporal  blessings 
conferred  upon  them  through  the  reception  of  the 
Gospel  1  God  has  fought  for  them  against  the 
mightiest  powers,  and  brought  them  ofiP  victorious. 
These  blessings  are,  however,  the  minor  blessings, 
compared  with  the  others  which  are  showered  upon 
thQ  subjects  of  the  Saviour's  kingdom. 

"  Yet  Israel  is  not  always  to  be  a  servant  and  a 
by-word  among  the  nations.  0  no  !  A  brighter 
day  is  to  dawn  upon  our  ancient  people  ;  a  day 
which,  by  their  conversion  to  Christianity,  shall 
recover  them  from  their  fallen  and  ruined  con- 
dition. This  is  clearly  expressed  in  Scripture. 
It  is  a  part  of  the  new  covenant  into  which  God 
has  entered  with  the  seed  of  Jacob  :  *  Behold  the 
days  come,  saith  the  Lord,  that  I  will  make  a  ncAr 
covenant  with  the  house  of  Israel,  and  with  the 
house  of  Judah  :  not  according  to  the  covenant 
that  I  made  with  their  fathers  in  the  day  that  1 


THE    JEWISH    CO.WERT  1 L^ 

took  tlicm  by  the  hand  to  bring  them  out  of  the 
land  of  Eg:ypt ;  which  my  covenant  they  brake, 
although  I  Avas  a  husband  to  them,  saith  the 
Lord  ;  But  this  shall  be  the  covenant  that  I  will 
make  v/lth  the  house  of  Israel.  After  those  days, 
saith  the  Lord,  I  will  put  my  law  in  their  inward 
parts  ;  and  will  be  their  God,  and  they  shall  be 
my  people.  And  they  shall  teach  no  more  every 
man  his  neighbour,  and  every  man  his  brother, 
saying.  Know  the  Lord  ;  for  they  shall  all  know 
me,  from  the  least  of  them  unto  the  greatest  of 
them,  saith  the  Lord ;  for  I  will  forgive  their 
iniquity  and  I  will  remember  their  sin  no  more." 
(Jeremiah  xxxi.  31 — 34.)  And  how  delightfully 
majestic  is  the  prophecy  of  Isaiah,  in  which  he 
tells  in  glowing  and  animated  terms,  of  the  glory 
of  the  church  in  the  universal  conversion  of  both 
Jews  and  G-entiles  :  *  Arise,  shine ;  for  thy  light 
is  come,  and  the  glory  of  the  Lord  is  risen  upon 
thee.  For,  behold,  the  darkness  shall  cover  the 
earth,  and  gross  darkness  the  people  :  but  the 
Lord  shall  rise  upon  thee,  and  his  glory  shall  be 
seen  upon  thee.  And  the  Gentiles  shall  come  to 
thy  light,  and  kings  to  the  brightness  of  thy 
rising.  Lift  up  thine  eyes  round  about  and  see  ; 
all  they  gather  themselves  togetlicr,  they  come  to 
thee  ;  thy  sons  shall  come  from  far,  and  thy 
daughters  shall  be  nursed  at  thy  side.  Then  thou 
ehalt  see,  and  flow  together,  and  thine  heart  shall 


116  LEILA    ADA, 

fear,  and  be  enlarged ;  because  the  abundance  of 
the  sea  shall  be  converted  unto  thee,  the  forces  of 
the  Gentiles  shall  come  unto  thee.'  (Isaiah  Ix. 
1 — 5.)  Turning  to  the  New  Testament  (bear  with 
me,  my  dear  father),  we  find  the  Apostle  St.  Paul, 
telling  us  the  same  glorious  truths,  and  also  of 
their  happy  c.nsequences.  *  If  the  fall  of  them, 
[the  Jewsj  be  the  riches  of  the  world,  and  the 
diminishing  of  them  the  riches  of  the  Gentiles^ 
how  much  more  their  fulness  ?  For  if  the  casting 
away  of  them  be  the  reconciling  of  the  world, 
what  shall  the  recei\^ng  of  them  be  but  life  from 
the  dead  ?  For  I  would  not,  brethren,  that  ye 
should  be  ignorant  of  this  mystery,  lest  ye  should 
be  wise  in  your  own  conceits,  that  blindness  in 
part  is  happened  unto  Israel,  until  the  fulness  of 
the  Gentiles  be  come  in.  And  so  all  Israel  shall 
be  saved.'  (Romans  xi.  12,  15,  25,  26.)  It  is 
beautiful !  Their  misery  and  suffering  have  been 
deep  and  intense,  but  proportioned  to  these  shall 
be  the  greatness  of  the  mercy  exercised,  and  their 
happiness  and  joy.  The  blindness  is  to  rest  upon 
Israel,  only  until  the  conversion  of  the  Gentiles, 
or,  as  the  meaning  probably  is,  all  Israel  shall  be 
saved — all  Israel  shall  be  grafted  in,  when  the 
fulness  of  the  conversion  of  the  Gentiles  is  come 
in,  or  is  coming  in.  And  all  the  nations  of  the 
earth  shall  rejoice  in  their  exaltation.  *  And  thou, 
O  tower  of  the  flock,  the  stronghold  of  the  daughter 


THE    JEWISH    COXVERT.  137 

of  Zion,  unto  tliee  shall  it  come  even  tlic  first 
dominion  ;  the  kingdom  shall  come  to  the  daughter 
of  Jerusalem.'  ....  *  Thou  art  my  servant,  O 
Isr<ael,  in  whom  I  will  be  gloriiied.' 

"  Yet  how  carnal  are  the  Jewish  expectations 
of  a  temporal  deliverer.  Is  this  the  spirit  mani- 
fested by  Abraham,  by  Isaac,  by  Jacob  ?  Did 
they  desire  earthly  prosperity  as  their  chief  good  ? 
Was  not  the  spiritual  glory  of  the  Messiah's  khig- 
dom,  that  upon  which  they  set  their  eye  of  faith  t 
0,  my  dear  ftither,  raise  your  views  from  things* 
temporal,  to  those  which  are  eternal.  Head  tlio 
sublimely  impressive  72nd  Psalm. 

"  But  why  has  such  gross  darkness  fallen  on 
the  Jewish  mind  %  AVhy  is  it  that  they  cannot 
recognise  the  Messiah  of  the  Scriptures  ?  Because 
they  have  abandoned  the  hope  and  faith  of  their 
pious  fath-rs  in  the  person  of  the  Messiah  ;  because 
they  have  wilfully  withdrawn  themselv(;s  from  the 
light  of  that  blessed  volume  by  v/liich  our  ances- 
tors love  to  test  the  purity  of  their  faith  and 
actions.  And  why  have  they  forsaken  the  Scrip- 
tures, and  reposed  themselves  upon  the  senseless 
and  absurd  fables  of  men  ?  Tlicij  have  rejccteil 
Jesus  of  Nazareth  ;  if  they  search  the  Scripture,  it 
hears  incontestiJAe  evidence  to  the  truth  that  lie  was 
the  Messiah — the  promised  Son  of  God.  It  i3  a 
test  by  which  their  religion  cannot  stand  a  trial. 
Then  may  God  early  arise,  and  by  His  powerful 


118  LEILA   ADA, 

Spirit  tecar  away  tlie  veil  wliich  blinds  our  people 
and  thus,  their  eyes  being  opened,  may  He  grant 
them  the  grace  of  repentance  for  their  guilt  and 
iniquity,  and  admit  them  to  the  participation  of 
the  glorious  blessings  of  His  salvation. 

"  In  the  Targum*  of  Onkelos,  we  find  Genesis 
xlix.  10 — a  passage  of  Scripture  to  which  Chris- 
tians appeal — rendered  thus  :  '  There  shall  not 
pass  away  one  exercising  dominion  from  the  house 
of  Judah,  nor  a  scribe  from  his  son's  sons  for  ever, 
until  Messiah  shall  come  ;  and  His  is  the  kingdom, 
and  to  Him  the  people  shall  hearken/  This 
proves  that  the  Messiah  has  come,  for  dominion 
has  passed  away  from  the  house  of  Judah. 

"  The  rabbis,  David  Kimchi,  Solomon  Jarchi, 
Levi  Ben  Gersom,  Aben  Ezra,  and  others,  among 
a  host  of  theological  works,  have  written  commen- 
taries upon  all  the  books  of  the  Old  Testament. 
Our  late  writers,  while  labouring  to  refute  the 
interpretations   of    Christians,   in    favour  of    the 

*  The  Targums  are  translations  of  the  Scriptures  from 
the  pure  Hebrew  of  the  original  into  a  Chaldaic  dialect. 
After  the  Bab3^1onish  captivity,  this  dialect  became  the 
national  tongue.  Some  of  the  Targums  are  entitled  to 
much  more  credit  tlian  others,  because  they  are  more 
ancient,  and  the  original  sense  and  signification  is  more 
strictly  and  literally  maintained  in  the  translation.  Others 
are  rather  commentaries,  with  which  fables  are  intermin- 
gled. The  Targum  of  Onkelos  is  held  in  the  greatest  esti- 
mation, on  account  of  its  antiquity. 


THE   JEWISH   CONVERT.  119 

Divinity  and  Messiahship  of  Jesus,  liave  contra- 
dicted their  predecessors.  They  themselves  have 
admitted  it.  David  Kimchi  wishes  to  apply  the 
second  Psalm  to  David  merely  ;  but  he  confesses 
that  the  words  "^^  "lp^!D  should  be  translated, 
*  Kiss  the  Son.'  He  further  confesses  that  our 
pious  forefathers  had  applied  this  Psalm  to  the 
Messiah,  and  goes  on  to  say,  *  If  the  Psalm  be 
interpreted  thus,  the  meaning  will  be  clear ;  though 
it  seems  more  likely  that  David  composed  this 
Psalm  concerning  himself,  as  we  have  explained.* 

"  And  now,  my  dear  father,  I  have  to  say  that 
the  accordance  between  the  prophecies  concerning 
the  Messiah,  and  the  record  of  the  life,  acts,  suffer- 
ings, and  death  of  Jesus  of  Nazareth,  as  given  by 
the  Evangelists,  is  perfect  and  complete,  and — • 
which  for  a  moment  I  had  let  slip — his  resurrection, 
too  ;  for  the  proofs  of  the  resurrection  of  Jesus  of 
Nazareth,  and  that  it  took  place  in  accordance  with 
the  prophecies,  are  clear,  conclusive,  and  beyond 
rational  contradiction.  Do  you  ask  me  if  I  can 
prove  that  in  Him  the  prophecies  are  accomplished  1 
I  must  emphatically  answer  *  yes  !'  for  the  coin- 
cidences are  multiplied,  precise,  minute. 

"  In  the  writings  of  David  and  Isaiah,  we  have 
a  series  of  predictions  which  foretell,  in  the  most 
emphatic  terms,  the  following  events  : — That  the 
Messiah  was  to  be  a  descendant  of  David  ;  that 
His  mother  was  to  be  a  vugin  ;  that  He  was  to  be 


120  LEILA    ADA, 

born  in  Betlileliem  ;  tliat  lie  was  to  be  of  bumble 
birtb,  and  witbout  external  recommendations  to 
public  notice  ;  tbat  be  was  to  reside  in  Galilee ; 
tbat  His  life  was  to  be  one  of  suffering  ;  tbat  He 
was  to  be  rejected  of  His  own  people  (tbe  Jews) ; 
tbat  He  was  to  be  betrayed  by  one  wbo  professed 
to  be  a  friend ;  tbat  He  was  to  be  treated  as  a 
malefactor  ;  tbat  He  was  to  be  mocked  and 
insulted  ;  tbat  be  was  to  display  lamb-like  meek- 
ness and  patience ;  tbat  He  was  to  be  put  to  a 
violent  dcatb,  yet  witb  tbe  appearance  of  justice; 
tbat  His  executioners  were  to  divide  His  apparel, 
casting  lots  for  His  vesture  ;  tbat  altbougb  put  to 
deatli  as  a  criminal,  He  was  to  be  interred  in  a 
rich  man's  tomb  ;  tbat  He  was  to  rise  from  the 
dead,  witbout  His  body  having  undergone  corrup- 
tion ;  and  that  He  was  to  leave  tbe  world,  and 
ascend  into  heaven.  Now,  my  dear  fother,  all 
these  prophecies  are  in  the  book  which  you  honour 
as  divine.  There  can  be  no  forgery,  for  they 
were  written  long  before  the  advent  of  Jesus.  It 
is  a  well  authenticated  fact,  that  long  before  the 
occurrence  of  the  events  described  in  the  Gospel 
narrative,  they  were  in  being,  not  only  in  the 
original  Hebrew,  but  in  a  Greek  translation  also. 
Will  you,  my  beloved  father,  take  the  Old  and 
New  Testaments  ;  then  comparing  tbe  inspired 
writings  of  David  and  Isaiah  with  the  no  less 
inspired  records  of  the  Evangelists,  you  will  be 


THE    JEWISH    CON'VERT.  121 

fully  assured  that  tlie  agreement  is  cx((ct,  precise. 
This  is  no  liyperbolical  writing — an  opinion  given 
upon  sonu'thing  I  wish  to  believe  ;  it  is  but  just 
and  properly  true.  Do,  my  dear  father,  prove  it 
tor  yourself;  read  the  Book,  and  you  will  be 
fully  satisfied,  that  all  the  particulars  contained  in 
the  prophecies  which  relate  to  the  advent  of  the 
Messiah,  are  accurately  fulfilled  in  the  person  of 
Jesus  of  Nazaretli.  At  least  then,  if  you  Avill  not 
do  this,  let  me  prevail  upon  you  to  read  St.  Paul's 
beautiful  Epistle  to  the  Hebrews.  It  cannot  do 
you  harm  ;  I  recommend  it  as  what  I  hope  will 
do  you  good  ;  and  you  enjoy  elegant  literature ; 
well,  believe  ine,  that  even  in  this  low  jense  it  is 
quite  a  rich  treat. 

"  And  I  am  not  alone  as  a  Jew  bringing"  against 
the  Jews  the  awful  charge  of  crucifying  the  Lord 
of  glory.  Among  their  own  writings  I  find  obser- 
vations by  wliich  they  substantiate  the  charge. 
In  one  of  their  works,  entitled  *  Yoma,'  they  ask 
the  question,  "  Why  was  the  second  temple 
destroyed  ?'  In  tlie  answer  to  it,  among  the  prin- 
cipal causes  given  is  this,  Q^p;  iHi^^^J  ^jS''^-*  ^ 
refer  them  to  the  69th  Psalm,  one  which  is  admitted 
by  Abcn  Ezra  to  be  prophetical  of  the  Messiah. 
*  They  hated  me  without  a  cause,'  is  charged  by 
our  Saviour  upon  His  enemies. 

*  Oil  aoc-ouut  of  the  hatred  without  cause. 


122  LEILA   ADA, 

"  jSTor  is  it  possible  that  the  Jews  can  be  alto- 
getlier  blind  to  the  curse  which  has  rested  upon 
our  nation  through  the  eighteen  hundred  years 
which  have  elapsed  since  the  crucifixion  of  Jesus. 
'  What  adequate  cause  can  be  assigned  for  our 
long  protracted  chastisement  V  is  one  of  their 
solemn  questions.  *  What  can  that  crime  be,  which 
was  committed  by  our  ancestors,  and  of  which  to 
this  day  we  have  not  repented  ?  Whatever  it  is, 
it  must  be  some  act  or  deed  of  a  most  atrocious 
character- — an  act  or  deed  in  the  approval  of  which 
we  have  steadfastly  persisted,  and  the  guilt  of  which 
we  have  obstinately  refused  to  acknovvdedge.' 

"  And  if  they  will  seriously  reflect,  they  cannot 
avoid  the  conclusion,  that  there  is  no  one  deed,  to 
which  in  all  ages  they  have  given  their  adhesion, 
except  the  crucifixion  of  Jesus.  With  that  event, 
too  (and  they  cannot  avoid  observing  it),  com- 
mences the  era  of  their  sufferings  and  distresses. 
Here,  what  is  related  of  Rabbi  Solomon  Marochan 
occurs  to  me  :  while  reflecting  upon  the  iniquities 
of  the  Jews,  he  said, '  The  prophet  Amos  mentions 
a  fourth  crime  for  which  we  have  been  in  our  cap- 
tivity— of  selling  the  Just  One  for  silver.  It 
manifestly  appears  to  me  that  for  selling  the  Just 
One  we  are  justly  punished.  It  is  now  one  thou- 
sand years  and  more,  and  during  all  this  time  we 
have  made  no  good  hand  of  it  among  the  Gentiles, 
nor  is  there  any  likelihood  of  our  ever  any  more 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  123 

turning  to  good.  Oh,  my  God  !  I  am  afraid  lest  the 
Jesus,  whom  the  Christians  worship,  be  the  Just 
One  whom  we  sold  for  silver.' 

''  In  A.  M.  558S,  the  Czar  of  Russia  issued  an 
imperial  ukase,  which  refused  to  permit  the  pre- 
sence of  the  religious  officers  of  the  Jews  in  his 
dominions — a  decree  replete  with  cruelty  and 
oppression.  In  consequence  of  this  act  an  address 
to  the  Jews  of  all  countries  was  draAvn  up  in 
London,  and,  I  believe,  published  there,  too. 
Doubtless,  my  dear  father,  you  recollect  this 
address,  and  the  circumstances  which  called  it  forth, 
perfectly  well.  I  will,  however,  select  from  it  one 
solemn  paragraph  :  *  These  precautions  manifest  a 
prevailing  spirit  which  should  alarm  the  Israelites 
of  all  countries  and  climes,  and  incline  us  to  arouse 
our  hitherto  too  dormant  feelings,  and  to  search 
our  ways,  that  so,  by  tracing  effects  to  their  causes, 
we  may  attempt  to  find  a  remedy  for  tlie  accumu- 
lated evils  which  have  befallen,  and  still  surround 
us  ;  and  that  we  may  acknowledge  the  justice  of 
our  Creator,  even  the  King  of  Israel,  and  own 
that  these  as  well  as  all  the  other  chastisements 
which  have  been  heaped  upon  our  devoted  heads, 
are,  as  it  respects  the  Almighty,  merited  by  the 
sins  of  ourselves  and  our  forefathers,  as  denounced 
by  our  lawgivers  and  prophets.'  And  oli  !  that 
Israel  may  enter  into  the  spirit  of  this  address — 
that  they  may  begin   that   deep   and    prayeifuj 


124  LEILA    ADA, 

examination  of  tlieir  hearts,  wliicli  it  inculcates. 
Do  they  inquire  wliif  their  devoted  race  has  been 
again  and  again  visited  with  the  direst  caLomities  ? 
O  !  let  us  roll  back  the  page  of  history,  and  trace 
our  sufferings  as  they  rose  from  the  moment  of  the 
erection  of  the  cross  of  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ  upon 
the  hill  of  Calvary.  But,  while  we  are  humbled, 
debased  to  the  dust,  by  the  guilt  of  giving  our 
assent  to  the  crucifixion  of  the  Son  of  God,  let  us 
not  despair ;  but,  full  of  hope,  believe,  and  be- 
come paiiakers  of  the  blessings  which  He  died  to 
purchase  for  us.  So  shall  that  dark  cloud  which 
now  hangs  over  our  nation,  melt  befbre  the  glorious 
beams  of  the  Sun  of  Righteousness,  and  our  souls 
be  vivified  by  the  dawning  of  an  everlasting  day. 
May  God  help  us  to  this  for  His  Son's  sake. 
Amen. 

"At  the  commencement  of  this  letter,  my  dear 
father,  I  told  you  that  I  had  j^^'oi'cd  iii  my  own 
soul,  that  Jesus  is  tJte  Messiah.  This,  to  me,  would, 
if  it  were  alone,  be  quite  sufficient ;  it  is  conclu- 
sive proof;  I  could  desire  no  greater,  for  it  is 
altogether  satisfactory.  Tlirongh  Jesus  I  am 
washed  from  my  guilt;  through  Jesus,  I  have  a 
joyful  looking  forward  to  a  glorious  immortality ; 
through  Jesus,  I  rejoice  with  'joy  unspeakable 
and  full  of  glory.'  I  know  whom  1  have  believed, 
and  I  know  that  He  has  purchased  and  'laid  up 
for  me  a  crown  of  righteousness,  which  the  Lord, 


TME    JEWISH    CONVERT.  125 

the  rigliteous  Judge,  shall  give  me  at  tliat  day, 
and  not  to  me  only,  but  unto  all  tlieni  that  love 
His  appearing.' 

"All  my  tastes,  desires,  and  pursuits,  are  oppo- 
site to  what  they  once  were ;  old  things  are  passed 
away,  all  things  are  become  new.  It  is  my  con- 
stant prayer  that  I  may  have  a  heart  purified, 
even  to  its  most  secret  thoughts  and  imaginings. 

"  Having  received  so  much  from  Jesus,  I  prayed 
for  strength  to  act  in  obedience  to  His  command, 
that  I  should  make  a  public  testimony  of  my 
belief  in  His  name.  He  gave  me  this  power  to 
confess  him  before  men;  therefore,  I  have  been 
publicly  dedicated  to  His  service  by  baptism,  and 
by  partaking  of  the  memorials  of  His  dying  love; 
I  mean,  I  have  received  likewise,  the  sacrament 
of  the  Lord's  supper.  Do  not  be  displeased  with 
me,  my  dear  father,  because  I  did  not  before  tell 
you  of  all  I  have  now  made  known.  Could  you 
but  see  how  my  heart  palpitates  with  the  deepest 
love  towards  you,  I  am  quite  sure  you  would  not. 
Perhaps,  indeed,  I  ought  to  have  told  you  before 
— I  think  my  duty  to  you  enjoined  that  I  should; 
but  really,  previously  to  the  present  moment,  I 
had  not  the  energy  to  do  so.  Forgive  me  this 
wrong. 

"I  now  commit  this  letter  to  you.  I  beg  of 
my  Saviour  to  attend  it  with  his  smile  and  bene- 
diction. 0,  that  it  may  lead  my  dear  father  to 
11* 


126  LEILA    ADA, 

those  streams  of  bliss,  of  whicli  Lis  Leila  has 
already  tasted!  0,  that  the  angelic  choir  may 
have  to  tune  their  golden  harps,  and  praise  the 
Lamb  of  God,  moved  by  the  sight  of  my  much- 
loved  parent,  prostrate  at  His  feet !  How  happy 
we  should  be,  my  dear  father,  both  journeying  to 
Heaven  together !  Both  having  the  sweet  assur- 
ance, that  even  death  itself  could  but  divide  ua 
a  few  short  years.  0  do,  do  begin  to  serve  Jesus. 
I  cannot  write  any  more ;  my  paper  is  moistened 
with  tears :  they  are  tears  of  mingled  prayer  and 
praise. 

"May  God  be  with  you,  and  keep  you,  and 
bless  you;  and  may  He  guide  you,  and  lift  up 
the  light  of  His  reconciled  countenance  upon  you; 
yea,  may  you  be  very  precious  in  His  sight,  is 
the  prayer  of, 

"My  dearest  father, 

"  Your  very  affectionate  and  devoted  daughter, 
"Leila  Ada." 


CHAPTER  IX. 

CONVEKSATIOXS     BETWEEN     LEILA     AND     HER     FATHER.—* 
LEILA    IS    SENT    TO   HER    UNCLE. 

The  niglit  on  wliicli  Leila's  letter  was  given  to 
her  father,  was  spent  by  her  in  earnest  prayer. 
Of  it  slic  remarks :  "  I  experienced  much  of  the 
Divine  presence  and  support.  I  felt  a  calm  assur- 
ance that  my  Saviour  would  Avork  for  me;  and 
that  whatever  happened  to  me,  all  would  be  for 
good." 

Daylight  came :  and  with  a  body  made  feverish 
by  watching,  and  spirits  absorbed  and  depressed 
by  deep  anxiety,  she  made  her  morning  toilette. 
Eight  o'clock,  the  time  of  meeting  her  father  in 
the  breakfast-parlour,  arrived;  her  spirits  sunk  to 
the  helplessness  of  infancy,  in  prospect  of  the 
dreaded  interview.  Her  father  would,  perhaps — 
nay,  almost  certainly — speak  unkindly;  it  was 
more  than  she  could  bear.  Eight  o'clock  passed 
— she  was  kneeling,  with  uplifted  hands  and 
streaming  eyes,  beseeching  Divine  aid  to  meet  the 
event :  it  was  given,  and  she  arose  strengthened. 

Entering  the  room,  she  found  her  father  already 
waiting.  Directly  she  went  up  to  him,  and 
throwing  her  arms  upon  his  neck,  was  about  to 
claim  her  usual  kiss — 


128  LEILA    ADA, 

*' Leila!"  ejaculated  lier  father  solemnly,  at  the 
same  moment  turning  his  head  from  her. 

"0,  my  dear,  dear  papa!"  said  Leila,  weeping, 
"  do  not  refuse  to  kiss  me !  Do  give  me  my  kiss, 
and  then  I  will  try  to  hear  all  you  have  to  say. 
But,  indeed,  I  cannot  stay  if  you  will  refuse  me 
this.  I  cannot  endure  so  severe  a  mark  of  your 
displeasure." 

"What  have  you  done,  Leila?  How  can  you 
expect  me  to  kiss  you?  Can  you  imagine  the 
night  I  have  spent  ?  Is  it  for  this  I  have  had 
you  instructed  in  the  law  of  the  God  of  Israel, 
that  you  should  mock  at  it,  and  cast  it  behind 
your  back  ?  Is  it  for  this  that  I  have  withheld 
no  means  of  knowledge  from  you,  tliat  your  learn- 
ing should  become  a  snare  to  you?  0,  my 
daughter,  perhaps  my  heart  has  been  too  much 
bound  up  in  you.  Now  I  am  scourged;  those 
hopes  I  had,  that  you  would  soothe  my  declining 
years,  are  blighted.  But  come,  kiss  me,"  ho 
continued,  holding  out  his  hand  to  Leila,  who 
stood  petrified  with  anguish. 

"Now  my  choicest  treasure,  tell  me  who  it  is 
that  has  poisoned  you ;  let  me  know  who  it  was 
made  you  a  proselyte  from  the  faith  of  your  father 
Abraham.  To  think  that  one  of  my  kindred 
should  have  become  an  apostate — a  Christian — 
and  that  one,  too,  my  own  child !  But  come,  my 
dear,  speak  to  me;  tell  me  how  your  unsuspect- 


TIIC    JEWISH    CONVEKT.  129 

ing  <anLl  innocent  licavt  lias  been  misled.  The 
arms  of  our  religion  are  as  Avide  open  to  you  as 
ever,  if  you  will  return  now ;  and  I  need  not  tell 
you  that  I  shall  love  you  better  than  before." 

"0,  my  dear  father,"  faltered  Leila,  "no  one 
has  abused  my  judgment :  indeed  it  is  God  has 
of  His  mercy  opened  my  eyes." 

"God  open  your  eyes  to  believe  in  Jesus  of 
Nazareth !  It  is  not  possible.  Do  you  not  know 
that  God  has  specially  chosen  our  nation  as  the 
depository  and  conservator  of  the  only  true  reli- 
gion? You  are  flying  from  God,  my  dear  child. 
God  chose  Israel,  and  made  it  the  sanctuary  of  the 
true  faith.  The  nations  were  sunk  in  error  a,nd 
idolatry;  and  in  many  cases  their  idolatrous  rites 
and  sacrifices  were  perpetrated  under  the  holy 
name  of  religion.  But  in  order  to  accomplish  His 
designs  of  mercy,  in  the  establishment  of  truth 
and  righteousness  upon  the  earth.  He  raised  up 
Israel,  and  declared  Himself  unto  them  as  His 
chosen  and  peculiar  people,  calling  himself  by 
name  Jeeiovah — the  one — I  am.  He  became  our 
Lawgiver  and  our  King.  Read  the  charge  of 
Moses  to  the  Israelites,  given  as  he  was  about  to 
die:  'Behold,  I  have  taught  you  statutes  and 
judgments,  even  as  the  Lord  my  God  commanded 
me,  that  ye  should  do  so  in  the  land  whither  ye 
go  to  possess  it.  Keep,  therefore,  and  do  them ; 
for  this  is  your  wisdom  and  your  understanding 


130  LEILA    ADA, 

in  the  siglit  of  the  nations  which  shall  hear  all 
these  statutes,  and  say.  Surely  this  great  nation 
is  a  wise  and  understanding  people.  For  Avhat 
nation  is  there  so  great,  that  hath  statutes  and 
judgments  so  righteous  as  all  this  law,  which 
I  set  before  you  this  day?  Take  heed  to  your- 
selves lest  ye  forget  the  covenant  of  the  Lord  your 
G  od  which  he  made  with  you :  for  the  Lord  thy 
God  is  a  consuming  fire,  even  a  jealous  God.'  0, 
beware  of  what  you  are  doing!  I  tremble,  my 
child,  for  you;  I  cannot  express  my  agony  for 
you.  Although  in  the  many  ages  which  have 
passed  since  the  giving  of  the  law,  the  traditions 
of  men  may  have  become  mixed  v^^ith  it,  yet  this 
will  not  affect  the  faithful  soul;  our  religion  is 
still  pure  and  holy,  and  still  of  God ;  man  cannot 
change  or  deteriorate  it." 

"But  my  dear  papa,  God  has  entered  into  a 
new  and  better  covenant  with  His  people,  and 
Christ  Jesus  is  the  Mediator  of  that  covenant. 
He  is  the  blood  of  sprinkling  that  speaketh  better 
things  than  that  of  Abel.  The  law  as  given  to 
Moses  was  typical,  and  it  was  imperfect,  and, 
therefore,  it  continually  reminded  the  Jews  of 
their  need  of  a  perfect  and  full  atonement,  which 
should  sanctify  and  purge  their  conscience  from 
dead  works,  to  serve  the  liviug  God.  And  this 
new  covenant  has  abolished  all  the  forms,  obserr 
ances,  and    ceremonies  of  the  old    covenant,  for 


THE    JEWISH    CONVEIIT.  131 

these  were  only  imposed  as  a  figure  until  its  ful» 
filment  and  perfection  in  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ, 
These  stood  in  outward  ordinances,  but  the  new 
covenant  in  Christ  Jesus  has  opened  to  us  a  new 
and  more  excellent  way :  '  This  shall  be  the  cove- 
nant I  will  make  with  the  house  of  Israel  after 
those  days,  saith  the  Lord,  I  will  put  my  law  in 
their  inward  parts,  and  write  it  in  their  hearts, 
and  will  be  their  God,  and  they  shall  be  my  people/ 
Permit  me,  my  dear  father,  to  read  to  you  from 
this  book,"  continued  Leila,  as  she  drew  a  small 
New  Testament  from  her  pocket :    **  *  For  ye  are 
not  come  unto  the  mount  that  might  be  touched. 
But  ye  are  come  unto  mount  Zion,  and  unto  the 
city  of  the  living  God,  the  heavenly  Jerusalem, 
and  to  an  innumerable  company  of  angels,  to  the 
general    assembly  and    church  of  the    first-born, 
which  are  written    in   heaven,  and    to    God   the 
judge  of  all,  and  to  the  spirits  of  just  men  made 
perfect,  and  to  Jesus    the    mediator  of  the    new 
covenant,  and  to   the  blood  of  sprinkling  which 
Bpeaketh  better  things  than  that  of  Abel.'     'But 
Christ  being  come  an  high  priest  of  good  things  to 
come,  by  a  greater  and  more  perfect  tabernacle, 
not    made  with  hands,  which    are  the  figures  of 
the  true ;  but  into  heaven  itself,  now  to  appear  in 
the   presence    of  God  for   us.     Christ  was    once 
offered  to  bear  the  sins  of  many.     And  for  this 
cause  lie  is  the  mediator  of  the  new  testament, 


132  LEILA    ADA, 

that  by  means  of  cleatli,  for  tlie  reclGmptlon  of 
transgressions  that  were  under  the  first  testament, 
they  which  arc  called  might  receive  the  promise 
of  eternal  inheritance.'  'Sacrifice  and  offering, 
and  burnt-offering,  and  offering  for  sin,  Thou 
wouldst  not,  neither  liadst  pleasure  therein; 
which  are  offered  by  the  law.  Then,  said  He, 
[Christ,  my  dear  father,]  Lo,  I  come  to  do  thy 
will,  0  God.  He  taketh  away  the  first  that 
He  may  establish  the  second.  By  the  which  will 
we  are  sanctified  through  the  offering  of  the  body 
of  Jesus  Christ  once  for  all.  Having,  therefore, 
brethren,  boldness  to  enter  into  the  holiest  by  the 
blood  of  Jesus,  by  a  new  and  living  way  which 
He  hath  consecrated  for  us,  through  the  veil,  that 
is  to  say.  His  flesh;  and  having  an  high  priest 
over  the  house  of  God;  let  us  draw  near  with  a 
true  heart,  in  full  assurance  of  faith,  having  our 
hearts  sprinkled  from  an  evil  conscience,  and 
our  bodies  washed  with  pure  water;  for  He  is 
faithful  that  promised.'  And  through  faith  in 
this  perfect  covenant,  my  dear  father,  I  am  made 
happy,  having  received  remission  of  my  sins. 
I  love  Jesus ;  I  feel  very  certainly  that  He  loves 
me.  I  am  striving  for  that  crown  of  glory  which 
He  has  purchased  for  me.  I  seek  a  city  out  of 
sight,  even  the  heavenly  Jenisalem.  I  seek  a 
tabernacle  not  made  with  hands- — eternal  in  tho 
heavens.     For  all  my  help    I   look  to  my  Lord 


THE   JEWrSII    cox  VERT.  133 

Jesus  Christ,  who  is  the  Author  and  Finisher  of 
my  ftiith.  And  0,  my  dear  father,  that  you 
would  increase  my  joy,  in  seeing  you  thus  happy 
too ;  in  seeing  you  serve  your  Saviour  too.  Do 
begin  to  study  the  New  Testament,  will  you? 
there  is  a  dear,  good  papa ;  do  read  the  beautiful 
Epistle  from  which  I  have  just  cited;  it  is  St. 
Paul's  to  the  Hebrews." 

**  0,  my  precious  child  !  you  have  thrown  me 
into  great  distress  ;  I  am  much  straitened  ;  what 
will  become  of  you  1  An  anathema  will  be  pro- 
nounced against  you  :  your  name  will  be  blotted 
from  among  our  people.  What  will  become  of 
you,  if  you  waywardly  persist  1  AVhy  do  yon 
think  of  setting  yourself  against  the  belief  of  the 
wise  and  pious  men  of  our  nation  ?  I  am  much 
affected  and  really  can  speak  to  you  no  longer,  my 
dear.  But  I  feel  that  as  I  am  commanded,  I  must 
discharge  my  duty  to  your  spiritual  welfare.  You 
may  sit  with  me  to  breakfast ;  after  that  you  must 
enter  my  presence  no  more  until  a  week  has 
expired.  Then  I  will  see  you  again.  If  you 
persist  in  your  apostacy,  my  dear  child,  I  must  do 
Vfhat  I  cannot  bear  to  think  upon — what  it  will 
almost  kill  me  to  do — part  from  you,  that  you  may 
receive  attention  and  instruction  from  abler  hands 
than  mine." 

Leila's  loving  bosom  swelled  with  the  yearning 
of  its  deep  and  hidden  tenderness.  This  was  a 
12 


134  LEILA   ADA) 

new,  and  yet  untasted,  and  wliolly  unexpected 
trial.  Her  feeling  heart  was  too  full  for  words 
upon  tlieir  stream  to  relieve.  She  sought  where 
she  might  lose  the  tearful  springs  now  troubled 
in  her  soul.  Convulsively  kissing  her  father,  she 
entered  into  her  own  room  and  wept  there.  From 
such  a  separation  as  he  contemplated,  the  whole 
of  her  affectionate  nature  shrunk.  Yet  through 
the  nobleness  of  Christian  heroism,  she  was  enabled 
to  look  upon  it  without  wavering.  The  first  con- 
flict of  her  filial  devotion  being  past,  her  faith 
derived  fresh  vigour  from  the  conviction — "  I  can 
do  all  things  through  Christ  which  strengtheneth 
me."  A  stream  of  heavenly  light  and  peace  flowed 
into  her  soul.  With  renewed  dedication  of  all  she 
was  to  God,  she  bowed  herself  before  the  throne 
of  grace,  and  richly  experienced  the  tranquillizing 
and  hallowing  influences  of  prayer.  She  was 
enabled  to  feel  happy,  even  joyful,  that  she  was 
counted  worthy  to  suffer  for  the  sake  of  Christ. 
In  a  letter  which  in  the  midst  of  this  wreck  she 
wrote  to  her  dearest  female  friend,  she  says  : — 

[We  give  the  letter  entire.] 

August  24th,  1848. 

My  Dearest  Emily, 

I  cannot  express  to  you  the  joy  I  felt  when 
I  received  the  note  of  your  return.  Oh  !  how  I 
have  longed  for  you,  that  I  might   imbibe   the 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  135 

spirit  of  heaven  from  your  lips.  Iain  a  Christian  / 
Is  it  not  deliglitful  1  I,  so  lost  in  spiritual  dark- 
ness. I  must  not  stop  at  present  to  give  you  tho 
particulars  of  what  led  to  this  lovely  change.  I 
will  merely  say,  then,  that  it  is  solely  to  God,  and 
to  reading  His  blessed  Word  of  the  Old  and  New 
Testaments,  that  I  am  indebted  for  my  present 
hopes. 

It  was  on  the  very  eve  of  our  going  abroad  that 
I  obtained  a  New  Testament,  impelled  by  a  desire 
to  read  it,  which  scarcely  deserved  a  liigher  name 
than  mere  curiosity.  But  even  then  the  blessed 
Book  lay  unopened  until  we  Avere  approaching 
Switzerland.  The  extraordinary  interposition  of 
Divine  power,  narrated  in  the  commencement  of 
St.  Matthew,  arrested  my  attention  most  deeply. 
I  knew  that  none  of  our  people,  acquainted  with 
His  story,  sought  to  deny  their  occurrence,  but 
imputed  them  to  a  wicked  agency,  which  it  would 
be  a  sin  even  to  think  of ;  and  the  same  opinion 
applied  to  all  the  miracles  wrought  by  our  Saviour. 
Cabbalists,  too,  I  had  read,  could  perform  far 
greater  wonders  than  anything  narrated  in  the 
New  Testament.  But  such  powers,  papa  had 
taught  me  to  believe,  were  possessed  by  no  man  ; 
and  were  only  claimed  by  miserable  enthusiasts 
that  we  had  amongst  us.  So  such  occurrences, 
with  the  other  miraculous  events  in  His  life,  down 
to  the  rending  of  the  veil  of  the  temple — every 


136  LEILA    ADA, 

one  of  which  I  already  knew  the  Sanhedrim 
admitted  had  occurred — compelled  me  to  think 
and  fear,  though  dreadfully  against  my  will.  Those 
blessed  words,  too,  which  He  addressed  to  His 
disciples  after  His  temptation,  I  read  with  much 
comfort.  My  heart  was  very  full  over  them ;  I 
thought  them  so  pure  and  kind  and  excellent,  so 
unlike  the  long  mysterious  rules  of  our  rabbins, 
that  I  could  not  rest  till  I  had  read  them  several 
times  ;  and  I  wished  they  had  not  been  spoken  by 
such  a  person,  as  I  then  persisted  in  believing  my 
Jesus  was,  but  by  some  one  better.  I  continued 
to  read  on  until  I  came  to  the  beautiful  epistle  of 
St.  Paul  to  the  Hebrews — often  filled  with  trouble 
of  heart  which  produced  nights  of  fevered  anguish  ; 
for  with  such  sufferings  as  the  Christians  had  to 
pass  through,  and  with  so  much  miraculous 
evidence,  I  could  only  own  I  thought  these  things 
were  so.  Oh,  my  dearest !  had  you  but  been  near 
to  help  and  comfort  me  ;  but  then  I  had  no  one  to 
whom  I  could  breathe  a  word  of  the  sorrow  I  felt. 
When  I  read  the  epistle  to  the  Hebrews,  I  wa3 
fascinated  and  strangely  comforted.  It  first  gave 
me  rigJU  and  correct  views  of  the  Jewish  and 
Christian  religion.  I  saw  that  I  had  never  under- 
stood Judaism  before  ;  nor  yet  the  way  in  which 
God  always  intended  to  deal  with  mankind.  So 
then  I  read  it,  and  thought  over  it  again  ;  fervently 
praying,  with  many  tears,  that  the  Lord  Jehovah 


THE    JEWISH    COIVVERT.  137 

WO  lid,  if  the  Messiali  had  indeed  come,  reveal  that 
truth  in  my  heart.  He  graciously  accepted  my 
petition,  and  I  became  quite  convinced  of  tlic  truth 
of  the  Christian  religion  ;  and  I  began  to  pray  in 
the  name  of  my  beloved  Saviour.  Still  I  under- 
stood His  word  very  poorly  indeed,  and  suffered 
greatly  on  account  of  this.  Part  of  this  arose  from 
the  hardness  I  found  in  realizing  and  believing  in 
three  persons  in  one  God,  and  it  sometimes  caused 
very  sinful  doubts.  Yet  I  began  to  receive  inex- 
pressible comfort ;  and  especially  from  those  parts 
of  St.  John  beginning,  "  Let  not  your  heart  be 
troubled,  ye  believe  in  God,  believe  also  in  me." 
Oh  !  that  word.  How  sweet !  how  refreshing  !  I 
always  found  it  so.  I  made  it  almost  the  only  part 
of  my  reading  ;  and  I  still  read  it  more  than  any 
other. 

But  on  coming  to  England  and  joining  the 
church  of  Christ,  my  Avay  was  made  plain. 
I  learned  the  will  of  God,  and  am  now  able 
to  rejoice  with  a  joy  unspeakable,  and  full  of 
glory.  The  peace  that  passeth  understanding 
now  fills  my  heart,  even  in  the  midst  of  great 
trials — trials  that  I  feel  most  deeply.  I  would 
not  tell  you  this,  my  love,  except  to  the  glory  of 
that  Divine  grace,  which  now  works  within  me. 

My  sweet  friend,  I  long  to  see  you.  Do  come. 
I  shall  be  impatient  till  I  hear  from  you. 

But  I  rather  think  you  would  like  to  know  more 
12* 


138  LEILA    ADA, 

of  the  sorrow  I  refer  to ;  so  I  will  speak  more  at 
length. 

You  can  think,  my  dearest,  what  I  suffer  on 
behalf  of  my  beloved  father.  This  is  inex- 
pressible ;  and  but  for  the  sweet  assurance  I  have 
that  my  Redeemer  will  fulfil  all  His  designs 
concerning  him,  I  should  go  desponding  indeed. 
When  I  communicated  to  him  the  change  which 
had  taken  place  in  my  views  during  the  past 
twelve  months,  I  did  it  in  a  letter,  because  I  saw 
that  in  no  other  way  could  I  have  so  good  a  means 
of  telling  my  reasons,  and  the  various  historical 
and  other  facts,  which  had  led  me  to  the  convic- 
tion that  the  Messiah  had  already  come,  in  the 
person  of  Jesus  of  Nazareth.  Having  finished  it, 
I  laid  it,  a  few  evenings  ago,  upon  a  table  in  his 
dressing-room,  and  then  besought  my  Jesus  that 
He  would  bless  it  to  his  full  salvation.  Sleep 
was  impossible ;  but  I  did  not  wish  it.  Through 
the  night  I  experienced  much  of  the  divine  pre- 
sence and  support.  I  felt  a  calm  assurance  that 
my  Saviour  would  work  for  me ;  and  that  what- 
ever happened  to  me,  all  would  be  for  good.  As 
daylight  approached,  I  became  sensible  of  exces- 
sive bodily  weakness,  and  constantly  increasing 
depression  of  spirits — want  of  sleep  no  doubt 
assisted — and  scarcely  able  to  anticipate  meeting 
papa  at  breakfast.  It  was  what  he  might  say  to 
me  —  perhaps    expressions    of  sorrow.       Oh!     I 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  139 

could  not  bear  it,  where  I  had  always  received 
nothing  but  the  most  devoted  kindness  and  affec- 
tion. It  was  a  thing  too  dreadful  to  expect,  and 
when  the  time  came,  I  sunk  helpless  into  a  chair, 
till  tears  brought  me  once  more  relief;  and  then 
again  commending  myself  to  God  in  prayer,  I 
went  down  to  him.  I  could  see  he  had  suffered 
and  was  displeased  with  me,  though  he  seemed 
inclined  rather  to  conceal  than  display  it.  He 
did  not  smile  upon  me,  as  he  invariably  did; 
indeed  he  scarcely  looked;  and  I  had  hardly 
courage  to  go  up  and  kiss  him.  Even  that  he  at 
first  refused;  it  made  me  feel  quite  cold  with 
grief.     I  begged  that,  at  least,  might  be  given. 

The  result  of  all  is,  dearest,  that  I  am  now  suf- 
fering banishment  from  his  presence  for  a  week. 
He  promises  to  send  me  to  uncle  Isaac  to  meet  the 
rabbis,  if  I  continue  a  Christian.  What  will  be 
the  consequence  of  that  I  cannot  tell.  I  shall  be 
treated  unkindly.  But,  by  the  strength  of  Him 
who  is  omnipotent,  I  shall  "stand  firm  as  Mount 
Zion,  that  cannot  be  removed."  My  great  dread 
is  of  being  called  to  answer  before  the  rabbis. 
I  hope  they  will  think  my  loss  too  valueless.  But 
my  Lord  will  rule  all  my  goings.  I  wish  I  could 
repress  all  thoughtfulness.  "He  knoweth  the 
way  that  I  take;  when  He  hath  tried  me,  I  shall 
come  forth  as  gold."  I  know,  my  beloved  Emily, 
your  heart  will  mingle  its  rejoicings  with  mine 


140  LEILA    ADA, 

when  I  ass  ire  you  that  I  am  able  to  say  I  havo 
no  anxiety.  I  think  I  am  seldom  cast  down, 
except  from  purely  physical  causes.  At  first  I 
wept  with  mighty  anguish.  Leave  my  precious 
parent!  Oh!  could  I  bear  that!  But  when  I 
had,  on  my  knees,  surrendered  myself  afresh  to 
God,  I  ceased  to  inquire,  and  with  every  faculty 
of  my  soul  I  could  say,  "What  Thou  wilt,  my 
Jesus,  what  Thou  wilt.  I  dare  not  breathe  the 
slightest  wish."  Oh,  my  lovely  friend,  help  me  to 
praise  our  glorious  Redeemer.  How  abundant  is 
His  salvation.  Why  did  I  so  long  continue  igno- 
rant of  His  love — the  only  source  of  rest  and 
calm  repose.  Is  he  not  fitly  called  Emmanuel — 
God  with  us  ?  I  prove  it  every  moment.  "  Be- 
cause I  live,  ye  shall  live  also."  Those  gracious 
words!  They  are  ever  on  my  lips  in  grateful 
praise.  Elevated  by  this  sweet  thought,  I  can 
look  with  calmness  on  the  evanescent  nature  of  all 
things  earthly;  for  having  received  the  life  of 
Christ,  what  need  I  fear  when  all  things  which 
now  surround  me,  whether  pleasing  or  not,  must 
goon  pass  away  for  ever. 

And  oh,  my  dearest  friend,  how  unspeakable  must 
be  the  joy  and  exultation  of  the  spirit,  when,  re- 
leased from  the  cares  and  anguish  which  it  has 
known  in  this  world,  it  finds  itself  where  lamen- 
tation, discord,  pain,  and  death  can  never  approach. 
Such  thoughts    fill    our  souls  with    inexpressible 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  I4l 

love  and  peace,  even  in  the  darkest  hour  of  earth. 
They  solace  and  support  me  when,  in  going  about 
the  house,  I  sometimes  meet  my  precious  papa; 
when  a  look  of  pain  and  sadness,  which  fills  my 
heart  with  grief  and  my  eyes  with  tears,  is  all  the 
eign  of  affection  which  can  pass  between  us.  He 
has  not  spoken  once.  I  trust  I  have  not  once 
repined;  though  my  sinful  feeling  has  not  left  me 
entirely  without  temptation  to  think  it  hard — 
this  haunts  me  most  when  my  spirits  fail. 

Oh,  pray  for  me,  dearest — much,  if  you  please. 
It  will  be  the  most  invaluable  proof  of  your  affec- 
tion which  you  could  possibly  give  me.  And  will 
you  not  make  an  early  visit  to  me,  Emily  ?  Will 
you  not  come  to-morrow  ? 

Papa,  I  must  tell  you,  is  quite  willing.  It  had 
never  occurred  to  me  that  he  might  perhaps  sus- 
pect you  of  endeavours  to  lead  me  into  Chris- 
tianity, and  so  separate  us.  Therefore  I  sent  a 
note  in  to  him,  saying  that,  in  all  my  intercourse 
with  you,  you  had  never  said  anything  to  me 
against  my  religion,  or  favourable  to  your  own — 
that  you  did  not  even  know  that  I  was  a  Chris- 
tian, or  thinking  of  it — and  that  I  wished  to  see 
you.  He  kindly  answered,  that  he  never  sup- 
posed you  had  ;  and  that  I  might  have  invited 
you  without  consulting  him. 

I  am,  dearest,  most  affectionately  yours, 

Leila  Ada, 


142  LEILA    ADA, 

I  have  had  many  doubts  about  the  propriety  ol 
publishing  the  following  little  note,  which  Leila 
sent  to  her  father  during  this  week.  One  might 
question  the  kindness  of  printing  things  written 
with  the  sacred  affection  of  a  delicate,  noble-souled 
daughter,  and  in  expectation  that  only  a  parent's 
eye  would  ever  see  it.  Yet  the  child-like  simpli- 
city of  Leila's  love  has  been  everywhere  received 
in  a  delighted  spirit.  This  thought  makes  me  feel 
that  I  may  be  justified  in  hiding  nothing  which 
will  place  it  in  a  brighter  light. 


My  very  precious  Papa^ 

I  hope  that  what  I  ask,  you  will  not  think 
an  act  of  disobedience.  I  desire  perfectly  to  obey 
your  wish  for  separation  while  you  continue  it. 
But  might  I,  my  dearest  father,  be  allowed  to 
come  in  and  kiss  you  at  least  night  and  morning ; 
It  would  be  something  to  help  me  to  bear  sever- 
ance from  you.  It  is  more  severe  than  I  can 
bear  to  meet  you  as  I  do,  and  yet  pass  you  almost 
without  a  touch.  Do  give  me  permission  at  these 
times  to  have  at  least  this  one  sign  of  your  affec- 
tion ;  at  any  rate,  if  you  object  to  this,  will  you, 
in  much  kindness,  grant  my  original  request  — 
allow  me  to  come  in  to  you  twice  a  day  1  Will 
you,  my  much-loved,  darling  papa  1     0, 1  do  love 


THE   JRWISH    CONVERT.  143 

you  so  —  tlioiigli  I  know  that  you  believe  tliis  — 
and  it  is  so  very  hard  to  go  into  my  bedroom 
every  night  without  even  seeing  you. 

May  I  hope  you  will  ?  Do  grant  your  suffer- 
ing Leila  this.  I  ask  it  with  all  my  heart,  and 
with  much  tears. 

Adieu,  my  dearest  papa.  May  you  and  I  be 
blessed  with  all  temporal  and  spiritual  blessings, 
and  at  last  be  admitted  into  those  sweet  lands, 
where  love  meets  no  change  nor  separation — ^where 
the  purest,  most  exalted,  affection  subsists  in  every 
spirit,  and  God  fills  every  place  and  heart — where 
farewells  are  a  sound  unknown.  0,  I  love  you, 
and  I  bless  you !  I  praise  God  most  earnestly 
for  my  dear  good  papa,  who  has  made  all  my 
life  one  rich  stream  of  love  and  blessing  —  of 
kindness  manifested  to  me  in  ten  thousand 
delicate  and  beautiful  instances.  May  the  God 
whom  we  love,  my  sweet  papa,  be  your  reward 
for  ever !     Amen, 

It  is  almost  an  unnecessary  thing  to  say,  that 
both  req^uests  were  granted. 


Again  she  writes  : 

August  27. — My  sweet  Emily  has  just  left  me 


144  LEILA   ADA, 

Oh !  how  delightful !  how  endearing  has  heen  our 
intercourse  !  though  so  limited,  O  God !  I  thank 
Thee  for  the  delight  which  I  have  always  proved 
in  this  friendship,  hut  which  I  am  assured  will  now 
be  mine  more  than  ever.  Oh  !  they  were  precious 
moments  when  my  beloved  friend  wept  with 
affectionate  solicitude  for  me,  and  sweetly  offered 
up  prayers  for  my  preservation  under  all  trials, 
and  that  we  might  be  kept  in  the  hand  of  our 
gracious  Jesus,  until  at  last  we  joined  each  other 
in  the  mansions  of  everlasting  peace.  It  is  a  sweet 
and  holy  time,  and  though  I  feel  much  sadness 
at  the  departure  of  my  friend,  I  have  the  lovely 
influences  which  have  descended  upon  us  all  this 
afternoon  still  with  me.  To  Thee,  benevolent 
Father,  my  most  heartfelt  thanks  are  due  for  the 
solace  and  support  given  me  through  this  one  of 
Thy  dear  children ;  for  having  given  us  sympathies 
so  much  in  union,  and  given  us  souls  capable  of 
glowing  with  the  deepest  gratitude  for  such  an 
invaluable  gift.  0,  then  enable  us  always  to  feel 
unbounded  thankfulness  to  Him  who  has  done  so 
much  for  us.  May  we  be  found  always  ready  to 
sacrifice  all  we  hold  dear  in  life  for  Thee ;  and 
constantly  looking  up  to  Thee  for  the  coming  of 
our  salvation.  Whether  Thou  appointest  unto  us 
joy,  or  pain,  all  these  things  will  soon  pass  away ; 
but  O,  that  we  may  be  constant  in  seeking  trea- 
sures which  never  can  change,  a   crown  which 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  145 

never  can  fade,  a  robe  which  will  shine  with  ever- 
curing  lustre.  Glorious  is  our  hope  !  I  and  my 
dearest  friend  shall  soon  be  united  in  everlasting 
bliss.  0, 1  long,  I  pant  for  immortRlity.  I  rejoice 
that  ever  I  was  created  to  love  my  God.  Be  the 
glories  of  another  world  the  only  objects  of  my 
affection,  my  exertions,  and  of  my  ambition.  Oh  ! 
how  happy,  how  very  happy,  I  feel  !  Judaism, 
oh !  even  in  thy  strength,  how  cold,  how  distant 
from  God  thou  wast,  compared  with  the  commun- 
ing with  God  in  love  we  have  through  Christ  Jesus. 
I  thank  my  Lord,  the  author  and  iinisher  of 
my  faith,  for  the  "  life  and  immortality"  which 
"  are  brought  to  light  hy  the  Gospel."  A  Jew 
certainly  could  not  triumph  over  death  and  earth 
fio  completely  as  the  Christian,  if  he  understand 
and  avail  himself  of  all  the  privileges  offered  tp 
him  in  his  blessed  Redeemer. 

And  0,  my  Father,  grant  that  henceforth  I 
may  think  of  these  things  more  gratefully  thaii 
ever. 

August  28. — How  glorious  is  the  gospel  of  my 
Lord  !  How  I  find  it  support  me  and  console  me 
in  this  season  of  hardship  and  necessity  !  Am  I 
tempted  to  be  mournful  1  What  a  triumph  for 
the  humble  Christian  to  be  assured  that  **  the 
everlasting  God,  the  Lord,  the  Creator  of  the  ends 
of  the  earth,"  is  the  God  of  his  life  ;  to  know  thai 
ho  13  invited  to  take  the  Lord  for  his  God  and  hi; 
13 


146  LEILA    ADA, 

Saviour  for  ever.  "Wliy,  then,  do  1  ever  f'eel 
uneasy  1  Why  do  I,  for  a  moment,  cease  to  rejoice  in 
my  protecting  God,  who  knows  all  my  wants,  even 
before  I  am  aware  of  them  myself,  and  is  prepared 
to  supply  them  before  I  can  ask  Him  1  My 
Saviour  has  gone  before  me  to  prepare  a  place  for 
me.  I  have  but  to  believe  and  love,  and  heaven 
will  be  mine. 

O,  my  dearest  Redeemer,  I  sometimes  fear  I 
have  a  carefulness  which  may  displease  thee.  0, 
save  me  from  this.  Enable  me  always  to  remem- 
ber that  Thou  wilt  never  suffer  me  to  be  placed  in 
a  condition  where  my  spiritual  weapons  are  not 
fully  adequate  to  the  contest.  Help  me  to  strivo 
against  the  obtnisive  infirmities  of  nature  ;  and  not 
suffer  myself  to  fall  from  Thee  when  they  oppress 
me.  Thou,  O  God,  art  all  sufficient,  and  if  I  con- 
tinue thine,  Thou  wilt  never  cease  the  tokens  of 
thy  favour  ;  and  from  being  a  babe  in  Christ  Jesus, 
I  shall  grow  up  to  that  blessed,  vigorous  maturity 
which  is  the  privilege  of  all  believers. 

****** 

I  have  this  day  had  delightful  and  intimate  com- 
munion with  my  God.  I  felt  the  sacred  fire  of 
Divine  love.  My  desires  after  entire  conformity 
to  the  will  and  mind  »f  God  have  been  intense. 
My  whole  soul  was  engaged.  I  am  truly  athirst 
Mter  the  righteousness  which  my  Saviour  has  pro- 
mised, and  so  delights  to  bestow.     0,  my  Jesus  ■ 


THE    JEWISH    COiVVERT.  l47 

satisfy  my  ardent  longings  for  tlie  indwelling  of 
Thyself.  What,  then,  is  the  tribulation  of  all  the 
world,  if  the  God  of  love  has  taken  possession  of 
my  soul  1 

0  may  I  be  enabled  to  lean  simply  on  Omnipo- 
tence, and  more  than  ever  feel  that  things  present 
are  a  shadow  unworthy  of  a  serious  thought.  One 
smile  from  thee,  my  lledeemer,  is  more  than 
adequacy  for  years  on  years  of  toil  and  soitow. 
It  is  my  grief  that  I  cannot  habitually  feel  this  ; 
that  I  do  not  find  a  more  intense  disdain  for  the 
miserable  offerings  of  this  vain  world. 

Lord,  enlighten  my  understanding.  Let  my 
views  of  Thee  be  yet  more  and  more  enlarged. 
So  my  soul,  restored  to  Thy  image,  shall  begin 
here  that  bliss  which  will  attain  to  its  perfection 
in  the  abodes  of  eternal  joy  and  felicity. 

"  How  thankful  I  ought  to  be  that  the  Holy 
Spirit  still  continues  to  visit  me  with  His  gracious 
influences  !" 

"  There  is  no  precept  or  command  in  the  blessed 
Gospel,  for  the  perfoniiauce  of  which  God  is  not 
ready  and  willing  to  communicate  divine  strenglh. 
The  Saviour  never  gave  orders  without  furnishing 
the  ar7ns  to  fulfil  them.  I  can,  therefore,  look  to 
Heaven,  and  with  confidence  expect  those  bless- 
ings which  I  so  peculiarly  need  at  this  time." 


148  LEILA   ADA. 

"  0  Lord,  my  heavenly  father,  I  beseech  Thee^ 
endue  wie  with  power  and  courage  from  on  high, 
adequate  to  whatever  Thou  art  pleased  to  lay  upon 
me.  Enable  me  to  lay  aside  this  carefulness 
which  noAV  engrosses  my  spirit.  Lord,  help  me  : 
mcrease  my  faith,  confirm  my  hope,  and  let  ray 
love  for  Thee  glow  with  more  and  more  ardency 
than  ever. 

"  I  am  impressed  with  awe  ;  I  hardly  dare  to 
hope ;  I  am  determined  that  God  shall  be  my 
guide,  that  I  will  follow  Him  in  whatever  path 
He  shall  mark  out  for  me.  To  the  glory  of  divine 
grace  I  have  to  record  that  I  enjoy  seasons  of 
sweet  serenity  and  calmness.  May  I  become  more 
diligent  in  the  use  of  every  means  of  grace  which 
God  has  prescribed.  May  I  be  enabled  to  press 
forward,  till  x  have  seized  on  every  privilege  which 
is  mine  as  a  child  of  God,  as  a  believer  in  Christ 
Jesus.     Amen." 

****** 

"  The  more  I  think  of  the  fountain  of  living 
waters,  the  more  I  feel  my  thirst  abate  for  earth- 
born  joys.  I  am  in  possession  of  a  peace  whieh 
passeth  understanding ;  I  am  happy  in  the  love 
of  God. 

"  When  that  dark  veil  which  naturally  covers 
our  hearts  is  thrown  aside,  we  discover  a  Father 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  149 

of  infinite  love,  wlio  tries  us  here  that  we  may  be 
fitted  for  the  hallowed  enjoyment  of  Himself  in 
heaven. 

"  In  the  presence  of  the  great  luminary  the 
stars  withdraw  themselves.  Last  evening  I  saw 
them  most  disthictly  ;  now  i\\Q,j  are  lost  amid  the 
brightness  of  the  day,  and  I  cannot  catch  the 
slightest  glimpse  of  their  sparkling  orbs.  But  as 
night  advances,  and  draws  her  veil  before  the  sun- 
beams, they  again  emerge  from  their  obscurity  and 
shine  with  lustre  undiminished.  Emblem  of  the 
trials  of  the  Christian.  When  these  have  cast  a 
shade  over  the  vanity  of  our  hearts,  and  thrown 
a  gloom  over  the  brightness  of  our  earthly  views, 
how  plainly  then  can  we  perceive  our  inward 
depravity — what  revelations  of  indwelling  sins  are 
made  to  us,  and  of  a  kind,  too>  whose  existence  we 
little  suspected.  While  we  were  sdrrounded  by 
everything  calculated  to  Insure  our  ease  and  com- 
fort, tliey  were  undiscovered  ;  but  let  the  clouds 
of  trial  and  adversity  darken  the  zenith  of  our 
worldly  happiness,  and  coming  forth  from  their 
obscurity  tliey  show  their  palpable  existence. 
These  are  the  seasons  when  the  world  is  compelled 
to  confess  itself  nothing  but  vanity  and  deceit, 
and  when  the  soul  is  fitted  to  wing  its  flight  far 
beyond  the  things  which  are  seen,  to  those  which 
are  not  seen,  even  the  joys  of  celestial  bliss. 

"No  matter  how  heavy,  how  impalpable,  the 
13* 


150  LEILA    ADA, 

cloud  may  appear,  the  glorious  star  of  Jacob 
pierces  the  thickening  shadows,  and  shoAvs  Himself 
our  unchanging  guide — our  morning  star.  The 
more  weightily  our  affliction  presses  upon  our 
spirits,  the  more  valuable  and  lovely  do  we  feci 
religion  to  be,  the  more  do  we  find  its  adaptation 
to  our  every  want.  Then  it  is  she  stands  out  in 
bold  relief,  and  shows  herself  clad  in  robes  of 
immortality  and  eternal  life. 

"Let  such  considerations  as  these  induce  me 
to  joyfully  take  my  appointed  share  of  trial.  Let 
me  lose  sight  of  the  Avorld — of  all  things  earthly, 
and  seek  after  an  increasing  resemblance  to  my 
Redeemer,  that  I  may  be  a  lucid  gem  in  His  crown 
for  ever.  He  shall  be  my  pattern  and  my  guide. 
I  bless  God  ;  I  love  him ;  I  love  His  service ; 
I  love  religion  better  tnan  ever.  0,  what  a  bit- 
ter draught  is  life  without  God !  and  so  without 
hope. 

"  Most  fervently  do  I  pray  that  through  divine 

grace  I  may  walk  worthy  of  the  Lord  unto  all 

pleasing,  and  increase  in  the  knowledge  of  God. 

May  I  be  enabled  to  *  forget  those  things  which 

are  behind,    and  reach  forth  unto  those   things 

which  are  before,  pressing  toward  the  mark,  for 

the  prize  of  the  high  calling  of  God  in  Christ 

Jesus.' 

*         #         *         -If         #         *         « 

"  To-morrow  I  am  permitted  to  again  see  and 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  151 

Bpeak  to  my  dear  parent.  My  love  for  lilm  glows 
with  more  intensity  than  ever.  What  will  be 
the  consequence  1  I  cannot  tell ;  I  have  given  the 
event  to  God.  My  path  is  clear — to  simply  and 
obediently  maintain  my  belief  in  the  Lord  Jesus, 
as  far  as  seems  necessary  to  make  his  goodness  to 
me  known,  to  avow  my  intention  to  cleave  to  my 
religion  ;  that  course  will  I  strictly  follow,  what- 
ever be  the  consequence.  Most  earnestly  do  I 
entreat  of  God  that  I  may  have  a  complete  mastery 
over  myself.  0,  my  Jesus  !  save  me  from  bring- 
ing any  contempt  upon  religion;  but  0,  that  I 
may  adorn  by  my  life  and  conversation,  that 
lovely  cause  in  which  all  my  soul  is  engaged.  I 
bless  God,  I  record  it  to  the  praise  of  His  holy 
name,  that  He  does  not  permit  me  to  be  harassed 
by  a  single  doubt  of  the  truth  of  the  religion  I 
profess  and  believe  in,  not  a  single  doubt  that 
Jesus  is  the  Messiah ;  on  the  contrary,  each  day 
finds  my  convictions  deepened,  my  faith  strength- 
ened, my  love  confirmed.     Glory  be  to  God  for 

what  he  hath  done  for  my  soul." 

*         *         *         *         ^         ^         m 

"Now,  my  darling,  my  precious  child!"  ex- 
claimed her  father,  with  deep  feeling,  as  she 
obeyed  the  permission  to  again  see  him,  which  he 
had  given  ]ier,  *'  come  to  the  bosom  of  your  incon- 
solable father,  and  tell  him  you  have  abjured  all 
your  sinful  opinions  and  belief." 


152  LEILA    ADA, 

"  0,  my  dear  papa,"  sobbed  Leila,  "  indeed  I 
cannot ;  my  belief  is  firmer,  stronger  than  ever." 

"  Then,  my  child,  it  is  my  duty — you  must  leave 
me  as  I  said.     To-day  I  will  write  to  my  brother 

at ;  while  you  are  there  I  shall  have  no  direct 

communication  with  you ;  all  that  is  necessary 
will  be  made  known  to  me  by  your  uncle.  Till 
he  answers  my  letter  J  shall  see  you  no  more." 

"0,  it  is  cruel,  very  cruel,  papa,  to  put  me 
away  from  you,  Avhen  you  are  the  only  being  in 
the  world  I  love,  and  with  whom  I  can  be  happy. 
O,  how  happy  we  have  been  together !  indeed,  I 
could  not  have  supposed  that  you  would  do  this ; 
and  you  know  that  my  uncle  will  certainly  treat 
me  unkindly  now  that  I  am  a  Christian ;  it  will 
kill  me,  my  dear  father !  you  have  always  been 
so  very  and  so  delicately  kind  to  me,  that  I  can- 
not now  bear  the  very  least  unkindness  or  neglect. 
But  I  have  never  murmured  against  your  will, 
and  I  trust  to  be  saved  now." 

"  My  dear  daughter  feels  it  much  less  than  her 
father.  What  do  you  think  it  is  I  have  to  endure 
while  I  see  my  choicest  treasure  removed  from 
my  dwelling ;  my  child  in  whom  my  every  hope 
was  centred  !  The  struggle  is  deep  and  severe, 
and  nothing  but  a  stern  sense  of  duty  supports  me 
through  it.     Now  my  dear,  leave  me ;  I  am  ill." 

Retiring-  to  her  chamber  Leila  gave  vent  to  her 
overwrought  feelings  in  an  agony  of  tears.     Thus 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  153 

relieved,  she  became  more  composed,  and  able  to 
prayerfully  prepare  to  meet  the  future.  In  her 
diary  she  writes  : 

August  30. — After  a  week  of  painful  suspense, 
the  dread  alternative  is  decided — I  am  to  be  put 
away  from  my  lovely  papa  ! — sent  among-  those 
who  blaspheme  my  religion,  and  who  will  be  un- 
kind to  me  for  its  sake.  Lord  help  mc  !  0,  no 
letter !  nothing  from  my  dearest,  my  adored 
papa  !  Shall  I  be  able  to  bear  all  this  ?  Peace  ! 
peace !  beating  heart !  Jesus  lives !  and  because 
He  lives,  thou  shalt  live  also.  0,  my  lovely  Lord 
Jesus,  change  my  thoughts  ;  strengthen  them  ; 
turn  them  from  my  anguish  unto  Thee. 

In  the  midst  of  this  dreadful  conflict  of  natural 
feeling,  0  Lord,  I  love  Thee,  and  would  breathe 
a  strain  of  adoration  to  that  care  and  Avisdom, 
which  has  led  me  hitherto — I  would  pour  out  my 
soul  in  gratitude.  But  thou  "  knowest  my  frame, 
and  rememberest  I  am  but  dust."  I  am  unable  to 
express  to  Thee  the  joy  which  through  my  swim- 
ming eyes  would  break.  Accept  my  inmost  thanks* 
for  the  precious  gift  of  Thyself.  Soon  I  hope  to 
be  shut  up  with  Thee  for  ever.  0,  Aveak  as  I  am, 
helpless  as  I  feel  myself,  I  trust — indeed  I  will 
believe  I  shall  ever  rely  on  Thee,  my  Fatluu',  and 
obey  Thee  in  the  spirit  of  grateful  love. 

My  head  aches  violently.     I  must  lay  my  p«eu 


154  LEILA    ADA, 

aside.  0  God !  my  loving  and  compassionate 
parent,  grant  unto  me,  who  humbly  crave  Thy 
assistance,  that  the  supplications  I  have  addressed 
to  Thee  may  be  graciously  answered. 

September  1. — The  Christian  who  is  devoted  to 
God  is  ever  anxious  to  tread  in  the  path  of  Jesus. 
"  Let  us  also  go,  that  we  may  die  with  Him,"  said 
Thomas  to  his  brethren,  when  his  Master  was 
about  to  go  up  to  Bethany,  where  Lazarus  was 
*lead. 

0  !  my  heart,  is  this  what  thou  canst  feel  1 
Like  Jesus,  art  thou  willing  to  say,  "  Father,  not 
my  will  but  Thine  be  done  ?"  Art  thou  ready,  as 
thy  loving  Saviour  was,  to  drink  a  cup  of  bitterest 
death,  rather  than  do  ought  contrary  to  the  will 
of  thy  Father  in  heaven  1 

Lord,  I  am  sensible  of  my  sinful  weakness.  I 
grieve  to  feel  so  much  of  my  own  will  predomi- 
nates. And  yet  I  would  fain  give  myself  up  en- 
tirely to  Thee.  0  !  help  me  to  go  with  Thee  in 
all  Thy  ways  ;  to  watch  and  to  pray  with  Thee  ; 
to  believe  and  to  love  with  Thee ;  to  weep  and  to 
suffer  with  Thee ;  to  forgive  and  to  bless  with 
Thee  ;  to  be  altogether  like  Thee,  so  that  at  last 
I  may  go  to  Heaven  with  Thee,  there  to  enjoy 
love  and  peace,  for  ever  and  ever.  That  unspeak- 
able love  wliicli  could  submit  to  insult  and  misery 
from  compassion  for  my  soul  shall  be  my  safe- 
guard when  temptation  assails  my  spirit.     How 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  lot) 

joyful  is  the  thought !  I  ah-eacly  feel  happy  in 
the  persuasion  that  I  shall  realize  that  v.hich  it 
was  the  object  of  my  Redeemer  to  accomplish-— 
even  a  salvation  from  all  doubtings  and  an  un« 
ruffled  serenity  of  mind  under  all  trials.  Lord 
Jesus,  aid  me  now  !  Enable  me  to  continue  in 
thy  love  in  spite  of  all  outward  things.   Amen. 

September  2. — How  comforting  !  how  gracious 
do  I  find  the  manifestations  of  my  Saviour's  love  ! 
My  cup  runneth  over.  I  am  indeed  highly 
favoured,  and  receive  so  much  blessing  and  sup- 
port as  I  never  could  have  expected.  If  to  go  to 
my  uncle's  is  the  will  of  my  Lord,  let  me  go  hope- 
fully. He  will  be  with  me  amid  the  greatest 
sorrow  ;  and  I  shall  never  be  moved  while  I  put 
my  trust  in  Him. 

0,  my  Jesus,  I  love  Thee  !  and  even  now  I  can, 
I  do  rejoice  in  Thee  Avith  joy  unspeakable  !  Thou 
lovest  me  and  art  always  with  me  to  uphold  my 
heart,  to  support  my  spirit.  I  go  from  the  parent 
whom  I  love  more  than  any  one,  but  Thou  wilt 
be  my  Father,  and  I  cannot  go  where  Thou  art 
not.  "  The  Lord  is  my  shepherd  !"  I  may  joy- 
fully exclaim  wherever  I  am. 

Oh  !  for  that  simplicity  of  heart  in  my  approaches 
to  my  God  which  shall  introduce  me  to  a  taste  of 
heaven,  even  in  the  midst  of  the  most  trying 
reverses  and  difficulties  I  may  be  called  to  pass 
Jirough.     He  has  warned  me  that  in  the  world  I 


156  LEILA    ADA, 

am  to  expect  tribulation  ;  but  he  has  also  told  mc 
to  take  courage  from  the  assurance  that  in  Him 
I  shall  have  a  perfect  victory  over  them.  And 
what  is  the  victory  Avhich  my  present  circum- 
stances should  produce  ? — To  teach  me  the  elusive- 
ness  of  worldly  things  ;  to  detach  me  from  the  lovo 
of  them,  that  I  may  attain  that  important  portion 
of  the  Christian  character,  the  power  of  self-denial : 
and  also  that  I  may  leai'n  in  all  things  that  may 
befal  me  to  strive  with  earnestness  that  I  may  be 
accepted  of  Him. 

September  11th. — My  present  life  is  only  a  few 
years  of  chUdliood  ;  and,  like  it,  I  often  weep  cap- 
tious tears  because  I  cannot  be  pleased  in  my  own 
instead  of  my  loving  Father's  way.  But  even  if 
my  life  should  pass  in  excusable  tears,  I  shall  soon 
have  passed  it,  and  attain  the  maturity  of  eternity. 

O  !  then,  that  in  future  my  most  dreary  hours 
may  be  filled  with  sweet  confidence  in  Thee,  my 
ever-blessed  Lord.  I  am  hastening  to  the  com- 
forter— to  the  home  where  all  tears  shall  be  wiped 
away.  Thou,  my  gracious  Father,  wilt  never  for- 
get me.  Thy  w^eak  child  ;  of  this  I  am  quite  sure, 
for  it  is  told  me  in  Thy  own  sweet  Word,  and 
I  find  it  written  in  my  soul.  I  only  live  when  I 
live  to  thee.  O  may  Thy  Spirit  take  up  His 
constant  abode  in  my  heart !  may  He  illuminate 
ajid  guide,  so  that  my  light  may  shine,  and  glory 
to  God  in  the  highest  be  the  effect  of  my  wajk 


THE   JEWISH   CONVERT.  157 

and  conversation !  One  ^-eat  fear  I  have,  and 
whicli  so  much  depresses  me  is,  lest  I  should  do 
anj-^thing  in  the  presence  of  those  amongst  whom 
I  expect  to  be  sent  that  shouJd  bring  any  dis- 
grace upon  religion.  O  my  God  !  save  me  from 
this.  I  would  have  all  I  say  and  do  in  tlielr  pre- 
sence be  such  as  Thou  canst  approve.  And  wilt 
thou  not  accept  this  desire  that  I  have,  and  which 
comes  from  Thee  ?  I  v/ill  trust  Thee  for  it.  I 
will  venture  a  hope,  that  frail  and  weak  as  I  feel 
myself,  I  shall  in  Thy  strength  be  enabled  to  live 
and  act  amongst  these  my  relations,  for  whom  ray 
heart  sorrows  deeply,  as  becomes  one  Avho  is  a 
temple  of  the  living  God,  and  an  heir  of  everlast- 
ing blessedness.  •'  He  wdll  fulfil  the  desire  of 
them  that  fear  Him ;  He  also  will  hear  their  cry 
and  will  save  them."  On  this  subject  of  promise, 
my  mind  has  been  unusually  drawn  out.  And 
while  on  my  knees  praying  for  its  realization  in 
my  own  experience,  I  have  received  a  sweet  con- 
fidence, which  I  cannot  allow  myself  to  give  up, 
that  it  will  be  fulfilled  in  me.  If  so,  I  may  expect 
to  be  perfectly  peaceful  and  happy  in  tlic  midst 
of  the  greatest  trials  which  can  befal  me  where 
I  go. 

Lord,  still  hear  me,  and  be  with  me,  and  about 
me,  and  grant  me  Thy  constant  aid,  for  Christ,  my 
Uedecmer's  sake  ! 

14 


158  LEILA   ADA, 

September  23rd. — To-morrow  I  go  from  tliis  my 
home,  where  I  have  received  such  unalloyed  hap* 
piness  and  blessing.  I  go,  not  knowing  what  I 
have  to  endure.  But  my  life  is  hid  with  Thee,  my 
God,  and  I  will  not  allow  myself  to  fear. 

It  is  midnight  now  :  I  have  just  concluded  my 
final  aiTangements.  My  heart  is  very  full :  but  I 
have  a  settled  and  a  deep  peace — such  peace  as  I 
have  not  often  felt.  Dearest  Jesus  !  accept  my 
gratitude  for  this  gracious  interposition.  At  a  time 
which  I  never  could  bear  to  think  of,  which  I 
thought  would  compel  me  to  entreat  my  beloved 
father  upon  my  knees,  that  I  might  be  able  to 
conquer.  In  this  I  do  rejoice,  because  of  my 
desire  that  I  might  in  all  things  passively  accept 
Thy  will. 

And  in  the  further  trial  which  is  yet  to  come, 
in  the  dreadful  moment  of  separation  from  the 
author  of  my  being,  may  I  be  still  strengthened 
and  supported  by  thy  grace.  0  !  if  I  knew  what 
would  be  done  to  me  !  If  I  knew  whether  I 
would  be  allowed  to  see  him  again  !  But  hush, 
my  inquiring  heart !  canst  thou  not  trust  Jesus ! 
who  has  trusted  thee  with  no  less  a  blessing  than 
his  priceless  love  1     0  !  I  will  strive. 

With  tears  I  give  myself  up  to  thee,  my  Saviour, 
Oh  !  if  it  were  possible,  I  would  do  it  more  unre* 
Bervedly  than  I  have  ever  done.    My  safety  only 


THE    JEWISH    COxWERT.  159 

consists  in  feeling  that  thou  art  all  sufficient,  and 
wilt  never  deny  thyself  to  those  who  seek  Theo 
with  an  humble  heart. 

The  morning  Avliich  had  been  assigned  for  hei 
departure  arrived.  Upon  this  morning  we  find 
the  following  brief,  but  expressive  entry  in  her 
diary  : — 

"  Dearest,  loveliest,  and  best  of  all,  my  Jesus  !" 

And  then  came  the  last  fond  lingering  moment 
— the  last  tender  embrace — the  last  adieu  from 
her  swimming  eyes.  Graphically  as  every  attend- 
ant upon  the  parting  of  this  affectionate  daughter 
from  her  only  parent  has  been  depicted  to  us,  we 
must  draw  a  veil  over  its  further  description.  Such 
scenes  in  life  arc  far  too  sacred  to  be  committed  to 
aught  but  private  remembrance.  It  was  a  deeply 
affecting  one.  She  went,  not  knowing  whether 
she  should  ever  return ;  but  the  victory  was  hers 
through  Divine  grace. 

The  domestics  (themselves  of  the  seed  of  xVbra- 
ham)  shed  abundance  of  tears.  "  0,  my  dear 
young  mistress,"  said  one,  her  utterance  choked 
with  grief,  "  do  come  back  again  soon."  "  When 
God  sees  fit ;  pray  for  me,"  enjoined  Leila  ;  and 
with  a  bursting  heart,  she  threw  herself  into  the 
cari'iage  which  was  waiting  at  the  door. 


CHAPTER   X. 

TREATMENT    OF   LEILA   BY   HER     UNCLE. — HER    TRIALS. — 
CHARACTER    OF    LEILA's    COUSIN. 

We  have  remarked  of  Leila's  father,  that  altliough 
his  belief  in  the  Jewish  religion  was  firm  and  per- 
sistent, yet  he  was  not  strenuous  in  the  observances 
enjoined  by  their  ritual.  But  his  brother  was  much 
more  strict.  He  was  very  regular  in  his  attend- 
ance at  the  synagogue,  and  he  ^yu.s  generally 
regarded  as  a  pious  and  devout  Jew.  To  his  care 
Leila  was  confided,  Avith  a  desire  that  he  would 
exert  all  the  knowledge  he  himself  possessed,  and 
likewise  introduce  her  to  conversations  with  other 
wise  and  pious  Jews,  with  the  view  of  shaking 
her  belief.  He  was  also  instructed  to  carefully 
guard  against  her  obtaining  possession  of  any 
religious  works  except  those  which  belonged  to 
the  Jews ;  and  further,  she  was  never  to  be 
permitted  to  attend  a  place  of  Christian  worship. 
That  tliis,  and  the  purchase  of  any  Christian  books 
might  be  effectually  prevented,  she  was  never  to 
go  out  but  in  the  company  of  another. 

Her  zealous  uncle  began  his  work  immediate- 
ly. Closeting  himself  with  her  the  very  first  hour 
after  her  arrival,  he  began:  "My  dear  child, 
what   dreadful    tidings  are    these,  that  you  havo 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  161 

apostatized  from  the  religion  of  your  father  Abra- 
ham V 

"  Abraham  believed  God :  I  do  the  same- 
Abraham's  faith  -was  counted  unto  him  for  right- 
eousness :  mine  is  so  too.  Abraham's  salvation 
is  the  same  Saviour  as  mine ;  his  faith  in  the 
bloody  and  imperfect  sacrifices  of  the  old  covenant 
always  referred  beyond  those  types  to  the  Saviour 
whom  God  had  promised ;  mine  refers  to  the  ful. 
filment  of  the  old  and  the  establishment  of  the 
new,  by  the  one  perfect  sacrifice  of  Christ,  who 
is  the  Mediator  of  the  new  covenant  into  which 
God  hath  entered  with  His  people.  I  have  not 
committed  apostasy.  I  wish,  my  dear  uncle,  I 
had  a  New  Testament." 

"  I  would  not  listen ;  I  would  not  have  such  a 
book  in  my  house.  What  it  contains  is  blas- 
phemous, and  has  been  again  and  again  refuted ; 
and  you,  Leila,  ought  to  know  all  this.  Alas! 
all  that  my  dear  brother  said  was  too  true.  AVhat ! 
do  you  think  that  I,  and  your  dear  father,  and  all 
your  nation,  are  wrong,  and  you  are  right? — " 

"Uncle!"  mterposed  Leila,  ''from  experience 
I  know  that  not  you,  nor  any  of  our  nation,  have 
any  solid  joy,  or  hope,  or  peace,  or  even  comfort, 
in  your  religion.  You  reject  Christ  Jesus,  the 
Saviour;  wliat  will  you  do  for  an  atonement? 
Y)u  have  none.    Do  not  yourselves  confess  it?" 

"  An  atonement !  are  you  ignorant  of  the  Jewish 
14* 


162  LEILA    ADA, 

confessions?  I  mean  those  wliicli  are  appointed 
to  be  said  by  a  person  in  prospect  of  dcatli.  What 
Bay  they  ? — and  it  is  even  so  :  *  My  deatli  must  be 
an  atonement  for  my  sins]'" 

"  Oh !  that  is  a  terrible  delusion :  indeed,  it  is 
religious  insanity.  What  deatli  do  you  mean  will 
be  an  atonement  for  your  sins  1  Are  your  notions 
of  sin,  and  its  origin  and  its  nature,  so  crude,  that 
you  do  not  knoAV  that  *In  the  day  thou  eatest 
thereof  thou  shalt  surely  die,'  refers  not  to  temporal 
death  merely,  but  to  eternal  death  also]  This 
eternal  death  of  the  sinner,  or  an  atonement, 
God's  justice  must  have.  No  bodily  death,  no 
purgatorial  pains,  not  even  the  most  excessive 
torments  of  hell,  were  they  to  ever  cease,  could 
satisfy  God's  offended  majesty.  The  sinner  must 
either  endure  eternal  misery — eternal  death,  or  be 
ransomed  in  such  a  way  that  God  can  still  be  just, 
although  He  justify  and  restore  him  to  His  favour. 
If  the  words  you  have  quoted  mean  only  the 
sullen  calmness  of  despair,  I  can  understand  them ; 
they  are  desperate  madness,  if  they  mean  anything 
else.  You  said,  too,  that  the  accounts  in  the  New 
Testament  have  been  again  and  again  refuted.  In 
this  respect,  my  dear  uncle,  you  are  mistaken; 
they  are  capable  of  the  most  triumphant  proof. 
The  Sanhedrim  could  not  avoid  admitting  that  our 
Saviour  performed  the  miracles  imputed  to  Him." 

"My  dear,  I  really  must  not  go  into  this.     I 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  163 

have  listened  to  you  with  great  patience,  and  1 
Bhall  Beck  to  manifest  the  deepest  kindness  towards 
you  ;  but,  be  careful  of  tliis,  that  not  a  word  of 
your  principles  is  uttered  in  my  family.  I  love 
you  yet,  as  well  as  ever  I  did,  and  I  should  be 
very  sorry  to  suppose  that  you  should  ever  cause 
me  to  love  you  less.  I  will  fulfil  my  promise — I 
will  do  all  in  my  power  to  save  your  soul,  but  I 
will  not  have  Jesus  of  Nazareth  preached  in  my 
house." 

"  As  far,  sir,  as  my  duty  to  God  will  permit  me, 
I  promise  I  will  make  no  observation  ;  beyond  this, 
I  dare  say  nothing,  even  if  the  forfeiture  shall  be 
my  life." 

Leila's  aunt  was  a  leader  of  fashion,  as  it  is 
phrased  ;  and  now,  therefore,  she  was  placed  in 
the  midst  of  a  giddy  whirl  of  dinner  and  evening 
parties,  balls,  reunions,  &c.  This,  considered  by 
itself,  was  to  her  pure,  and  quiet,  and  retiring 
epirit,  an  inexpressible  trial.  It  was  her  uncle's 
desire  that,  as  far  as  possible,  her  being  a  Chris- 
tian should  be  kept  secret,  for,  said  he,  "  I  should 
feel  ashamed  to  have  it  known  that  my  niece  is  a 
believer  in  Jesus  of  Nazareth.  My  pride,  too, 
would  be  humbled,  were  our  people  acquainted 
tJiat  such  a  person  is  living  with  me." 

Her  personal  appearance  was  singularly  beau- 
tiful. Her  manners  and  address  were  characterized 
by   that    elegance,  refinement   and   ease,    vhich 


164  LEILA    ADA, 

inseparably  attend  good  sense  and  good  breeding 
and,  withal,  by  a  winning  softness  and  innocence 
which  at  once  fascinated.  This  was  remarked  by 
more  than  one.  Among  her  relatives  it  was  often 
observed,  "  If  Miss  T 's  arguments  fail  to  con- 
vince, her  insinuating  tenderness  and  innocence  of 
manner  will  :  in  any  case,  she  has  the  victory." 
Of  her  intellectual  power,  Ave  have  before  us  pre- 
cious evidence.  It  cannot  surprise,  therefore,  that 
she  quickly  became  a  chief  ftivourite  in  this  family 
circle.  And  as  she  appeared  at  the  first  "  quiet 
dinner  and  evening  party,"  (it  was  at  her  uncle's 
house,)  clad  in  a  robe  of  simple  white  muslin,  her 
aunt  could  not  avoid  a  feeling  of  pride  in  her 
niece.  Playfully  patting  her  cheek  with  her  glove, 
she  exclaimed,  "  Oh  !  Leila,  dear,  if  you  were 
not  in  such  a  dreadful  delusion,  how  I  could  enjoy 
you." 

Invitation  after  invitation  poured  in  upon  her, 
and  it  was  not  left  to  her  own  choice  whether  they 
should  be  accepted  or  not.  Soon,  however,  one 
was  sent  for  a  grand  reunion  and  ball.  This,  she 
felt,  she  must  not  accept.  The  evil  was  too 
mighty  to  permit  of  any  course  but  one — a  stern 
refusal.  *'  My  father,"  she  writes,  "  bade  me 
obey  my  uncle  as  I  would  himself.  I  feel  I  have 
already  done  this  too  much  :  I  will  do  so  no  more. 
My  obedience  affects  my  soul,  and,  therefore,  can* 
not  be  given.     Although  I  have  striven  hard  to 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  165 

keep  my  tliouglits  in  licavcn,  while  I  liavc  been 
in  the  midst  of  these  g-ay  circles,  yet,  I  fear  it 
has,  in  some  measure,  deadened  my  soul ;  indeed, 
it  cannot  be  otherwise,  because  the  music,  and 
singing,  and  animation,  arc  to  me  temptations; 
then  I  cannot  avoid  a  taint.  0,  my  Jesus,  ibrgive 
me  what  I  have  done !  I  never,  till  to-day,  saw 
the  evil  clearly.  I  have  sought  temporal  peace 
and  composure  at  the  risk  of  my  spiritual  life; 
but,  now,  by  Thy  help,  I  am  determined  to  do  so 
no  more.  My  body  trembles  and  is  ill  at  what 
I  know  is  to  come — what  I  know  will  be  the 
result  of  my  conduct — but  Thou,  my  Saviour, 
canst  give  mc  all  necessary  strength;  and  Thou 
wilt  if  I  have  faith  in  Thee.  I  entreat  Thee,  fire 
my  soul  with  Thy  love  !  Enable  me  to  break 
down  every  obstacle  which  shall  hinder  mc  in  my 
progress  toward  Heaven  :  0  perfect  Thy  strength 
in  my  weakness  !  I  am  full  of  sweet  confidence 
that  Thou  wilt :  I  have  an  assurance  that  in  the 
hour  of  trial  the  Saviour  will  appear  for  me. 
Then,  welcome  whatever  He  appoints.  I  am 
voyaging  to  eternity  :  no  matter  if  mine  is  to  be  a 
stormy  passage  ;  I  shall  better  enjoy  the  peaceful 
havens  of  celestial  rest ;  my  hopes  of  Heaven  will 
glow  more  vividly  ;  my  faich  in  Jesus  be  in  more 
mighty  exercise.  He  will  save  me  :  I  believe  it. 
Bless  tlic  Lord,  0  my  soul,  and  forget  not  how 
much   He  hath   done  for  thee  !     Fear  not  trials. 


166  LEILA    ADA, 

Jesus  will  be  with  thee  ;  the  Lord  of  hosts  is  His 
name.  Whom  shall  I  fear  ]  The  Lord  is  my 
rock  and  my  tower ;  the  God  of  Jacob  is  my 
refuge  ! 

"  O,  that  Christ  Jesus  may  but  dYv'ell  in  my 
heart  by  faith,  and  then,  rooted  and  grounded  in 
love,  I  shall  be  enabled  to  overcome  every  adver- 
sary, and  to  comprehend  with  all  saints  what  is 
the  length,  and  breadth,  and  depth,  and  height, 
of  the  love  of  God — that  love  which  passeth  know- 
ledge and  understanding.  I  shall  even  be  filled 
with  all  the  fulness  of  God.  With  the  glorious 
prospect  of  my  heavenly  inheritance  continually 
before  me,  I  shall  rejoice  with  a  joy  unspeakable 
and  full  of  glory.  Finally,  being  brought  oif  more 
than  conqueror,  I  shall  rise  to  the  mansion  of  rest 
which  Jesus  has  prepared  for  my  eternal  home." 

From  this  revelation  of  the  workings  of  her 
heart,  we  may  perceive  that  Leila  had  some  time 
previously  begun  to  suspect  that  the  fulfilment  of 
her  uncle's  request,  by  abstaining  from  distinctly 
confessing  her  attachment  to  Christianity,  was 
nothing  less  than  putting  her  light  under  a  bushel. 
And  therefore  she  gave  herself  to  reflection  upon 
how  far  her  peculiar  circumstances,  and  that 
obedience  to  her  father  which  the  Scriptures 
enjoined,  justified  her  in  what  she  now  believed  to 
be  an  infringement  of  the  hiAv  of  Christ.  For  the  sake 
of  that  affection  with  which  we  cherish  the  memory 


THE   JEWISH    CO?^VERT.  1G7 

of  our  dear  friend,  we  feel  it  necessary  to  record 
the  assurance  which  we  have  had  from  her  own 
lips,  that  she  never  made  the  shadow  of  an  attempt 
to  hide  the  fact  of  her  being  a  Christian. 

[We  find  the  following  entry  in  her  diary  at  this 
time  :] 

October  4th. — So  far,  all  is  well  with  me,  and 
I  am  enabled  to  hold  on  my  way  rejoicing.  Uncle 
is  kinder  than  I  expected,  aunt  very  kind,  the 
same  of  the  rest  of  my  relations  here.  I  feel  the 
importance  of  my  position  here,  as  a  disciple  of 
the  Lord  Jesus  ;  and  trust  I  shall  walk  worthy  of 
my  high  vocation.  I  am  determined  that  in  no 
way  will  I  deny  my  Lord,  Avhen  events  clearly 
intimate  that  I  ought  to  acknowledge  Him  ;  at 
the  same  time,  I  feel  the  necessity  of  obeying  my 
dear  father,  and  of  fulfilling  all  the  proper  desirea 
of  my  dear  uncle,  who  now  takes  my  parent's 
place.  0  my  Saviour  !  be  Thou  my  guide,  arid 
teach  me  how  to  act. 

October  9th. — Every  day  brings  to  me  fresh 
and  richer  proofs  of  my  Father's  plenteous  grace. 
Here,  where  I  expected  to  meet  much  unklndness, 
I  am  received  with  a  regard  never  surpassed. 
Aunt,  especially,  never  delighted  me  more  by  her 
manifest  solicitude  to  secure  my  perfect  happiness 
and  comfort.  She  takes  me  with  her  everywhere ; 
introduces  me  to  all  her  new  friends,  and  makes 
calls  on  purpose  to  do  so.    I  ride  out  with  her  and 


168  LEILA   ADA, 

my  cousins  twice  a  day ;  am  treated  by  all  with 
the  most  delicate  affection  ;  and,  indeed,  could  be- 
lieve myself  to  be  only  on  an  ordinary  visit,  were 
it  not  that  I  can  receive  no  letters  from  my  dear  pa- 
rent. But  uncle  has  kindly  promised  to  lighten 
this  trial  as  much  as  possible,  by  always  telling 
me  about  him  when  he  receives  a  letter  himself. 

October  16th. — I  still  enjoy  much  happiness. 
Uncle  has  never  adverted  to  my  Christianity  since 
the  first  evening :  nor  has  any  one  else  in  the 
family.  I  have  received  numerous  invitations  and 
numerous  offers  of  introductions  ;  and  am  alto- 
gether so  fully  engaged,  that  I  can  scarcely  find 
time  to  fulfil  my  settled  plan  of  sometimes  writing 
my  religious  feeling. 

I  feel  that  God  loves  me  and  that  I  love  Him. 
I  know  that  I  am  His  child,  and  I  have  a  sweet 
peace  which  is  indescribable.  Many  blessed  visi- 
tations of  His  love,  during  the  past  fcAV  days,  I 
have  missed  recording  for  want  of  opportunity  to 
write  them  in  my  book.  Lord  save  me  from  temp- 
tation, and  may  the  kindness  and  attention  I  re- 
ceive on  every  hand,  never  lead  me  to  forget  Thee, 
O  my  Redeemer,  nor  to  do  anything  that  would 
be  unbecoming  my  high  character  as  a  Christian, 
and  a  disciple  of  Thee. 

October  20th. — Mercies  make  up  the  sum  of 
every  day.  Happy  in  God,  and  in  possession  of 
the  peace  which  passeth  understanding,  I  feel  that 


THE    JEWISH   CONVERT.  169 

every  breath  should  be  praise.  Lord  save  me ! 
and  enable  me  to  walk  worthy  of  my  high  voca* 
tion. 

October 29. — Still  every  hour  seems  occupied; 
and  I  have  scarcely  time  to  fulfil  my  engagements 
with  such  correspondents  as  I  am  allowed.  But  I 
have  a  constant  sense  of  the  Divine  favour  ;  I  feel 
that  God  is  my  Father,  and  views  me  with  love  ; 
and  am  increasingly  alive  to  the  necessity  of  press- 
ing forward  in  the  Divine  life,  with  greater  earnest- 
ness, and  of  drinking  deeper  and  deeper  into  God. 

October  30.— *-I  have  sometimes  asked  myself  if 
I  do  right  in  never  making  any  reference  to  Chris- 
tianity, even  though  I  should  be  obliged  to  direct- 
ly change  the  course  of  my  conversation  to  enable 
me  to  do  so.  I  think  I  am  not  allowed  to  do  so. 
To  my  uncle  my  obedience  is  promised  :  and  I 
should  but  arouse,  I  sadly  fear,  a  bitter  feeling. 
To  avoid  strife  is  not  less  the  interest  than  the  duty 
of  the  Christian.  "  Seek  peace  and  pursue  it,"  is  the 
wise  injunction  of  David.  And  our  Saviour  Him- 
self seems  to  teach  us  a  lesson  of  prudence,  in  the 
case  of  the  person  whom,  after  healing.  He  direct- 
ed "  Go  thy  way,  and  see  thou  tell  no  man ;  but 
show  thyself  to  the  priests,  and  offer  for  a  testi- 
mony as  Moses  hath  commanded  you." 

November  Gth. — Many  perils  beset  the  path  of 
the  child  of  God  while  passing  through  this  life. 
"Thou  livest  in  great  danger,"  is  tbe  language  of 
15 


170  LEILA   ADA, 

the  Blessed  Volume  wlncli  is  our  momtoi'  arxd 
guide.  Our  nature,  ever  prone  to  sin,  may  be 
assailed  at  all  times,  and  a  temptation  to  evil 
lies  concealed  amidst  our  most  lawful  avocations, 
Humilit}^  then,  how  necessary  !  It  should  be  our 
constant  companion,  for  in  a  sense  of  our  weakness, 
and  that  God  is  all-sufficient,  lies  our  safety.  All 
we  have  comes  from  the  goodness  of  God ;  His 
supporting  hand  is  incessantly  re(][uired.  This 
will  enable  me  to  pursue  my  path  with  delight 
and  undaunted  resolution.  Distracting  doubts 
—which  now  sometimes  haunt  me  — will  no 
more  be  able  to  interrupt  my  peace,  nor  v/ill  the 
crosses  of  life,  however  severe  they  may  be,  that 
I  shall  experience,  affect  my  real  comfort.  This 
must  always  flow  unalloyed  and  uninjured  by 
earthly  things ;  and  that  Love  Divine  which  is  the 
beginning  and  end  of  my  being  will  always  be  in 
me,  giving  a  happy  assurance  of  the  still  greater 
love  of  heaven. 

November  11th. — How  all  this  life  and  gaiety 
makes  me  long  for  my  peaceful  home !  I  fear  it 
may  be  to  me  a  temptation :  but  Thou,  O  Lord, 
canst  save  me  in  the  future,  as  Thou  hast 
hitherto.  I  entreat  Thee,  give  me  all  the  strength 
necessary  to  conquer  everything  which  might 
Jiinder  me  in  my  service  of  Thee.  I  cannot  doubt 
that  Thou  wilt :  therefore  I  will  not  alarm  mysetf 
with  unnecessary  fears. 


THE    JEWISH    COiVVERT.  171 

My  enjoyments  from  a  religious  source  have  of 
late  been  very  great.  Sweet  peace  meets  and 
surrounds  me ;  the  conscious  smile  of  my  Father 
cheers  and  illuminates  my  heart ;  and  I  am  happy. 
0  my  gracious  Redeemer !  grant  that  henceforth 
my  gratitude  to  Thee,  for  the  abundant  kindnesses 
Thou  art  daily  displaying  towards  me,  may  be 
manifested  in  a  more  decided  delication  of  my 
body,  soul,  and  spirit,  to  Thy  service.     Amen. 

[Then  follows  a  letter  to  her  friend.J 

TO   MISS   HEIGHWAY. 

October  7th,  1848. 
My  beloved  EmiJy, 

With  much  joy  I  devote  a  few  minutes  of 
this  evening  to  you,  my  dearest  friend.  I  know 
how  warmly  you  are  interested  in  my  v/elfare,  and 
how  much  you  will  wish  to  know  what  is  my 
position  here. 

It  is  a  much  more  happy  one,  at  present,  than 
either  I  or  yourself  had  imagined  possible.  I 
am,  in  everything,  considered  as  I  used  to  be. 
Every  one  is  exceedingly  kind.  I  have  to  join  in 
none  of  the  private  services  but  just  those  which 
I  choose.  They  allow  me  to  eat  with  them,  and 
at  the  same  table.  Indeed,  there  is  no  difference 
made,  because  I  am  a  Christian.  I  am  visited  by 
all  my  old  friends, — and  how  I  sometimes  long  to 


172  LEILA    ADA, 

tell  tlicm  of  my  present  happiness  compared  with 
my  former  unhappiness;  but  I  must  not,  and  if  I 
did,  I  fear  it  would  not  be  believed. 

On  the  whole,  then,  you  see  I  have  much  to  be 
thankful  for.  But  I  feel  separation  from  my  home 
my  papa,  and  all  my  friends — at  a  time,  too,  when 
I  needed  their  help  to  strengthen  me — most 
keenly.  Continue,  dearest,  to  pray  for  me,  and 
love  me.  Pray  write  soon.  Tell  me,  dearest,  all 
about  yourself;  nothing  else  half  so  much  in* 
teres ts 

Your  very  affectionate  sister, 

Leila  Ada. 

Excuse  this  being  only  a  short  note.  It  is 
the  very  £rst  time  I  have  had  to  write  you,  so 
many  kind  friends  here  place  me  under  a  sort  of 
obligation  to  visit  them.  I  shall  write,  should  I 
be  spared,  more  at  length  in  a  few  days. 


TO   THE   SAME. 

November  llth* 


My  much-loved  Emily, 

Many  thanks  for  your  kind  letter  of  Saturday. 
The  contents  were  altogether  congenial ;  and  from 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  173 

reading  tliem,  I  derived  fresli  courage  to  renew 
my  diligence  in  the  pui'suit  of  endless  bliss. 

Cease  all  anxiety,  dearest,  about  tlie  futm-e. 
At  present,  I  assure  you,  I  have  no  cause  to  com- 
plain,— except  I  might  say  that  so  much  visiting 
is  unlike  my  disposition  to  quietness ;  and  this, 
but  especially  one  or  two  rather  fashionable 
unions,  is  a  source  of  trial.  But  while  I  have  to 
endure  no  more  than  tins,  I  shall  be  very  thank- 
ful, indeed;  and,  for  the  future,  I  will  not  allow 
it  to  depress  me.  Neither,  dearest,  must  you 
think  of  it  for  me 

Oh!  those  few  lines  about  papa;  what  joy  it 
was  to  me  !  I  am  glad  he  has  not  ceased  to  visit 
you;  but  I  am  dreadfully  oppressed,  because  he 
seems  so  sorrowful.  Pray,  my  love,  when  he 
comes,  take  care  of  him  for  me.  Solace  him  all 
you  can :  he  has  got  a  lovely  heart !  I  almost 
felt  greatly  pained  because  he  did  not  say  some- 
thing about  me  to  you  ;  though  I  think  as  you  do, 
that  it  is  only  because  he  suffers  much  about  me. 
I  do  pray  that  my  Lord  will  bless  him  abun- 
dantly, and  lead  him  to  the  only  source  of  perfect 
rest  and  peace.  In  my  approaches  to  a  throne  of 
grace,  it  often  gives  me  great  strength  when  I 
remember  that  my  dearest  Emily  has  also  pro- 
mised to  pray  for  him.  May  the  Lord  our  Re- 
deemer bless  you,  my  love,  in  your  own  soul 
abundantly,  for  this  unexpected  proof  of  your 
15* 


174  LEILA    ADA 

affection.  Yet  has  it  never  occurred  to  you  that 
there  ought  to  be  much  more  of  this  sohcitude  for 
particular  persons  amongst  the  disciples  of  our 
Lord  1  I  think  so.  Fervent  prayers  at  a  throne 
of  grace  for  our  brethren  and  companions'  sake ; 
a  deep  concern  for  each  other's  welfare ;  mutual 
acts  of  special  kindness  and  affection ;  and  the 
most  earnest,  constant  efforts  in  the  pursuit  of 
each  other's  happiness  are  all,  very  certainly,  our 
duty. 

Above  all,  I  feel  thankful  for  that  growing 
evidence  of  a  **  death  unto  sin,  and  a  new  birth 
unto  righteousness,"  which  is  depicted  in  your 
letters  to  me.  Oh  !  the  inexpressible  delights  of  a 
friendship  like  ours,  cemented  by  the  bonds  of  love 
to  God !  My  affections  are  more  than  ever  with 
you,  my  sweet  friend.  With  sentiments  of  grati- 
tude to  God,  I  acknowledge  our  intimacy  as  one 
of  the  great  blessings  conferred  upon  me,  and  feel 
assured  I  ever  shall. 

From  the  very  first  she  resolved  that  she  could 
yield  obedience  to  her  uncle  only  so  far  as  not  to 
seek  for  an  occasion  which  would  require  her  to 
repudiate  Judaism  ;  if  that  occasion  came  without 
any  effort  of  her  own,  she  fully  determined  that 
not  for  one  moment  would  she  compromise  the 
truth  by  which  she  was  saved.  She  felt  that  be- 
yond doubt  the  time  for  her  to  confess  Jesus  had 
now  arrived.     From  the  extract  just  given  shd 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  175 

appears  to  think  that  it  licad  arrived  before ;  but 
she  was  quite  assured  that  her  position  compelled 
her  to  disobey  her  parent  now,  and  that  she  might 
righteously  do  so.     But  what  a  flood-gate  of  per- 
secution would  be  opened  upon  her,  if  she  trans- 
gressed her  uncle's  word,  and  made  it  known  that 
he,  a  strict  Jew,  had  allowed  a  devoted  Christian 
Jewess  to  be  introduced  into  Jewish  circles,  and 
yet  had  spoken  of  her  as  though  she  were  a  be- 
liever in  the  faith  of  her  fathers.     Leila  thouorht 
on  all  this,  and  on  much  more  than  this,  and  that 
ehe  should  have  to  endure  sufferings  which  could 
only  be  imagined  by  one  who  was,  like  herself,  a 
Jew.     But  she  wavered  not.     Her  help  was  laid 
on  "  One  that  is  mighty,"  and  with  a  calm  assur- 
ance and  trusting  confidence,  she  took  a  pen  to 
decline  the  before-mentioned  invitation,  and  de- 
clare her  joyful  belief  in  Jesus  as  the  Messiah. 
The  letter  was  written  in  her  own  sweet  spirit ; 
full  of  a  yearning  tenderness  for  the  soul  of  the 
person  to  whom  it  is  addressed;  and  noble  and 
undaunted  in  her  recognition  of  the  Divinity   of 
the   Gospel  of  Christ.     She   wrote   without  first 
making  her  uncle  acquainted  with  her  intention. 
To  such  a  task  she  felt  unequal ;  and  therefore 
left  to  her  Heavenly  Father's  direction,  the  way 
in  which  it  should  be  made  known  to  him.     Here 
is  the  letter : — 


17&  LEILA   ADA, 

November  22,  1848, 

My  dear  Mrs.  S., 

Believe  me  I  am  very  grateful  for  the  kind 
attentions  which  on  every  occasion,  while  residing 
with  my  aunt,  you  have  manifested  towards  me ; 
and  I  appreciate  and  thank  you  for  the  feeling 
which  led  you  to  include  me  amongst  the  invita- 
tions for  your  reunion.  But  I  feel  that,  with 
many  thanks,  I  must  decline  it. 

To  accept  it  would  be  sinful.  I  am  a  believer 
in  the  Messiahship  of  Jesus  of  Nazareth.  I  am  a 
Christian ;  and  am  sure  that  all  my  sins  are  for- 
given, through  my  Lord  Jesus  Christ. 

There  is  very  much  in  these  unions  which  is 
entirely  uncongenial  to  the  spirit  which  a  follower 
of  Jesus  should  preserve. 

I  need  not  tell  you  the  chain  of  events  which^ 
in  a  gracious  providence,  God  used  to  produce  this. 
&weet  change.  But  I  might  say  a  word  to  you 
respecting  the  Messiah,  if  you  will  have  the  good- 
ness to  bear  with  me  ;  and  I  must  hope  you  will,  my 
dear  Mrs.  S ,  because  I  know  you  give  a  figu- 
rative interpretation  to  His  character,  as  displayed 
in  the  Sacred  Books,  and  look  for  Him,  I  rather 
think,  simply  as  to  be  the  King  to  restore  us  to 
our  inheritance,  and  by  sacrifices  redeem  us  from 
our  sins. 

But  this  mode  of  interpreting  the  propheciea 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  177 

wliicli  relate  to  Him  is  very  objectionable,  and  it 
would  be  well  if  our  nation  could  rightly  under- 
stand this  ;  for  then,  I  think,  much  of  our  darkness 
would  be  passed  away ;  at  any  rate,  I  believe  that 
the  mystical  labyrinth  in  which  this  way  of  inter- 
pretation involves  them,  is  one  great  cause  that 
they  so  implicitly  rely  upon  the  teachings  of  the 
rabbins,  leaving  them  only  to  search  the  iScriptures 
and  expound  their  meaning,  since,  if  such  views  of 
them  be  true,  they  can  never  feel  they  understand 
them. 

God  certainly  wrote  His  word  so  that  man  could 
understand  it,  and  not  surrounded  by  a  mist  and 
cloud  which  could  be  pierced  only  by  a  few  per- 
sons, and  then  merely  those  who  confined  their 
attention  to  it  solely.  I  believe  He  is  willing  to 
teach  it  to  every  man  who  will  simply  read  it,  rely- 
ing upon  Him  for  direction.  The  Bible  is  not  a 
book  of  allegories,  but  a  plain  and  simple  state- 
ment of  things  that  had  been,  things  that  were, 
and  things  to  come,  with  their  connection  with  the 
eternal  laws  by  which  God  governs  mankind- 

What  things  have  happened  show  us  this.  When 
God  promised  Abraham  that  his  posterity  should 
take  possession  of  Canaan,  did  Abraham  understand 
some  mystical  allegory  by  which  he  was  promised 
immense  blessings  of  some  kind  ?  but  of  what  kind 
they  were,  ^"«  could  only  understand  after  a  great 
deal  of  reflecuon  and  comparison  about  the  proba- 


178  LEILA    ADA^ 


ble  meaning  of  the  promise.  His  wliole  conduct, 
after  receiving  the  promise,  proved  that  he  under- 
stood God  as  meaning  literally  what  He  said ;  and 
God  did  fulfil  the  promise,  as  literally  as  He  had 
uttered  it.  And  the  sons  of  Ishmael,  are  they  not 
still  wanderers  in  the  desert,  their  hand  against 
every  man,  and  every  man's  hand  against  them, 
just  as  literally  as  God  predicted  it  should  he  I 
Were  not  Sodom  and  Gomorrah  destroyed  by  fire, 
as  it  was  said  ]  Was  not  the  world  drowned  in  the 
days  of  Noah  ?  Has  not  Tyre  become  a  ruin,  so 
that  where  she  once  raised  her  head  in  magnificence 
and  pride,  now  the  stork  of  the  desert  roams,  and  fish- 
ers spread  their  nets  1  The  same  is  true  of  Babylon, 
of  the  destruction  of  Jerusalem,  of  the  dispersion 
of  Israel,  of  their  consequent  calamities.  So  plain- 
ly are  all  these  things  written,  and  so  exact  has 
been  their  fulfilment  in  the  experience  of  our  na- 
tion, that  I  can  only  wonder  how  they  cannot  un- 
derstand the  true  meaning  and  connection  with 
their  rejection  of  Jesus,  the  Son  of  God. 

Just  as  literally  must  the  prophecies  which  re- 
late to  the  Messiah  be  taken ;  and  if  they  are,  we 
cannot  easily  be  mistaken  as  to  His  person.  In 
the  Books  of  David  and  Isaiah,  it  is  distinctly 
predicted  of  Him  what  He  is  to  be ;  of  whom 
descended ;  what  kind  of  life  He  is  to  lead ;  what 
sorrows  He  should  endure ;  how  He  should  sus- 
tain Himself  under   them;    what  should   be  the 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT  179 

manner  of  His  death ;  what  indignities  should 
attend  it ;  and  that  the  Jews,  of  which  nation  He 
shouhl  come,  should  reject  Him.  All  these  things 
are  clearly  written ;  and  though  I  felt  no  more 
willing  than  any  other  Jew  to  be  convinced,  yet 
I  am  convinced  that  they  are  accurately  fulfilled 
in  Jesus  of  Nazareth.      And  if  you  would,  my 

dear   Mrs.    S ,  only   take    up    the    fifty-third 

of  Isaiah,  and  compare  that  with  the  life,  acts, 
and  death  of  Jesus,  you  would  be  fully  satisfied 
that  He  is  the  person  there  spoken  of.  I  say 
thus,  because  I  suppose  you  to  be  acquainted 
with  His  life  as  to  its  general  particulars ;  but  if 
you  are  not  sufficiently  aware  of  them,  and  if  you 
would    obtain    a  New    Testament — most    gladly, 

dear  Mrs.  S ,  would  I    lend  you  one  that  I 

have — and  compare  the  twenty-sixth  of  St.  Mat- 
thew with  the  fifty-third  of  Isaiah,  you  would  be 
at  once  assured  that  the  agreement  is  exact.  I 
do  so  fear  you  would  never  consent  to  this.  But 
to  read  the  account  of  His  death  and  sufferings 
as  recorded  by  St.  Matthew,  the  truth  of  which 
no  Jew  acquainted  with  history  doubts,  cannot  do 
you  harm  ;  I  am  quite  sure  it  would  do  you  much 
good.  Oh !  I  should  have  so  much  delight  if 
you  would  ask  me  to  read  it,  for  I  do  think  you 
would  want  to  know  more. 

The  interpretation  which  the  Jews  give  to  thie 
chapter  is  most  unlikely;  allow  me  to  say,  that  it 


180  LEILA   ADA, 

is  even  so  absurd,  as  to  make  it  very  strange  liow 
after  reading  the  other  prophecies  about  them- 
selves, they  could  ever  suppose  that  this  refers  to 
them.  To  any  one  taking  up  the  chapter  with  a 
mind  free  from  prejudice,  it  must  be  very  plain 
that  whoever  it  refers  to,  it  cannot  be  what  they 
imagine  it  is,-— an  allegorical  representation  of 
their  own  sufferings. 

If  it  is  true  that  the  Bible  is  only  a  book  of 
allegories  and  words  of  doubtful  meaning,  then  it 
must  be  very  unlike  the  Being  who  spoke  it, — ■ 
Him  who  is  Light  without  shade,  essential  Truth, 
unsullied  Purity,  an  unchanging  Lord.  It  cannot 
be  what  He  declares  it  to  be,— the  only  guide  to 
purity  of  heart  and  eternal  salvation,— a  guide  so 
simple,  that  the  wayfaring  man  need  not  err  in 
interpreting  it.  It  cannot  be  a  certain  teacher, 
for  all  it  says  is  so  mystical,  that  several  con- 
structions may  be  put  upon  it,  each  one,  seem» 
ingly  to  human  wisdom,  as  likely  to  be  true  as 
the  other ;  and  this  is  scarcely  better  than  writing 
a  book  which  is  meaningless.  We  are  sure  that 
such  a  book  could  not  consist  with  the  wisdom 
and  character  of  God;  nor  with  Him,  as  the 
Source  of  all  Intelligence. 

From  reading  the  Bible  in  this  way,  then— I 
mean  believing  that  it  spoke  everything  plainly, 
and  so  that  I  could  not  mistake  its  meaning  while 
I  read  it  with  a  willingness  to  learn— from  this 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  181 

I  am  convinced  that  the  Messiah  has  come ;  that 
Jesus  of  Nazareth  was  tlie  Messiah,  the  promised 
Son  of  God ;  that  what  the  rahbis  teach  is  not 
the  truth  of  God,  and  a  great  deal  of  it  is  exces- 
sively sinful.  Look  at  the  Talmud  and  Cabbala, 
and  then  compare  them  with  Moses  and  the  Pro- 
phets. And  oh,  my  dear  Mrs.  S. !  how  happy, 
how  very  happy  I  have  been,  since  I  felt  this; 
since  I  felt  the  power  of  His  salvation  as  mani- 
fested in  my  own  spirit.  I  have  no  fear  now  of 
dying  !  no  dread  of  something,  I  know  not  what, 
to  come  after  death  !  for  I  have  found  a  place  of 
everlasting  refuge.  I  know  whom  I  have  be- 
lieved, and  I  am  persuaded  that  He  is  able  to 
keep  that  trust  which  I  have  committed  unto 
Him  —  which  is  my  body  and  soul  —  unto  the 
day  when  He  shall  appear  with  all  the  holy 
angels,  bringing  His  saints  Avitli  Him.  Oh  I  these 
are  sweet  and  holy  feelings — an  inexhaustible 
spring  of  delights.  To  feel  that  soon  I  shall  be 
for  ever  in  heaven  with  Him,  to  be  q[uite  sure.oi 
it,  where  there  will  be  no  more  pain,  nor  care, 
nor  languor,  nor  sorrow,  nor  sin ;  where  the  body 
will  never  again  feel  weariness,  tlie  eye  weep  no 
longer,  the  heart  never  feel  unhappy,  and  those  1 
love  will  never  forsake  me,  nor  separate  them- 
selves from  me ;  but  where  I  shall  for  ever  be  filled 
with  that  glorious  fulness  of  Himself  which  God 
will  give  to  all  His  ransomed  children.  Oh ! 
16 


182  LEILA    ADA, 

these  thouglits  make  me  joyful  as  I  write.  Suf- 
fering is  before  me,  I  doubt  it  not;  suffering, 
probably  in  full  measure.  But  son-ow,  then,  will 
be  a  thing  that  was,  and  is  to  be  no  more.  There 
I  shall  mingle  in  the  song  of  the  redeemed.  To 
Him  that  hath  loved  me,  and  washed  me  from 
my  sins  in  His  own  blood,  to  Him  be  glory  and 
dominion,  for  ever  and  ever.  In  hope  of  that 
lovely  time  I  am  enabled  here  to  meet  suffering 
with  composure.  I  feel  very  strong,  because  of 
Him  v/ho  is  engaged  to  save  me.  If  I  am  un- 
happy now,  I  am  comforted  by  the  knowledge 
that  it  will  soon  pass  away,  and  I  shall  be  in 
those  abodes  of  love  and  peace  where  I  cannot  be 
unhappy  again. 

"  And  oh  !  my  dear  Mrs.  S.,  if  these  delights 
were  also  yours,  how  glad  I  should  feel  for  you — 
how  I  could  rejoice  with  you.  You  are  not  happy 
now — you  cannot  be  happy  ,a«  you  are  at  present 
— I  know  this  from  my  own  experience.  But 
Jesus  is  willing  ito  make  you  happy,  if  you  will 
allow  Him.  He  beseeches  you  to  be  reconciled  to 
Him,  that  by  doing  His  will  He  may  be  glori- 
fied in  you.  He  gave  up  Himself  that  by  dying 
in  your  stead.  He  might  work  your  redemption 
from  eternal  death.  And  will  you  not  love  Him 
for  such  goodness  1  Oh  !  I  think  you  must.  Oh  ! 
that  you  may  say  when  next  I  shall  see  you — 
or  if  I  should   never    see   you  again,  may  you 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  183 

now  say  it  to  God — as  His  disciple  Thomas  said 
when  convinced  that  it  was  indeed  Himself  upon 
whom  he  looked,  "  My  Lord  !  and  my  God  !" 
Then  will  heaven  flow  into  your  soul  while  on 
■earth,  and  at  last,  accompanied  by  waiting  angels, 
you  shall  be  carried  to  the  realms  of  unclouded 
blessedness.  It  is  beautiful  to  be  a  Christian ;  we 
have  such  soul-sustained  prospects  !  For  in  all 
things  Jesus  will  make  us  more  than  conquerors. 
Our  last  enemy,  death,  has  no  terrors,  for  Jesus  has 
promised  victory  over  him  too ;  and  in  the  cer- 
tainty of  that  victory  we  now  look  forward,  full  of 
joyful  expectation,  sapng,  "Even  so,  Lord  Jesus, 
come  quickly,  and  take  me  to  Thyself,  where  I 
long  to  be  !" 

I  review  what  I  have  said,  and  I  fear  I  may 
have  transgressed  my  proper  bounds.  But  I  will 
permit  myself  to  hope  that  in  this  thing,  at  least, 
I  shall  be  forgiven.  Religion  is  a  very  favourite 
theme  of  mine,  and  I  am  apt  to  speak  rather 
largely  upon  it.  And  I  love  Jesus,  because  I  feel 
He  loves  me  !  I  feel  He  is  indeed  God.  And 
He  makes  me  so  happy  that  I  would  lay  myself 
out  in  any  way,  if  I  could  get  all  those  of  my 
people  with  whom  I  am  acquainted  to  believe  on 
him,  too- 

I  am,  my  deai-  Mrs.  S., 

Your  very  affectionate, 

Leila  Ada. 

To  Mrs.  S. 


184  LEILA    ADA, 

The  lady  to  whom  this  aflfectlonate  letter  was 
addressed  replied  to  it  by  immediately  seeking  an 
interview  with  Leila's  uncle. 

With  this  act  a  course  of  severely  increased 
trial  commenced.  This,  as  we  have  said,  she  had 
anticipated.  To  the  present  moment,  her  uncle 
and  aunt  and  their  family  had  been  solicitously 
kind.  It  is  true  that  they  sometimes  took  occa- 
sion to  scold  her  for  displaying  what,  in  their  esti- 
mation of  obedience,  they  considered  too  much  of 
the  "  Nazarene  doctrine,"  as  they  called  it ;  but 
in  general,  all  their  efforts  to  reclaim  her  to  Juda- 
ism had  been  characterized  not  only  by  affection, 
but  that  tenderness  to  which  her  ardent  and 
refined  spirit  rendered  her  so  peculiarly  suscep- 
tible. Even  the  restrictions  of  her  father  they 
had  many  times  transgressed.  She  had  often 
been  permitted  to  go  out  alone  (except  on  the 
Christian  sabbath),  and  she  had  availed  herself  of 
these  occasions  to  purchase  the  Bible,  and  several 
of  her  favourite  books.  But  now  sour  looks  and 
dogged  silence  took  the  place  of  approving  smiles 
and  bland  conversation  ;  she  was  dunned  on  every 
hand  with  interminable  questionings  and  woful 
expressions  upon  her  spiritual  state.  "  I  could 
bear,"  she  says,  "my  endless  catechising  when 
the  persons  possessed  sound  judgment  and  com- 
petent knowledge ;  but  to  be  compelled  to  give  a 
composed  attention  to  the  puerile  reasoning  and 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  185 

empty  observations  of  those  who  know  just  as 
little  of  their  own  religion  as  they  do  of  the 
Christian  religion,  is  quite  painful."  Compared 
with  her  trying  situation  these  reflections  were 
exceedingly  mild ;  yet  a  review  of  them  startled 
their  meek  writer,  for  she  continues,  *'  But  are  not 
these  expressions  impatient,  and,  therefore,  sinful  ? 
Lord  Jesus,  save  me  from  all  disposition  to  mur- 
mur !  It  is  Thou  who  hast  laid  it  all  upon  me ; 
O,  then,  enable  me  to  cheerfully  endure  it  all !  I 
am,  perhaps,  not  well,  for  to-day  I  have  had  to 
encounter  more  severe  trials  than  usual." 

Each  day  her  position  heightened  in  severity  ; 
insults  became  unceasingly  common ;  so  that  we 
find  her  writmg,  "  If  my  father  knew  the  intense 
cruelty  of  my  position,  he  surely  would  not  leave 
me  here  ;  it  is  trying  me  almost  beyond  my  powers 
of  endurance.  My  spirits  sometimes  sink  very 
low.  Lord,  save  me !  Many  of  those  who  come 
near  me  hold  in  their  clothes  lest  I  should  touch 
them,  and  as  they  pass  me  avert  their  faces,  their 
lips  curling  with  a  most  offensive  expression  of 
scorn.  I  am  not  permitted  to  have  any  meals 
with  my  uncle  and  aunt,  nor  any  of  their  family. 
All  of  them,  but  one,  and  even  the  servants,  insult 
me.  Last  evening  I  entered  a  room  in  which  two 
of  the  servants  were  working  :  *  Eudice,*  said  one, 
*  let's  turn  our  coats,  and  go  and  pray  to  the  Car- 
penter's Son  to  come  down  and  save  us.' 
16* 


186  LEILA    ADA, 

*"  Oil !  don't  talk  to  me.  I  hate  Him,  and 
everybody  as  likes  Him ;  and  I  shouldn't  think 
He  very  well  likes  a  hypocritical  apostate.' 

"  *  Oh,  yes,  He  does ;  both  He  and  His  people 
are  very  fond  of  proselytes.  They'll  promise 
them  anything  ;  and,  as  to  heaven,  they'll  warrant 
them  getting  in  there  if  they  have  to  carry  them 
in  a  basket.' 

*'  *  Well,  say  what  they  will,  they  shall  never 
point  at  me  as  a  turncoat  Jew  ;  I  would  rather  be 
a  dog.' 

"  Here  followed  a  torrent  of  vulgar  abuse  and 
blasphemy,  which  I  could  not  write.  0,  my 
Saviour,  forgive  them  !  I  would  pray  with  Ste- 
phen, *  Lord  Jesus,  lay  not  this  sin  to  their 
charge.'  " 

But  in  her  aunt's  family  there  was  one  who  had 
always  behaved  to  her  with  an  uniform  and  deli- 
cate kindness.  This  was  her  eldest  cousin,  a 
young  man  whose  mind,  destitute  of  those  unrea- 
sonable prejudices  possessed  by  too  many  of  his 
nation,  was  always  on  the  stretch  to  obtain  in- 
creased light,  or  to  communicate  it.  His  in- 
fluence prevented  Leila  from  being  submitted  to 
many  an  intended  slight  or  insult.  He  very  often 
conversed  with  her  about  the  New  Testament  and 
the  prophecies,  and  the  proofs  that  the  Messiah 
had  come.  In  the  midst  of  these  conversations, 
lie  confessed  that  he  had  long  felt  an  absence  of 


THE   JEWISH   CONVERT.  187 

confidence  in  the  religion  of  his  people.  This 
feeling  arose  through  reading  the  Old  Testament, 
and  comparing  it  with  the  Talmud ;  but  that  ho 
feared  to  trust  his  judgment,  lest  he  should  com- 
mit the  error  of  reasoning  himself  into  deistical 
principles,  or  even  worse,  perhaps,  than  these. 
He  had  noticed  the  character  of  several  Christians, 
and  it  claimed  his  admiration ;  but  one  thing  he 
thought  very  wrong — even  if  Jesus  should  be 
verily  the  Messiah — it  was  the  changing  of  the 
sabbath.  He  thought  this  a  flagrant  offence 
against  the  majesty  and  command  of  God,  and 
wondered  that  Leila  could  think  of  observing  this 
"  sabbath  of  man's  creation."  But  one  by  one 
his  scruples  were  removed,  and  his  opinions 
changed;  and  Leila  had  the  intense  satisfaction 
of  seeing  him  increasingly  incline  to  become  an 
"  apostate"  too. 

He  was  far  from  being  a  person  of  timid  and 
ever-shifting  principle.  Before  adopting  any  opi- 
nion as  his  own,  he  accustomed  himself  to  examine 
it  well  on  every  side  ;  at  the  same  time  condensing 
all  the  light  he  could  obtain,  and  throwing  it  upon 
it.  When  at  last  his  judgment  was  decided,  if  he 
were  in  favour  of  the  principle,  it  was  at  once  and 
for  ever  placed  upon  the  shelf,  and  he  was  pre- 
pared to  vindicate  and  sustain  it  to  the  uttermost. 
At  each  successive  conversation  with  Leila,  his 
conviction   that   she   was    right   and   his  parents 


188  LEILA    ADA, 

were  wrong,  struck  deeper  into  Ms  soul,  and  in 
proportion  liis  exertions  on  lier  behalf  became 
more  strenuous  and  earnest.  This  hastened 
things  to  a  crisis.  From  his  conduct  it  was 
"  quite  clear  that  he  was  infected  with  her  blas- 
phemous opinions."  Indeed,  it  was  a  fact  that  he 
made  no  attempt  to  disguise.  His  parents  were 
enraged — not  against  him,  but  Leila.  And  some- 
thing must  be  done  at  once.  Perhaps  part  of  their 
resolve  was  taken  with  the  view  of  following  up 
the  "  salutary  impression"  which  Leila's  aunt  sup- 
posed her  suflferings  would  make  upon  the  family ; 
but  we  also  believe  that  with  it  was  coupled  an 
honest  intention  to  make  one  final  effort,  that,  if 
possible,  her  poor  soul  might  be  saved  from  the 
perdition  which  threatened  it.  And  her  father 
was  Avritten  to.  He  was  told  that  she  had  been 
exerting  every  means  in  her  power  to  convert  the 
family  to  her  abominable  doctrines,  and  had  nearly 
succeeded  in  poisoning  that  member  of  it  to  whom 
we  have  referred. 

But  in  the  midst  of  these  painful  circumstances, 
her  confidence  in  God's  mercy  and  love  towards 
her  was  unchanged.  This  is  sweetly  proved  by 
her  diary : — 

"  Eternal  Father,  infinite  is  Thy  goodness  !  un- 
bounded Thy  love !  In  the  contemplation  of  it 
I  am  lost  in  wondering  adoration.  What  am  I, 
0   God,   that   I   should  be  so  highly  favoured! 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  189 

Where  shall  I,  who  am  but  dust  and  ashes,  begin 
to  glorify  my  gracious  Parent  and  Preserver  1  or 
where  shall  I  find  a  point  at  which  my  strain  of 
praise  may  cease?  By  Thy  mercy  it  is  that  from 
a  soul-felt  experience  I  am  enabled  to  celebrate 
Thy  love.  Whatever  I  have  been,  whatever  I 
now  am,  whatever  in  a  blissful  eternity  I  may 
become,  is  Thy  precious  gift,  my  Redeemer.  To 
Thee  let  the  tribute  of  my  gratitude  be  unceas- 
ingly offered.  To  praise  Thee  with  all  my  facul- 
ties, with  all  my  energies,  is  the  wish  of  my  soul. 

•*  Glorious  Emmanuel !  I  love  Thee.  And  now, 
when  perhaps  Thy  visitations  may  seem  most 
trying,  I  rejoice  in  the  sweet  conviction  that  good- 
ness and  jnercy  preside  over  the  infliction.  With 
humble  confidence  I  approach  Thee,  O  God,  as 
my  Father ;  and  so  I  believe  that  Thou  wilt  piti- 
fully weigh  whatever  chastisements  Thou  seest  fit 
to  exercise  me  with.  Is  it  for  me  to  complain  of 
the  trivial  cares  and  slight  annoyances  which  I 
feel  when  I  recollect  what  Christ  suffered,  and 
Buffered  with  unconquerable  love  and  unshaken 
patience,  that  I  might  inherit  eternal  life  ?  If  I 
am  oppressed  with  anguish,  my  faith  may  still 
derive  fresh  courage  from  the  reflection  that  the 
time  is  coming  when  God  shall  wipe  away  all 
tears  from  the  sorrowing  eye.  At  those  seasons 
when  my  soul  shrinks  with  a  disgraceful  fear,  let 
it  look  to  the  bright  example  set  by  my  Ilcdcemer 


190  LEILA   ADA, 

and  be  thus  assisted,  strengthened,  and  consoled. 
It  may  be  that  fearful  is  the  trial  and  life-long  the 
conflicts  which  I  am  decreed  to  know,  but,  with 
Jesus  as  my  guide,  I  may  still  say,  *  none  of  these 
things  move  me ;'  my  constancy  shall  never  be 
overcome.  And  then,  what  mighty  joys  hath  He 
laid  up  for  me  in  reversion  !  With  what  glad 
songs  of  triumph  shall  I  mount  above  the  skies,  to 
dwell  in  the  presence  of  my  Saviour  for  evermore  ! 
Accept  my  thanksgivings,  gracious  Father ;  Thine 
— only  Thine,  I  am  ;  and  Thine  through  eternity 
do  I  desire  to  remain.  How  sweet  the  thought ! 
With  what  faith  and  love  does  the  anticipation  of 
Heaven  inspire  my  soul ! 

*  O,  how  Omnipotence 

Is  lost  in  love  !     Thou  great  Philanthropist  I 

Father  of  Angels !  but  the  Friend  of  man ! 

Like  Jacob,  fondest  of  the  younger  born, 

Thou  who  didst  save  him,  snatch  the  smoking  brand 

From  out  the  flames,  and  quench  it  in  Thy  blood  ? 

How  art  Thou  pleased,  by  bounty  to  distress ! 

To'make  us  groan  beneath  our  gratitude, 

Too  big  to  utter !  to  favour,  and  confound ; 

To  challenge,  and  to  distance  all  return  ! 

Of  lavish  love  stupendous  heights  to  soar, 

And  leave  praise  panting  in  the  distant  vale ! 

Thy  right,  too  great,  defrauds  Thee  of  Thy  due  I 

And  sacrilegious  our  sublimest  song.'  " 

****** 

"  *  Hitherto  hath  the  Lord  helped  me.'     It  is 


THE    JEWISH    CO  WERT,  191 

my  privilege  to  moment  by  moment  repeat  the 
exulting  words.  And  while  through  them  I 
express  the  rejoicings  of  a  heart  grateful  for  past 
mercies,  they  convey  also  the  cheering  conviction, 
that  as  He  has  hitherto  assisted,  so  will  He  in 
mercy  continue  to  support  even  to  the  end.  The 
consolations  of  the  Christian  are  too  rich — too 
solacing  to  be  given  up,  because  sometimes  clouds 
may  intervene  between  the  soul  and  the  beams  of 
the  Sun  of  righteousness.  To  speak  thus  seems  to 
the  worldly  the  height  of  foolishness.  Let  it  be 
so.  The  Christian  can  well  afford  to  be  counted 
weak  and  ignorant.  The  things  of  Christ  can 
only  be  spiritually  discerned  ;  and  to  his  faithful 
servant  this  confident  dependence  upon  Him  seems 
to  approach  the  perfection  of  wisdom.  It  is  ever 
a  source  of  love,  and  hope,  and  peace,  and  joy. 
0  !  then,  let  me  exult  in  the  favour  of  my  pro- 
tecting God.  Heaven  is  in  my  view,  and  in  com- 
parison with  that,  all  the  sorrows  of  earth  fade  into 
insignificance.  It  is  mine  to  know  that  through 
the  merits  of  my  Redeemer  I  am  reconciled  to  the 
Deity,  and  am  made  an  heir  of  everlasting  glory. 

"  Such  are  now  my  feelings,  but  how  often  are 
my  spiritual  senses  dulled  ;  how  often  do  I  find 
cause  to  deplore  my  coldness  and  insensibility  to 
eternal  things  !  This  bosom,  which  has  been  so 
often  filled  with  a  joy  unspeakable,  and  which 


192  LEILA    ADA, 

sliould  constantly  beat  with  exultation  and  grati- 
tude, why  is  it  that  it  ever  remains  unmoved  1 
How  very  sinful  is  this  indifference  !  How  defi- 
cient in  dignity  and  reason,  as  a  creature  destined 
to  immortality,  must  I  be,  if  I  can  ever  neglect 
such  wondrous  love. 

"  Do  I  start  when  I  contemplate  the  gloom  of 
the  doubtful  future  1  Away  with  such  desponding 
and  unworthy  thoughts.  I  have  nothing  at  all  to 
do  with  the  events  of  my  life,  but  submit  myself 
to  them  ;  sustained  by  the  positive  assurance  that 
all  things  shall  work  together  for  my  good.  God 
chastens  those  whom  He  loves  :  and  I  must  kiss 
His  correcting  hand.  Oh  !  then,  my  Jesus,  let  mo 
calmly  leave  all  I  am  with  Thee.  Help  me  to 
peacefully  confide  in  Thy  protecting  care,  and 
repose  in  Thy  perfect  wisdom.  May  my  soul  now 
rise  above  this  cheerless  world  and  turn  to  Thee 
— the  Mighty — Jehovah — the  Eternal  !  So  shall 
I  find  peace,  and  love,  and  joy,  for  ever  and  ever." 

"  How  deep  is  this  stillness  !  broken  only  by 
the  solemn  ticking  of  my  watch  at  my  side.  Tre- 
mendous monitor !  How  mighty  is  the  silent 
eloquence  with  which  thou  tellest  me  it  is  now  just 
midnight.  This  minute  separates  the  day  which 
has  closed  from  that  which  now  opens  upon  me. 
An  all-pervading  awe  surrounds  my  spirit.     The 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  193 

day — the  future — eternity — is  beginning.  Let  me 
dedicate  these  solemn  moments  in  a  grateful  act  of 
worship  to  my  God. 

"  Great  and  adorable  Creator  !  with  unaffected 
reverence  and  humility  I  bend  before  Thy  awful 
throne,  and  worship)  and  adore  Thee  as  the  pur- 
chaser of  my  glorious  immortality.  By  Thy  grace 
I  have  been  safely  brought  through  the  sorrows 
and  difficulties  of  another  day.  Grant  that  my 
soul  may  have  a  proper  sense  of  Thy  mercy,  and 
justly  value  the  love  which  Thou  hast  displayed 
towards  it,  in  the  day  that  has  now  for  ever  fled 
into  eternity.  Lord,  I  am  thankful ;  and  before 
I  sleep,  I  desire  to  feel  that  Thou  hast  accepted 
the  tribute  of  my  gratitude.  Pardon  all  my 
offences  against  Thee,  whether  they  ha^e  pro- 
ceeded from  weakness  or  a  more  blameable 
source.  Amidst  thought  and  distraction  did  I  forget 
Thee,  0  my  indulgent  Father  ?  Have  I  earnestly 
coveted  to  be  like  my  Saviour,  loving  and  holy, 
meek  and  humble,  gentle  and  affectionate,  patient 
and  resigned,  disinterested  and  unwearied  in  my 
efforts  to  do  all  the  good  which  my  present  cir- 
cumstances admit  ?  Alas  !  how  defective  is  my 
deportment  before  mankind  and  Thee.  May  my 
gracious  God  look  down  in  loving  compassion  upon 
His  erring  child.  I  long  for  a  complete  devotion 
to  my  Saviour.  Oh  !  teach  me  more  and  more  of 
Thyself,  my  Jesus  ;  and  more  and  more  fit  me  for 
17 


194  LEILA   ADA, 

immortality ;  help  me  to  abhor  what  is  evil,  and 
eagerly  pursue  everything  that  is  good.  To  this 
end  let  all  my  thoughts,  and  hopes,  and  aims  be 
directed.  If  in  Thy  wisdom  it  is  determined  that 
this  day  shall  introduce  me  to  the  eternal  world, 
0  !  help,  sustain  me  still ;  and  grant  that  with 
unshaken  faith  in  my  Redeemer,  I  may  tranquilly 
pass  from  earth  into  that  state  of  being,  in  which 
all  sublunary  sorrows  and  anxieties  are  dismissed 
for  ever.  And  where  to  perfectly  know,  and  love 
and  adore  Thee  will  be  the  consummation  of  bles- 
sedness.    Amen." 

****** 
"  A  constant  sense  of  the  Omnipresence  of  God 
would  be  the  most  prevailing  incentive  to  a  devo- 
tional holy  frame  of  mind.  All  my  words,  thoughts, 
and  actions  are  known  to  Him.  Every  pure  aspi- 
ration, every  inward  struggle,  every  victory  gained 
over  sin,  is  observed  by  the  Deity.  How  should 
my  worn  spirit  be  cheered  by  such  a  conviction ! 
My  secret  anguish  is  not  unknown  to  Thee,  my 
Heavenly  Father,  and  Thou  wilt  not  pass  over  it 
with  cold  indifference.  At  an  age  when  I  could 
least  bear  it,  I  have  been  violently  torn  from  the 
parental  bosom,  in  which  I  have  so  loved  to  nestle 
and  be  cherished — but  it  is  enough,  my  Saviour, 
that  thou  seest  it,  and  hast  willed  it  should  be  so. 
Satisfied  that  thou  lovest  me  too  well  to  be  unkind, 
may  I  repose  upon  the  assurance,  that,  no  matter 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  195 

wliat  are  my  difficulties,  they  shall  tend  to  my 
eternal  benefit.  It  is  true  my  way  may  be  ob- 
scured by  clouds  and  gloom,  but  the  conviction 
that  Thou  art  watching  over  me,  and  counting  all 
my  tears,  shall  make  me  rejoice. 

"  Never  did  I  feel  more  than  I  do  at  this  time 
the  importance  and  beauty  of  religion.  I  love  my 
Saviour ;  I  am  o'er-canopied  by  His  wings ;  and 
I  am  happy.  I  have  seen  a  glimpse  of  His  glory 
whom  my  soul  loveth  ;  and  I  long — I  pant — most 
ardently  to  be  lost  in  God. 

'  0  could  I  lose  myself  in  Thee, 

Thy  depth  of  mercy  prove, 
Thou  vast  unfathomable  sea 

Of  unexhausted  love!' 

"  I  am  athirst  for  a  state  of  everlasting  happiness ; 
for  those  immortal  joys  which  live  in  the  presence 
of  my  Saviour  for  ever.  A  holy,  solemn  calm 
flows  o'er  my  heart — yes,  I  have  a  sweet  impres- 
sion that  I  soon  shall  join  the  spirit-music  of  the 
skies.  Do  I  deceive  myself?  A  little  time  will 
answer  me !" 

*  #  *  *  # 

Precious  testimony  to  the  peace  and  joy  of 
serving  God  !  Hail,  youthful  saint !  Communion 
witli  thy  Saviour  was  tliy  great  delight  on  eartli. 
And  often  amidst  its  melancholy  clouds  have  our 
hearts  been  warmed,  and  om-  souls  gladdened,  by 
witnessing  thy  bright  yet  dreamy  smile,  and  th^^ 


196  LEILA    ADA, 

holy  happiness  and  love.  Thy  pure  spirit  seemed 
to  enwreath  us  all,  and  throw  around  us  a  strange 
and  mystic  influence.  So  hallowed  was  thy  joy. 
But  happier  now.  For  in  perfection  of  thy  ardent 
wish,  thou  art  for  ever  present  with  thy  precious 
Redeemer,  in  those  sweet  abodes  of  blessing  and 
repose,  where,  with  all  the  redeemed,  thou  hast 
bliss  without  alloy — without  an  end.  0,  that  we 
might  have  a  faith,  a  love,  an  earnestness  to  equ.al 
thine  ! 

[At  this  period  she  writes  to  her  friend.] 

MISS   HEIGHWAY 


My  MUCH-LOVED  Emily, 

It  is  a  pleasure,  indeed,  to  write  you,  and  yet 
in  doing  it  my  heart  is  touched  with  a  soft  and  pen- 
sive melancholy,  which  makes  me  shed  many  tears. 
Oh !  if  I  could  only  see  you,  dearest.  I  feel  this 
impossibility  so  very  hardly.  I  long  to  speak  to  you, 
and  breathe  out  my  heart  while  hanging  on  your 
neck.  Yet,  if  it  were  best  for  us  to  be  near  each 
other,  my  Lord  would  not  keep  Emily  from  me. 
I  must  submit,  for  I  know  that  all  my  Father 
does  He  does  in  love.  I  am  ever  near  you  in 
spirit ;  we  are  one  in  Christ  Jesus.  And,  if  separate 
now,  let  our  faith  triumph  in  the  thought  that — 

"There's  a  land  where  those  who  loved  ou  earth 
Shall  meet  to  love  again." 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  197 

This  is  a  glorious  assurance.  Death  itself  cannot 
divide  us — it  unites  us  for  ever. 

Your  letter,  dearest,  came  truly  in  a  season  of 

trouble My  aunt  was  dreadfully 

severe,  and  I  found  that  my  only  wise  course  was 
to  patiently  bear  with  her,  for  any  attempt  to 
soften  her  seemed  vain.  When  at  last  I  was  left 
alone,  I  felt  much  cast  down,  and,  for  a  moment,  I 
believe,  I  was  tempted  to  murmur,  and  to  give  way 
to  gloomy  apprehensions.  But  recollecting  that 
"in  the  multitude  of  thoughts  there  wanteth  not 
sin,"  I  took  up  my  Bible,  and  opened  upon  the 
sootliing  46th  Psalm.  I  had  read  to  the  tenth  verse, 
"Be  still  and  know  that  I  am  God,"  and  was 
pondering  the  nobleness  of  mental  repose,  the  spirit 
unalarmed,  the  expectation  unimpatient,  which  it 
implied,  when  the  door  of  my  room  was  opened,  and 
a  servant  placed  your  letter  before  me.  I  snatched 
at  the  precious  treasure  with  much  joy,  and  eagerly 
devoured  its  contents.  And  oh !  my  beloved  Emily, 
how  grateful  it  made  me  for  my  privilege.  I  fell 
upon  my  knees,  and  thanked  our  Jesus  for  the 
precious  gift  of  such  a  friend. 

Most  true  it  is  that  "it  needs  Jehovah's  power, 
the  united  force,  the  divided  offices  of  the  Triune 
Deity  to  raise  the  soul ;  it  needs  no  force  to  sink 
it."  Daily  experience  convinces  me  of  the  exact- 
ness of  this  description  of  my  weakness,  and  I  find 
17* 


198  LEILA   ADA, 

it  also  declared  in  the  word  of  God.  Yet,  alas! 
how  little  do  I  gain  by  this  conviction  compared 
with  what  I  might.  Oh,  if  I  could  but  constantly 
realise  my  own  frailty,  and  with  all  the  innocent, 
simplicity  of  a  trusting  child  depend  entirely  upon 
my  Redeemer,  who  is  pledged  to  save  and  deliver 
me,  what  glorious  results  should  I  behold.  An 
utter  renouncing,  an  annihilation  of  self,  is  one  of 
the  inseparable  characteristics  of  a  child  of  God. 
For  what  is  man  ]  God's  word  answers  us — "  a 
thing  of  nought."  Amen.  Let  God  be  all  in  all. 
I  bless  God,  I  do  not  desire  to  be  anything  more 
than  nothing,  even  if  I  could.  I  rejoice  that  to 
Jehovah  belongs  the  glory,  and  power,  and  do- 
minion. We  are  in  the  position  of  the  man  with 
the  withered  arm  when  told  to  use  it.  Not  unless 
he  were  capable  of  giving  to  it  life,  could  he  do  it. 
But  it  is  his  Lord  commands,  and  with  the  com- 
mand He  gives  also  power  to  obey.  And  if  we 
trust  in  God  this  is  what  we  shall  always  find;  it 
is  what  God  has  promised,  and  it  has  always  been 
the  experience  of  His  people.  When  we  are  thus 
completely  surrendered  up  to  God,  we  shall  have 
everything  which  can  possibly  do  us  good,  for  in  his 
reconciled  God  the  believer  has  everything  pro- 
mised to  Him.  All  things  are  his.  0  that  lovely 
passage,  it  delights  me  so  while  I  dwell  upon  it. 
The  world,  and  life,  and  death,  and  things  present, 
and  things  to  come,  all  belong  to  us.    May  our 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  199 

repose  in  God  increase  each  moment  f  May  the 
Spirit  be  continually  taking  of  the  things  which 
are  Christ's  and  revealin<^  them  to  our  soul ! 


TO   THE    SAME. 

December  18th,  1848. 

My  dearest  Emily, 

Your  prayers  and  affectionate  counsels 
touched  the  keenest  sensibilities  of  my  soul.  I 
cannot  requite  you,  neither  can  I  return  them, 
for  I  am  all  weakness  and  ignorance.  Continue 
to  instruct  and  encourage  me.  And  for  your 
labour  of  love  may  grace  and  blessing  abundantly 
descend  upon  you.  May  you  receive  that  divine 
support  which  shall  make  you  victorious  in  every 
temptation  and  trial. 

Oh,  let  us  abandon  ourselves  more  than  ever  to 
our  glorious  Redeemer.  Blessing  and  glory  to 
Jesus !  Soon,  very  soon,  Emily,  my  sweet  love, 
we  shall  see  Him,  and  live  in  His  presence  for 
ever. 

"  The  time  is  short,  we  soon  shall  rise, 

And  bid  farewell  to  weeping  eyes, 

And  reach  the  heavenly  shore." 

There  all  is  rest  and  peacefulness ;  there  pureness 
and  glory  are  given.     For  this  immortal  home  I 


200  LEILA   ADA, 

pant  hourly.  I  long  to  attain  that  state  of  happi» 
ness  and  love  which  knows  neither  interruption 
nor  end.     How  beautiful  are  our  hopes ! 

For  your  many  prayers  I  feel  inexpressibly  grate- 
ful. The  blessings  which  I  have  in  this  way  re- 
ceived will  be  revealed  only  in  the  abodes  of  endless 
bliss.  But  I  must  request  you,  dearest,  not  to  be 
so  over-anxious  about  me.  It  is  true  that  I  suffer 
a  great  deal,  and  my  trials  are  all  of  a  character 
which,  to  my  quick  heart,  are  peculiarly  distress- 
ing ;  but  Jesus  is  with  me  and  supports  me.  And 
though  I  am  not  always  joyous — nor  under  any 
circumstances  could  I  expect  to  be — I  think  I  may 
say  I  am  always  peaceful  and  serene.  Yes,  my 
dear  friend,  Jesus  is  indeed  a  God  of  love  to  me. 
My  cup  of  blessing  runs  over.  His  loving-kindness 
is  a  boundless,  an  unsearchable  sea,  that  I,  a  poor 
sinful  creature,  should  now  receive  such  gracious 
manifestations  of  His  love.  He  is  ever  near  me> 
ever  Avith  me.  I  can  constantly  feel  that  I  am  folded 
on  the  bosom  of  my  Lord ;  and  so  strong  is  this  evi- 
dence sometimes  that  I  almost  seem  in  His  visible 
presence.  How  happy  is  the  thought !  Soon  I 
and  my  Emily,  having  gained  our  immortal  crown, 
shall  unite  in  the  circle  before  our  Saviour's  throne, 
and  join  their  exulting  song. 

*'  There  is  a  shore  of  better  promise, 

And  I  know  at  last 
We  two  shall  meet  in  Christ  to  part  no  more." 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  201 

I  read  to  my  clear  Isaac  that  part  of  your  letter 
in  wliicli  you  speak  so  feelingly  of  liim,  and  pray, 
tliat  God  will  reward  liim  for  liis  kindness  by 
revealing  His  Son  in  Lis  heart.  He  was  much 
affected.  He  seemed  very  grateful  to  be  so  remem- 
bered by  you,  and  his  eyes  filled  with  tears.  Ho 
desires  me  to  present  his  very  affectionate  regards 
to  you,  and  to  say,  that,  though  he  cannot  pray 
for  you,  he  hopes  one  day  to  be  a  Christian  too  ; 
and  that  he  fully  believes  I  am  right  in  asserting 
that  the  Lord  Jesus  was  a  Divine  person.  Oh, 
the  very  sound  ! — for  he  had  never  before  so 
fully  avowed  his  sentiments  to  me.  I  was  enrap- 
tured with  pleasure.  He  observed  it ;  and,  thank- 
ing me  for  it,  said  he  was  fully  persuaded  we 
sliould  meet  each  other  in  the  abodes  of  endless 
blessing ;  and  that  he  loved  Jesus,  though  he  did 
not  serve  Him. 

My  beloved  father,  I  am  dying  to  see  him  !  I 
feel  our  separation  very  dreadfully.  Oh !  if  I 
could  but  embrace  him  there  in  that  lounge  where 
we  have  so  often  sat  together,  looknig  down  upon 
the  waving  flowers  and  the  crystal  skies.  Thank 
you,  dearest,  thank  you  again  and  again,  for  your 
kind  trouble  in  sending  me  so  much  information 
respecting  him.  Always  tell  me  everything  you 
can — the  most  trifling  things  connected  with  his 
dear  hand,  have  a  surpassing  pleasure  for  me  ;  but 
60  you  do  tell  me  all.     Oh,  my  precious,  precious 


202  LEILA    ADA, 

parent !  liow  blest  could  I  but  embrace  you,  and 
rest  my  tired  head  upon  your  affectionate  bosom. 
But  busb  my  warring  passions  !  it  is  at  the  com- 
mand of  Jesus,  who  left  the  kingdom  of  his 
Father,  and  bore  indignities  from  which  thou 
wouldst  shrink,  and  at  last  expired  on  the  bitter 
cross  that  thou  mightest  live  for  ever,  it  is  in  His 
wisdom  that  thou  art  appointed  to  this  sorrow. 
Oh  !  try  to  endure  it  thankfully.  Rejoice  in  thy 
Saviour's  love  !  Oh  !  Emily,  is  not  this  thought 
sweet  ?  It  lifts  my  sinking  soul !  It  makes  me 
happy  ! 

Since  I  last  wrote  you,  my  health  has  remained 
much  as  it  was  at  that  time.  With  so  much  to 
oppress  my  body  I  do  not  expect  to  feel  well. 

I  send  a  kiss  to  each  of  your  dear  sisters.  Tell 
them  that  the  fullest  expression  I  can  give  of  my 
gi-atitude  is  by  assuring  them  that  I  deeply  love 
them,  and  that  I  always  pray  for  them.  Present 
my  love  to  your  dear  papa,  and  say  that  his  advice 
was  made  truly  blessed  to  me ;  and  that  I  do, 
indeed,  realize  the  promise  of  Divine  support  in 
trial.  God  is  always  with  me  to  be  my  strength 
and  my  shield.  And  tell  him  too  that,  as  he 
remarks,  I  also  believe  God  is  working  out  a  great 
purpose  in  this  trying  appointment ;  and  that, 
with  him,  I  feel  assured  I  shall,  at  last,  be  brought 
off  more  than  conqueror,  if  I  simply  trust  in  Jesus. 
Ours,  dearest  Emily,  is  a  hallowed  struggle.     Let 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  203 

US  not  cease  to  strengthen  each  other's  hands  in 
the  Lord.  And  high  above  all  principalities  and 
powers  sits  our  gracious  Redeemer,  holding  out, 
as  our  reward,  the  crown  of  glory  which  he  has 
purchased  for  us. 

My  watch  lies  upon  the  table  before  me,  and,  in 
eloquent  silence,  tells  me  that  it  is  one  o'clock  at 
midnight.  Nature  needs  repose.  Then  must  I  bid 
my  dearest  friend  farewell  ?  A  tear  flows.  I  love 
you,  Emily,  and  in  converse  with  you  I  never 
tire. 

Adieu,  then,  my  lovely  friend.  Continue  to 
remember  and  love,  and  pray  for  your  sister  in 
Christ  Jesus. 

Leila  Ada. 

In  her  diary  she  writes  : 


As  the  sacrament  of  the  Lord's  supper  is  this 
day  to  be  administered  at  the  place  of  Christian 
worship  which  I  have  sometimes  been  able  to 
attend,  I  have  devoted  this  solemn  hour  to  read- 
ing, from  the  thirteenth  to  the  nineteenth  chapter 
of  St.  John  inclusive.  And  though  I  have  been 
prevented  from  outwardly  receiving  the  precious 
memorials  of  my  Saviour's  death,  yet  I  have  been 
enabled  to  draw  near  and  receive  Him  into  my 
heart  by  faith  ;  and  to  make  a  fresh  and,  if  possi- 


204*  LEILA    ADA, 

ble,  a  more  full  surrender  of  myself  to  God  tlian 
ever  I  did. 

O,  my  Jesus,  can  I  meditate  upon  Thy  life  and 
death  and  sufferings  for  such  a  guilty  creature  as 
myself,  and  yet  refuse  to  love  Thee  with  all  my 
heart  ?  It  cannot  be.  All  my  heart  is  a  poor 
return  indeed  !  for  such  amazing  goodness  as  Thou 
hast  displayed.  But  I  feel  glad  that  I  desire  to 
make  no  reserve.  I  give  Thee  all  I  am.  0  !  take 
me,  and  fashion  me  after  Thy  lovely  image. 

A  retrospect  of  my  past  life,  a  review  of  the 
ways  in  which  Providence  has  led  me,  causes  my 
heart  to  overflow  with  gratitude.  0,  how  thank- 
ful I  feel  to  God  that  ever  my  heart  was  led  to 
open  the  New  Testament,  that  I  was  not  left  to 
regard  it  with  that  fear  and  abhorrence  with 
which  most  of  my  brethren  think  upon  it.  My 
first  motives  for  reading  it  were  little  better  than 
an  idle  curiosity.  But,  blessed  be  God  !  who 
opened  my  eyes  to  see  the  Divinity  stamped  on 
every  page.  Surely  it  was  nothing  less  than  a 
large  interposition  of  Divine  Power — for  which  I 
daily  feel  I  am  not  half  thankful  enough — that 
enabled  me  so  readily  and  clearly  to  perceive  the 
exact  accordance  of  the  life  and  death  of  Jesus, 
with  the  prophecies  which  relate  to  the  Messiah 
in  the  Old  Testament.  I  would  think  on  this 
particularly,  because  I  had  been  taught  to  attach 
such  different  meanings  to  them ;  and  yet  this  did 
not  seem  to  greatly  darken  my  mind,  with  respect 
to  the  reception  of  truth.  The  New  Testament 
was  by  me  almost  constantly.  0  !  the  blessed 
Book  !  How  more  and  more  eagerly  I  devoured 
it !  In  it  I  saw  described  what  my  soul  had  so 
long  sought  for  in  vain ;  A  vv^ay  of  salvation — 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  205* 

A    WAY    OF    HOLINESS A    WAY    TO    HEAVEN.      Yet 

I  tremble  to  think  that  even  then  I  fought  heard 
against  God,  and  I  really  believe  I  often  tried 
with  all  my  might  to  smother  my  convictions  ; 
and  certainly  I  did  often  declare  to  myself  that  it 
was  after  all  a  fabrication  ;  that  I  surely  must  be 
deceiving  myself ;  else  why  was  it  that  the  wise 
and  pious  men  amongst  us,  who  knew  so  much 
better  than  I,  why  did  they  with  one  accord 
reject  it  1  for  they  had  studied  the  life  of  Jesus. 
Oh,  my  precious  Eedeemer !  who  didst  not  sur- 
render me  up  to  the  hardness  of  my  sinful  heart, 
Thou  knowest  I  do  indeed  praise  thee  for  it.  The 
result  of  my  perversity  was,  that  God,  in  a  mea- 
sure, Avithdrew  the  Holy  Spirit  from  me  ;  and  to 
a  great  extent  left  me  to  follow  the  guidatice  of 
unaided  reason.  Then  the  agony  of  soul  I  often 
suffered  was  terrible  ;  it  terrifies  me  to  think  of 
it.  I  dreaded  to  open  the  Bible.  Every  denun- 
ciation of  God's  law  seemed  pointed  at  nic.  His 
threatenings  appeared  transformed  into  the  light- 
nings of  His  wrath  ;  and  to  wait  only  for  His 
bidding  to  consume  me  for  ever.  It  was  indeed 
a  very  dreadful,  dark  season  ;  and  those  feelings 
thrill  through  me  again,  now  as  I  write.  I  could 
not  believe  there  were  three  persons  in  one  God  : 
I  felt  unable  to  understand  such  a  thing.  I  per- 
suaded myself  that  Jehovah,  one  Lord,  was,  as  I 
had  before  believed,  all  :  that  he  had  no  person- 
alities, except  Himself.  I  knew  not  what  to  do  : 
distress  was  on  every  hand.  I  thought  I  would 
pray,  that  if  Jesus  were  the  Messiah,  God  would 
help  me  to  recognise  it.  But  I  could  hardly 
utter  a  sentence,  for  it  seemed  to  pass  through 
my  heart,   "  What  are  you  daring  God  to  do  1 


206*  LEILA   ADA, 

You  wish  Him  to  give  his  unsearchable  glory 
to  a  man ;  a  man  who  was  put  to  death  for 
making  himself  equal  to  Him,"  No  way  of 
escape  seemed  open  to  me  then ;  and  it  often 
made  me  weep  abundantly,  and  I  wondered  why 
I  could  ever  have  thought  of  destroying  myself 
by  reading  the  "  Christians'  wicked  book,"  as  I 
supposed  it  must  be ;  and  when  I  thought  in  this 
way,  I  could  only  upbraid  myself  by  feeling  I 
deserved  all  I  was  suffering,  for  I  had  been 
warned  by  the  rabbins  never  to  come  even  within 
the  outermost  circle  of  the  Christian  doctrine. 
or  I  should  be  whirled  down  and  lost  for  ever, 
My  agitation  and  profound  distress  prepared  the 
way  for  my  illness  at  Jerusalem.  I  first  felt 
a  painful  degree  of  nervous  excitement,  which 
sometimes,  especially  towards  the  close  of  the 
day,  made  me  very  depressed  ;  and  often  after 
lying  down,  a  disagreeable  sense,  as  of  suffocation. 
At  last  I  became  seriously  ill.  Papa,  not  know- 
ing the  first  cause,  imputed  it  solely  to  the  cli- 
mate— which  undoubtedly  had  much  to  do  with 
it — and  he  resolved  that  when  I  recovered  Ave 
should  return.  It  was  during  this  illness  that  I 
gaain  received  sensible  comfort  from  on  high. 
Yet  even  then  all  was  very  dark  and  mysterious. 
The  promises  of  the  New  Testament  had  begun 
to  give  me  peace ;  but  I  had  refused  to  believe 
them  ;  and,  hence  I  lost  this,  and  was  left  to  my- 
self. I  made  up  my  determination  that  I  would 
pray  very  earnestly — not  in  any  form  prescribed 
by  our  books,  but  simply  pour  out  my  soul  before 
the  God  of  love,  begging  him  to  take  compassion 
on  my  darkness,  and  teach  me  what  to  do.  Dur- 
ing our  return  to  England,  I  became  much  more 
peaceful ;   and  was  able  to  rest  my  cause  in  His 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  207* 

hands,  assured  that  in  His  OAvn  way  he  would 
make  my  path  altogether  plain.     And  this  He  did. 

And  now,  oh,  my  Kedeemer  !  that  a  ray  of  Thy 
benignity  has  lit  up  my  soul,  and  dispersed  those 
dense  clouds  which  once  darkened  my  spirit ;  and 
now  that  through  Thy  tender  mercy  I  daily  ex- 
perience more  and  more  the  love,  the  joy,  the 
peace  of  believing  in  Thee,  grant  me  peace  that  I 
may  never  again  tempt  Tiiee  to  withdraw  Thyself 
by  indulging  an  evil  heart  of  unbelief.  0,  my 
God,  save  me  from  this.  Without  Thy  smile,  I 
cannot  feel  happy,  nor  know  peace.  0,  then  con- 
tinue the  manifestations  of  Thy  boundless  love  in 
my  heart,  until  I  commence  its  blissful  perfection 
in  the  unalloyed  enjoyment  of  Thyself  in  heaven 
for  ever.     Amen. 

[Again  she  writes :] 


Dec.  26th,  1848. 
My  Dear  Emily, 

It  is  with  the  richest  delight  that  I  ever 
sit  down  to  answer  your  kind  letters  ;  but  never, 
I  think,  did  I  experience  so  much  of  this  feeling 
as  I  do  in  commencing  a  reply  to  the  loving  and 
expressive  one  now  before  me. 

******** 

But  your  kind  expressions  because  I  have  to 


204  LEILA  ADA. 

attend  the  worship  in  our  synagogue,  are  owing  to 
a  mistake  which  I  will  hasten  to  correct.  I  cer- 
tainly am  always  glad  when  the  time  for  attending 
the  synagogue  service  arrives.  Indeed,  dearest, 
I  should  like  you  to  accompany  me  to  a  syna- 
gogue, should  an  opportunity  ever  present  itself. 
I  am  always  puzzled  when  I  try  to  conjecture  why 
the  Christians  so  seldom  join  the  Jews  in  their 
solemn  act  of  worship.  Nothing  can  be  more 
interesting.  And  the  ignorance  of  Christians,  in 
this  respect,  must  appear  to  me  very  strange. 

Yet,  from  what  I  have  told  you  in  previous 
letters,  I  am  certain  you  will  not  understand  me 
as  meaning  that  nothing  passes  at  the  synagogue 
from  which  I  dissent.  I  did  not  think  it  necessary 
to  make  any  reference  to  that.  And  the  Jews  who 
attend  at  the  synagogue  to  which  I  go  are  greatly 
favoured ;  for,  though  the  rabbi  is  eminently  a 
learned  Talmudist,  he  principally  addresses  us 
from  the  Scriptures. 

In  England  we  generally  have  a  fixed  person 
to  read  and  expound  the  law  ;  but  in  places  abroad 
strangers  are  often  allowed  to  do  this.  Indeed, 
papa  did  so  several  times  when  we  were  travelling. 
This  was  also  usual  in  all  olden  times ;  and  you 
find  it  noticed  in  the  life  of  our  Redeemer.  Just 
refer  to  St.  Luke  iv.  16 — 19  verses.  I  do  not 
know  whether  our  Lord's  closing  the  book  —  or, 
in  other  words,  coiling  up  the  roll — at  the  words, 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  205 

"To  proclaim  the  acceptable  year  of  the  Lord," 
has  ever  particularly  struck  you.  To  me  it  opens 
a  subject  for  endless  meditation;  and  the  more  I 
think  upon  it  the  more  do  I  feel  my  soul  expand. 
When  He  had  read  the  sentence  just  quoted,  He 
closed  the  book,  leaving  the  rest  of  the  sentence, 
"  and  the  day  of  vengeance  of  our  God,"  unsaid. 
He  had  not  then  come  to  take  vengeance  on  His 
enemies,  neither  has  He  yet.  Then  Pie  had  come 
only  to  offer  and  proclaim  to  all  salvation.  He 
still  proclaims  it — still  it  is  "  the  acceptable  year 
of  the  Lord."  Retribution  for  sin  is  yet  a  strange 
work  to  Him.  But  the  day  is  coming  when,  leav- 
ing out  the  first  part,  He  will  finish  the  sentence  ; 
and  at  the  terrible  thunders  accompanying  the 
awful  word  the  affrighted  heavens  shall  flee  away. 
Then  will  He  proclaim  the  "  day  of  vengeance  of 
our  God;"  and  the  "wrath  of  the  Lamb"  shall 
be  poured  upon  all  that  hate  Him,  and  despise 
His  mercy. 

But  liow  magnificent  is  the  language  in  which 
the  prophet  sings  of  the  future  glories  of  my  be- 
loved people.  "  Sing,  0  daughter  of  Zion ;  shout, 
0  Israel;  be  glad,  and  rejoice  with  all  the  heart,  O 
daugliter  of  Jerusalem.  The  Lord  thy  God  in  the 
midst  of  thee  is  mighty ;  He  will  save,  He  will 
rejoice  over  thee  with  joy ;  He  will  rest  in  His 
love,  He  will  joy  over  thee  with  singing.  At 
that  time  will  I  bring  you  again,  even  in  the  time 
18 


206  LEILA   ADA, 

that  I  gather  you,  for  I  will  make  you  a  name  and 
a  praise  among  all  people  of  the  earth,  when  I 
turn  back  your  captivity  before  your  eyes,  saith 
the  Lord."  Oh !  I  love  to  think  of  that  time. 
And  you,  my  love,  like  to  think  of  it  too ;  you 
love  to  watch  for  the  first  glorious  signs  of  its 
dawning.  Come  then,  and  let  us  pray  to  our  pre- 
cious Father  together — Father,  hasten,  if  it  please 
Thee,  hasten  this  glad  day  which  Thou  hast  bid- 
den us  hope  for,  as  one  that  will  unutterably 
redound  to  Thy  glory. 

And  now,  dearest,  I  shall  try  to  answer  your 
inquiry,  ''  Have  the  Jews  any  conception  of  a 
Triune  Jehovah?" — or,  to  vary  the  question,  "Do 
they  believe  in  the  Trinity  in  Unity  1 "  The 
Jewish  notions  of  God  are  very  confused,  in  con- 
sequence of  their  having  in  so  great  a  measure 
forsaken  the  only  true  light  —  His  most  holy 
Word.  They  worship  Him  as  Jehovah,  One 
Lord — the  Eternal — I  am.  Here  are  the  first 
six  articles  of  the  Jewish  Creed — their  whole 
Creed  contains  thirteen. 

"  1.  Let  the  living  God  be  magnified  and  praised ; 
He  exists,  and  there  is  no  period  to  His  existence. 

"2.  He  is  unity,  and  there  is  no  unity  like 
unto  His  unity ;  He  is  concealed ;  yea,  also,  there 
is  no  end  to  His  unity. 

"  3.  He  hath  no  bodily  likeness,  nor  is  He  por- 
poreal ;  His  holiness  is  incomputable. 


THE   JEWISH   CONVERT.  207 

"4.  He  was  tlie  antecedent  to  everything 
which  was  created ;  He  is  the  first,  and  there  is 
no  beginning  to  His  beginning. 

"  5.  Behold,  He  is  the  Lord  of  the  universe,  to 
all  that  is  formed ;  showing  His  magnificence  and 
His  kingdom. 

"  6.  The  inspiration  of  His  prophecy  He  gave 
unto  His  peculiar  and  glorified  people." 

A  stiict  Jew  would  call  Christianity  Polytheism 
in  reference  to  our  belief  in  the  Trinity.  A 
liberal  Jew  would  be  willing  to  excuse  us  from 
this  charge,  because  he  would  say  our  faith  neces- 
sarily involves  three  persons  in  one  God,  else  there 
could  be  no  atonement.  Our  belief  is  an  absolute 
consequence  of  our  religion,  and  no  idolatry  can 
be  charged  upon  us.  I  do  not  suppose  there  are 
many  Jews  suthciently  candid  to  hold  forth  such 
a  feeling  as  this — and  certainly  with  the  Eternal 
Truth  upon  which  our  Christianity  is  based,  we 
have  no  wish  that  they  should,  for  our  religion  is 
a  verity,  and  we  cannot  accept  the  excuse;  yet 
I  think  it  does  much  credit  to  those  honourably- 
minded  men  who  do  so  excuse  us. 

Additional  light  may,  perhaps,  be  thrown  upon 
the  subject  before  us,  if  for  a  moment  we  reflect 
upon  the  religious  history  of  the  Jews.  The  Jewislj 
religion  requires  to  be  distinguished  respectively 
as  Ancient  and  Modern  Judaism.  Ancient  Juda- 
ism consisted  in  an  obedience  to  the  ceremonial 


208  LEILA   ADA, 

law  which  was  given  to  Moses,  and  the  various 
precepts  distributed  throughout  the  Sacred  Books. 
This — sometimes  much  corrupted  certainly — was 
the  Jewish  religion  till  the  coming  of  Jesus. 
Modern  Judaism  has  added  to  these  traditions  and 
doctrines  of  men,  which  the  Jews  had  begun  to 
receive  before  the  destruction  of  the  second  temple. 
These  traditions,  superstitions,  and  ceremonies 
were  embodied  in  the  Cabbalistic  and  Talmudic 
writings :  and  they  have  always  been  received  as 
of  Divine  authority  by  the  Jews  down  to  the  pre- 
sent moment. 

So  that  Ancient  Judaism  was  Christianity  in 
the  bud.  Its  institutions  were  ordained  by  Jeho- 
vah Himself,  and  always  had  a  typical  reference 
to  the  coming  Messiah.  The  Jew,  as  he  stood  by 
the  altar  upon  which  was  stretched  the  still  bleed- 
ing victim  which  he  had  just  slain,  had  his  forgive- 
ness through  his  belief  in  the  then  future  sacrifice 
of  the  Saviour  whom  God  had  promised.  He 
was  conformed  to  the  image  of  God,  his  heart  was 
purged  from  iniquity,  not  by  the  ceremonial 
washings  enjoined  by  the  law,  but  by  the  power 
of  the  Holy  Ghost  given  him  by  God,  on  account 
of  the  fore-ordained  death  and  resurrection,  and 
ascension  of  Jesus  Christ.  This  religion  then, 
was  really  Christianity ;  and  the  enjoyment  of  it 
gave  the  Jew  peace  and  happiness,  and  certain 
expectation  of  eternal  bliss.     This  religion  ceased 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  209 

with  the  coming  of  Christ ;  and  I  view  the  mira- 
culous rending  of  the  veil  in  the  temple,  at  tho 
moment  when  Jesus  expired,  as  God's  visible  sign 
that  Ancient  Judaism — the  old  covenant — was 
abrogated,  and  the  new  and  perfect  covenant  in 
Christ  Jesus  was  established  in  its  stead.  I  never 
met  with  this  opinion  amongst  Christians — yet, 
perhaps,  it  is  theirs — at  any  rate,  it  is  mine.  And 
the  destruction  of  the  temple,  a  few  years  after- 
wards, completed  in  my  apprehension  the  mani- 
festation of  God's  sentence  upon  the  old  covenant. 
Jehovah  took  away  the  type,  and  established  the 
thing  typified.  He  took  away  the  first  that  He 
might  establish  the  second.  He  took  away  the 
sign  that  He  might  establish  the  thing  signified. 
Sacrifice,  and  off'ering,  and  burnt-offering,  and 
offering  for  sin  He  would  accept  no  more ;  for  all 
this  had  passed  away  through  the  offering  of  the 
body  of  Jesus  once  for  all.  Hence  you  will 
at  once  observe,  the  modern  Jews  having  refused 
to  be  included  in  God's  new  and  perfect  covenant, 
are  left  to  their  oavu  miserable  devices ;  and  the 
result  is  they  are  involved  in  confusion  and  dark- 
ness. And  you  will  also  notice,  that  Avhen,  as 
Christians,  we  encounter  the  prejudices  of  Modern 
Judaism,  we  do  not  simply  contend  against  a 
rejection  of  Christ  and  His  Gospel,  but  against  a 
mass  of  debasing  superstitions,  all  of  which  they 
receive  as  of  Divine  authority. 
18* 


210  LEILA   ADA, 

I  send  you  with  this  a  prayer,  which  is  a  part 
of  the  afternoon  service  for  the  next  sabbath 
(Jewish).  I  think  it  a  very  beautiful  one ;  and  I 
am  persuaded  so  will  you.  It  shows  how  deeply, 
how  passionately  my  dear  people  yearn  for  the 
salvation  and  glory  which  God  has  promised.  Oh 
that  their  eyes  were  open  to  discern  the  streams 
of  life  which  are  flowing  all  around  them.  But, 
poor  Israel !  how  great  is  thy  darkness  ;  may  the 
Holy  Spirit  arise  and  dissolve  it  entirely  away. 

I  do  not  translate  the  prayer,  because  it  will 

facilitate  Mr. 's*  study  of  the  Hebrew,  if  you 

can  prevail  upon  him  to  perform  that  task  for 
you.  And  I  beg,  dearest,  that  when  he  has  writ- 
ten it  in  English,  he  will  send  it  to  me ;  I  should 
like  to  read  his  translation.  As  the  whole  prayei 
seems  to  me  so  very  striking,  I  have,  as  you  per- 
ceive, prefixed  to  it  the  motto  i^j^l'jDi  3/^"©  5 
which  words  are  the  initial  to  the  commandment 
contained  in  Deut.  vi.  4 — 9,  that  every  Israelite 
recites  when  at  the  point  of  death  as  his  confession 
of  faith ;  and  which  our  Lord  also  recited  as  the 
"  first  commandment  of  all,"  St.  Mark  xii.  28 — 30. 
To  the  whole  of  the  petitions  I  subscribe  a  warm 
Amen. 

To  your  request,  so  kindly  proffered,  that 
I  will  give  you  permission  to  inform  my  dear 
father  of  my  situation  here,  I  cannot  say  "  yes.'* 
*  That  is,  her  brother. 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT  211 

Papa  promised  he  would  receive  no  communication 
about  me  except  through  my  uncle,  and  I  feel 
that  whatever  I  have  to  endure  I  must  obey  him. 
This  will  surely  be  most  pleasing  to  my  Heavenly 
Father,  while  it  must  also  be  so  to  papa;  and 
especially,  too,  if  he  has  no  knowledge  that  I  suf- 
fer as  I  do — which  is  my  belief.  I  have  no  doubt 
that  he  knows  that  I  occupy  separate  apartments, 
and  eat  at  my  own  solitary  table ;  because  he 
would  expect  that  this — as  it  is  a  law — must  be 
so ;  but  I  cannot  allow  myself  to  think  he  is 
aware  of  the  indignities  I  am  submitted  to — indeed 
I  am  sure  he  is  not.  Uncle  knows  so  well  his 
liberal  and  kind  disposition,  that  he  would  at  once 
be  certain  that  such  means  of  trying  me  are  what 
papa  would  be  indignant  with.  Dear  papa !  I 
know  his  loving  heart ;  it  suffers  much  about  me. 
And  when  he  proves  that  all  my  happiness  con- 
sists in  being  a  Christian  he  will  not  be  able,  even 
if  he  should  wish  it,  to  withhold  anything  which 
would  increase  it.  Oh  !  how  I  pray  for  him  ;  and 
I  have  a  blessed  hope — nay  a  sweet  confidence — 
that  he  will  one  day  become  an  heir  of  glory 
through  faith  in  the  Lord  Jesus.  I  have  so  much 
assurance  in  his  candid,  single-hearted  disposition. 
I  highly  value  that  tender  concern  which  you 
display  on  account  of  my  health.  If  you  did  not 
question  me  so  particularly,  I  would  say  less  to 


212  LEILA   ADA, 

you  about  it.  With  what  I  daily  have  to  bear, 
my  dearest  Emily,  you  will  not  expect  me  to  tell 
you  that  I  feel  well.  Much  of  my  indisposition  is, 
I  think,  induced  by  want  of  regular  and  sufficient 
exercise  in  the  open  air.  It  is  to  this  I  am  inclined 
to  trace  my  lassitude  and  frequent  headache.  For, 
as  I  am  not  allowed  to  go  out  except  in  company 
of  my  uncle  and  aunt,  though  I  am  sure  I  have  no 
wish  to  introduce  Christian  themes  of  conversation 
with  any  of  the  younger  members  of  the  family,  I 
cannot  go  so  often,  because  they  are  not  always 
inclined  that  I  shall  if  they  are  not  alone.  And 
then  they  are  so  cruelly  distant  to  me,  so  marked 
in  their  disrespect,  and  so  careless  of  exhibiting  it 
everywhere,  that  I  would  choose  rather  to  remain 
at  home.     And  this  I  often  do. 

But  why  are  you  anxious,  dearest  ?  Have  we 
not  both  entirely  surrendered  ourselves  to  our  good 
and  living  Father  %  A  consciousness  of  this  should 
produce  a  holy  carelessness  of  the  manner  of  our 
disposal.     Let  us  realise  such  a  feeling. 

And  now  I  express  my  hope  and  belief  that  in 
Christ  Jesus,  God  will  enable  us  to  be  all  that  we 
can  ask  or  desire ;  so  that  every  day  we  may  rise 
to  newness  of  life,  and  be  constantly  preparing  for 
our  eternal  home.  To  this  God  of  love  I  commend 
you. 

Farewell !     Let  me  still  have  a  place  in  your 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  21d 

affection,  and  in  your  petitions  to  the  Throne  ol 
Grace. 

Believe  me  your  very  affectionate, 

Leila  Ada. 

It  must  have  been  at  about  this  time  that  the 
following  scene  occurred  at  the  house  of  a  Jew 
whom  Leila  visited,  in  company  with  her  uncle, 
and  out  of  which  scene  the  correspondence  which 
succeeds  arose.  I  have  heard  her  speak  of  this 
occasion  with  much  particularity,  and  from  memory 
I  shall  give  a  short  description  of  it,  and  then  pro- 
ceed with  Leila's  own  writings. 

The  door  was  opened,  she  said,  and  we  found 
ourselves  in  a  large  apartment,  comfortably  fur- 
nished, though  nothing  costly  about  it.  Around 
the  room  there  were  several  divans,  on  which  men 
and  women  were  sitting.  A  first  impression  which 
I  distinctly  noticed  was  the  beauty  of  most  of  the 
women — so  heightened  as  it  was  by  the  dim  lamp- 
light— giving  them  a  somewhat  lofty  appearance. 
They  Avere  chiefly  the  daughters  of  the  venerable 
man  who  kept  the  house.  Their  costume  ap- 
proached that  of  the  East  in  various  degrees,  from 
partial  to  full  Eastern  style.  The  affectionate 
feeling  with  which  they  welcomed  me,  produced 
an  involuntary  rush  of  delight — more  so  because 
entirely  unexpected.     The  reverend  man,  of  whom 


214  LEILA    ADA, 

I  have  before  spoken,  liis  hair  a  suowy  white,  aai(? 
his  beard  like  glittering  silver  with  age,  took  my 
hand  in  his,  and  pronounced  over  me  the  blessing. 
The  silence  and  solemnity  of  the  scene  aiBfected 
me  to  tears. 

They  knew  that  I  had  become  a  Christian,  and 
still  retaining  his  hold  upon  my  hand,  this  venerable 
person  said,  "  We  would  speak  with  thee ;  we 
would  do  thee  good.  Sit  down  by  me,  my 
daughter.  Alas  !  we  have  not  the  privileges  which 
were  our  ancestors' ;  we  have  no  prophets  ;  the 
voice  of  God  is  silent ;  but  we  have  still  the  Holy 
Law,  and  the  oral  law,  which  is  a  safeguard  around 
the  other.  We  have  these  still  to  show  us  the 
way  to  Zion,  and  to  cheer  us  by  hopes  of  an  abun- 
dant restoration  of  our  captivity.  Is  it  not  so,  my 
daughter  ]" 

"I  devoutly  believe  the  Divine  origin  of  the 
law — the  written  law — given  to  Moses.  But  I 
can  give  no  credit  to  the  Talmud.  It  is  impos- 
sible." 

"  The  Lord  deliver  thee,  my  child  !" 

"  Thank  you,  sir,  that  you  pray  for  me  so 
kindly,"  said  Leila,  tearfully. 

"  Alas !  my  daughter  !"  and  clasping  his  thin 
bony  hands,  he  turned  upon  her  a  look  of  unutter- 
able sorrow  and  compassion,  while  large  tear-di'ops 
trickled  down  his  white  locks  and  along  his  snowy 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  215 

beard.  Leila,  bending  over,  kissed  him,  and  weep- 
ing too.  wiped  away  his  tears  with  her  handker- 
chief. 

"  I  do  thank  you,  dear  sir,  from  the  very  depths 
of  my  heai't,  for  this  kind  concern  you  have  for 
me.  But  you  cannot  think  how  happy  I  am — 
else  you  would  not  like  me  to  doubt  Jesus,  He  is 
so  good — I  cannot  help  loving  Him  with  all  my 
heart." 

The  old  man  continued  to  slowly  move  himself 
to  and  fro,  whilst  at  intervals  he  ejaculated,  "  Alas  ! 
my  child  !     Alas  !  alas  !  my  daughter  !" 

"  Messiah  Ben-David,  my  venerable  father — 
Messiah  Ben-David,  the  hope  and  Saviour  of  our 
beloved  Israel  has  come.  I  am  quite  sure  of  this, 
for  I  feel  it.  Pray  that  God  would  reveal  Him 
unto  you.  And  when  He  does — and  be  assured 
He  will — you  will  never  doubt  Him  again  :  and 
you  will  find  a  sweet  holy  rest,  such  as  now  you 
never  feel.  You  will  be  able  to  think  of  death, 
not  only  without  alarm,  but  as  a  joyful  thing, 
because  of  the  certain  glory  beyond  it." 

"  Bless  thee  !  my  daughter — because  of  thy 
^ood  wishes  I  bless  thee — yea,  for  they  are  good. 
But  thou,  a  sweet  and  simple  child  of  our  unhappy 
people — thou  who  art  one  of  the  hopes  we  have 
that  future  glories  wait  upon  us — cast  not  away 
tlie  privilege  of  being  one  of  the  holy  race  ;  it 
troubles  us  to  see  thee.    Thou  art  ciiielly  deceived-. 


216  LEILA    ADA. 

Oil,  that  cursed  Nazarene!"  and  he  stamped  his 
foot  and  his  voice  shook  with  vehemence.  "  Let 
t?ll  the  curses  that " 

"  Pray  do  not  say  it,  my  dear  father !"  said  Leila ; 
•''you  will  not,  because  it  hurts  me.  But  worse 
than  everything,  it  is  dreadful  to  sin  against  God ; 
and,  indeed,  what  you  were  about  to  say  is." 

*'  Alas !  1  am  not  what  I  once  was,  my  daughter  ! 
Then  I  could  talk  to  thee,  now  I  can  only  pray. 
Thou  sayest  we  have  sinned  :  yea,  it  is  so ;  thou 
hast  said  truly — we  have  sinned.  Come  now,  let 
us  make  supplication  to  the  Eternal." 

And  the  venerable  Jew  softly  turned  upon  his 
knees,  and  spreading  forth  his  hands,  his  daughter 
took  up  one  to  support  it,  Leila  held  the  other, 
while  he  recited  in  the  sacred  language  and  in  a 
low  mournful  voice,  a  part  of  their  most  solemn 
prayer,  used  at  the  feast  of  the  dedication  of  the 
Temple,  and  by  the  Jews  in  Jerusalem,  who  go 
up  to  jjray  through  the  chinks  of  the  wall  which 
formed  pai't  of  its  outer  enclosure. 

*'  If  they  sin  against  Thee  (for  there  is  no  man 
which  sinneth  not),  and  Thou  be  angry  with  them, 
and  deliver  them  over  before  their  enemies,  and 
they  carry  them  away  captives  into  a  land  far  off 
or  near ;  yet,  if  they  bethink  themselves  in  the 
land  whither  they  are  earned  captives,  and  turn 
and  pray  unto  Thee  in  the  land  of  their  captivity, 
saying,  we  have  sinned,  we  have  done  amiss,  and 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  217 

have  done  wickedly.  If  they  return  to  Thee 
^yith  all  their  heart,  and  "vvith  all  their  soul,  in  the 
land  of  their  captivity,  whither  they  have  carried 
them  captives,  and  pray  toward  their  land  which 
Thou  gavest  unto  their  fathers,  and  toward  the 
city  which  Thou  hast  chosen,  and  toward  the  house 
which  I  have  huilt  for  Thy  name,  then  hear  Thou 
from  heaven,  Thy  dwelling-place,  their  prayer  and 
their  supplications,  and  maintain  their  cause,  and 
forgive  Thy  people  which  have  sinned  against  Thee. 
Now,  my  God,  let,  I  beseech  Thee,  Thine  eyes  be 
open,  and  let  Thine  ears  be  attent  unto  the  prayer 
that  i^  made  in  this  place.  Now,  therefore,  arise, 
O  Lord  God,  unto  Thy  resting-place,  Thou,  and  the 
ark  of  Thy  strength.  Let  Thy  priests,  0  Lord  G  od, 
be  clothed  with  salvation,  and  let  Thy  saints  re- 
joice in  goodness.  0  Lord  God,  turn  not  away 
the  face  of  Thine  anointed,  remember  the  mercies 
of  David  Thy  servant." 

And  the  rest  of  tho«e  who  were  present  repeated 
in  fervent  tones,  "Let  Thy  saints  rejoice  in  good- 
ness. 0  Lord  God,  turn  not  away  the  face  of 
Thine  anointed.  Remember  the  mercies  of  David, 
Thy  servant!" 

"  Alas !  I  would,  but  I  can  do  nothing  !  I  can 
donotliing!"  resumed  the  venerable  Jew.  "But 
this  is  a  cruel  stroke,  that  thou,  my  child — an 
Esther,  an  Esther,  I  say,  amongst  us — should  bow 


19 


2llS  LEILA    ADA, 

thy  knee  to  follow  Baal.  Oh !  the  glory  of  our 
holy  land !  unhappy  child !  and  unhappy  Israel !" 

"  Thou  wilt  be  put  out  from  amongst  us,  with- 
out part  or  lot  in  the  salvation  of  the  holy  land," 
said  an  ecclesiastical  officer  present.  "  God  hath 
cursed  the  Nazarene  idolatry;  and  man,  in  cursing 
it  too,  but  says — Amen." 

**  I  know  I  shall  be  severed  from  you,"  said  Leila, 
"for  which  I  am  very  sorry,  for  I  love  you,  and 
rejoice  in  being  an  Israelite." 

"Ay,  one  of  the  holy  seed,"  remarked  the  aged 
father. 

"Messiah  has  not  come,"  said  the  other.  "He  is 
in  paradise,  and  will  not  come  because  of  our  sins. 
He  will  come  when  we  are  purified." 

"  Sir,  I  wish  you  would  believe  He  has  come. 
It  is  true,  and  capable  of  the  most  mighty  proof — 
apart,  I  mean,  from  that  which  the  Holy  Spirit 
always  gives  to  the  Christian  believer." 

"I  tell  you  He  has  not  come.  He  is  in  the 
land  of  Judea  somewhere,  and  will  not  make  his 
appearance  until  we  have  repented  of  our  sins : 
and  then  when  we  have  fully  done  that,  He  will 
come  to  gather  us  to  our  inheritance  and  to  be 
our  King." 

"Well,  sir,  I  must  not  contend  with  you — I 
wish  not  to  add  to  your  sorrow." 

"Messiah  may  have  come  to  earth — we  may 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  219 

suppose  so — but  He  keeps  Himself  secret  because 
it  is  not  yet  time  that  He  should  be  revealed. 
We  are  not  yet  fit  to  receive  Him." 

"  Oh !  but  you  will  never  be  more  fitted  then. 
Now  do  not,  sir,  be  displeased  with  me  for  ap- 
pealing to  your  candour.  Are  the  Jews  any 
better  now  than  they  have  been  at  any  other 
period  of  the  last  two  thousand  years  ?  On  the 
contrary,  do  not  our  rabbins  lament  that  gradual 
dying  of  religious  feeling  amongst  them,  Avliich  is 
manifest  on  every  hand  1  Has  not  expectation 
long  deferred  so  sickened  their  heart  that  their 
piety  seems  almost  paralysed?" 

"  That  is  what  I  say.  These  things  keep 
Messiah  Ben-David  away." 

"AVhy  then,  if  yet  this  defection  increases, 
His  coming  is  yearly  getting  more  hopeless." 

"Ah!  poor  Israel,  how  thou  art  smitten  on 
every  hand,  with  none  to  comfort  thee.  Even 
thine  own  children  may  stand  up  amidst  thee,  and 
utter  things  which  by  the  Holy  Law  is  punish- 
able with  death.  I  will  write ;  I  may  not  speak 
with  you." 

''  My  daughter,"  said  the  patriarch,  taking  her 
hand,  "  do  not  slay  us  with  sorrow.  Let  thy  pride 
be  the  glory  of  the  holy  law." 

"  That  law  is  my  pride,  honoured  sir,"  replied 
Leila ;  "  perfected  in  the  new  covenant  of  love  in 
Christ  Jesus." 


220  LEILA   ADA, 

"Alas  !  lie  can  do  notliing !  nothing !  The 
holy  law  as  taught  by  our  rabbms  is  the  only- 
way  of  salvation." 

"  I  feel  very  sorry  to  witness  the  unfeigned 
grief  I  cause  you,  and  I  do  indeed  thank  you  for 
this  kind  interest  in  my  welfare.  But  I  am  so 
convinced  of  the  truth  of  my  religion,  that  I 
should  be  quite  glad  if  you  would  only  let  me 
have  the  sweet  enjoyment  of  sitting  quietly  at 
your  side ;  I  should  feel  it  so  great  a  pleasure — 
while  it  pains  me  to  deny  you." 

The  writing  which  was  promised  above,  is  given 
me  with  the  rest  of  the  manuscripts  relating  to 
Leila.  It  is  a  very  mystified  illogical  produc- 
tion— as  all  the  Jewish  reasoning  on  such  subjects 
is — and  is  written  in  Hebrew ;  in  which  language 
Leila,  of  course,  replied.  I  am  the  more  willing 
to  withhold  the  original,  as  Leila's  answer  is  per- 
haps sufficiently  explanatory. 

TO  MR.  L . 

December  27th,  1848. 
My  dear  Sir, 

Your  letter  to  me  I  received  only  last 
evening ;  and  on  reading  its  contents  I  was  alto- 
gether interested  and  grateful  for  that  kind  feeling 
which  led  you  to  so  much  labour  on  my  behalf. 
You  may  expect  me  to  feel  great  backwardness 
in  dictating  my  reply  to  you ;  being  an  entire 
Btranger  to  me  until  my  uncle  introduced  us  to 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  221 

eacli  other  lately,  and  on  account  of  my  sex  and 
youthful  years ;  and  also  because,  after  thinking 
over  what  you  have  said,  there  seems  so  much 
which,  to  mc,  presents  an  appearance  of  incorrect 
inference.  But  yet  you  will  expect  some  sort  of 
opinion  from  me  upon  what  you  have  said ;  and 
this  I  will  proceed  to  give. 

Very  kind  and  gentle  is  the  way  in  which  you 
introduce  the  subject  of  your  writing ;  and  it 
pleasingly  surprised  me,  since  I  could  not  have 
looked  for  such  generous  allowance  as  you  have 
made  me.  And  then  you  compare  me  to  a  mariner 
who  "  has  a  ship  composed  of  just  thirteen  parts.* 
This  ship  is  perfect,  and  a  beautiful  and  swift 
sailer.  But  not  satisfied,  he  adds  to  her  another 
part,  which  spoils  her  completely."  This  is  a  very 
liberal  mode  of  construing,  when  I  recollect  how 
severe,  and  rightly  too,  are  the  Jewish  feelings 
towards  one  in  my  condition.  Yet,  sir,  supposing 
I  were  still  a  Jew,  and  knew  what  I  now  know 
about  Jesus  of  Nazareth,  as  related  in  the  New 
Testament,  and  confirmed  by  local  and  historical 
testimony,  I  think  I  could  never  view  the  thirteen 
articles  of  Jewish  faith  as  embodying  a  complete 
way  of  salvation.  The  seventh  article  must  bo 
untrue.f     Even  apart  from  the  belief  I  have  in 

*  In  allusion  to  the  Uiirteen  articles  composing  the 
Jewish  creed. 

\  "Yet,  never  hatli  there  arisen  in  Israel  a  prophet  like 
nnto  Moses,  who  beheld  the  similitude  of  His    lory." 
19* 


222  LEILA    ADA, 

the  divine  nature  of  Jesus  of  Nazareth,  I  must 
think  him  a  far  greater  prophet  than  was  Moses, 
His  miracles — the  truth  of  which  the  Sanhedrim 
did  not  deny,  and  profane  history  also  confirms 
them — were  much  greater  than  any  which  Moses 
performed.  So  of  his  prophecies.  I  notice  that 
one  in  which  He  exactly  prophesied  of  the 
destruction  of  Jerusalem ;  what  signs  should  pre- 
cede it ;  what  course  his  disciples  should  take, 
when  they  saw  those  signs,  that  they  might  be 
saved ;  how  complete  the  destruction  and  disper- 
sion of  our  people  would  be  :  that  they  should  be 
heralded  by  "earthquakes  in  divers  places,  and 
fainines,  ajid  pestilences ;  and  fearful  sights  and 
great  signs  from  heaven."  I  need  make  no  re- 
ference to  the  signal  way  in  which  everything 
was  fulfilled;  for  the  fearful  scenes  connected 
with  that  destruction  are  known  to  every  member 
of  our  afilicted  race. 

And  then  I  believe,  not  only  that  Jesus  had 
beheld  "the  similitude  of  the  Almighty's  glory," 
but  that  He  was  the  "  brightness  of  His  Father's 
glory,"  and  the  "  express  image  of  His  person." 
I  believe  that  he  was  God ;  and  I  feel  that  the 
proofs  that  He  was  are  numberless,  unmistakable, 
and  positive. 

The  meaning  which  our  people  attach  to  the 
ninth  article*  is  unscriptural.     It  is  intended  to 

*  "The  Aliniglity  will  never  change  nor  alter  liis  law 
for  evermore  there  is  none  but  His." 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  223 

express  a  belief  tliat  God  will  never  change  tlie 
way  of  administering  His  law,  but  tliat  the  law 
of  Moses  shall  ever  continue  in  force,  and  that  at 
"the  end  of  days,"  the  Messiah  will  come  to 
offer  sacrifices,  and  redeem  the  people.  Yet  so 
many  passages  in  the  Jewish  Scriptures  expressly 
promise  a  new  covenant,  and  others  promise  that 
it  shall  be  made  in  the  Messiah.  I  select  a  pas- 
sage which  promises  a  new  covenant : — "  This 
shall  be  the  covenant  I  Avill  make  with  the  House 
of  Israel  after  those  days  saith  the  Lord,  I  will 
put  my  law  in  their  inward  parts,  and  write  it  in 
their  hearts,  and  will  be  their  God,  and  they  shall 
be  my  people." 

But  more  solemn  still  is  the  truth,  that  not  one 
of  the  thirteen  articles  expresses  any  means  by 
which  a  sinner  may  be  reconciled  to  God — that 
Infinite  being,  who  is  essential  holiness,  and  who 
has  declared  His  hatred  of  sin,  and  that  it  cannot 
exist  in  His  presence.* 

*  Here  are  the  thirteen  articles. 

"  1.  Let  the  living  God  be  magnified  and  praised,  He 
exists,  and  there  is  no  period  of  His  existence. 

"  2.  He  is  unity,  and  there  is  no  unity  hke  unto  His 
unity ;  He  is  concealed,  yea,  also,  there  is  no  end  to  His 
unity. 

"  3.  He  hath  no  bodily  likeness,  nor  is  He  corporeal ; 
Hie  holiness  is  incomputable. 

**4.  Ho  was  the  antecedent  to  everything  which  waa 


224  LEILA   ADA. 

This  question  I  asked  you  when  I  last  saw  yon, 
sir,  and  in  tliis  letter  I  make  a  reply  to  it.  But 
will  you  bear  with  me  for  saying  that  it  will  not 
bear  testing  either  by  reason  or  the  prophets.  The 
most  solemn  inquiry  which  can  propound  itself  to 
a  human  being  is,  "  How  shall  man  be  just  with 
his  Maker  ?"  The  Scriptures  do  not  answer  this 
in  any  way  which  can  be  mistaken.  They  declare 
that  man  has  no  righteousness  whatever.  "  There 
is  none  that  doeth  good,  no,  not  one." 

created ;  He  is  the  first,  and  there  is  no  beginning  to  His 
beginning. 

"  5.  Behold  He  is  the  Lord  of  the  universe  to  all  that  is 
formed  ;  showing  His  magnificence  and  His  kingdom. 

"  6.  The  inspiration  of  His  prophecy  He  gave  unto  His 
peculiar  and  glorified  people. 

"7.  Yet  never  hath  there  arisen  in  Israel  a  prophet  like 
unto  Moses,  "who  beheld  the  similitude  of  His  glory. 

"  8.  A  law  of  truth  hath  the  Almighty  given  to  His 
people  by  the  hand  of  our  pi'ophet,  the  faithful  of  His 
house. 

"  9.  The  Almighty  will  never  change  nor  alter  His  law, 
for  evermore  there  is  none  but  His. 

"10.  He  observeth  and  knoweth  all  our  secrets;  He 
beholdeth  the  end  of  everything  before  it  is  begun. 

"11.  He  rewardeth  every  saint  according  to  his  work  • 
He  yieldeth  to  the  wicked  evil  according  to  his  wickedness. 

"12.  He  will  send  at  the  end  of  days  an  anointed,  to 
redeem  those  who  hope  at  that  end  for  His  salvation. 

"  13.  The  Almighty  will  quicken  the  dead  with  the  muh 
titude  of  His  mercy. 

"Blessed  be  His  name  and  His  praise  for  ever  and  ever." 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  225 

In  my  answer  you  refer  me  to  tlie  oral  law,  and 
you  kindly  explain  to  me  Avliat  it  means.  I  feel  1 
am  bound  to  tell  you  what  I  think  of  it. 

*'  If  his  merits^  exceed  his  sins,  he  is  righteous. 
If  his  sins  exceed  his  merits,  he  is  wicked."  And 
you  tell  me  that  it  is  in  this  spirit  that  the  world 
is  upheld  by  the  righteous  which  it  contains,  and 
is  not  given  up  to  destruction,  as  it  is  said,  "  The 
righteous  is  the  foundation  of  the  world," 

As  God  is  our  Creator,  so  all  our  powers  are 
His,  therefore  they  are  all  to  be  used  to  His  glory ; 
and  we  only  fulfil  our  proper  obedience  when  wo 
never  do  anything  that  is  offensive  to  Him.  And 
then,  again,  to  speak  of  a  good  act  balancing  a  bad 
act  is  a  theory  so  idle  and  visionary,  that  the 
wonder  is  how  any  one  can  be  brought  to  repose 
upon  it  at  all.  If,  my  dear  sir,  I  owed  you  a  hun- 
dred pounds,  would  you  feel  that  because  I  had 
done  well  in  respect  to  one  half  of  my  debt,  that 
is,  I  paid  you  fifty  pounds,  I  was  entitled  to  be 
forgiven  the  other  half  ?  Such  reasoning  would 
be  laughed  at  amongst  mortals  in  respect  to  earthly 
things  ;  and  yet  a  Jew  is  willing  to  venture  upon 
it,  the  eternal  interest  of  a  thing  of  more  value 
than  all  the  stars  which  fill  the  great  illimitable 
skies — his  soul. 

It  was  just  this  kind  of  obedience  that  Moses 
taught,  "  Cursed  be  he  that  confirmeth  not  all  the 
words  of  this  law  to  do  them."     0,  my  dear  sir  ! 


22(5  LEILA    ADA, 

these  tlionglits  make  me  feel  very  serious  as  I  write 
to-day.  I  think  upon  my  beloved  Israel  who  can- 
not fulfil  the  law,  and  yet  are  reposing  on  the 
commandments  and  traditions  of  men,  for  they 
will  not  see  its  fulfilment  in  the  one  perfect 
sacrifice  of  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ.  And  then  the 
Scriptures  declare  most  positively  that  man  cannot 
perform  good.  '^  The  Lord  looked  down  from 
heaven  upon  the  children  of  men,  to  see  if  there 
were  any  that  did  understand  and  seek  God  :  they 
are  all  gone  aside,  they  are  altogether  become 
filthy ;  there  is  none  that  doeth  good,  no,  not 
one."*  So  then  there  can  be  no  such  thing  as 
human  merits,  because  God  says  it ;  and  I  know 
you  believe  Him. 

And  not  at  all  less  visionary  is  the  supposition 
that  almsgiving  and  prayer  for  a  departed  relative 
avail  for  him  after  death,  and  rescue  his  soul  from 
perdition.  This  error  which  has  crept  in  amongst 
the  Jewish  beliefs  is  a  very  dreadful  one — ^besides 
how  terrible  must  be  the  thought  to  a  Jew  who  is 
dying,  that  he  is  going  to  hell,  there  to  stay  for 
eleven  months,  while  his  son  gives  alms,  reads  the 
lessons,  and  says  the  Kaddish,  for  the  repose  of 
his  soul  ]  It  is  more  than  enough  to  prevent  all 
calmness  and  composure  in  that  solemn  hour.  But 
God  tells  us  in  the  Psalms  that  such  an  escape 

*  Psalm  xiv.  2,  3. 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  227 

cannot  be — "  None  can  by  any  means  redeem  bis 
brother,  nor  give  to  God  a  ransom  for  him."* 

As  to  those  things  you  tell  me  about  sin,  and 
its  origin,  and  its  nature,  as  they  are  entirely  at 
variance  with  God's  written  word,  I  can  pay  no 
attention  to  them.  I  do  not  know  much  about 
the  Cabbala,  but  are  they  not  taken  from  that 
work  ?  I  thought  they  seemed  the  same,  and  of 
that  work  I  have  but  one  opinion — which  is,  that 
it  is  alarmingly  sinful.  And  in  reference,  sir,  to 
your  explication  of  what  the  rabbins  say,  that  Eve 
was  herself  the  forbidden  fruit,  &c.,  I  do  think 
it  very  indelicate  to  write  so  to  one  of  my  age  and 
sex,  and  that  you  ought  to  have  said  nothing  of 
the  kind.  Besides,  the  Scriptural  account  of  the 
Fall  quite  differs  from  that  supposed  by  the  rabbis. 

I  cannot  believe  that  the  Messiah  is  in  paradise, 
waiting  for  the  time  when  He  shall  be  revealed 
for  the  salvation  of  His  people.  I  do  not  know 
what  this  paradise  is  that  you  refer  to ;  however, 
it  is  my  deep  and  solemn  conviction  that  Messiah 
has  come  in  the  person  of  Jesus  of  Nazareth.  I 
see  it  proved  by  facts  ;  Ifccl  in  my  own  soul  that 
it  is  so.  Through  Him  I  feel  I  am  cleansed  from 
my  sins — that  my  heart  is  being  restored  to  the 
divine  image — that  I  am  quite  happy,  because 
I  know  very  surely  that  He  and  His  father  love 
me,  and  will   reward  me  in  a   little  while  with 

^  *  Psalm  lix.  7. 


228  LEILA    ADA, 

endless  joys.  And  oli!  how  joyful  I  should  be 
to  see  my  beloved  Israel  with  the  veil  taken  from 
their  heart,  so  that  in  Him  they  could  recognise 
their  Saviour  too. 

"Then,  Judah,  tliou  shalt  mourn  no  more 

I  am  not  very  well,  dear  sir,  or  I  would  say 
more  to  you.  Do  believe  in  Jesus.  Be  not  angry 
with  my  importunity,  for  I  feel  a  great  deal  about 
my  people.  I  am  a  Christian,  but  I  am  yet  a 
Jew,  and  shall  always  claim  my  distinction  as  an 
Israelite. 

"With  many  thanks  for  your  kindness,  believe 

me  to  be,  dear  sir, 

Yours,  in  Jesus, 

Leila  Ada. 


[Then  follows  a  letter.] 

TO   A   RABBI. 

December  31  si. 

Sir, 

My  uncle  has  just  informed  me,  that  after 
the  service  at  the  going  out  of  the  Sabbath,  it  is 
your  intention,  with  several  other  gentlemen,  to 
come  here  to  converse  with  me.  My  heart  is 
i]^uite  fixed  in  my  religion — I  have  no  fear  about 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  229 

that ;  but  I  liave  had  to  bear  so  much  trial,  and 
so  many  remarks  lately,  that  my  health  and 
spirits  are  very  sensibly  affected.  Might  I  there- 
fore ask  that  only  one — that  one,  perhaps,  your- 
self— would  meet  me  ?  I  do  not  feel  equal  to  the 
task  of  seeing  more. 

I  am,  sir,  your  servant  for  my  Saviour's  sake, 

Leila  Ada. 


ANOTHER    TO   MISS   H. 

January  4th,  1849. 

My  dearest  friend, 

I  really  must  write  you  a  few  words  be- 
fore I  sleep.  This  has  been  a  heavy  day.  I 
scarcely  knoAV  why  I  should  be  so  oppressed.  I 
do  nothing  but  weep  as  I  go  from  room  to  room, 
reciting  some  melancholy  poem,  or  sit  to  play 
some  melancholy  air.  Oh,  Emily,  how  I  want 
to  see  you.  Here  it  seems  I  have  no  friend  to 
whom  I  can  speak  my  inmost  thoughts.  My 
heart  to-night  seems  to  have  forgotten  all  feeling 
but  weariness,  and  an  occasional  pining  for  relief. 
A  painful  stupor  weighs  down  my  eyes,  and 
deadens  every  pulse.  Oh,  that  I  should  be  so  cast 
down  !  "  I  will  say  unto  God,  my  Rock,  Avhy 
hast  Thou  forgotten  me  ?  AYhy  dost  Thou  cast 
20 


230  LEILA    ADA, 

me  off?"  But  this  must  be  very  wrong.  My 
Redeemer  lias  not  forsaken  me.  It  is  all  my 
wicked  heart,  which  is  inclined  to  think  Thy 
dealings  with  me  hard.  I  have  allowed  myself 
to  envy  those  who  worship  Thee  in  peace  and 
tranquillity ;  I  have  wished  to  be  like  those  whose 
happy  privilege  it  is  to  lean  upon  the  bosoms 
which  they  love.  But  shall  I  repine  to  suffer  for 
the  sake  of  Jesus — lie  who  died  to  purchase  for 
me  a  life  of  endless  joy  and  love.  How  sweet 
to  me  the  thought — 

"The  toils  of  ibis  short  life  %yni  soon  be  o'er." 

Farewell,  my  dearest  friend.  I  know  you  will 
forgive  me  for  writing  my  sadness  to  you ;  be- 
cause it  relieves  my  dejected  heart.  I  saw  seve- 
ral elders  this  morning.  To-morrow  they  come 
again.  Insults  are  becoming  common  ;  I  must  not 
be  affrighted  when  I  recollect  what  my  Lord  and 
Master  suffered. 

Pray — do  X)ray  for  your  sorrowing 

Leila. 

In  proportion  as  sorrows  thickened  around  her, 
so  did  her  faith  increase,  constantly  pointing  her 
to  the  mansions  of  everlasting  peace — to  the 
**  floods  of  celestial  light."  These  ardent  aspira- 
tions after  the  love  and  rest  which  remain  for  the 
children  of  God,  were  ever  breathing  within  her 
goul.     In  one  of  her  reflections,  written  while  she 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  231 

was  with  her  uncle,  after  beautifully  expressing 
her  deep  trust  and  repose  on  the  arm  of  her 
Redeemer,  she  dilates  in  glowing  terms  upon  her 
intense  expectation  of  the  peacefulness  of  Heaven ; 
and  concludes  by  animating  her  soul  in  the  lan- 
guage of  one  of  her  own  verses,  which  if  it  is  not 
one  of  the  finest,  is  yet  one  of  the  sweetest  and 
gentlest  in  the  language — 

"Beyond  the  gulf  of  death! 
Go  seek  tlie  realms  of  love's  immortal  rest ; 
Where  the  black  storm  ne'er  spreads  its  threatening  crest, 

Where  sorrow  sends  no  breath." 

Even  so,  dear  Leila !  the  springs  of  immortality 
are  already  gushing  up  to  heaven  f|^m  within  thy 
young  heart.  Thy  trials  on  earth  are  near  their 
close.  Whence  comes  that  still,  small  voice  which 
tells  the  soul  it  may  not  linger  here?  Comes  it 
fi>om  mysterious  and  shadowy  movings  which  in 
the  brightness  of  immortal  dawning  the  expectant 
soul  sees  in  the  dim  eternal  future  ?  or  does  some 
smiling  cherub  w^hisper  it  at  the  solemn  mystic 
hour  of  midnight .  in  stilly  blissful  dreams  1  It  is 
as  if  there  are  a  band  of  angels  whose  work  it  is, 
when  the  cloudy  veil  which  hangs  between  time 
and  eternity  grows  thin,  to  cheer  the  yearning 
spirit  by  fond  intimations  that  Jesus  is  coming  to 
enfold  it  in  His  bosom  and  take  it  to  His  homo. 
Strange    are    these    calm    foreshadowings.      But 


232  LEILA    ADA, 

whencesoever  comes  tlieir  soft  inspiration,  Leila 
felt  it  in  her  heart ;  and  in  her  bright  and  placid 
imaginings  she  already  inhaled  the  pure  odours 
from  the  heavenly  fields.  Death  approached  her 
with  a  gentle  loveliness.  She  knew  it  was  he ; 
but  he  looked  very  beautiful  in  the  clear  spiritual 
light  which  shone  out  from  her  eyes.  She  felt 
only  a  tranquil,  restful,  trusting  feeling;  a  sweet 
impulsive  throb,  which  seemed  ever  hastening  her 
homeward  flight,  while  amidst  its  soothing  in- 
fluences her  spirit  found  enraptured  rest,  because 
it  made  the  present  so  very  beautiful  and  happy. 
It  was  a  holy  blissful  emotion — just  such  an  one 
as  we  feel  while  watching  the  setting  sun  glide 
over  the  blazb^  sea  of  fire  until  the  bright  golden 
doors  of  the  west  close  after  him,  and  Ave  wish 
we  had  the  wings  of  the  light,  that  we  might 
fly  far,  far  past  him  into  the  glowing  heaven  of 
glory  which  we  see  beyond.  There  was  no  pain, 
no  regret.  Leila  expected  death  as  lovingly  as 
the  little  stars  watch  tlieir  trembling  shadows  in 
the  crystalline  fountain.  It  was  a  sweet  calm 
of  spirit — like  that  with  which  we  regard  the 
ethereal  loveliness  of  the  last  rose  of  summer, 
fading  amongst  the  tender  and  melancholy  shades 
of  autumn ;  and  we  cherish  it  more  fondly,  and 
think  it  looks  every  hour  more  beautiful,  as  its 
tiny  stem  droops  nearer  and  nearer  to  the  earth, 
and  its  frail  life  draws  to  a  close. 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  233 

Are  tliere  many  daugliters  like  tliee,  Leila  ] 
Oh,  yes  !  but  they  do  not  stop  to  gladden  us  long. 
They  seem  orJy  to  stay  a  moment  to  surprise  and 
rejoice  our  hearts  in  their  sweet  loveliness  and 
their  strange  unearthly  thinkings ;  and  to  teach  us 
how  pure  and  ethereal  the  religion  of  the  Saviour 
makes  the  human  spirit,  and  then  the  great  gates 
of  eternity  close  after  them  for  ever.  You  father, 
whose  thoughts  are  afar,  had  such  an  one.  You 
mother,  who  are  shedding  your  tears  on  the 
memory  of  Leila,  for  you  trace  her  resemblance 
to  your  loved  child  who  is  not.  And  in  the  soul's 
wondrous  feeling  it  seems  to  bind  up  the  heart's 
broken  threads  and  weave  them  again  into  a  tissue 
of  beauty.  Peace  to  thee,  sorrowing  heart !  Thy 
Saviour  enfolds  thee  in  a  love  which  thou  canst 
never  know  and  angels  cannot  tell  thee. 

Hush  ! — The  frail  present  dissolves  and  fades  in 
heavenly  melodies.  A  gentle,  dream-like  voice 
floats  past  like  the  herald-music  of  the  skies,  and 
thine  absent,  with  her  deep,  loving  eyes  fixed 
earthward,  reads  : — 

"  In  my  Father's  house  are  many  mansions  ;  if 
it  were  not  so,  I  would  have  told  you  ;  I  go  to 
prepare  a  place  for  you  :  and  if  I  go  and  prepare 
a  place,  I  will  come  again,  and  receive  you  unto 
myself,  that  where  I  am,  there  ye  may  be  also. 

"  They  are  before  the  throne  of  God,  and  serve 
Him  day  and  night  in  His  temple  ;  and  He  that 
20* 


234  LEILA    ADA, 

sittetli  on  tlie  throne  sluill  dwell  ranong  tliem. 
They  shall  hunger  no  more,  neither  thh'st  any 
more,  neither  shall  the  sun  light  on  them,  nor  any 
heat ;  for  the  Lamb  which  is  in  the  midst  of  the 
throne  shall  feed  them,  and  shall  lead  them  nnto 
living  fountains  of  water  ;  and  God  shall  wipe 
away  all  tears  from  their  eyes. 

"  There  shall  be  no  night  there,  and  they  need 
no  candle,  neither  light  of  the  sun,  for  the  Lord 
God  giveth  them  light,  and  they  shall  reign  for 
ever  and  ever." 

[We  insert  in  this  place  a  letter  to  her  cousin 
Isaac,  also  one  to  her  friend  Emily  .J 

January  5th,  1849. 
My  Dear  Isaac, 

As  surprise  and  want  of  time  oblige  me  to 
write  you  very  hurriedly,  you  will  excuse  both 
blunders  and  mistakes,  should  I  commit  both. 
Two  gentlemen,  whom  I  have  never  seen,  are 
expected  here  at  four  o'clock  to-day.  They 
express  great  concern  on  my  account,  and  desire 
to  converse  with  me  alone.  My  aunt  requests,  in 
the  nature  of  a  command,  that  I  consent.  I  am 
not  well ;  I  feel  I  cannot  see  them  alone.  At  the 
same  time  I  would  not  have  either  my  aunt  or 
uncle  suppose  that  I  have  begun  to  fear  having 
my  religion  examined.  Most  earnestly  I  have 
always  tried  to  prevent  their  imagining  such  a 
thing,  by  always  submitting  myself  to  answer  any 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  235 

questions.  To  the  many  favours  wliicli  I  have 
received  from  you,  my  dear  Isaac,  allow  me  to  add 
another — Will  you  try  to  be  present  with  me  ?  I 
know,  if  you  can,  I  have  only  to  request  it  from 
you  and  I  obtain  it. 

Believe  me,  most  affectionately  yours, 

Leila  Ada. 


rO   MISS   H. 

January  6th,  1849. 
My  dearest  friend. 

The  past  day  has  been  one  of  unspeakable 
happiness.  I  have  enjoyed  sweet  communion 
with  my  Saviour,  and  have  been  willing  to  bless 
Him  for  all  the  sorrows  I  have  endured,  and  for 
the  providential  care  He  has  exercised  over  me  to 
the  present  period  in  my  being.  Oh  !  what  abun- 
dant mercy,  my  love,  has  He  displayed  towards 
me.  It  often  quite  overpowers  me.  Why  am  I 
not  now  involved  in  the  gross  night  of  Judaism  "? 
Why  does  not  every  day  find  me  expecting  peace 
from  repeating  the  absurd  traditions  of  men  ? 
Why  am  I  now  walking  in  the  full  unclouded 
light  of  God's  countenance,  as  revealed  to  me 
through  obedience  to  the  Gospel  ?  To  Divine 
Mercy  alone  am  I  indebted  for  the  entire  alteration 


236  LEILA    ADA, 

of  my  hopes  and  aims  ;  and  in  the  exercise  of  that 
same  mercy  I  have  been  tried. 

I  recollect  that  a  few  years  ago,  when  papa  and 
I  visited  the  midland  counties,  he  kindly  took  me 
to  see,  among  other  places,  a  hutton  manufactory. 
I  took  notice  that  in  stamping  the  buttons,  the 
workmen  were  required  to  give  to  some  much 
harder  blows  than  to  others  before  the  image  of 
the  stamp  was  perfectly  impressed  upon  them. 
In  this  way  it  is  with  my  self-willed  heart.  I 
greatly  lacked  humility,  and  my  Father  saw  it 
would  require  much  discipline  to  fully  impress 
His  image  on  my  soul ;  and  in  tender  mercy  He 
gives  it :  and  I  know  He  loves  me  too  deeply  to 
do  more  than  is  necessary,  for  He  has  Himself 
assured  me  that  "  He  doth  not  willingly  afflict." 
Mercy  and  to  exercise  loving  kindness  are  His 
delights.  He  uses  chastening  in  order  that  "  the 
trial  of  our  faith,  being  much  more  precious  than 
that  of  gold  that  perisheth,  may  abound  to  the 
honour  and  glory  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ." 

^  tP  •3p  ^  tP  ^ 

When  the  closet  witnesses  your  intercessions  at 
the  mercy-seat,  forget  not  my  beloved  friend,  to 
pray  for  Israel.  With  them,  too,  breathe  one  for 
your  sister, 

Leila. 


CHAPTER  XI. 

THE     FINAL     EFFORT     TO   KECLAIIVI     HER. CUT    OFF    FROM 

HER    NATION. — HER    ACQUAINTANCE    WITH    MISS    H . 

RETURNS  TO  HER    FATHER. "  HOW  SOON  WE  FADE  I" 

One  afternoon,  Leila's  aunt  expressed  a  desire 
that  on  that  occasion  she  would  dine  Avith  the 
family.  It  was  a  pleasing  surprise  ;  and  she  filled 
her  mind  with  imaginings  of  the  probable  cause. 
She  thought — perhaps  her  imcle  and  aunt  seeing 
her  constancy,  were  about  to  change  their  conduct, 
and  permit  her  to  return  home — perhaps  her  father 
had  sent  for  her — perhaps,  he  was  that  evening 
expected — perhaps,  he  had  become  favourable  to 
Christianity — perhaps,  the  hatred  of  her  uncle  and 
aunt  towards  her  was  partially  removed  ; — yet,  no  ! 
that  could  not  be,  for  they  had  not  been  any 
kinder  to  her — their  enraged  dislike  appeared  as 
great  as  ever.  Well,  then,  it  was  almost  certain 
that  she  was  going  home  ;  her  father  had  either 
sent  for  her  or  was  coming  for  her ;  and  if  he  were 
averse  as  ever  to  Christianity,  and  if  he  would  not 
permit  her  in  his  presence,  it  was  a  superlatively 
blissful  thought  that  she  would  be  under  the  same 
roof  with  him  ;  she  would  at  least  be  exempted 
from  contumely  and  insult.  Oh  !  how  happy  she 
felt  on  that  afternoon.     She  went  to  her  Bible, 


238  LEILA    ADA, 

and  read  its  promises,  and  thought  how  richly  in 
her  experience  they  had  been  fulfilled,  and  were 
still  fulfilling  :  how  abundantly  God  had  been  with 
her,  and  supported  her  to  that  moment — the 
extremity  of  her  trial,  for  in  her  f;ithcr's  house  she 
would  suffer  nothing  equal  to  what  she  was  then 
enduring,  and  she  hugged  it  to  her  bosom  more 
dearly  than  ever. 

"All  this  afternoon,"  she  writes,  "  I  have  read 
my  Bible  through  tears  of  pure  and  exceeding  joy. 
God  has  been  eminently  with  me :  I  never  felt 
such  a  weight  of  glory.  The  manifestations  of 
His  presence  have  been  overpowering,  so  that  I 
was  compelled  to  exclaim,  *  Lord,  enlarge,  enlarge 
the  vessel,  or  my  clay  tenement  must  sink  beneath 
this  mighty  revelation  of  Thy  love  !  Oh  !  what 
must  be  the  bliss  of  heaven  !  I  long  for  heaven  ! 
I  thirst  for  heaven  !  If  I  can  enjoy  so  much  on 
earth,  what  must  be  the  ecstatic  raptures  of  the 
spirits  in  glory ;  their  faculties  no  longer  clouded 
by  the  body — no  more  shackled  by  sense  ?  Glory 
be  to  the  Father,  Son,  and  Holy  Ghost,  for  this 
glorious  foretaste  of  celestial  joys  !  I  have  drunk 
deeply  of  those  vivifying  streams  which  flow  from 
before  the  throne  of  God  and  the  Lamb  for  ever. 
O,  the  love  of  God — the  boundless,  unfathoma- 
ble  love  of  God !  I  am  Christ's;  and  I  can  con- 
stantly live  upon  Him  in  my  heart  by  faith. 
Bless  the  Lord,  0  my  sc-ul,  and  to  all  eternity 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  239 

remember  the  blessings  which  thou  hast  this  day 
received." 

Dinner-time  approached,  still  she  was  left  un- 
noticed and  alone.  She  heard  a  servant  remark, 
•'  The  dear  rabbis  have  just  come."  There  was 
to  be  company  then.  Did  they  intend — when  all 
were  at  the  table,  perhaps — to  send  a  domestic,  or 
ring  the  bell  to  signify  she  might  come  ?  It  was 
even  so.  A  bell  hung  upon  the  staircase  above 
the  room  which  she  generally  occupied.  The 
servants  had  named  it  the  "  Christian's  bell," 
because  it  was  usual  to  call  Leila  by  it,  whenever 
her  attendance  was  required.  The  "  Christian's 
bell "  was  rung,  and  with  deeply  wounded  sensi- 
bilities, Leila  obediently  prepared  to  obey  the 
summons.  As  she  was  descending  the  stairs  she 
was  met  by  her  cousin — his  eyes  flashing,  and  his 
lips  firmly  compressed  with  subdued  indignation 
— "  Leila,"  he  cried,  "  this  is  abominable.  I  did 
not  know  till  this  moment  that  they  intended  to 
be  so  gracious  as  to  let  you  sit  with  us ;  else  you 
should  not  have  been  used  as  you  have." 

"  Do  not  mind  me,"  replied  Leila,  and  leaning 
upon  his  arm,  she  entered  the  dining  room. 

Here  she  found  two  rabbis,  and  several  elders, 
and  other  Jews,  whom  she  had  before  seen,  with 
one  or  two  whom,  to  the  present  time,  she  had 
never  seen.  They  rose  to  receive  her  with  appa- 
rent afifection,  and    throughout    the    dinner-time, 


240  LEILA    ADA, 

maintained  towards  her  a  kind  solicitude.  All 
this  conspired  to  give  an  assurance  that  another 
trial  awaited  her ;  and  she  prayed  that  if  it  were 
so,  Grod  would  be  with  and  support  her. 

Dinner  was  ended  j  and  accompanied  by  her 
uncle  and  aunt,  the  guests  adjourned  to  another 
room.  It  was  intimated  that  Leila  was  to  follow. 
Her  only  friend  first  called  her  aside — "  Leila," 
said  he,  "  I  know  what  awaits  you ;  but  be  firm, 
and  seek  to  keep  yourself  composed.  God  will  be 
with  you ;  I  know  he  will.  We  are  commanded 
to  abstain  from  entering  the  room,  but  they  should 
not  have  kept  me  out,  only  I  dare  not  trust  myself. 
I  am  sensitive,  and  I  know  not  whiat  consequences 
might  follow  if  they  treated  you  uncourteously. 
I  am  proud;  you  are  meek  and  humble,  and  I 
believe  will  do  best  alone." 

That  none  of  the  conversation  might  be  over- 
heard, the  door  of  the  room  which  lay  beyond  that 
one  in  which  they  now  were,  was  fastened.  Upon 
the  table  before  them,  a  number  of  the  principal 
books  of  Jewish  learning  and  theology  were 
arranged.  Among  these  were  the  Talmud,  the 
Targums,  Commentaries,  Moreh,*  the  Hagio- 
graph,  &c,  Leila  had  only  the  Bible,  and  this 
she  had  not  by  permission  (for  they  did  not  know 
she  possessed  one),  but  because  she  always  carried 

*  "Moreh,"  or  "Guide  to  the  Perplexed,"  the  most  cele- 
brated work  of  Rabbi  Moses  Ben  Maimon. 


THE    JEWISH    CO.WERT.  241 

it  with  her.  Indeed,  directly  they  saw  her  draw 
it  forth  on  this  occasion,  it  became  a  matter  of 
discussion  whether  it  should  not  be  taken  from 
her ;  and  from  their  manner  it  was  evident,  that 
had  they  not  intended  to  first  ply  her  with  bland- 
ness  and  seeming  affection,  she  would  not  have 
been  allowed  to  retain  it. 

One  of  the  rabbis  commenced  with  a  lono; 
address,  setting  forth  their  love  for  her  and  her 
father ;  their  intense  solicitude  for  her  soul ;  her 
breach  of  the  commandments  by  grieving  and 
disobeying  her  parent  and  relatives,  &c.  lie 
concluded  thus ;  "  It  is  only  this  feeling  of  ear- 
nestness for  your  eternal  welfare,  which  calls  us 
here  to-night.  We  wish,  by  dispensing  to  you 
our  light,  to  free  you  from  that  fatal  delusion  and 
snare  which  is  thrown  around  you.  To  this  end 
we  proceed  orderly  :  we  will  patiently  listen  to 
all  your  answers  to  our  questions,  and  to  every 
remark  you  may  interject." 

Through  a  disquisition  of  seven  hours,  Leila 
modestly,  but  firmly  maintained  her  position. 
How  delightful  it  is  to  contemplate  this  youthful 
Christian  (for  she  was  now  but  just  entered  on 
the  twentieth  year  of  her  age),  reasoning  with 
these  eight  of  her  nation  through  so  many  hours ; 
all  of  them,  too,  well-skilled  in  Jewish  learning. 
There  she  sat,  calm  and  composed — no  friend  but 
God  and  her  Bible,  no  help  but  her  memory — at- 
21 


242  LEILA    ADA, 

tempting  to  prove  and  disprove,  as  far  as  they 
gave  lier  the  opportunity. 

Their  promised  patience  and  kindness  were  early 
exhausted.  Each  repeated  essay  to  prove  that 
Jesus  is  the  Messiah,  was  met  by  the  most  intem- 
perate refusals  to  listen.  Most  of  the  time  was 
occupied  in  putting  to  her  questions  quite  irrele- 
vant ;  in  harangues  from  the  elders  and  rabbis ; 
and  in  reading  large  quotations  from  their  books. 

Finding,  at  length,  that  her  religion  was  not  to 
be  shaken  by  anything  they  could  say  or  do,  and 
confounded  by  her  references  to  their  own  Scrip- 
tures, the  smouldering  fires  of  their  ill-concealed 
rage  burst  forth.  "  God  hath  done  with  thee," 
exclaimed  a  rabbi;  "He  hath  spoken  to  thee, 
blaspheming  apostate,  by  the  mouth  of  us  His 
servants  for  the  last  time." 

Leila  quoted  1  Cor.  i.  21 — 24,  and  then  inquired, 
"Will  you,  (I  will  ask  no  more  than  this) — will 
you  permit  me  to  demonstrate  to  you  the  fact  of 
Christ's  resurrection  from  the  dead  ?" 

"  I  tell  you,"  said  the  rabbi,  "  we  have  proved 
to  you  from  our  writings,  that  Jesus  of  Nazareth 
was  an  impostor  and  seducer :  that  the  Messiah 
has  not  yet  come.  You  have  hardened  your  heart ; 
we  will  hear  no  more." 

"  Sir,  it  is  too  much  to  say  you  have  proved  it. 
For  the  honour  of  my  Divine  Master,  I  must 
declare  the  truth — you  have  not  done  so ;  your- 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  243 

selves  knoAT  it.  You  have  said  nothing  really 
convincing ;  you  have  brought  forward  no  sound 
evidence :  this  you  must  surely  feel,  unless  you 
have  forgotten  the  nature  of  what  you  have  said. 
My  weak  self  could,  with  the  help  of  God,  have 
refuted  all  I  have  heard  to-night  against  the 
Messiahship  of  Jesus." 

"AVilt  thou  then  deny  it,  young  incorrigible? 
Wilt  thou  put  all  present  to  the  lie  ?  Then,  on 
God's  behalf,  I  smite  thee;"  and  he  struck  her 
upon  the  cheek. 

The  other  rabbi  rose  :  "  Miss  T ,  I  ask  you 

once  more,  and  it  is  the  last  time,  will  you  still 
believe  in  Jesus  of  Nazareth  as  your  Messiah  1" 

«  I  do — I  will — I  ever  shall ;  and  I  hope  soon 
to  be  in  Heaven  with  Him." 

"  Ha  !"  sneered  an  elder,  and  the  same  moment 
he  spat  in  her  face.  Leila  buried  it  in  her  hand- 
kerchief. 

''Then,"  said  the  rabbi,  "I  pronounce  that 
your  name  is  cut  off  from  your  nation ;  that  it  is 
blotted  from  under  heaven.  Thou  hast  wilfully 
forsaken  God,  and  would  not  hearken  to  His 
reproof,  and  now  He  hath  forsaken  thee ;  thou 
art  an  offence  in  His  sight.  I  pronounce  thee 
excommunicated ;  and  every  Jew  who  shall  here- 
after keep  thy  company,  I  pronounce  ngainstHim 
the  anathema  of  Jehovah,  our  Lawgiver  and  our 
King." 


244  LEILA    ADA, 

An  elder  now  began  to  read  to  her.  Leila  was 
terrified — terrified  not  because  sbe  feared  any  of 
the  anathemas  which  related  to  herself  tnerclyy 
but  because  some  of  them  separated  her  from  her 
father  and  all  her  relatives.  The  following  is  the 
substance : — 

"  Hear  thou  the  curses  of  the  Lord  upon  all 
those  who  break  the  commands  which  He  gave 
to  us,  His  chosen  people ;  and  against  all  those 
who  are  disobedient  to  His  law,  as  promulgated 
by  our  lawgivers  and  prophets. 

*'  *  Thus  saith  the  Lord,  if  thou  wilt  not 
hearken  unto  the  voice  of  the  Lord  thy  God,  nor 
to  the  voice  of  His  people,  to  do  all  the  com- 
mandments, and  tread  in  all  the  statutes  which  I 
have  given  to  thee  this  day,  then  all  these  curses 
shall  come  upon  thee  and  overtake  thee. 

"  'Cursed  shall  be  all  thy  substance. 

"  *  Cursed  shall  be  thy  dwelling-place. 

" '  Cursed  shall  be  thy  going  out  and  thy 
coming  in. 

" '  Cursed  shall  be  the  fruit  of  thy  body. 

"'The  Lord  shall  smite  thee  with  drought, 
and  fever,  and  consumption.  Thine  enemies  shall 
reign  over  thee.    Thy  food  shall  not  satisfy.     ' 

"  *  All  these  things,  saith  the  Lord,  shall  come 
upon  thee,  because  of  the  wickedness  of  thy 
doings,  whereby  tho-u  hast  forsaken  me.* 

"These  are  the  curses  of  the  Lord,  even  the 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  245 

Khig  of  Israel.  That  they  may  be  averted  and 
not  fall  upon  thee,  we  will  offer  our  earnest 
prayers. 

"  Further,  we  pronounce  our  anathema  against 
thy  father,  or  any  of  our  nation,  who  shall  come 
near  thoe,  or  have  ought  to  do  with  thee  what- 
ever. To  us  thou  art  as  though  thou  wert  never 
born  among  us. 

"  Lastly,  we  beg  of  thee,  turn  and  repent. 
Bewail  thy  sins,  if  it  be  that  thou  mayst  have 
pardon  for  thy  manifold  wickedness.*' 

Thus  was  this  aflfoctioruite  child  to  be  for  ever 
separated  from  her  only  parent — that  parent  who 
was  her  very  life-spring.  The  shock  was  too 
severe,  and  she  wept  heartily  and  convulsively. 

"Dost  thou  repent?"  harshly  inquired  a  rabbi. 

"  Oh,  no,  no,  no!  Do  not  speak  tome;  your 
kindness  is  cruelty." 

A  paper  was  directly  set  before  her  to  which 
she  was  compelled  to  affix  her  signature.  In  her 
own  artless  manner  she  says ;  "  I  was  full  of 
terror  when  they  forced  the  pen  into  my  hand. 
I  could  scarcely  guide  it,  my  hand  trembled  so 
much.  They  told  me  to  write  my  name.  I  do 
not  know  how  I  wrote  it ;  I  suppose  it  was  legible, 
for  they  appeared  contented.  What  it  was  I 
signed  I  never  knew." 

This  done,  she  was  ordered  to  leave  the  room. 
Her  uncle  spoke  to  a  rabbi  in  a  low,  earnest  tone ; 
21* 


246  LEILA    ADA, 

tlie  rabbi  immediately  said,  "  You  are  permitted, 

Miss  T ,  to  remain  here  tbree    days  longer. 

That  time  being  expired  no  Jew  may  receive  joxi 
into  his  house.  You  must  be  prevented  all 
opportunity  of  preaching  your  views  among  us ; 
therefore,  according  to  the  command  of  God,  we 
have  cut  you  off  from  His  people.  Do  not 
reflect  upon  us  ;  you  have  placed  yourself  in  this 
sorrowful  position.  Your  dear  father  will  be 
immediately  acquainted  with  our  proceedings ; 
and  I  earnestly  hope  that  yet  your  eyes  may  see 
the  error  of  your  ways." 

It  was  long  past  midnight  "vrheu  Leila  retired ; 
but  it  was  not  to  sleep,  that  was  impossible. 
Closing  the  door  of  her  chamber,  she  bent  her 
knees  in  prayer  for  resignation  to  the  Divine  will  j 
and  now  as,  perhaps,  the  dearest  ties  of  consan- 
guinity were  severed,  that  God  would  be  her 
Father  as  He  had  promised.  Then,  being  deter- 
mined that  she  would  not  remain  at  her  uncle's 
house  another  day,  she  arranged  for  her  departure. 

And  thus  was  this  dernier  ressort  of  her  uncle 
and  the  rabbis  a  signal  failure.  The  cutting-off 
of  every  Jew  who  forsakes  the  national  faith,  is  of 
course  nothing  more  than  a  proper  fulfilment  of 
Jewish  law  and  usage.  But  very  confidently  was 
it  believed  that  the  idea  of  being  separated  from 
her  father  and  kindred  would  terrify  Leila  into  a 
denial  of  Christianity.     They  admitted  it.     They 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  247 

told  her  father  so.  Full  of  this  expectation  they 
came  together  that  afternoon  ;  full  of  it  they  began 
the  efforts  of  the  evening.  And  yet  all  their 
laboriously  prepared  arguments  had  been  swept 
away  like  chaff  before  the  whirlwind,  as  long  as 
they  could  ^gree  to  listen.  Everything  they  said 
was  met,  and  refuted,  with  the  unshaken  firmness 
and  heroic  constancy  of  deep  and  solemn  convic- 
tion. And  this  by  a  mere  child — a  child  who  had 
not  received  a  moment's  notice  of  the  ordeal  through 
which  she  was  to  pass.  They  were  enraged. 
Amidst  their  insults  she  had  conducted  herself 
with  a  calm  and  majestic  dignity.  She  had  heard 
the  law  read  which  separated  her  from  her  parent 
and  her  people.  Her  emotions,  too  mighty  to  be 
expressed,  had  compelled  her  to  outrage  her 
modesty,  by  displaying  them  in  the  presence  of 
the  men  who  had  been  the  cause  of  her  cruel 
excitement.  Yet  she  did  not  exhibit  the  slightest 
sign  of  a  wavering  intention.  On  the  contrary, 
she  professed  her  fixed  resolution,  even  in  the 
very  extremity  of  her  agony.  They  were  con- 
founded. They  could  scarcely  believe  it.  Yes, 
sirs,  but  you  forgot  that  "  the  eye  of  the  Lord  is 
upon  them  that  fear  Him,"  watching  their  distress, 
and  with  its  heaven-calm  ray  pouring  light,  and 
joy,  and  peace,  and  power,  for  ever  into  their  soul. 
You  might  plunge  your  persecuted  victim  into  the 
dungeon's  depth  ;  but  smiling  conscience  sat  by 


248  LEILA    ADA, 

her  side,  an  angel  of  light ;  hallowing  her  expecta- 
tion, long  and  dark  though  it  was,  preserving  her 
happiness  calm  and  self-solaced,  and  whispering 
innocence  and  lofty  consolation.  Trusting  no 
more  in  the  resolution  she  had  taken,  but  in  the 
hand  she  held,  love  and  peace  flowed  into  that 
dreary  seclusion,  the  light  of  celestial  glories  burst 
upon  her  spirit,  and  though  on  the  brink  of  death, 
her  soul  was  elevated  above  this  narrow  earth, 
and  obtained  a  measure  of  the  emotion  which  is 
its  felicity  now  that  it  has  risen  to  its  native 
heaven.  He  who  gave  her  the  victory  in  pre- 
ceding weeks  of  trial  would  not  forsake  her  then, 
Her  hope  and  faith  in  Him  was  not  like  an  etlie- 
realized  and  beautiful  bubble,  floating  unharmed 
in  the  calm  airs  of  summer,  but  bursting  amidst 
the  lightest  breathed  zephyrs  of  autumn  and 
leaving  not  a  trace  behind.  It  was  a  solid,  sub- 
stantial reality.  Her  love  for  her  Eedeemer  was 
not  like  a  visioned  spirit  floating  in  the  empyrean 
air  of  imagination — ^like  one  of  those  beautiful 
evanishings  of  mortal  loveliness  when  death 
throws  his  cold  shadow  over  the  young  blossoms, 
and  leaves  the  mild  bright  spring-dream  "  sweet 
but  mournful  to  the  soul"  among  its  half-fancied 
memories.  It  was  calm,  quiet,  deep,  and  satisfy- 
ing. It  is  true,  sirs,  you  severed  her  from  the 
faces  whom  she  loved.  You  expected  that  you 
had  crushed  the  just  blossoming  flower  which  had 


'J'HE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  240 

put  fortli  its  buds  so  full  of  warmth  and  beauty  ; 
for  had  you  not  sent  it  to  decay  among  the  dead, 
and  to  house  in  the  grave,  till  with  its  little  heart 
crushed  beneath  the  weight  of  unrewarded  fond- 
ness it,  too,  died  unpitied  in  the  dust  ?  Ah,  but  it 
was  not  so  !  Even  there  she  was  not  to  waste 
her  benign  spirit  nor  bestow  her  illumination  on 
the  bleak  wilderness.  Her  bright  and  loving 
heart  was  neither  desolate  nor  uncompanioned,  for 
Jesus  her  Lord  was  there,  filling  with  hope,  and 
light,  and  peace,  and  opening  to  her  spiritual  view 
the  pearly  gates  of  the  New  Jerusalem.  Yes, 
gentlemen,  even  then,  amidst  her  great  grief  and. 
oppression,  Leila  could  tell  you  that  she  was 
happy  ! 

During  this  interview  Leila  was  favoured  with 
the  especial  blessing  of  her  Heavenly  Parent. 
We  have  often  heard  her  declare,  that  she  never 
felt  such  power  and  quickness  of  thought,  either 
before  or  after  it.  It  was  always  her  conviction 
that  her  tongue  w-as  directed  and  influenced  by 
the  Spirit  of  God  ;  for  the  language  was  not  her 
own,  and  appeared  to  flow  without  toil  or  effort. 
Nor  was  she  for  a  moment  at  a  loss.  Doubtless 
this  fact,  connected  with  her  extreme  youthfulness, 
had  much  to  do  with  the  disgusting  behaviour 
she  experienced  from  certain  of  her  irritated 
opposers.  In  the  midst  of  a  correspondence  Avith 
Mr.  Isaac  T (her  cousin  before  referred  to,) 


gfikp  LEILA    ADA, 

we  received  in  May  last,  a  letter  designed  to  throw 
additional  liglit  on  this  view  of  the  feeling  of  her 
questioners,  and  also  to  exhibit  Leila's  constancy 
and  decision  in  the  extreme  moment  of  her  anguish. 
He  thought  we  might  make  the  information 
available  for  a  new  edition.  Not  clearly  seeing 
how  it  could  very  well  be  done,  we  requested,  and 
obtained  permission  to  publish  an  extract.  And 
here  it  is  : — 

**  I  cannot  tell  when  I  am  to  bring  this  long 
letter  to  a  close,  for  I  have  now  to  tell  you  of  two 
incidents,  which  to  the  present  moment  I  had 
never  thought  of  as  being  important  for  you  to 
know,  and  which  I  think  I  should  not  have 
remembered  now,  only  when  I  came  to  this  part 
.of  my  beloved  cousin's  memoir  it  struck  me  that 
if  you  had  known  them  you  would  perhaps  have 
taken  occasion  to  introduce  them.  I  waited  up 
that  night  until  the  rabbis,  &c.,  came  out  of  the 
room.  After  talking  and  fasting  for  so  many 
hours  they  seemed  both  hungry  and  thirsty,  and 
while  zealously  employed  in  appeasing  their  appe- 
tites they  also  found  time  for  some  very  edifying 
conversation.  Being  in  a  very  ugly  temper,  I 
pleaded  illness,  and  did  not  join  them  at  the  table ; 
but  I  took  notice  of  all  they  said,  and  a  few  sen- 
tences I  still  remember.  *  Well,'  said  somebody,  *  of 
all  the  bold  and  determined  opposers  of  even  first 
principles  of  religious    truth,  (I  twisted   in   my 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  251. 

cbair,  and  very  prudentlj  bit  my  lips,)  I  never 
knew  one  to  equal  her  to-niglit.  How  glibly  her 
tongue  runs  when  she  gets  into  that  Nazareno 
doctrine.'  *  Ah  !'  answered  one  of  the  rabbis,  "  I 
told  you  you  would  not  find  it  so  easy  to  overturn 
her.  You  have  not  had  my  experience  among  the 
wicked.  When  the  seductions  of  that  Nazarene 
doctrine  have  laid  hold  upon  the  mind  of  the 
young,  it  is  almost  impossible  to  recover  them.  I 
never  knew  an  instance  yet.  Ah  !  the  men  who 
propagate  it  little  think  of  the  curse  which  clings 
to  them,  and  which  is  yet  to  take  effect.  How 
many  hundreds  of  our  noblest  brethren  have  been 
sucked  down  its  accursed  vortex  !'  *  To  hear  such 
a  girl  speak  so  confidently  and  bear  down  every- 
thing before  her,  put  me  out  of  patience,*  said 
another.  *  A  good  beating  would  have  done  her 
more  good  than  reasoning  with  her,  and  I  should 
like  to  have  given  it  her.'  *  Hush  !*  said  father. 
It  was  just  in  time  to  save  me  from  saying  some- 
thing worse,  and  so  bringing  myself  into  trouble. 

"  The  other  thing  might  help  to  show  how 
decided  Leila  was  to  the  last.  I  was  conversing 
with  her  on  the  morning  of  her  departure  from 
our  house,  and  in  the  midst  of  it  I  took  occasion 
to  tenderly  inquire  how  she  had  resolved,  and  if 
her  intentions  were  of  such  a  kind  that  she  could 
allow  me  t!ie  delight  of  assisting  her  in  any  way. 


252  LEILA    ADA, 

*  Well,'  she  replied,  *  I  think,  my  dear  Isaac, 
there  is  nothing  now  that  you  can  do  to  assist  me. 
I  do  not  profess  that  I  have  no  anxiety.  Indeed, 
I  have  much  anxiety.  But  I  think  I  can  say, 
that  my  trust  is  simply  in  Jesus  ;  and  that  if  my 
beloved  father  [here  her  emotion  overcame  her 
and  for  some  time  she  was  silent]  should  never 
speak  to  me  again,  and,  even  if  he  should  make 
me  no  allowance  of  money,  (this  I  do  not  believe.) 
I  shall  not  hesitate  a  moment.  Should  my  present 
circumstances  result  in  both  these,  I  shall  seek  a 
situation  as  resident  governess  or  servant  of  some 
kind.  And  to  compensate  for  my  ignorance,  I 
will  be  content  to  have  no  salary.  I  have  suffi- 
cient clothing  to  last  me  a  very  long  while — as 
long,  I  think,  as  in  that  case  I  shall  want  any  ; 
and  I  have  some  money  too  ....  and  that,  you 
know,  is  a  large  sum,  considering  the  care  with 
which  I  shall  use  it.'  " 

She  had  determined  to  leave  her  uncle's  house, 
and  that  at  once,  but  in  what  a  trying  strait  she 
was  involved.  She  had  been  cast  out  from  among 
her  nation,  she  had  been  cut  off  from  her  kindred 
by  the  rabbis,  but  would  her  father  really  be 
guided  by  their  decision  1  The  many  happy  years 
gone  by,  the  sweet  and  numberless  proofs  of  the 
high  place  she  possessed  in  his  affections,  all 
seemed  to  loudly  declare  that  it  was  impossible 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  253 

— whatever  dislike  he  felt  to  her  profession  of 
Christianity,  he  would  never  be  able  to  deny  her 
living  with  him.  She  fixed,  however,  that  she 
would  for  the  present  reside  with  a  Christian 
family,  who,  since  her  conversion,  had  been  most 
affectionately  intimate  with  her.  They  lived  at 
about  two  miles  from  her  home.  Their  eldest 
daughter  (an  exceedingly  pious  young  lady)  had 
ever  since  the  commencement  of  her  acquaintance 
with  Leila  been  her  confidential  friend  and  corres- 
pondent. 

Their   meeting  was  affecting   to    both.     "  She 

threw  herself  upon  my  neck,"  says  Miss  H , 

''exclaiming,  'They  have  dared  my  dear  father 
to  permit  me  to  return  home.'  She  wept ;  and 
— can  it  surprise  ? — I  rejoiced  to  weep  too." 

In  about  a  month  from  the  time  of  her  leaving 
home,  symptoms  of  declining  health  became  visible. 
Her  constitution,  never  strong,  had,  doubtless,  re- 
ceived a  severe  shock  from  the  accumulated  sorrow 
and  anxiety  which  she  had  undergone,  through 
separation  from  her  father  and  her  home.  Add  to 
this  the  coercive  regimen  and  unkindness  to  which 
she  was  submitted  in  her  uncle's  family.  But  she 
had  become  a  comparatively  unnoticed  being ; 
and  she  was  not  of  a  disposition  to  complain. 

These  symptoms  increased ;  and  at  the  time  she 
quitted  her  uncle's  family,  the  decay  in  her  health 
was  very  apparent.  "I  saw,"  continues  her 
22 


254  LEILA    ADA, 

friend,  "that  she  was  quite  ill:  indeed,  I  thought 
very  ill,  although  she  did  not  appear  to  be  fully 
aware  of  it.  I  observed  it  to  her.  'Well,'  she 
replied,  *  I  am  not  well,  but  I  should  be  if  I  were 
with  my  father ;  it  is  absence  from  him  unnerves 
and  depresses  me.' " 

On  reaching  the  house  of  her  friend  Emily,  she 
wrote  to  her  father. 

January  18th,  1849. 

My  dearest,  much-loved  Papa, 

I  have  been  ordered  to  leave  the  house  of 
my  uncle ;  this  I  have  done,  and  am  now  staying 

with    our   friends,    Mr.  H and  family,  until 

acquainted  with  your  will  about  me. 

Dear  papa !  I  have  suffered  so.  I  will  not 
murmur,  because  you  placed  me  with  my  uncle,  I 
know,  to  do  me  good.  But  it  was  very  dreadful 
to  me,  who  had  been  used  always  to  such  kindness, 
such  tenderness  from  you.  For  many  weeks  I 
have  not  had  anything  in  common  with  my  uncle, 
aunt,  nor  any  of  their  family.  My  meals  were 
given  to  me  separate,  and  I  had  a  room  set  apart 
for  my  solitary  occupation ;  and  if  wanted,  I  was 
seldom  sent  for,  but  called  by  a  bell.  I  could  not 
help  feeling  it  deeply,  dear  pa',  and  I  believe 
that,  whatever  else  you  think,  you  will  have  no 
sympathy  with  such  unkindness  as  I  have  re- 
ceived.   All  my  cousins,   except   Isaac  (and  ho 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  255 

has  been  most  tenderly  affectionate),  insulted  me ; 
the  young  children  spat  upon  my  clothes.  No  one 
would  touch  me  when  they  came  near  me ;  and 
even  the  servants  acted  to  me  very  unkindly 
indeed. 

[I  can  suppose  the  reader's  disappointment  to 
find  any  of  this  affecting  letter  withheld.  But 
the  next  relates  to  various  family  matters,  which 
must  not  be  published.] 

But,  my  beloved  papa,  I  could  not  forsake  my 
Christianity,  because  I  believe  it  to  be  of  God; 
therefore,  I  was  taken  before  a  session  composed  of 
two  rabbis,  and  several  elders,  and  others.  It  was 
night,  and  for  seven  hours  they  questioned  me,  and 
used  many  cruel  comments  and  names  which  I  may 
tell  you  at  another  time,  and  at  last  one  elder  spat 
in  my  face,  and  a  rabbi  beat  me.  I  was  then  ana- 
thematized, and  after  the  curses  were  said,  I  was 
told  I  should  never  be  allowed  to  live  with  you, 
my  precious  papa,  any  more. 

But  papa,  beloved  papa !  you  will  not  say  "  yes" 
to  anything  so  terrible.  Oh!  do  not  send  me  away, 
I  am  ill  now,  with  so  much  trouble  and  anxiety ; 
but  that  will  kill  me,  dear  papa.  I  love  you  so, 
that  I  can  never  live  away  from  you.  Oh  !  may 
I  come  home  ?  I  am  quite  weak  with  much  long- 
ing to  see  you,  and  kiss  you  again,  and  love  you 


256  LEILA    ADA, 

like  I  used.     Do  see  me  at  least — but  I  dare  not 
imagine  the  alternative. 

Papa,  I  cannot  be  anything  else  but  a  Chris- 
tian while  I  live,  and  I  know  it  is  a  faith  that 
will  at  last  open  to  me  the  gates  of  heaven. 

You  may  see,  dear,  by  my  tremulous  discon- 
nected hand,  that  I  am  not  well,  which  will  cause 
you  to  excuse  imperfections  of  whatever  kind.  It 
is  so  late  at  night  too,  that  I  can  scarcely  think 
from  weariness — having  had  no  sleep  last  night, 
and  travelled  the  whole  of  to-day. 

Farewell,  my  precious — my  adored  parent.  I 
should  be  so  glad  if,  before  I  slept,  I  could  have 
one  kiss — do  let  me  see  you,  love.     And  very  soon. 

With  many  tears  of  grateful  affection  and 
prayers  that  God's  especial  blessing  may  abide 
with  you  for  evermore, 

I  am,  my  dearest  father, 

Your  very  devoted  daughter, 

Leila  Ada. 

She  received  a  most  affectionately  written 
answer.  Among  other  things  he  expressed  in- 
tense indignation  at  her  usage ;  a  noble  contempt 
for  the  curses  of  the  rabbis ;  and  desired  her  to 
come  home  to  him  directly  ! 

This  letter  produced  a  sudden  revulsion  of  her 
whole  life's   current,   which  for   a  moment  was 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  857 

painfully  overpowering.  It  filled  her  again  with 
the  most  brilliant  hopes.  Evidently  her  father 
had  almost — oh  !  might  he  not  have  quite  ? — hurst 
asunder  the  trammels  of  rabbinical  authority. 
She  was  scarcely  recovered  when  a  carriage,  with 
himself  in  it,  drew  up  to  the  door.  He  had  fol- 
lowed the  bearer  of  the  letter.  How  sweet  that 
moment  to  both  !  But  their  meeting  must  be  sacred. 

And  Leila  was  reinstated  in  her  sweet  home 
— her  fjither  kinder  than  ever — all  her  books  re- 
turned to  her — permission  to  attend  her  chapel  at 
any  time  she  pleased  cheerfully  accorded.  She 
was  happy ! 

Under  the  tender  lavishment  of  paternal  affec- 
tion, her  spirits  appeared  to  recover  their  wonted 
vigour,  and  a  fresh  glow  of  health  to  course 
through  her  veins  and  suffuse  her  cheek.  But  it 
was  only  the  stimulus  of  old  and  dearly-cherished 
enjoyments  which  produced  this  effect.  She  had 
begun  to  droop.  Her  spirit  was  ripening  for  the 
everlasting  joys  of  heaven.  Soft  and  peaceful 
was  her  decline,  for  it  was  soothed  by  the  presence 
of  her  Redeemer.  Looking  more  and  more  beau- 
tiful as  she  approached  her  eternal  rest,  she  at 
last  passed  triumphantly  through  the  valley  of 
the  shadow  of  death,  and  was  laid  beside  her 
mother  amidst  the  silence  of  the  tomb.  How  soon 
we  fade!  How  soon  the  friends  we  love  are 
called  away  !  Here's  nothing  worth  a  smile. 
22* 


258  LEILA    ADA, 

[In  Iier  diary  she  writes  at  this  time.] 

Januarj^  24tli.  —  Again  to  worship  Thee,  0 
Lord  my  Father,  in  peace  and  love  beneath  my 
parent's  roof,  is  a  privilege  I  had  at  one  time 
almost  ceased  to  expect.  I  adore  and  bless  Thy 
great  and  holy  name — who,  in  undeserved  mercy, 
hast  accorded  it  to  me.  And  oh !  may  my 
gratitude  he  proved  in  a  more  unqualified  devo- 
tion of  myself  to  Thee. 

I  thank  Thee  that  this  moment  I  can  call 
Thee  my  Father;  and  calmly  repose  beneath 
the  shadow  of  Thy  wings,  perfectly  assured 
that  Thou  lovest  me,  and  will  keep  me  in  time 
and  eternally.  Oh,  from  now  may  I  be  blessed 
with  better  and  clearer  views  of  Thee  —  Thy 
will  and  Thy  nature ;  that,  from  being  a  babe 
in  Christ  Jesus,  I  may  become  strong  in  Him; 
being  rooted  and  grounded  in  love. 

Blessed  Spirit !  withdraw  not  from  me ;  but 
continue  Thy  gracious  influences  upon  my  soul, 
and  impart  to  me  grace  that  I  may  never  grieve 
Thee  by  indifference  to  Thy  movements  in  my 
heart. 

January  30th. — I  would  devote  a  few  moments 
of  the  close  of  this  hallowed  day  to  recording  the 
blessed  character  of  that  intercourse  with  the 
Father  of  my  spirit  which  I  have  enjoyed.  Never 
before  did  I  experience    anything   to    ecjual    it  • 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  259 

and  I  do  rejoice  in  Thee,  0  God,  for  Thy  gracious 
condescension  manifested  towards  me.  I  have 
had  overwhelming  views  of  Thy  greatness  and 
majesty  and  wisdom  and  love. 

0  Thou  whose  dwelling  is  eternity  —  whose 
being  is  from  everlasting  to  everlasting,  how 
can  I,  a  sinful  creature,  glorify  Thee  in  terms 
adequate  to  thy  due  ?  How  can  I  sufficiently 
set  forth  Thy  glory? — 

"  My  weakness  bends  beneath  the  weight , 
O'erpowered  I  sink,  I  faint,  I  die." 

Unchangeable  God,  unbounded  sea,  the  fountain 
of  eternity,  greatness  unspeakable  is  Thine — 
greatness  which,  when  heaven  and  earth  are 
fled  away,  shall  yet  survive  in  undiminished 
power  and  majesty.  Thy  wisdom  is  unsearch- 
able, and  known  only  to  Thyself.  Heaven  is 
thy  throne ;  Thy  glory  is  its  light — light  with- 
out shade ;  effulgence  for  ever  unsullied.  Vain 
man !  what  art  thou  1  0,  bend  low  at  the 
footstool  of  the  Deity — thou  art  but  dust.  Ac- 
knowledge thy  feeble  reason  when  compared 
with  Him,  the  Almighty  source  of  mind  and 
light.  Sink  into  thy  true  position — nothing- 
ness. Thine,  Lord,  is  wisdom — Thine  alone. 
Angels  when  they  approach  Thy  majesty  veil 
their  faces  behind  their  wings.  Truth  and  per- 
fection  before   thee  stand;    but   nearer   to  Thy 


260  LEILA   ADA, 

sacred  throne,  even  at  thy  right  hand,  stands 
Thy  favoured  daughter  Love  !  The  spirits  of 
the  redeemed  surround  Thee,  with  trembling 
rapture  swelling  their  melodious  lyres,  and 
through  heaven's  ethereal  depths  resounds  Thy 
praise.  Thou  directest  the  employments  of 
these  Thy  saved  ones.  Thou  art  the  source  of 
their  enjoyments.  Thou  spreadest  Thy  wings 
over  them  in  wondrous  love !  Mercy  dwells  in 
Thy  presence,  ever  ready  to  anticipate  Thy 
wrath :  and  when  at  length  this  can  no  longer 
be  withheld,  it  moves  but  slowly,  and  Thy 
lingering  tenderness  still  stays  the  avenging 
sword  of  justice,  hoping,  if  it  be  in  vain  to 
hope,  for  a  timely  repentance. 

Yet,  0  God !  mighty  as  Thou  art,  I  am  Thy 
child :  I  dwell  in  Thy  love  and  I  am  happy. 
Thou  art  the  source  of  my  being,  every  breath 
I  have  flows  from  Thee,  all  I  possess  is  Thy 
gift,  0  my  Father.  Thrice  holy  One  !  Thine  is 
the  kingdom  and  the  power  and  the  glory. 
Reposing  in  thy  love,  I  adore  Thee  in  union 
with  the  choirs  of  cherubim  and  seraphim,  and 
with  the  saints  who  are  made  perfect  in  Thee, 
and  with  the  just  who  yet  live  on  earth.  I  praise 
Thee  now ;  and  when  created  nature  dies,  saved 
by  my  beloved  Redeemer,  I  shall  praise  thee  in 
brighter,  purer  strains,  to  all  eternity. 

How  glorious  is  such  a  prospect !    0  my  soul^ 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  261 

wLy  art  tho  i  ever  lax  in  pursuit  of  such  a  prize  ? 
I  rejoice  that  ever  I  was  born  to  enjoy  this  frui- 
tion of  perfect  bliss  in  my  Saviour  for  ever. 

February  21st. — What  can  be  better  calculated 
to  raise  the  thoughtful  mind  than  gazing  on  the 
star-spangled  sky,  and  marking  the  admirable 
order,  unfading  brightness,  and  beautiful  arrange- 
ment of  the  heavenly  bodies,  and  examine  their 
movements — so  silent,  yet  so  grand  and  change- 
less. They  loudly  proclaim  the  greatness  of  God, 
and  the  consummate  wisdom  with  which  He 
governs  the  universe. 

My  enraptured  eye  fixes  on  the  various  and 
wondrous  portions  of  His  creation,  which  He  has 
unveiled  to  man,  with  a  curiosity  and  delight 
which  never  know  satiety  or  abatement.  How 
joyful  do  I  feel  when  the  first  rays  of  the  glorious 
sun,  piercing  the  thick  mantle  of  night,  throw  a 
brightness  and  beauty  over  all  nature ;  and  with 
what  fondness  do  I  find  myself  gazing  on  its 
departing  beams,  as  they  fall  in  rich  and  beau- 
tiful succession  on  hill  and  dale — on  the  tall  tree 
and  the  little  flower  at  its  foot,  on  the  lucid  wave 
and  the  dark  forest.  "  Great  and  marvellous  are 
Thy  works.  Lord  God  Almighty." 

Nor  is  this  the  only  feeling  inspired  by  such  a 
time  and  scene.  It  reminds  me  that  all  things 
pass  away — of  the  frailty  of  my  body,  now  made 


262  LEILA    ADA, 

more  than  ever  to  be  remembered  by  that  weak- 
ness which  of  late  I  have  felt. 

Oh,  my  loving  and  gracious  Father,  who  art  in 
heaven.  Oh  help  me  to  increase  in  wisdom,  and 
to  be  more  mindful  of  that  time,  which  will  soon 
arrive.  May  every  hour  I  am  permitted  to  see  be 
cheered  by  a  perfect  conviction,  inspired  by  Thy- 
self, that  I  am  approaching  nearer  the  mansions 
of  everlasting  peace  and  blessedness.  That  it  may 
be  so,  I  now  surrender  myself  again,  soul  and 
body,  to  thee.  Oh,  covenant  with  me  for  time 
and  eternity.     Amen. 

Unbounded  thankfulness  to  Him  who  has  done 
so  much  for  me  I  ought  ever  to  feel.  Awaken  my 
spirit,  O  God,  to  greater  diligence  in  waiting  upon 
Thee.  More  and  more  may  I  be  empowered  to 
do  Thy  will,  that  all  the  rich  blessings  of  Thy 
grace  may  descend  upon  me. 

The  first  steps  of  the  insidious  disease  were 
more  than  usually  guileful.  And  when  at  length 
it  had  assumed  its  undoubted  characteristics,  her 
fond  father  grew  restless  and  impatient  if  ever 
any  reference  were  made  to  it.  "  A  slight  cough 
— and  this  was  so  very  slight — was  a  thing  to 
which  she  had  always  been  subject :  and  the 
shortness  of  breath  and  the  bright  hectic  flush 
upon  her  cheek,  he  had  noticed  before.  She  would 
soon  be  quite  as  well  as  ever  she  was."     And  the 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  263 

spiritual  airiness  communicated  by  the  fever  which 
was  so  gently  consuming  her  life  was  "  only  a 
buoyancy  of  spirit  which  was  nothing  more  than 
perfectly  natural  to  her.  However,  if  it  would 
please  the  other  members  of  the  family,  he  would 
certainly  call  in  the  physician.  But  he  himself 
was  quite  satisfied  that  his  services  were  not 
required."  The  physician  said  that  there  was  no 
present  cause  for  serious  apprehension,  and  he  tried 
to  bind  up  the  breaking  threads  of  her  life.  But 
all,  except  her  parent,  could  see  her  unworldly 
thoughtfulness,  and  her  gradually  wasting  strength. 
And  then  there  was  a  deceitful  change,  and  Leila 
again  walked  in  the  garden  and  tended  her  flowers. 
She  could  even  sit  down  to  the  piano  and  sing 
some  favourite  movement — but  it  was  always  soft 
and  solemn,  often  a  beautiful  and  ethereal  requiem. 
Her  father  rejoiced,  for  they  said  she  would  soon 
be  well  again.  But  on  Leila's  own  heart  there 
rested  a  sweet  assurance,  tranquil  as  the  evening 
sky,  peaceful  as  the  last  smile  of  summer,  that  she 
was  going  to  the  bosom  of  her  E-edeemer. 

It  was  a  calm  golden  evening — one  of  those 
lovely  sunsets  towards  the  close  of  summer  when 
earth  and  sky  seem  to  mhigle  into  one  blaze  of 
glory,  and  all  nature  is  hushed  in  profound  adora- 
tion. In  a  boAver  formed  of  jessamines  and  bright 
spiritual  roses  sat  Leila  gazing  into  the  profound 


264  LEILA    ADA, 

depths  of  the  fiery  splendours,  her  heart  throbbing 
with  impulsive  delight.  The  rich  light  flushed 
warm  through  the  ringlets  of  her  hair,  and  an 
unearthly  radiance  flashed  from  her  large  earnest 
eyes,  as  they  intently  looked  on  the  glowing 
skies.  Her  thoughts  were  afar,  and  she  seemed 
to  have  forgotten  that  any  one  beside  herself  was 
present.  She  began  slowly  and  restfuUy,  and  in 
tones  so  soft  and  deep  as  made  it  seem  an 
inspiration — 

"  I  saw  no  temple  therein,  for  the  Lord  God 
Almighty  and  the  Lamb  are  the  temple  of  it. 
The  city  had  no  need  of  the  sun,  neither  of  the 
moon  to  shine  in  it ;  for  the  glory  of  God  did  lighten 
it,  and  the  Lamb  is  the  light  thereof." 

And  then  a  soft  brightness  passed  across  her 
face  like  a  shadow  from  the  wing  of  an  angelic 
spirit ;  and  she  continued,  "  I  am  going  to  behold 
that  glory." 

It  was  strange.  For  she  seemed  to  be  regaining 
her  strength,  and  to  be  progressing  towards  health. 
But  the  words  fell  on  the  heart  of  one  who  sat 
near  her  with  all  the  certainty  of  a  prophecy. 
And  he  looked  at  her  white  hands  and  noticed 
that  they  were  getting  longer  and  thinner,  and 
that  her  skin  was  becoming  more  and  more  clear 
and  transparent.  The  shadowy  veil  of  time  which 
hung  between  her  sight  and  her  Saviour  was  fast 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  265 

dissolving ;  and  even  now,  that  thoughtful  eye 
appeared  lit  up  with  an  immortal  fire.  Why  did 
he  not  observe  all  this  before  1 

He  need  not  have  surprised  himself.  For, 
accepted  by  her  father,  he  loved  Leila,  and  was 
beloved  in  return.  And  that  young  saint  was 
passing  away  in  the  midst  of  all  the  brightness 
which  a  promised  future  of  love  and  peace  could 
bestow.  But  she  felt  no  regret  for  all  she  was 
leaving — nothing  except  an  absorbing  desire  to 
see  the  salvation  of  her  parent  and  relatives.  She 
knew — the  feeling  was  an  all  pervading  reality — 
that  she  was  going  to  a  better  home,  where  every 
love  and  beauty  is  enjoyed  in  perfection  and  for 
ever.     And  she  longed  to  fly  away  and  be  there. 

Even  so,  beloved  Leila  !  Silver  star  of  our 
memory  !  AYe  feel  that  thou  art  going.  Thou 
art  too  fair  for  our  fading  earth.  Thy  soul  seeks 
its  silent  path  amidst  the  suns  far  away  to  join  its 
kindred  natures  in  lands  more  bright  than  ours. 
The  messenger  is  on  the  wing  ;  and  the  shining 
gates  are  opening  to  receive  thee. 

Let  us  accompany  thee  as  far  as  the  heavenly 
portals,  and  watch  thee  entering  in  :  it  may  be 
that  we  shall  catch  a  glimpse  of  thy  glory  ere  they 
close  on  thee  for  ever  ! 


23 


CHAPTER  XII. 

EVANISHINGS 

"  She  pleads, 
With  angel  tongue  and  mild  beseeching  eye. 

Her  heart 
Rejoiced  to  die,  for  happy  visions  blessed 
Iler  voyage's  last  days,  and  hovering  round, 
Alighted  on  her  soul,  giving  presage 
That  heaven  was  nigh.     Oh,  what  a  burst 
Of  rapture  from  her  lips  !  what  tears  of  joy 
Her  heavenward  eyes  suffused  !" 

It  is  a  sweet  employment  to  honour  the  memory 
of  those  once  dear  to  us  in  this  life,  but  whose 
face  we  can  now  behold  no  more.  To  trace  the 
bright  track  which  marks  their  earthly  course  ;  to 
view  them  in  the  chamber  of  death,  see  their  last 
triumphant  smile,  and  hear  their  latest  prayer ; 
and  when  at  last  the  final  victory  is  completed,  to 
watch  their  flight  to  those  realms  of  blessedness 
where  no  sigh  can  ever  breathe  to  interrupt  the 
harmony  of  the  skies,  no  j)ain  disturb  the  repose 
of  the  inhabitants. 

To  ye,  to  ye  beloved  ones,  who  sleep  in  death's 
cold  embrace,  our  souls  are  hastening.  To  ye 
whose  mouldering  remains   are  veiled  from  our 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  267 

view  by  a  covering  of  earth,  but  whose  spirits, 
having  gained  their  immortal  rest,  are  now  rejoicing 
in  the  presence  of  our  Redeemer,  to  ye  much-loved 
on  earth,  with  whom  we  have  often  held  sweet 
converse  of  the  love  of  Jesus,  but  who  have  before 
us  attained  the  joys  of  eternal  life,  our  hearts  turn 
with  affectionate  delight. 

Thrice  hallowed  be  the*  memory  of  the  friends 
who  are  dead,  thrice  hallowed  be  the  fondly  che- 
rished image  of  departed  love.  Come  to  us,  ye 
gentle  daughters,  who  mourn  the  loss  of  a  tender 
father,  or  a  fond,  devoted  mother, — come  to  us, 
thou  heart-stricken  husband,  who  weepest  the  loss 
of  a  beloved  wife ;  and  come,  too,  thou  inconsol- 
able mother,  whose  dearest  offspring  has  drooped 
away  in  the  cold  embrace  of  death,  oh  !  come  and 
join  us,  and  our  tears  shall  mingle  in  holy  affection 
for  the  absent  ones,  and  in  spirit  we  will  seek  the 
consecrated  remembrances  in  which  these  beloved 
objects  repose ! 

We  are  not  separated  eternally.  They  may  not 
return  to  us,  but  we  shall  go  to  them.  What  con 
Bolation  is  the  thought !  What  a  holy  calm  does  it 
diffuse  over  the  spirit !  What  bliss  will  it  be  to 
rejoin  them  in  "  the  better  land,"  full  of  the  joy- 
inspiring  conviction  that  we  shall  part  no  more ! 

Even  so,  beloved  spirits !  early  have  ye  left  us 
to  be  for  ever  with  the  Lord.  But  we  shall  follow 
you  into  His  blessed  home.     We  will  not  weep 


268  LEILA    ADA, 

for  you  as  lost.  Your  forms  are  often  shadowed 
to  us,  and  we  hear  you  singing  sweetly  in  our 
dreams.  Resting  with  a  firm  reliance  on  the 
merits  of  our  Redeemer,  Jesus,  we  know  we  shall 
soon  awake  to  rejoin  you.  Even  now  you  seem 
to  invite  us  to  share  with  you  the  society  of  angels, 
while  you  breathe  in  soft  whisperings  that  we  are 
hastening  to  you  again.  * 

Eternal  Father !  Fountain  of  goodness  !  we 
praise  and  adore  the  love  with  which  Thou  doest 
all  things.  We  cease  our  dishonourable  sorrow : 
"  The  Lord  gave  and  the  Lord  hath  taken  away, 
blessed  be  the  name  of  the  Lord."  "  Praise  the 
Lord,  let  us  praise  the  Lord,  and  speak  good  of 
His  name."  With  tender  affection  we  will  recal 
scenes  passed  with  those  who  have  been  called 
away ;  scenes  which  can  return  no  more.  Our 
tears,  the  simple  offerings  of  unaffected  love,  shall 
testify  the  emotion  of  our  hearts.  And,  is  it  even 
so,  that  they  who  were  so  dear  to  us  are  asleep  in 
the  tomb  1  Yet  by  them  our  sighs  are  not  un- 
heard ;  nor  do  our  tears  fall  unheeded. 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  269* 

The  following  letter  answers  inquiries  of  licr 

friend, 

TO  MR.  . 

August  24th,  1849. 
My  dear  Friend, 

Allow  me  to  make  one  final  request,  that 
you  will  not  apologize  because  you  ask  "  so  many 
questions."  It  is  a  great  delight  to  answer  them, 
as  well  as  I  can.  To  your  present  one,  "  Is  it 
true  that  the  Jews  omit  from  the  prophetical 
writings  the  whole  of  the  fifty-third  of  Isaiah  ? 
I  reply  that  it  is  a  truth,  which  requires  much 
qualification.  It  ever  pleases  me  to  have  an 
opportunity  of  defending  my  brethren  according 
to  the  flesh.  I  am  a  Christian,  but  I  am  still  a 
Jew.  It  is  a  distinction  which  I  cannot  lay 
aside  ;  for  I  love  my  people  dearly,  very  dearly. 
And  I  know  you  do  too,  my  dear  friend,  and  that 
is  a  great  joy  to  me. 

When  the  Jews  were  conquered  by  Antiochus 
Epiphanes — which  was  about  a  hundred  and  sixty 
years  before  the  Christian  era — he  prohibited  the 
public  reading  of  the  law,  under  the  penalty  of 
death.  This  prohibition  the  Jews  felt  severely — 
it  was  very  cruel.  But  that  they  might  not  be 
wholly  without  the  Scriptures,  they  selected  from 
other  parts  of  them  fifty-four  portions.  These 
they  called  IIaputoroth — n^TDSn — foi'  though 
forbidden  to   read  the  law,  they  might  read  the 


270*  LEILA    ADA, 

prophecies — tliey  were  left  open — hence  the  word 
— and  these  therefore  they  used.  Every  sabbath 
the  Haphtoroth  for  that  day  was  read ;  and  I 
believe  it  was  from  this  custom  amongst  the  Jews 
that  the  Christians  adopted  the  practice  of  reading 
Scripture  lessons. 

It  would  fatigue  you  to  read  so  much,  or  I 
might  place  before  you  the  portions  of  the  Pen- 
tateuch, and  then  place  the  Haphtorothim  over 
against  them  ;  but  I  can  explain  sufficiently  clear, 
I  think,  without.  A  portion  of  the  law  was 
appointed  to  be  read  upon  the  particular  day 
assigned  to  it ;  and  when  this  was  forbidden,  they 
selected  from  the  prophetic  writings  those  por- 
tions which  had  a  positive  reference  to  the  part  of 
the  law  chosen  for  each  day.  So  the  omission  of 
the  fifty-third  of  Isaiah  was  not  wilful,  for  the 
passages  were  taken  miscellaneously.  When  you 
next  come  to  me  I  will  show  you  all  the  Haph- 
torothim ;  at  present  I  will  copy  out  those  taken 
from  this  part  of  Isaiah. 

Isaiah,  41  ch.    1 — 16  verses. 


42 

„     5—25       , 

44 

„     1—25       , 

51 

„  12—23       , 

52 

„     1—12       , 

54 

,,     1—17       , 

55 

„     6—13       , 

56 

„     1—8 

THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  271* 

Isaiab,  60  cli.    1 — 22  verses. 

61     „     10,  11  ;  also  62  cli.   1—12. 
„       63    „     1—9. 

Yet  I  do  not  think  the  reason  for  leaving  out 
the  fifty-third  a  very  satisfying  one,  thongh  it 
should  be  conceded  that  at  this  time,  and  for  nearly 
200  years  later,  no  one  could  rightly  understand 
the  prophecy  contained  in  it.  And  now  that  its 
meaning  has  become  the  key-stone  of  the  differ- 
ence between  Jews  and  Christians,  it  is  too  much 
to  expect  them  to  use  it  in  their  service.  Still 
they  read  it,  and  have  an  interpretation  for  it. 
But  this  interpretation  is  so  poor  and  unlikely  that 
it  does  not  satisfy  the  thoughtful  amongst  them- 
selves. Papa  does  not  believe  it,  and  never  did. 
"  IT nderstandest  thou  what  thou  readest  V  said 
Philip  to  Queen  Candace's  treasurer  as  he  was 
reading  this  chapter. 

With  much  gladness  I  look  upon  the  prospect 
opening  before  our  Israel.  Sufferings  we  have 
indeed  had  for  our  obstinacy,  tempests  have  burst 
upon  our  afflicted  heads,  but  the  clouds  are  melt- 
ing away.  The  sun  of  Israel  is  rising.  "  The 
word  of  our  God  shall  stand  for  ever ;"  and  oh  ! 
how  sweet,  how  lovely  is  the  future  he  has  pro- 
mised to  my  people :  and  so  near  that  even  now 
we  may  take  up  the  consolatory  predictions  of  the 
prophet — Isaiah  xl.  1.  I  rejoice  in  hope  of  ray 
much-loved  nation — dear  people  !  so  unhappy,  so 


272*  LEILA    ADA, 

restless  as  they  are — but  tlie  time  of  their  redemp- 
tion draweth  nigh.  When  I  look  upon  them  as 
they  are,  when  I  see  their  heartlessness  through 
long-deferred  hope,  4;lieir  exhaustion  through  long 
and  fruitless  expectation,  it  depresses  me  sadly, 
and  I  wonder  what  there  is  I  can  do  to  help  them- 
Shall  we,  my  dear  friend,  try  to  pray  more  ear" 
nestly  about  them  1  that  Jesus  will  hasten  the 
time  of  His  appearing,  the  sun  of  righteousness 
pierce  the  heavy  clouds.  Oh  !  I  almost  feel  I  am 
wrong  to  say  so  to  you,  because  I  know  how  much 
you  think  about  them  and  love  them.  This  is  a 
great  joy  to  me,  and  I  am  sure  you  will  realize  the 
assurance — "  They  shall  prosper  that  love  thee." 


Very  soon  after  writing  this  letter  Leila  was 
again  ill.  And  in  three  months  she  passed  through 
the  portals  of  the  skies. 

She  made  very  few  entries  in  her  journal  after 
this  return  of  her  weakness.  Most  of  the  time  she 
was  able  to  write  was  given  entirely  to  corre- 
spondence. 

The  illusive  hopes  of  Leila's  lengthened  stay 
on  earth  were  passing  away.  During  the  buoyancy 
of  these  treacherous  weeks,  she  occupied  much  of 
her  time  in  writing.  Her  heart  yearned  with  a 
sad  and  thoughtful  tenderness  towards  her  nation. 
The  guilt  they  were  contracting,  and  the  happiness 
they  were  losing,  while  denying  their  Messiah,  lay 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  269 

like  an  icy  weight  upon  lier  soul ;  and  she  che- 
rished fervent  longings  to  do  something  for  them. 
Most  of  all  was  she  concerned  for  her  father  and 
her  kindred.  And  as  she  felt  the  film  of  life  grow 
thinner  and  thinner,  the  deep  workings  of  her 
spirit  on  their  behalf  became  more  and  more 
powerful  still.  TVarm-hearted  and  thoughtful  she 
had  always  been,  but  there  was  a  strange  loveli- 
ness and  maturity  about  her  now.  Often  would 
she  seek  her  parent,  and  with  her  head  resting  on 
his  bosom,  and  her  arms  entwining  his  neck,  whis- 
per to  him  of  the  unutterable  joys  she  felt  in  the 
love  of  Jesus,  and  the  bright  home  to  which  she 
knew  she  was  going.  It  pained  him  excessively ; 
his  child  seemed  all  that  he  possessed.  He  had 
cherished  her  with  all  a  tender  parent's  lavish 
fondness  :  and  she  had  repaid  his  affection  by  ex- 
panding into  life  very  beautifully  and  with  ever- 
increasing  loveliness.  He  felt  it  impossible  that 
he  could  consent  to  her  passing  away.  He 
shuddered  to  hear  her  speak  of  dying.  And  while 
in  tones  full  of  deep,  paternal  feeling,  he  begged 
her  not  to  say  anything  about  leaving  him,  he 
would  answer  evasively  respecting  his  belief  in 
Jesus. 

The   afternoon   had   declined   into   the  golden 

brilliance  of  sunset :  and  this  again  was  decaying 

into  the  soft  shadows  of  twilight.     Leila  had  been 

conversing  with  her  parent  on  themes  connected 

23* 


270  LEILA    ADA, 

with  Christianity,  while  her  eyes,  unnaturally 
bright  with  the  slow  fever  that  was  burning  in  her 
veins,  gave  a  wondrous  fire  and  energy  to  all  that 
she  was  saying, 

*'  Papa,  dear  !"  and,  laying  her  burning  hand  on 
his,  she  tenderly  kissed  his  pale  cheek,  "  I  do  love 
you  so — oh  !  inexpressibly.  I  think  about  you  a 
great  deal :  for  you  are  always  in  my  heart.  God 
is  going  to  take  me  to  heaven ;  I  wish  I  could 
take  you  with  me.  But  you  will  soon  follow  me. 
Yes,  dear  papa,  and  I  will  come  to  meet  you! 
Perhaps — perhaps — papa, — Jesus  will  allow  me 
to  wait  by  your  bedside  as  you  are  dying.  He 
may — and  I  will  kiss  you — and  comfort  you — and 
— papa — "  Leila's  voice  wandered  dreamily.  It 
was  plain  that  her  thoughts  had  fled  far  from 
earth,  and  joined  the  hymning  circles  of  bright 
spirits  in  heaven. 

"Leila,  my  darling  child,  I  cannot  hear  you 
talk  in  that  way — do  cease  !"  said  her  father  in  a 
dry,  hard  cadence. 

"  0,  papa,"  said  Leila,  "  it  pains  me  more  than 
I  can  express  to  hear  you  speak  so.  Why  cannot 
you  be  happy  and  trusting  like  me  1  Why  do  you 
not  give  yourself  up  to  God,  and  come  to  heaven 
with  me  ?  Mortality  is  the  lot  of  man.  Nothing 
is  more  usual,  nothing  more  common  on  earth  than 
separation.  I  know  it  is  very  severe  for  you  to 
give  me  up  to  die.     I  feel  immeasurably  on  this 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  271. 

account,  and  sometimes  it  almost  tempts  me  to 
wish  to  remain  with  you ;  for  it  makes  me  very 
sad  when  I  think  on  what  you  are  suffering.  I 
used  to  imagine  how  dreadful  it  would  be  if  you 
were  to  die  and  leave  me  behind ;  but  then,  papa, 
you  know  I  was  young,  and  might  have  thought 
that,  perhaps,  I  should  live  many  years.  Now, 
you  are  sure  you  will  not  be  long  separated  from 
me.  The  hour  may  indeed  be  very  near  when 
your  earthly  existence  must  close.  Excessive 
grief,  while  it  may  displease  God,  will  render  your 
life  wretched,  and  unfit  you  to  serve  Him  as  He 
commands  you  :  and  it  cannot  keep  me  with  you, 
nor  yet  recal  me  when  I  am  dead.  Jesus  is  sorry 
to  see  you  so  unhappy  at  losing  me,  but  I  am  His, 
papa,  and  He  must  take  me.  Don't  sorrow  any 
more  for  me  ;  this  is  one  of  those  stings  which  He 
left  His  father's  house  to  conquer.  He  would 
comfort  you,  and  make  you  quite  happy,  if  you 
would  allow  Him.  He  waits.  He  expresses  His 
wish  to  graciously  cheer  you  in  your  affliction, 
and  bring  us  again  to  meet  in  Himself  at  last, 
and  to  share  with  each  other  the  joys  of  His  king- 
dom. Will  you  not  open  your  heart  to  Him  ] 
You  are  so  noble,  so  loving,  so  excellent  in  every- 
thing, papa,  that  I  am  sure  you  are  not  far  from 
the  kingdom  of  God.  Jesus  loves  you  :  do,  dear, 
come  to  Him,  pray  to  Him,  and  you  will  soonjeel 
that  He  loves  vou." 


272  LEILA   ADA, 

Her  father's  earnest  eye,  and  tigHtly  pressed 
lips,  seemed  to  speak  of  a  mighty  efifort  to  subdue 
emotions  that  were  passing  in  his  mind.  His 
countenance  relaxed,  and  he  said,  in  a  mingled  but 
melancholy  voice,  "  If  I  could  only  have  your 
simple  and  realizing  confidence  in  God — it's  of  no 
use  to  think  of  it — I  cannot  be  resigned." 

"  Papa,"  answered  Leila,  "  it  grieves  me,  it 
make*3  me  sad — very  sad.  It  is  the  omnipotence 
which  Jesus  exercises  on  my  behalf,  that  recon- 
ciles me  to  the  thought  of  leaving  you,  papa;  and 
if  you  would  only  ask  Him,  He  is  ready  to  give 
you  the  same  peaceful,  happy  trust.  Then  will  a 
sweet  serenity  come  over  your  soul,  and  you  will 
have  an  experimental  assurance  that  all  He  does  is 
love.  He  will  always  give  you  what  is  best  for 
your  temporal  peace,  and  eternal  happiness.  I 
have  often  found,  papa,  on  examining  my  heart, 
when  it  seemed  to  me  I  had  cause  to  be  sorrowful, 
that  the  real  evil  was  my  being  weakly,  perhaps 
sinfully,  disposed,  and  therefore  I  had  no  just  cause 
to  repine.  ...  0,  my  dear  papa,  come  to  Jesus 
— now,  will  you?  I  am  dying.  I  shall  not  be 
here  to  talk  to  you  of  Him  much  longer ;  let  us 
kneel  together  before  Him.  He  is  God — indeed, 
indeed  He  is  :  I  feel  it  every  moment.  His  Spirit 
will  sanctify,  and  bless,  and  save  you,  and  crown 
your  head  with  everlasting  joys." 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  273 

"  Leila,  I  shall  see  you  again.  Pray  that  I 
may  take  comfort  from  that  thought." 

"  Then,  papa,  you  arc  a  Christian  ?" 

"Are  there  none  besides  Christians  in  hea- 
ven?" 

"  No,  sweet  papa,  none  but  those  who  come  to 

God  through  Jesus,  and  who  love  him  better  than 
all  else,  can  be  admitted  into  heaven." 

"  But,  my  dear,  I  love  God  with  all  my  heart, 
I  hope — at  least  I  try  to." 

"  And  He  loves  you  for  that,  papa.  But  He 
cannot  receive  you  into  heaven  if  you  do  not  also 
love  the  Son  whom  He  hath  sent.  He  cannot 
pardon  you,  if  you  deny  Jesus.  It  is  to  Christ 
that  we  owe  the  blessing  of  calling  Jehovah  our 
Father,  and  of  seeking  from  His  unutterable  love, 
the  blissful  recompense  for  earthly  sorrow  in  a 
joyous  immortality.  Oh,  papa,  do  love  Jesus  and 
come  to  heaven.  All  is  so  happy  in  heaven.  All 
is  so  peaceful, — loving, — beautiful,  in  heaven.  I 
long  to  be  there."  And  Leila  spoke  in  a  voice  of 
still  assurance  which  she  often  used  unconsciously 
— a  voice  as  though  the  veil  which  separates  the 
present  from  eternity  were  drawn  aside,  and  her 
eyes  were  looking  upon  its  glory. 

There  was  a  solemn  silence ;  and  Leila's  father 
drew  her  fragile  form  still  closer  to  his  bosom. 

"Papa,"  said  Leila,  after  a  while,  "you  have 


274  LEILA    ADA, 

no  confidence  in  Judaism,  I  tliink  I  may  be  certain 
of  that.    Have  you  now  ?" 

"  I  have  none  in  its  present  forms  of  presenting 
worship  to  Jehovah.  We  have  got  wrong  some- 
how." 

"  Well,  now  1"  said  Leila,  in  a  tone  which  ex- 
pressed that  she  wanted  to  know  what  he  did 
confide  in. 

"  God,  my  dear,  is  a  Being  all  love  and  mercy. 
He  'willeth  not  the  death  of  a  sinner.'  And 
seeing  that,  perhaps,  none  of  ns  have  learned 
His  appointed  way  of  worship,  I  believe  that  in 
the  overflowings  of  His  love  and  mercy.  He  will 
pardon  us.  I  am  more  charitable,  Leila,  than  I 
was  when  you  got  me  to  investigate  the  Jewish 
belief.  I  think  that  every  pious  Jew  who  clings 
to  his  Bible  and  that  only,  and  who  loves  God 
with  all  his  heart,  and  every  pious  Christian  who 
does  likewise,  may  thus  be  saved." 

"O,  papa,"  said  Leila,  in  a  voice  of  deep  con- 
cern, "  I  would  rather  hear  you  say  that  you  are 
still,  as  ever,  a  strict  believer  in  the  religion  of 
our  people.  This  is  really  a  very  dangerous  view 
which  you  take.  It  quite  alarms  me ;  for  it  may 
lull  your  soul  into  a  false  peace.  God  said  also, 
♦The  soul  tliat  sinneth  it  shall  die.'  What  gift 
can  you  bring  to  purchase  your  forfeited  life,  papa  ] 
It  is  impossible  to  do  away  with  the  necessity  of 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  275 

an  atonement.  God  is  love.  But  lie  would 
cease  to  be  God,  if  He  allowed  Himself  to  forgive 
sin,  in  the  way  you  have  supposed ;  for  we  cannot 
imagine  a  perfect  being  who  is  not  inflexibly  just. 
This  the  Scriptures  everywhere  assure  us  God  is. 
Therefore  though  of  His  love  and  mercy,  He 
might  earnestly  desire  to  pardon  the  transgressor, 
He  cannot  do  so  unless  there  are  some  means  of 
satisfying  His  justice.  And,  papa,  I  don't  want 
you  to  tell  me,  for  I  know  that  you  believe,  you 
are  not  able  to  do  this  for  yourself.  But  God  the 
Son  has  performed  the  work  which  you  could 
never  have  done, — oh!  dear  papa,  is  He  not 
altogether  lovely,  can  you  help  loving  Him  1  He 
loved  you,  and  took  upon  Himself  the  awful  task 
of  satisfying  His  Father's  justice,  therefore  His 
name  shall  be  called  Wonderful,  Counsellor,  the 
Mighty  God,  the  Everlasting  Father,  the  Prince 
of  Peace.  There  is  no  salvation  ;  no  joy  on  earth, 
no  heaven,  except  through  His  mediation.  Oh, 
papa,  if — if  I  could  only  hear  you  say  that  you 
believed  tliis  precious  truth — " 

That  loving  voice  was  silent.  Leila,  wearied 
and  oppressed,  leaned  on  her  father's  bosom,  like 
a  tired  dove  nestling  in  the  parent's  breast.  The 
deep  cloud-shadows  enshrouded  the  apartment 
with  a  solemn  hue. 

Leila's  appeal  sunk  into  the  depths  of  her  fa- 
ther's heart.     He  spoke  of  it  after  she  was  dead. 


276  LEILA   ADA, 

He  saw  no  more  the  bright  imploring  eyes,  but 
the  yearning  voice  still  sounded  in  his  soul  like  a 
spirit-echo, — "The  soul  that  sinneth,  it  shall  die." 
That  he  was  a  sinner  he  knew ;  and  with  a  vivid- 
ness which  made  him  shudder,  he  saw  himself  a 
naked  spirit  standing  before  a  just  and  holy  God. 
He  had  no  conviction  of  His  favour,  such  as  his 
beloved  child  possessed.  He  acknowledged  to 
himself,  that  though  he  strove  to  love  Him  he 
could  find  little  comfort  in  His  service.  And  then 
he  thought  of  the  seraphic  happiness  and  love 
which  his  daughter  enjoyed,  and  from  his  heart 
gushed  a  passionate  wish  that  in  everything  he 
could  be  like  her. 

And  a  passion  of  conflict  followed.  "God  is 
just,"  he  thought.  "  The  soul  that  sinneth  it 
shall  die."  Between  this  sentence  and  salvation 
he  saw  an  awful  gulf  fixed.  How  was  it  to  be 
passed?  He  did  not  look  to  Jesus,  for  then  it 
would  have  vanished.  "  She  is  right,"  he  again 
thought,  "  I  feci  she  must  be  right.  Can  all  this 
beautiful  faith  and  this  yearning  love  be  a  fiction  ? 
— an  empty  imagination]  Can  this  deep,  pro- 
phetic certainty  of  immortal  happiness  be  after  all 
a  bubble  ?  It  is  impossible  that  anything  so  last- 
ing and  equal  should  not  depend  on  some  source 
more  powerful  than  the  excitement  of  mere  human 
feeling.  Such  an  influence  could  never  result 
from  a  foolish  belief  in   the  Divine  power  of  a 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  277 

mere  man.  But  how  is  the  truth  to  be  found 
out  ?  Who  can  be  sure  of  anything,  where  every- 
thing is  so  uncertain'?  Perhaps — after  all — "*  he 
again  gave  way  to  the  erring  dictates  of  fallen 
reason,  and  was  lost  in  a  wilderness  of  conjecture 
and  unbelief,  and  consequent  unhappiness. 

0,  the  tremendous  might  of  a  human  soul !  Its 
trembling  perhapses — how  fearful  is  their  import ! 
How  awful  is  its  ceaseless  anxiety,  grief,  and 
despair  while  alienated  from  its  gracious  Creator. 
IIow  terrible  are  the  reflections  which  come  over 
it  when  death,  resurrection,  heaven,  and  hell,  all 
present  themselves  before  it  woven  up  with  its 
solemn  conviction  of  its  eternity.     How  astound- 

*  For  tlie  satisfaction  of  some  of  our  readers  it  may  be 
necessary  here  to  say,  that  in  these  passages,  we  have  not 
given  rein  to  our  imagination  and  produced  a  paraphrase, 
merely  according  to  our  own  ideal.  The  thoughts  which 
we  have  expressed  are  what  we  ourselves  afterwards  heard 

Jlr.  T describe    as  those  which   passed    through  his 

mind  at  this  important  moment.  "We  also  sa}',  that  here, 
as  in  all  other  parts  of  the  book,  Leila's  language  has  been 
retained  as  strictly  as  possible.  We  have  left  out  much  of 
the  conversations  which  form  the  subject  of  the  present 
chapter,  partly  because  it  did  not  seem  proper  to  commit 
such  portions  to  the  public  eye ;  partly  because  we  were 
not  sure  that  we  could  give  simply  and  exactly  the  thoughts 
which  were  expressed.  We  have  everywhere  carefully 
abstained  from  mixing  the  language  of  our  own  thinkings 
with  the  words  of  that  excellent  young  person  who  is  now 
with  God. 

24 


278  LEILA   ADA. 

ing  are  the  thoughts  with  which  it  meets  the 
announcement  that  the  smoke  of  the  wicked  shall 
ascend  from  eternity  to  eternity — their  torment 
shall  never  cease — their  fire  shall  never  be  ex- 
tinguished— their  noon-day  shall  never  decline. 
Eternity !  what  art  thou  1  Eternity !  how  it 
recoils.     Eternity  ! — Eternity,  how  awful ! 

It  is  vain  for  the  soul  to  strive  that,  if  possible, 
it  may  silence  that  calm  voice  within,  which,  like 
a  warning-spirit,  is  perpetually  sounding  forth  its 
accountability.  It  is  vain  for  it  to  expect  quiet- 
ness by  wrestling  down  the  convictions  of  the 
Spirit  of  truth.  As  well  might  it  hope  to  shake 
off  its  immortality. 

The  silence  still  remained  unbroken.  It  is  an 
accepted  time.  'Tis  a  moment  rich  in  blessing. 
Dear  Mr.  T ,  do  embrace  it  and  be  happy. 

His  heart  softened  lovingly.  It  was  a  strange 
and  a  very  beautiful  emotion  too — he  could"  not 
account  for  it.  He  felt  a  mystic  peace.  A  tear 
fell — ^it  dropped  on  Leila's  burning  cheek. 

"Papa!"  said  Leila  in  a  tremulous  voice,  and 
she  began  to  weep:  "kiss  me,  dear." 

"Never  mind,  Leila.  Don't  distress  yourself. 
I  am  not  worth  half  so  much  anxiety  as  I  cause 
you.  I  am  sorry  you  think  of  me  so  much. 
Think  less  about  me  :    it  will  all  be  right  at  last." 

"  But,  papa,  you  are  not  a  Christian.  0,  papa, 
think — suppose  now — suppose — "  for    a  moment 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  279 

her  emotion  overpowered  her — "suppose  yow 
should  die  not  being  a  Christian.  0  !  it  is  dread- 
ful to  think  of!  The  thought,  papa,  that  there  is 
indeed  a  possibility  that  I  am  about  to  leave  you 
for  ever,  is  too  horrible  for  me  to  bear." 

"  Well,  my  dear,  we  shall  see.  I  will  talk  to 
you  another  time :  I  fear  the  effect  of  this  excite- 
ment upon  you.     Do  allow  yourself  to  repose." 

"Papa,  I  shall  be  with  you  only  a  little  time 
longer.  I  want  to  talk  to  you  about  Jesus.  No 
excitement  hurts  me  so  much  as  your  present 
state;  and  all  this  afternoon  you  have  been  so 
wishful  to  listen  to  me.  It  is  indeed  very  kind 
of  you,  dear  papa  :  and  I  thank  you.  But  there 
is  one  thing  which  you  always  excuse  me  from 
doing — I  mean,  reading  to  you  from  His  word. 
Do  be  willing  I  should  read  the  New  Testament 
now." 

"  I  will  gladly  hear  you  read  anything  you 
desire.  But  I  had  rather  you  would  wait  for 
some  other  opportunity.  You  are  very  tired.  Be 
quiet  now.  You  shall  read  to  me,  my  love, 
to-morrow." 

"  Indeed,  I  am  not  too  tired  to  read  of  the  pre- 
cious love  of  our  Redeemer,  my  dearest  father," 
answered  Leila,  with  so  high,  so  sublime  an  expres- 
sion of  joy  upon  her  countenance  as  could  never 
be  depicted  in  language.  And  she  proceeded  to 
open  her  Bible  :  it  was  ever  at  hand. 


280  LEILA    ADA, 

Witli  the  fineness  of  soul  and  tender  sensibility 
>f  an  ardent  lover  of  tlie  pure  and  beautiful,  and 
a  quick  poetic  fancy,  she  was  one  of  the  most 
touching  readers  of  Scripture  whom  we  have  ever 
heard.  Her  faith  so  vividly  apprehended  whatever 
she  was  reading  that  it  seemed  to  become  a  reality  ; 
and  this,  joined  to  her  sweet  pathos  and  her  ten- 
derness of  feeling,  gave  a  strange  influence  and 
attractiveness  to  her  diction.  And  beside  this, 
the  nearness  to  eternity,  which  now  was  her 
always  present  feeling,  surrounded  everything  she 
said  and  did  with  an  ever-increasing  loveliness. 
She  read  first  the  53rd  of  Isaiah.  Then  turning 
to  the  Gospel  by  St.  John  she  read  the  l4th, 
15th,  as  far  as  the  16th  verse,  and  the  17th. 
These  finished,  she  turned  to  the  account  of  the 
Redeemer's  wondrous  love  and  agony  as  recorded 
by  St.  Luke.  She  opened  the  22nd  chapter,  read 
first  the  37th  verse,  then  from  the  39th  verse  to 
the  end ;  and  on  to  the  48th  verse  of  chapter 
23.  It  was  a  hallowed  exercise.  According  to 
the  condition  of  her  emotion — the  full  of  soul — 
she  addressed  comments,  &c.,  to  her  father,  who 
sat  evidently  deeply  affected.  He  was  very  un- 
easy ;  constantly  shaded  his  eyes  with  his  hand ; 
and  strove  earnestly  to  wrestle  down  whatever  it 
was  he  felt. 

"  O  my  dear,  dear  papa,"  said  Leila,  earnestly, 
and  with   swimming   eyes,  as   soon   as  she  had 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  281 

finished,  "  can  you,  now,  resist  sucli  infinite  love 
as  Jesus  has  displayed  any  longer  V 

Her  father  made  no  reply. 

"  Papa,  do  believe  me,  there  is  no  happiness  so 
great,  so  pure,  as  that  which  flows  from  an  experi- 
mental acquaintance  with  the  love  of  Christ.  Will 
you  pray  to  Him — now,  papa  ?" 

"  What's  the  use,  my  beloved  child,  if  I  can't 
believe  upon  Him  V 

"  Well,  sweet  papa,  kneel  with  me ;  and  we 
will  pray  to  Him  till  He  gives  you  faith.  He 
will  hear  you  and  answer  you,  if  you  can  only 
address  to  Him  the  language  of  Peter,  '  Lord,  help 
my  unbehef.'  0  !  He  is  so  good — so  lovely.  Will 
you,  papa  ?"  and  taking  his  hand,  she  tenderly 
kissed  him. 

"  Speak  to  me  another  time,  Leila.  Don't  say 
any  more  now."  And  he  seated  himself  before 
the  piano — a  very  useless  mode  of  trying  to  drown 
the  voice  of  an  awakened  conscience. 

With  a  silent  prayer  that  God  would  deepen 
the  impression  evidently  made,  Leila  listened  to 
him  as  he  played  one  of  her  favourite  pieces. 


"  There's  a  land  where  those  who  loved  when  here, 
Shall  meet  to  love  again." — Song  of  the  Tro^ibadour. 

As   Leila's  father   has  been  so   often  brought 
before  our  readers,  and  will  be  yet  again,  wc  are 
24* 


282  LEILA    ADA, 

inclined  to  suppose  they  would  like  a  brief  intro- 
duction to  him. 

Imagine  a  dignified,  delicate-looking  man,  in 
appearance  of  about  fifty  years  of  age,  with  a  high 
clear  forehead,  pensive  eyes,  and  hair  which  time 
has  here  and  there  lightly  streaked  with  silvery 
gray.  His  features  are  exceedingly  mild  and  pre- 
possessing ;  it  is  scarcely  possible  for  the  dullest 
and  most  literal  to  look  upon  them  without  an 
emotion  of  pleasure,  for  they  seem  at  once  to  gain 
our  confidence  that  he  has  a  kind  and  feeling 
heart.  All  his  movements  partake  of  the  calm- 
ness and  peace  which  reign  everywhere  within  his 
home. 

He  was  one  of  a  family  of  three — two  brothers 
and  a  sister.  His  sister  and  he,  being  very  similar 
in  taste,  disposition,  &c.,  became  much  more  deeply 
attached  than  is  at  all  usual,  even  in  such  a  rela- 
tion ;  but  before  she  had  attained  eighteen  years 
of  age  his  fondly  cherished  companion  was  sepa- 
rated from  him  by  death.  This,  added  to  the 
complete  mental  unlikeness  between  himself  and 
his  brother,  greatly  contributed  to  form  that  dispo- 
•sition  to  tender  pensiveness  which  ever  after  was 
a  distinguishing  feature  in  his  character. 

From  his  mother  he  had  inherited  a  delicate 
constitution,  and  a  certain  fineness  of  nature 
which  seemed  rather  to  belong  to  the  softer  orga- 
nization of  women  than  the  usual  coarseness  of 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  283 

man.  His  intellectual  capacities  were  of  a  superior 
order,  his  taste  refined,  and  there  was  always  about 
him  a  yearning  after  the  ideal,  which  resulted,  as 
it  commonly  does,  in  a  supreme  dislike  for  all  the 
matter-of-fact  occupations  of  life.  In  business,  he 
thought  he  never  could,  and,  as  it  was  not  neces- 
sary, he  never  did  engage. 

Nothing  could  be  more  opposite  than  his  brother. 
Masculine  and  energetic,  there  was  an  aspect  of 
rocky  decision  in  everything  he  said  and  did.  Yet 
he  was  kind,  even  tender  ;  but  inexorable  in  what 
he  thought  a  duty,  there  was  a  sort  of  grimness 
and  an  unmistakable  want  of  right  feeling  in  many 
of  his  results.  A  powerful  thinker  within  certain 
limits,  he  was  just  fitted  to  be  what  we  have  seen 
him,  stern  and  unbending  in  his  religious  opinions. 
He  had  been  taught  that  Judaism  was  right ;  he 
had  no  doubt  that  it  was  right ;  indeed  he  felt  it 
must  be  ;  and  that  was  enough. 

When  about  twenty-five  years  of  age,  Leila's 
father  married  from  among  his  own  people  a  lady 
two  years  his  junior.  This  lady  was  a  woman  of 
great  purity  and  sweetness  of  character  ;  "  a  very, 
very  Avoman,"  says  he,  who  was  best  qualified  to 
judge — her  husband.  As  the  marriage  contract 
was  in  both  based  upon  the  highest  esteem  and 
deepest  affection,  he  entered  into  its  spirit  with 
all  the  ardour  of  his  sensitive  nature,  and  their 
home  was  the  centre  of  "  far  more  than  the  ordi- 


284  LEILA    ADA, 

nary  amount  of  conjugal  happiness."  And  wlien 
in  three  years  after  their  union  his  wife  became 
the  mother  of  a  lovely  daughter,  it  seemed  as  if 
their  domestic  joys  could  not  possibly  be  increased. 
But  these  structures  so  fair  and  beautiful  seldom 
last.  They  are  too  bright,  too  spiritual  to  exist 
amongst  these  cold  and  stormy  skies  of  earth. 
In  two  years  from  the  birth  of  his  daughter,  he 
was  called  to  the  bed-side  of  the  wife  of  his  bosom^ 
to  receive  her  last  embrace,  hear  her  last  sigh, 
and  then  to  find  her  gone  for  ever.*  Alas,  poor 
heart-stricken  !  Consoled  by  no  bright  certainty 
of  a  meeting  in  the  "  better  land,"  for  his  religion 
gave  but  fragile  hope  that  he  should  see  her  again 
hereafter.  To  be  sure  he  felt  a  sort  of  hope,  but 
it  brought  little  comfort.      There  was  no  undis- 

*  Leila  had  great  hope  in  her  mother's  death.  We 
know  this  from  some  beautiful  reflections  among  her 
papers :  we  have  also  heard  her  express  it  in  her  conver- 
sation. A  woman  of  sound  understanding,  and  great 
strength  of  mind,  the  Bible  was  her  constant  study  and 
delight.  From  the  prophecies  of  Jacob,  Moses,  David  and 
Isaiah,  she  moulded  her  belief  in  the  Messiah  which  she 
expected — a  belief  so  exactly  agreeing  with  the  office  of 
the  real  Messiah,  that  had  she  read  the  New  Testament,  she 
would  doubtless  have  become  a  Christian.  The  only  dif- 
ference which  existed  between  her  religion  and  Chris- 
tianity was  simply  that  she  still  continued  to  look  forward 
for  the  establishment  of  the  New  covenant ;  while  we  as 
Christians  of  course  believe  that  it  has  already  been  esta- 
blished in  the  person  of  Jesus  of  Nazareth. 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  285 

turbed  confidence,  no  sweet  assurance,  such  as  the 
Christian  possesses  ;  nothin^:;  but  an  indistinct  and 
shadowy  trust  that  the  Divine  mercy  would  be 
extended  to  him,  although  he  knew  not  why. 

0,  hard  religion  !  Unlike — how  unlike — that 
generous,  loving  trust  which  the  Lord  of  Glory 
delights  to  receive  from  His  creatures — that  blessed 
relationship  into  which  He  waits  to  enter  with  all 
those  who  believe  upon  Him  as  He  has  revealed 
Himself  in  His  written  word.  Sons  of  Abraham  ! 
Our  friends  and  brethren  !  Our  hearts  yearn 
toward  you,  our  spirits  are  troubled  for  you,  when 
we  reflect  upon  the  doubtings,  the  chilling  mis- 
givings, the  substantial  unhappiness,  which  your 
religion  must  always  entail  upon  you.  Will  you 
not  bring  your  worn  and  anguished  souls  to  Jesus, 
that  He  may  fill  them  with  everlasting  peace  and 
joy,  out  of  the  riches  of  His  self-denying,  suffer- 
ing love  ?  liaise  your  weeping  eyes  to  the  Man 
of  sorrows,  in  whose  loving  breast  is  borne  the 
grief  and  sadness  of  a  world,  i)^^^  "l^HD  "l)On!D 
saith  the  Lord.  But  not  if  you  persist  in  walking 
contrary  to  Him.  You  are  to  bring  forth  fruits 
meet  for  His  blessing.  tiio?2  l^tl)""  '^IT  l53  ^^ 
the  command. 

A  deep  and  indolent  melancholy,  now  settled 
around  Mr.  T.  He  saw  nothing,  felt  nothing, 
cared  for  nothing :  he  did  not  expect  he  ever 
would  again.     He  wished    that  himself  and  his 


286  LEILA    ADA, 

infant  might  die,  until  in  verity  lie  found  tlie 
wish  to  be  "  weary,  flat,  stale,  and  unprofitable.'* 
It  is  true  that  to  him  who  had  little  religious 
consolation,  there  seemed  nothing  left  of  all  that 
made  up  his  life,  so  enwoven  as  it  was  with 
brightness  and  joy.  But  he  began  slowly  to 
comprehend  that  if  the  ideal  of  life  had  ended, 
the  real — the  dull,  flat,  stagnant  real — yet  re- 
mained. He  found  its  cold  turbid  waters  again 
rolling  around  him.  And  he  felt  that  there  was 
a  long,  long,  round  of  inexorable  necessity,  a 
daily  warfare  of  chill  realities  of  thought  and 
feeling,  still  to  be  gone  through. 

But  as  the  fair  and  flowerlike  nature  of  his 
daughter  began  to  expand  itself,  and  put  forth  its 
buds  so  full  of  loveliness  and  promise,  he  felt  once 
more  awakened  to  tenderness.  He  had  called  her 
Leila  Ada — her  mother's  name — and  as  she  began 
to  unfold  herself  in  her  mother's  image,  and  to  ex- 
hibit all  the  fanciful  graces  and  sweet  beauty  of 
childhood,  she  imperceptibly  filled  up  the  great 
chasm  which  had  been  made  in  his  heart.  Some- 
times past  things  would  present  themselves 
yividly  before  him,  and  fill  his  soul  with  sadness ; 
but  he  ever  found  the  company  of  his  child  an 
efi'ective  diversion.  Hours  on  hours  would  he 
amuse  himself  in  pelting  her  with  flowers  among 
the  garden  walks,  and  twining  wreaths  of  rose 
and  jessamine  in  her  hair  j  or  sometimes  he  guided 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  287 

her  fragile  fingers  along  the  keys  of  the  piano, 
and  taiight  her  to  play  and  sing  some  simple  piece 
which  in  long  gone  times  he  had  so  loved  to  hear 
performed  by  her  mother.  Rich  was  the  solace 
of  these  chosen  moments.  Perhaps  the  bereaved 
parent  whose  eye  is  now  bent  upon  this  page,  can 
feel  how  sweet  their  blessing — they  seemed  to 
bring  him  near  to  her,  his  loved  one  called  away. 
And  as  Leila  thrilled  along  the  strings,  or  glided 
hither  and  thither  with  the  spirit-like  footstep  of 
childhood,  he  could  almost  fancy  that,  as  in  a 
happy  dream,  he  saw  her  mother  again,  looking 
smilingly  on  them  both.  Such  tender  shadowings 
leave  a  sweet  hush  of  soul,  even  when  they  have 
vanished  amongst  the  cold  earth  mists  of  life.* 

Leila  grew  up  as  we  have  watched  her,  with 
exceeding  sweetness ;  and  soon  her  earnest  and 
loving  nature  threw  out  its  tendrils  and  com- 
pletely enwove  itself  around   her  parent.     Leila 

*  Not  a  mere  fancy  sketch.  Leila  was  exceedingly  like 
her  mother — especially  in  childhood.  In  writing  real  and 
simple  life  some  may  object  that  we  over-strain,  and  may, 
indeed,  be  offended  with  us  for  drawing  such  pictures.  Yet 
these  happy  imaginative  flights  are,  as  man}'  delight  to 
know  and  feel,  not  only  true  to  life,  but  among  its  most 
sacred  pleasures.  Mr.  T.  felt  them :  and  we  ourselves  have 
certainly  no  ambition  to  exchange  for  the  feeling  of  those 
matter-of-fact  persons  who  would  frown  them  down.  And 
"we  are  assured  that  all  our  readers  of  a  delicate  and  re- 
fined spirit  will  be  able  to  enter  into,  and  feel  them  too. 


288  LEILA   ADA, 

thought  only  of  him ;  he  was  her  world  ;  and  she 
was  constantly  engaged  in  devising  new  plans  to 
increase  his  pleasures. 

Never  perhaps  were  the  parental  and  filial  re- 
lations more  affectionately  sustained  than  between 
Leila  and  her  father.  All  his  interests,  all  his 
hopes,  all  his  joys,  had  unconsciously  entwined 
themselves  with  those  of  his  child.  For  her  he 
lived  ;  with  reference  to  her  benefit  he  had  always 
managed  his  property  ;  to  advance  her  happiness 
in  the  largest  possible  degree  was  the  height  of 
his  ambition,  and  the  expected  result  of  all  his 
plans. 

But  we  think  we  hear  our  young  reader  whis- 
per, "  Ah,  then,  why  did  he  so  obstinately  persist 
in  sending  her  away,  when  she  became  a  Chris- 
tian?" It  is  a  question  which  logically  follows ; 
for  we  are  obliged  to  own,  that  in  this  matter  ho 
was  painfully  at  fault.  It  was  an  act  which,  at 
the  time,  he  felt  to  be  a  terrible  sacrifice ;  and 
which  afterwards  cost  him  many  repentant  tears. 

On  an  occasion,  not  long  before  his  death,  he 
said  to  us,  "  I  have  been  reading  my  precious 
child's  letter  this  morning  again  :  I  may  be  wrong, 
but  if  it  were  published  I  think  it  would  do  good. 
I  wish  you  would  be  kind  enough  to  take  the 
writing  of  a  short  account  of  her  upon  you." 
After  a  few  moments  he  continued  with  an  easy 
gaiety,  which   was    natural   to    him,  "But  hey^ 


THE    JEWISH    COWERT.  289 

you  Avill  have  to  come  down  upon  me  pretty  hea- 
vily, if  you  tell  all.  Never  mind  ;  you  can  put  in 
a  good  word  for  me  at  last.  I  am  going  to  Jesus 
to  see  my  child,  and,  as  I  greatly  hope,  my  wife 
again."  In  addition  to  this,  one  of  the  loveliest 
"  good  words"  that  we  could  pen,  let  us  remind 
our  readers  that  though  his  commands  respecting 
Leila  were  certainly  unkind,  and  greatly  to  be 
wondered  at,  yet  he  had  no  idea  that  she  was 
submitted  to  neglect  and  insult,  in  addition  to 
these.  When  he  knew  this,  there  vras  a  sort  of 
grandeur  in  the  turn  his  conduct  took,  and  the 
indignation  he  expressed.  He  immediately  avowed 
to  the  parties  concerned,  that  in  the  insults 
which  Leila  had  endured,  he  felt  himself  to  be 
more  deeply  dishonoured  than  the  child :  and 
afterwards,  when  they  had  offered  the  best  expla- 
nation they  could  give,  he  warmly,  and  in  a  tone 
of  bitter  sarcasm,  expressed  a  wish  that  they 
would  pronounce  the  same  anathema  against  him- 
self, for  he  would  never  enter  a  synagogue,  nor 
hare  a  Jew  (excepting  lits  own  family)  in  his 
house  again. 

Then  let  it  be  also  remembered  that  Mr.  T.  was 
at  heart  a  Jew.     He  did  not  pretend  to   act  out    j 
the  principles  of   religious    obligation.     His    fine   j 
and    nervous    mind,   endued,  as    it    was,  with    a  I 
strikingly  accurate  perception  of  the  relations  and 
agreement  of  moral  things,  had  set  up  a  very  ideal 
25 


290  LEILA    ADA, 

standard  of  wliat  religious  life  ouglit  to  be ;  and 
when  lie  remarked  liow  deficient  was  Judaism  in 
respect  of  this,  it  led  him  to  what  he  called  "  a 
horrid  habit  of  doubting  everything."  Yet, 
though  he  could  not  at  all  prevail  upon  himself  to 
believe  in  the  use  of  a  great  many  of  the  obser- 
vances appointed  by  the  Judaic  ritual,  his  spirit 
was  essentially  Jewish.  He  saw  that  the  national 
religion  was  surrounded  by  great  inconsistencies, 
and  that,  to  a  thoughtful  mind,  there  were  diffi- 
culties connected  with  it  which  seemed  almost 
insurmountable ;  but  after  all,  he  believed  it  was 
the  right  one,  and  that  there  was  no  other  by 
which  men  could  be  saved.  Therefore,  to  use  his 
own  language,  "  The  thought  of  my  daughter's 
forsaking  it,  filled  me,  from  my  very  love  for  her, 
with  a  perfect  horror." 

Do,  if  you  please,  forgive  him;  as  fully  and 
freely  as  Leila  forgave  him. 

And  now  he  saw  his  cherished  offspring,  in 
whose  life  his  own  was  bound  up,  gradually  pin- 
ing away.  It  made  him  feverish,  restless,  even 
peevish.  There  was  a  deep  thoughtfulness,  too, 
about  him ;  for  he  saw  his  child's  happiness  and 
love,  and  felt  no  doubt  that  she  was  going  to 
eternal  bliss.  Sometimes  he  found  it  impossible 
to  resist  the  soothing  influences  of  her  unruffled 
serenity  and  peace ;  and  then  a  deep  calmness  was 
spread  over  him,  hushing   his    tumultuous    spirit 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  291 

into  sweet  repose.  Not  that  he  was  any  more  re- 
signed to  give  Leila  up  to  die — that  he  never  could 
be — it  was  a  strange  comfort  that  insensibly  filled 
up  his  heart ;  so  that  he  felt  nothing  but  one  vivid 
sympathy  with  her  restfulness  and  love. 

It  was  about  a  fortnight  after  the  conversation 
recorded  in  the  preceding  chapter;  Mr.  T.  was 
disposed  at  full  length  upon  a  lounge,  with  a 
monthly  journal  in  his  land.  He  was  unusually 
happy,  for  there  was  a  deceitful  lull  in  Leila's 
illness  ;  indeed,  she  appeared  to  be  rapidly  improv- 
ing ;  so  that  her  medical  attendants  had  expressed 
hopes,  ahnost  amounting  to  conviction,  that  they 
should  yet  be  able  to  save  her  life. 

"  This  magazine  has  just  come  in,  my  love  : 
would  you  like  to  look  at  it  V 

"  I  have  no  wish,  my  dear  father,  thank  you." 

"  It's  very  good :  there's  some  reading  in  it 
that  I  think  you  would  like." 

"Yes,  papa,  I  have  no  doubt  of  its  excellence. 
But  I  have  neither  time,  nor  wish,  to  attend  to 
anything  that  will  not  increase  in  me  the  know- 
ledge and  love  of  God.  I  shall  read  nothing  else 
again." 

"  There,  Leila,  do  be  generous  and  comfort  us 
with  a  little  of  your  old  spirit."  And  he  smiled 
— for  he  could  smile  again  now.  "You  are 
always  as  solemn  as  a  clock  tick  at  midnight." 


292  LEILA    ADA, 

"  Indeed  I  am  liappy  beyond  anything  I  could 
ever  express  to  yon,  and  I  never  felt  more  true 
cheerfulness  ;  but  I  cannot  be  otherwise  than  very 
solemn,  when  I  know  that  my  life  on  earth  is  so 
nearly  closed." 

"  Well,  but  don't  you  say  you  have  no  doubts 
about  your  safety  V 

"■  Certainly  I  do,  papa." 

"And  isn't  that  all  you  want?  I  wish  you 
would  allow  me  sometimes  to  divert  your  atten- 
tion. It  seems  to  me,  that  you  needn't  think 
quite  so  much." 

"  Papa,  this  is  not  your  usual  way  of  speaking. 
Y(pa  have  some  extraordinary  motive — I  am  sure 
of  it.  For  what  you  say  does  not  accord  with 
your  own  views  of  God;  and  you  do  know  all  the 
particulars  of  my  belief." 

"Yes,  I  do,"  he  said,  and  a  shade  passed  across 
his  face ;  "  and  one  of  these  articles    of   faith    I 

want  to  shake  out  of  you ;  and  I well,  my 

love,"  he  added,  in  a  careless  tone,  suddenly  rous- 
ing himself,  "  yours  is  a  very  beautiful  religion, 
and  for  those  who  honestly  trust  in  it  I  believe 
it's  a  very  safe  one — at  any  rate,  I  think  it  is  in 
your  case — ^because  it,  after  all,  acknowledges  the 
supremacy  of  Jehovah,  and  depends  on  His  lovo 
for  salvation.  But  out  of  about  three  hundred 
and  sixty-five  religions  in  the  world,  I  don't  think 
it's  the  easiest ;  people  have  to  work  so  hard,  and 


THE    JEWISH    COWERT.  293 

be  so  distressingly  earnest,  and  so  awfully  solemn ; 
it  makes  me  ill  to  think  of  it." 

"  There  is  no  other  name  given  among  men,  by 
which  we  may  be  saved,  except  that  of  Jesus," 
said  Leila,  in  her  usual  quiet  voice  of  decision,  and 
looking  into  her  father's  face  with  an  expression 
of  deep  concern.  But  with  the  utmost  noncha- 
lance he  continued  to  toss  the  leaves  of  the  book 
in  his  hand. 

"Well,  that's  odd  enough,"  he  said  at  last,  with 
an  inexplicable  smile.  "  But  I  thought  I  should 
poke  you  up  to  say  something  like  that." 

"And  this  religion,  dear  papa,  is  a  very  happy, 
and  a  very  easy  one.  I  wonder,"  she  continued, 
with  a  smile,  "  how  a  Jew  can  talk  of  Christianity 
being  hard,  when  he  thinks  what  his  own  ponde- 
rous religion  requires  ;  when  he  compares  the  great 
and  difficult  Talmud  with  the  sweet  simplicity  of 
the  Bible;"  and  Leila  seemed  to  have  something 
else  to  say,  but  her  father  stopped  her. 

"  There,  my  dear,  don't  trouble  yourself  now,  I 
know  every  word  you  are  going  to  say,  but  the 
room  is  warm,  and  I  am  tired ;  and  I  didn't  set 
up  a  theory,  you  know ;  I  didn't  say  your  belief 
was  not  the  rightest  in  fact." 

"  Dear  papa,  do  cease  talking  in  this  way,  for  I 
scarcely  know  how  to  reply  to  you,"  said  Leila, 
earnestly,  and  her  face  flushed  with  agitation. 

It  was,  perhaps,  the  deep  feeling  with  which 
25* 


294  LEILA    ADA, 

she  spoke  that  caused  hhn  to  look  up.  He  in- 
stantly observed  the  effect  of  his  badinage: 
"  There,"  he  said,  as  he  rose  and  placed  a  chair 
by  her  side,  "  I  don't  know  what  spirit  of  incon- 
sideration  could  make  me  speak  as  I  have.  I 
have  done.  But  you  know  religious  seriousness 
never  was  my  forte." 

"  0,  papa,  think  nothing  of  what  I  said.  For  a 
moment  a  suspicion — an  unworthy  one,  I  believe 
— was  present  in  my  mind.  It  is  gone  now; 
kiss  me.  I  like  you  to  be  careful  how  you  speak 
on  subjects  connected  with  God  and  religion.  I 
recollect,  papa,  how  beautifully  and  seriously  you 
used  to  teach  me  the  character  and  greatness  of 
God,  and  with  what  reverence  I  should  think  of 
Him.  Indeed,  my  dear  father,  I  am  grateful 
beyond  what  I  can  ever  express,  for  the  sweet 
religious  education  which  you  gave  me  ;  to  that, 
under  God,  I  am  indebted  for  my  present  hopes 
and  aims ;  and  a  thought  of  this  often  compels  me 
to  bless  Him  with  an  overflowing  heart,  that  He 
gave  me  such  an  excellent  parent,  one  who  so 
deeply  loves  and  fears  Him.  And  it  always  seems 
to  me  that  the  best  evidence  I  can  give  you  of 
my  gratitude  is,  to  try  to  lead  you  to  the  only 
source  of  perfect  rest  and  peace,  a  calm  depend- 
ance  on  the  merits  and  mercy  of  our  Saviour, 
Jesus  Christ.  I  want,  dear  papa,  to  see  you  per- 
fectly happy,  like  I  am  myself.    But  I  cannot  tell 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  295 

how  you  feel  now,  for  I  am  obliged  to  tliink  that 
there  is  something  which  I  cannot  divine  beneath 
what  you  have  just  said."  And  then  she  con- 
tinued, smilingly,  "  Perhaps  you  have  found  some- 
thing as  completely  opposed  to  the  divinity  of 
Jesus,  as  you  thought  the  theory  which  you 
deduced  from  the  fourteenth  and  twenty-sixth  of 
Isaiah  was."  Her  father  was  deeply  touched,  and 
for  some  moments  he  was  silent. 

"  No,  my  love,  I  have  found  nothing  new ;  but 
I  never  could  believe  it,  and  I  cannot  now.  Now 
don't  feel  pained,  for  I  am  sure  we  shall  both  be 
saved  at  last.  Of  you,  I  am  as  sure  as  I  am  that 
it  is  earth  on  which  I  live.  You  know  you  spoke 
the  other  day  about  diversity  of  opinion,  but  the 
same  spirit." 

"  The  words  I  quoted,  dear  papa,  were,  there  is 
'diversity  di  operation,  but  the  same  Spirit.'  " 

''Well,  much  the  same,  isn't  it?" 

"  Certainly,  papa,  they  have  no  reference  at  all 
lo  such  a  belief  as  you  appear  to  think  they  advo- 
cate. The  words  refer,  I  think,  simply  to  that 
union  of  aim,  and  thought,  and  feeling,  which  ine- 
vitably characterizes  all  who  are  brought  savingly 
under  the  influence  of  the  Spirit  of  God.  Tlic}' 
are  all  moved  by  the  same  Spirit,  but  the  results 
differ  according  to  the  mind,  circumstances,  &c.  of 
individuals." 


296  LEILA   IDA, 

There  was  a  j)aiise :  after  wliich  Leila  con- 
tinued : — 

"  Father,  dear,  you  are  so  single-hearted,  that 
I  am  sure  you  were  not  at  all  serious  in  some  ex- 
pressions that  you  just  now  used.  You  never 
made  free  with  my  religious  views  until  within 
these  few  days  ;  and  then  not  like  to-day.  What 
is  it  you  feel  ?" 

"Well,  my  love,  I  want  you  to  cease  that 
dismally  foreboding  way  of  thinking  which  you 
have  adopted.  I  fear  it  excites  your  nerves  in  a 
way  which  must  greatly  tend  to  prevent  your 
recovery ;  and  if  you  love  me,  you  will  indulge  it 
no  longer." 

"  Do  I  ever  seem  troubled  by  it,  papa  V 

"  Well,  no  :  still  I  think  it  must." 

"  Papa,  do  believe  me  :  I  could  die  this  moment 
without  a  single  fear.  I  am  as  sure  of  going  to 
the  bosom  of  my  Redeemer  as  I  can  be  of  any- 
thing most  certain.  I  expect  death  soon  :  but  I 
have  no  carefulness  at  all,  papa.  And  I  have  no 
dread  j  the  love  of  my  Jesus  deprives  it  of  all  its 
terrors.  Indeed  I  cannot  put  the  perfect  peace 
which  I  feel  respecting  this  into  language." 

"  But,  my  precious  child,  you  are  not  going  to 
die,  and  leave  papa  yet,  I  tell  you." 

"You  must  not — indeed,  you  must  not — think 
so." 

"  But,  my  dear,  you  are  getting  better — vastly 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  297 

better.  Everybody  sees  it ;  I  wonder  you  don't 
feel  it  yourself.  I  noticed  this  morning,  that 
when  you  rode  fast  it  did  not  seem  to  hurt  your 
breath  at  all." 

"Dear  papa,"  replied  Leila,  in  a  voice  full  of 
tenderness  and  love ;  "  It  is  true  I  may  just  now 
seem  to  you,  and  to  myself,  rather  better  than  I 
was ;  but  do  not  let  this  appearance  deceive  you. 
I  am,  indeed,  going  to  die.  I  shall  never  be  well 
again." 

lie  looked  :  a  deathly  pallor  struggled  with  the 
crimson  flush  upon  his  countenance.  It  was  the 
calm  certain  voice  of  one  who  had  heard  the  mid- 
night call.  Was  there  any  peculiar  inspiration  in 
that  bright  light  which  shone  out  of  her  unclouded 
eyes  ?  With  some,  such  a  thought  would  serve 
only  to  create  a  smile.  Let  it  be  so.  But  those 
who  beheld  it,  felt  that  that  holy  trusting  look, 
was  a  living  evidence  of  the  certainty  of  her  im- 
mortal glory,  and  an  influence  to  be  accounted  for 
in  no  other  way  but  by  believing  the  divinity  of 
her  religion.  In  that  hallowed  moment,  (though 
no  one  knew  it  then,)  her  father  resolved  that  he 
would  begin  to  pray  to  Jesus. 

Why  did  he  not  determine  so  before  %  Perhaps 
the  Christian  Hebrew  who  is  reading  this  can  tell 
us  something  of  the  cause.  Yet  most  likely  he 
cannot — for  who  can  know  the  mysteries  of  a 
human   heart?    what   eye  can    pierce    its  misty 


298  LEILA    ADA, 

deeps?  One  thing  we  may  believe;  as  Mr.  T. 
looked  upon  liis  dying  child,  he  thought — let  it  be 
sacred — for  language  fails     .     .     . 

Long  and  solemn  was  that  silence.  It  was 
broken  by  Leila  : — 

"Do  not  look  so  sad,  dear  papa,"  and  her  eyes 
filled  with  tears.  "It  makes  me  feel  very  mourn- 
ful indeed, — it  gives  me  pain." 

"  You  say,  dearest  .  .  .  you  are  going  away 
from  me,"  he  answered  in  a  melancholy  tone. 

"Yes,  much-loved  papa,  but  this  should  not  be 
dreadful.  If  you  will  begin  to  serve  the  Lord 
Jesus,  He  will  help  you  to  bear  His  will,  and  in 
a  very  little  while  bring  you  to  His  home ;  and 
then  what  joy — never,  never,  dear  papa,  to  be 
separated  again.  And  dear  mamma,  too,  I  believe 
is  there :  and  soon  we  shall  all  be  there.  0,  it  is 
beautiful !  Do  you  not  pant  to  go  ?"  and  Leila 
spoke  in  an  absent  tone — her  thoughts  were  afar. 

"  My  dearest  very  much  wishes  to  hear  me  say 
that  I  believe  in  Jesus,"  he  said  sadly. 

"  More,  sweet  papa,  than  ever  I  could  express 
to  you.  I  could  lay  down  my  life — die  the  most 
cruel  death,  I  believe, — if  by  it  I  could  only  pur- 
chase that  assurance.  Why  will  you  not  give  it  me, 
my  beloved  rather  1  0,  if  you  would !  It  seems 
I  should  be  too  happy.  I  ask  you  to  believe 
no  other  things  than  those  which  Moses  and  the 
prophets  did  say  should  come." 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  299 

"  But,  you  know,  it  is  hard  work  to  believe  io 
Him." 

"  Yes,  I  know  it  is  very  hard  for  you  to  over- 
come those  habits  of  thought  respecting  Him 
which,  as  a  Jew,  you  have  always  adopted.  But 
pray  to  Him,  and  He  will  overcome  them  for  you ; 
and  reveal  His  love  in  your  soul.  I  myself  suf- 
fered a  great  deal  before  I  could  thoroughly 
realize  Him  to  be  God.  But  He  helped  me,  and 
I  conquered." 

"  Well,  my  beloved  child,  the  case  is  not,  I 
believe,  a  hopeless  one  :  we  shall  see." 

Loving  hearts  there  are  whose  hopes,  and  fears, 
and  joys,  and  sorrows,  are  all  inwoven  with  those 
of  others ;  whose  exhaustless  benevolence  sacrifices 
self  in  a  yearning  tenderness  for  the  welfare  of 
everybody  else. 

Thou,  beloved  Leila,  wast  one  of  these  !  Oh  ! 
that  they  who  loved  thee  dearest,  had  known  thy 
gentle  Avortli,  but  now  thou  art  gone  for  ever ! 

Her  strength  was  fading  away — slowly  and 
beautifully  as  the  last  lingering  flowers  droop 
amidst  the  softened  breathings  of  autumn.  There 
could  no  longer  be  any  doubt  of  the  result :  hope 
forsook  all — even  her  father.  Sometimes  she 
could  almost  indulge  a  wish  to  live,  that  if  pos- 
sible she  might  do  something  to  bless  her  nation, 
and  make  them  feel  rightly ;  for  their  melancholy 


300  LEILA   ADA, 

condition  had  sunk  into  the  depths  of  her  earnest 
heart.  She  laboured  with  her  pen  on  theii-  behalf; 
up  to  the  latest  moment  that  her  strength  would 
permit.  She  sent  long,  and  fervent,  and  affec- 
tionate letters  to  all  her  near  relatives— writing 
out,  and  addressing  a  separate  one  to  each  member 
of  their  respective  families.  Some  of  these  pure 
breathings  of  a  soul  already  very  nearly  passed 
within  the  veil  of  eternity,  we  have  now  upon 
our  table.  One  of  them  (it  is  nearly  the  last 
letter  which  she  ever  Avrote),  we  cannot  read  with- 
out being  touched  even  more  deeply  than  by  any 
of  the  others.  The  language  is  exquisitely  beau- 
tiful. It  is  the  earnest  expression  of  a  soul  all 
love,  conscious  that  it  was  soon  to  pass  away  into 
its  immortal  rest.  On  the  day  upon  which  the 
closing  passages  were  added  to  it,  she  seemed  very 
capable  of  the  effort  of  writing,  and  therefore  she 
continued  it  much  longer  than  was  at  all  usual 
with  her  now.  At  last,  quite  tired,  she  reclined 
herself  upon  the  sofa.  She  had  given  her  whole 
heart  to  what  she  had  been  writing,  and  the  en- 
thusiasm of  her  spirit  had  kindled  her  countenance 
till  it  was  radiant  with  feeling,  and  her  eyes  glis- 
tened bright  through  her  tears. 

"  I  am  writing  to  cousin  Mary,"  she  said  to  a 
friend  who  was  present,  "  I  have  most  sanguine 
hope  of  that  dear  girl.  She  is  generally  impressed 
in  favour  of  the  Christian  religion  j  indeed,  I  am 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  301 

inclined  to  snppose  that  slie  quite  believes  tliat 
Jesus  is  the  Holy  One  of  God  ;  yet  she  does  not 
decide.  Her  resolution  is,  I  think,  much  weaker 
than  her  judgment.  I  have  urged  her  as  well  as 
I  am  able.  It  overcomes  me  to  think  that  this 
will  probably  be  the  last  letter  I  shall  ever  write 
to  her.  Come  and  see  what  I  have  said  ;  and  help 
me  to  persuade  her." 

The  letter  was  finished  ;  she  laid  down  her  pen 
from  directing  it,  and  then,  clasping  her  hands, 
said  : — 

"0,  my  poor  suffering  people  !  They  weigh 
so  heavy  on  my  heart.  I  love  them.  Could  I 
only  make  them  understand  the  love  and  peace 
which  the  servant  of  Jesus  feels,  they  would  come 
to  Christ  then — I  am  sure  of  it.  It  is  dreadful  to 
think  how  they  harden  their  hearts  against  Him. 
If  I  had  lived,  I  was  resolved  to  devote  every- 
thing I  had,  to  trying  to  do  them  good.  My 
Saviour  can  do  without  me  ;  and  so  He  takes  me 
away.  But  you  will  continue  to  love  them  for 
me,  will  you  not  V  she  added  with  a  sweet  sim- 
plicity. 

A  domestic  was  called,  "  Grace,  dear,"  said  Leila, 
"  let  me  depend  upon  you  to  see  that  this  letter 
is  posted  in  good  time  ;  may  11" 

She  had  left  the  room.  "  That  sweet  girl  is  a 
Christian  !"  said  Leila,  her  pure  face  radiant  with 
delight. 

26 


302  LEILA    ADA, 

"  A  Jewess  by  birth,  is  she  not  ?" 

"  Yes  :  I  am  so  thankful.  I  was  conversing 
with  her  two  days  ago,  and  she  told  me  that  she 
loved  the  Lord  Jesus  with  all  her  heart ;  and  that 
she  was  always  praying  to  Him  for  more  strength 
and  peace ;  and  also  that  if  she  died  at  any 
moment  she  was  sure  He  would  receive  her  soul. 
May  the  Lord  Jehovah  preserve  her,  and  give  her 
the  strength  for  which  she  prays,"  continued  Leila 
with  deep  feeling.  And  for  a  few  moments  she 
was  silent,  and  leaned  her  head  in  her  hand.  She 
was  doubtless  engaged  in  prayer. 

"  The  dear  creature  was  willing  to  be  baptized 
if  I  had  lived,  she  said.  Should  she  do  so,  her 
parents,  and  brothers,  and  sisters  would  see  her 
face  no  more.  She  has  been  rather  seriously 
seized  with  paralysis  once ;  and  she  always  thinks 
she  will  be  a  second  time.  I  spoke  to  papa  about 
her  ;  and  he  told  me  that  as  long  as  he  lives  she 
shall  have  a  home  with  him,  and  that  in  the  event 
of  his  dying  he  will  do  something  to  keep  her  in 
comfort.  I  gladly  told  her  this  ;  and  if  she  would 
come  now,  while  I  have  strength  enough,  I  offered 
to  arrange  for  her  baptism,  and  accompany  her 
myself:  but  she  shrinks  from  the  consequences 
which  may  happen  to  her.  0  !  that  Jesus  may 
help  her  to  burst  the  difficulties,  and  put  her 
unwavering  trust  in  Him." 

Leila  closed  her  desk,  and  went  to  repose  on 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  303 

the  lounge.  It  was  by  a  window,  from  wliicli 
she  coiihl  look  down  upon  the  long  garden.  The 
summer  was  declining  now  :  but  the  seasonal 
flowers  were  still  blooming  in  all  their  gorgeous 
beauty.  Leila  bent  her  eyes  upon  the  lovely 
scene.  An  enthusiastic  admirer  of  the  beautiful 
and  good  she  had  always  been,  but  she  looked  now 
with  the  thoughtful,  understanding  gaze  of  a  soul 
which  felt  the  first  impulsive  throbbings  of  its 
immortality. 

"  It  always  seems  to  me  that  the  beauty  of  the 
seen  and  outward  works  of  God  is  inseparably 
united  to  all  the  fine  and  noble  powers  of  the  soul 
— indeed,  I  think  it  an  emblem,  an  outward 
expression  of  them.  We  are  impressed  by  a  sense 
of  the  beautiful,  when  matter  seems  to  lay  aside 
its  gross  and  material  aspect.  When  in  the 
ethereal  lightness  of  its  outline  and  movements 
it  seems  to  become  spiritual.  Then  it  offers  to  us 
an  image  of  moral  purpose  and  achievement ;  it 
shadows  to  us  pure  and  holy  affections  ;  it  mirrors 
to  us  the  eternal  and  infinite  beauty  of  the  Creator 
of  all — Jehovah.  Thus,  it  always  leads  the  soul 
beyond  the  things  which  are  seen,  to  wander  and 
adore  amongst  those  which  are  unseen  and 
immortal.  How  important  that  a  Christian  should 
earnestly  cultivate  his  powers  for  its  perception." 
****** 

"  Immortality  is  dawning  upon  me,"  she  said, 


304  LEILA   ADA. 

smiling  briglitlj.  "  God  is  going  to  take  me  to 
tliat  home  for  which  I  have  long  panted.  I  am 
happy — very,  very  happy.  It  is,  indeed,  sweet 
to  die  when  we  know  that  we  are  accepted  and 
loved  by  Jesus.  I  often  meditate  on  that  beautiful 
and  majestic  truth,  *  God  is  love,'  till  I  seem  almost 
to  realize  the  employments  of  the  spirits  in  celes- 
tial bliss.  Do  you  not  find  it  a  precious  happiness 
to  think  that  we  are  to  be  the  inhabitants  of  a 
world  in  which  there  is  nothing,  nothing — oh  ! 
nothing  but  Love  ?  I  shall  soon  be  in  that  sweet 
place  for  ever  and  ever.  My  Eedeemer  assures 
me  every  moment  that  He  loves  me,  that  I  am 
altogether  His,  and  that  He  is  going  to  take  me  to 
himself." 

"  You  are  so  peaceful  and  happy,  and  have  so 
much  of  holy  joy,  that  it  makes  us  feel  quite  in 
love  with  dying  if  we  might  feel  like  you." 

She  smiled  sweetly.  "  It  is  Jesus  makes  me 
happy  ;  He  is  present  v*'ith  me  as  He  promised  to 
be  ;  He  fills  me  with  love  ;  I  have  no  sort  of 
doubt  or  fear,  and  He  will  soon  come  for  you  too. 
Oh  !  you  love  Him  and  that  is  a  great  joy  to  me. 
Try  to  love  Him  more,  much  more.  Be  patient  a 
very  little  longer.  Oh  !  how  immense  is  the 
rapidity  with  which  time  flies.  Heaven  is  very 
near — constantly  look  for  it.  Always  aspire  after 
enlarged  holiness.  Constantly  struggle  to  be 
great  in  the  knowledge  of  God.     Sit  perfectly 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  305 

loose  to  earthly  things.  Then  you  will  be  always 
ready.  It  may  not  be  long  before  the  messenger 
will  come  to  release  you." 

"  Do  you  ever  feel  any  shrinking  at  the  thought 
of  dying  1  Though  to  ask  such  a  question  is  very 
formal  after  what  you  have  so  often  said ;  for  I  am 
almost  sure  you  never  do." 

"  I  have  no  care  about  it.  I  never  think  of  it 
except  as  a  joyful  event,  which  will  loose  my  soul 
from  its  earthly  bonds.  Often,  when  I  contem- 
plate the  certainty  of  its  near  approach  I  feel — 
oh  !  enraptured — beyond  what  language  can  ex- 
press," 

*  *  *  "  Continue  to  visit  papa  often. 
He  is  very  nearly  decided  to  be  a  Christian.  .  .  . 
Neither  forget  dear  Grace.  Impress  upon  her 
the  necessity  of  avowing  Christ  before  every  one. 
You  know,"  she  added,  in  an  easy,  cheerful  voice, 
"  our  commands  are  to  preach  the  Gospel  to  the 
Jew  Jlrst.     You  have  a  fine  opportunity  here." 

0  Leila  !  thou  art  indeed  an  evangel  amidst 
thy  family  circle.  Thy  beautiful  love  and  faith 
is  not  for  earth ;  we  hope  not  to  retain  thee  ;  the 
signet  ring  of  heaven  is  on  thy  brow. 

"  How  earnestly  the  Jews  are  looking  for  the 
coming  of  the  Messiah.  They  sink  into  my  heart. 
Poor,  dear  people,  almost  exhausted  with  longing 
expectation,  heaven  is  offering  them  happiness,  but 
they  refuse  to  accept  it.  .  .  .  In  order  to  the  suc- 
26* 


306  LEILA   ADA, 

cess  ot  all  Christian  efforts  made  among  us,  it  is 
quite  necessary  that  there  be  a  considerable  share 
of  the  heavenly  essence,  love,  mixed  with  the  argu- 
ment ;  and  the  more  there  is  of  it,  the  more  proba- 
ble it  is  that  the  end  contemplated  will  be  attained. 
A  Jew  cannot  often  be  gained  by  a  mere  cold  con- 
troversy. Perhaps  this  is  a  strange  kind  of  fact 
— but  it  is  one,  nevertheless.  Nothing  is  so  effec- 
tual with  us  as  Christian  solicitude  and  love. 

"  When  I  was  at  uncle's,  I  prevailed  upon 
cousin  Isaac  to  take  me  one  sabbath-day  to  a 
Christian  place  of  worship.  I  knew  that  in  heart 
he  was  then  a  disciple  of  Jesus.  Gay  and  mirth- 
ful as  is  his  disposition,  I  didn't  think  he  intended 
when  he  got  there,  to  advertise  himself  as  a  Jew. 
He  drew  forth  his  Hebrew  Bible,  laid  a  part  of 
the  synagogue  service  conspicuously  on  the  ledge 
before  us,  and  refused  to  accept  a  side  of  my 
hymn-book.  Some  excellent  friend  noticed  it,  and 
conveyed  the  information  to  the  minister.  After 
the  service  he  came  to  us,  and  kindly  inquired  if 
we  would  oblige  him  by  a  little  conversation  in 
the  vestry.  This  was  just  what  Isaac  wanted  ; 
and  he  went.  You  can  easily  suppose  what  the 
object  was.  He  had  not  said  much  before  we 
observed  his  impression  that  in  myself  he  was 
addressing  a  disaffected  Jewess,  in  cousin  a  per- 
verse Jew.  He  said  a  few  very  affectionate  words 
to  me,  and  then  he  turned  all  his  force  upon  Isaac, 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  307 

wLo  had  already  desired  mo  to  say  notliing  wliich 

would  prevent  things  from  taking   their  course, 

for  he  wanted  the  argument.      An   exceedingly 

raluable  discussion  followed ;  one  which  did  us 

both  much  good.     Yet  I  thought,  there  was  a  sad 

omission.    There  was  so  very  little  of  that  Avinning 

tenderness  which  always  excites  high  and  noble 

sympathy.     The  kind  minister  seemed  almost  as 

quiet  and  unimpassioned  as  though  he  were  about 

to  demonstrate  a  problem  of  Euclid.     Very  little 

of  a  melting  or  subduing  character  was  expressed. 

Instead  of  using  solvents  to  the  rock,  he  took  up 

the  hammer  to  crush  it  in  pieces.  .  .  .  The  Jewish 

heart  is  very  peculiar  soil,  and  needs  therefore 

peculiar  treatment,  if  it  is  to  be  productive  of  good 

fruit." 

****** 

How  dignified,  how  exalted  is  the  Christian, 
even  in  this  world.  His  eyes  fixed  on  immortality, 
he  seems,  like  Enoch,  to  walk  with  God,  and 
calmly  smiles  at  the  shocks  of  time.  But  never 
does  religion  appear  with  such  dazzling  majesty  as 
in  the  closing  hours  of  the  Christian's  life.  Then 
its  glorious  beauty  is  indeed  sublime. 

The  moments,  the  hours  were  flying  quickly 
away.  A  sad  and  solemn  stillness  reigned  every- 
where within  the  house,  and  mute  sorrow  was 
depicted  on  every  countenance.  For  Leila  was 
declining     rapidly.      Her    cheek    daily   became 


308  LEILA    ADA, 

brighter  :  seldom  and  more  seldom  was  her  light 
step  heard  among  the  rooms,  and  oftener  was  she 
found  reposing  on  the  sofa  with  her  Bible  open 
before  her — her  thin  fingers  separating  the  leaves. 
Or  sometimes  she  would  for  a  long  time  lie  with 
her  head  resting  on  her  hand,  her  eyes  looking 
into  the  cerulean  skies.  But  her  thoughts  were 
not  among  them  :  they  had  taken  wing  far  above 
the  earth  prison-house,  and  were  wandering  on 
the  peaceful  shores  of  the  paradise  of  God.  Happy- 
smiles  passed  across  her  face  like  a  sunbeam 
glancing  amidst  summer  leaves  :  and  sometimes 
on  that  countenance  there  rested  an  expression  so 
unearthly,  as  to  make  it  seem  like  the  over- 
shadowing brightness  of  pure  spirit  beings — the 
beamings  of  immortal  light. 

0  death  !  where  is  thy  sting  1  O  grave  !  where 
is  thy  victory  1 

For  Leila's  fading  away  was  so  calm  and  very 
beautiful.  If  this  were  death,  why  was  he  ever 
dreaded  by  the  child  of  God  ?  Leila  rejoiced  to 
see  him.  She  smiled  on  him  lovingly,  and  hailed 
him  as  a  friend  for  whose  coming  she  had  long 
yearned. 

Nor  was  it  death.  It  was  merely  "  the  shadow 
of  death."  The  substance  had  been  endured  for 
Leila  by  her  Saviour.  She  knew  it,  and  her  soul 
blessed  Him  for  the  victory. 

It   was   a  mild,  golden   afternoon.      She  was 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  30i 

getting  very  near  tlie  immortal  rest  now  ;  and  was 
reclining,  with  her  little  Bible  open  in  her  hand  at 
the  closing  chapters  of  the  Revelations. 

**  I  never  before  felt  the  wondrous  sublimity  of 
this  imagery  and  language  as  I  have  this  after- 
noon," and  she  read  in  a  slow  and  gentle  tone  : — 

"  And  he  showed  me  a  pure  river  of  water  of 
life,  clear  as  crystal,  proceeding  out  of  the  throne 
of  God  and  of  the  Lamb.  In  the  midst  of  the 
street  of  it,  and  on  either  side  of  the  river,  was 
there  the  tree  of  life,  which  baio  twelve  manner 
of  fruits,  and  yielded  her  fruit  every  month  ;  and 
the  leaves  of  the  tree  were  for  the  healing  of  the 
nations.  And  there  shall  be  no  more  curse  :  but 
the  throne  of  God  and  of  the  Lamb  shall  be  in  it ; 
and  His  servants  shall  serve  Him.  And  they 
shall  see  His  face,  and  His  name  shall  be  in  their 
foreheads.  And  there  shall  be  no  night  there  ; 
and  they  need  no  candle,  neither  light  of  the  sun  ; 
for  the  Lord  God  givetli  them  light ;  and  they 
shall  reign  for  ever  and  ever.  And  he  said  unto 
me,  These  sayings  are  faithful  and  true  ;  and  the 
Lord  God  of  the  Holy  prophets  sent  his  angel  to 
show  unto  His  servants  the  things  which  must 
shortly  be  done.  Behold  I  come  quickly  ;  blessed 
is  He  that  keepeth  the  sayings  of  the  prophecy  of 
this  book." 

She  stopped,  and  seemed  absorbed  in  her  own 
thoughts.      She   was    going   to   that   glory — she 


310  LEILA    ADA, 

stood  on  its  verge.  It  will  be  ours  to  follow  her 
bOon. 

"  Oil,  what  a  glorious  hope  is  ours  !"  she  said  to 
her  friend  who  was  present.  **  Come,  let  us  pray- 
once  more  together.  0,  for  immortal  powers  to 
exalt  the  name  of  Jesus  !" 

And  Leila  prayed.  It  was  a  moment  which 
seemed  to  bring  heaven  very  near  to  earth. 

Even  so.  Glorious  link  which  connects  the 
creature  with  the  Creator,  sweet  religion  !  blessed 
religion  !  Surrounded,  filled  with  thy  love,  0 
Jesus  !  we  desire  to  live  and  die.  Death  sjall  no 
more  disturb  us,  for  all  its  terrors  vanish  before 
the  omnipotence  of  Thy  word.  In  Thee  we  live 
now,  and  in  Thee  we  feel  assured  that  we  shall 
never  die.  Our  God  is  not  a  God  of  death.  That 
which  we  name  death  is  but  the  beginning  of  a 
new  and  more  glorious  existence — an  introduction 
to  the  blessed  eternity  in  the  presence  of  our 
Redeemer. 

O  yes,  beloved  Leila  !  Happy  shall  we  be,  it 
when  the  Master  calls,  we  can  exult  like  thee  in 
having  "  fought  the  good  fight,"  and  "  kept  the 
faith."  Then,  with  like  triumphant  peacefuliiess 
shall  we  pass  through  death,  with  like  confilent 
expectation  shall  we  look  forward  to  eternal    .ie. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

"WE    ALL    DO    FADE    AS    A    LEAF." 

**The  path  of  the  just  is  as  the  shining  light,  which  shineth 
more  and  more  unto  the  perfect  da}'." — Prov.  iv.  18. 

Our  readers  will  expect  a  detailed  account  of 
Leila's  illness  and  dying  liours.  We  have  already- 
adverted  to  the  close  union  which  subsisted  be- 
tween her  and  Miss  H .    At  Leila's  request 

this  young  lady  went  to  reside  with  her  during 
the  whole  of  her  illness.  It  was  a  beautiful  com- 
panionship ;  and  was  to  both  an  abundant  source 
of  the/purest  enjoyment.  Nor  were  they  sepa- 
rated long.  For  in  a  fcAv  months  after  Leila's 
death  her  lovely  friend  joined  her  in  the  praises 
of  the  skies. 

As  Miss  11 was  constantly  with  Leila,  we 

thought  an  account  written  by  her  would  be  much 
more  lucid  and  acceptable  than  a  fragmentary  one 
by  ourselves.  She  readily  acceded  to  the  desn-e 
we  expressed ;  and  by  the  aid  of  the  copious 
entries  which  she  had  made  in  her  journal,  fur- 
nished us  with  the  following  loving  portraiture  of 
the  closing  weeks  of  Leila's  life. 

*'  For  some  weeks  previous  to  the  death  of  my 
dear  friend,  the  late  Miss  T ,  her  piety  as 


312  LEILA    ADA, 

sumed  a  rich  maturity  and  mellowness.  She  was 
evidently  ripening  for  glory.  All  her  reflections 
were  made  subservient  to  her  spiritual  prosperity ; 
and  to  all  eternity  I  shall  have  reason  to  bless 
God,  that  it  was  my  privilege  to  listen  to  her 
deeply  pious  and  sensible  remarks. 

"  One  evening  we  were  seated  beneath  the 
shadow  of  a  large  chesnut  tree,  which  grew  upon 
the  lawn.  In  the  midst  of  a  very  interesting 
conversation  she  remarked, '  I  have  often  sat  upon 
this  seat,  and  watched  the  long  shadows  of 
evening  quietly  descending  upon  the  trees,  and 
fields,  and  flowers.  And  as  the  shades  have 
deepened  in  the  blue  air,  I  have  watched  the 
beautiful  stars,  as  one  by  one  they  pushed  aside 
their  veils.  This  I  have  continued,  until  dewy 
night  has  completely  spread  her  rich  mantle,  in 
imagination  looking  as  though  it  were  thickly 
studded  with  intense  but  soft  brilliants,  diamonds, 
and  pearls,  and  gold.  At  such  seasons  the  pro- 
found beauty  and  the  solemn  stillness  have  found 
their  way  to  my  inmost  soul,  and  my  spirit,  sur- 
rounded as  it  was  by  a  darkness  greater  than  that 
of  night,  yearned  for  the  food  by  which  alone  it 
could  be  sustained.  But  since  the  glorious  beams 
of  the  Sun  of  Righteousness  have  vivified  my 
soul,  what  happiness  have  I  here  experienced! 
Then,  when  I  could  view  the  starry  hosts  as  the 
creation  of  my  Father's  hand — when  I  thought  on 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  313 

tlieir  amazing  distances,  and  velocities,  and  their 
numbers,  wliicli  not  even  the  first  archangel  can 
count — when  I  reflected  on  the  love  of  their 
Creator,  my  Saviour,  so  great  that  He  could  lay 
aside  His  majesty  and  His  grandeur,  and  suffer 
for  me  the  cruel  death  of  the  cross — then,  yes, 
then,  I  have  felt  sublimely  happy.  These,  my 
dear  Emily,  have  been  the  very  delicious  seasons 
of  my  existence.'  She  mused  fox  a  few  moments, 
'Look,  my  dear,  at  yonder  sun.  This  morning 
he  arose  dim  and  murky,  surrounded  by  a  thick 
gloom  ;  yet  set.  jow  brilliantly,  how  calmly,  how 
majestically  he  sinks  to  his  repose.  0,  that  this 
may  be  the  happy  emblem  of  my  course!  It 
began  amid  mists,  and  tears,  and  doubts,  and 
apprehensions ;  I  shall  die  soon — I  know  I  shall 
— and  0,  that  like  him,  I  may  go  to  my  rest, 
peaceful,  tranquil,  without  a  cloud!" 

"  I  said,  *  You  have  no  fear  to  die ;  neither  any 
anxiety  to  live.*  *No,  no,'  she  replied,  *I  have 
no  fear  of  death ;  it  is  all  removed.  I  have  long 
accustomed  my  mind  to  be  familiar  with  that 
certain,  solemn  event,  which  will  open  to  me  the 
gate  of  heaven.  These  are  by  no  means  gloomy 
thoughts.  There  have  been  seasons  when  my  soul 
has  soared  far  beyond  all  sublunary  things,  and 
held  free  converse  with  its  Maker.  All  earthly 
thoughts  were  intrusive  on  the  aspirations  of  my 
spirit.  I  bless  God  for  the  measire  I  have  felt 
27 


314  LEILA    ADA, 

and  do  feel,  of  holy  peace  and  joy.  Tliere  is  but 
one  desire  in  life  that  I  have :  it  is  that  I  may 
witness  the  conversion  of  my  dear  father,  I 
should  then  die  without  having  a  single  regret  to 
leave  behind  me.'  She  then,  with  an  earnestness 
and  simplicity  peculiarly  her  own,  prayed,  *  0  my 
Jesus,  do  of  Thine  abundant  mercy  irresistibly 
affect  my  father's  heart ;  do  save  him ;  I  have 
besought  Thee  for  him,  and  I  can  rely  upon  Thy 
promise  to  hear  my  prayer.  If  it  be  Thy  gracious 
will,  answer  me  speedily;  but  I  will  abide  Thy 
time  with  patience.  0,  my  dear  Emily,'  she 
continued,  embracing  me,  *  this  always  makes  me 
happy ;  I  have  an  unshaken  confidence  that  God 
will  save  my  dear  father!' 

"I  have  not  recollected,  nearly,  all  she  said; 
but  this  will  assist  to  show  the  general  tenor  of 
her  mind.  Never  before  did  I  feel  half  so  much 
of  the  loveliness  of  religion  as  during  my  associa- 
tion with  this  young  yet  mature  saint.  Never, 
until  I  witnessed  it  in  her  life  and  conduct,  did  I 
gee  half  its  blessed  efficacy  in  purifying  the  feel- 
ings, exalting  the  motives,  and  sanctifying  the 
affections.  She  was  a  pattern  of  love,  meekness, 
gentleness,  goodness,  and  faith.  When  I  reflected 
on  the  vastly  increased  opportunities  of  serving 
God  which  I  had  had  in  comparison  with  her,  I 
was  powerfully  convinced  of  my  stuntedness  as  a 
Christian :  I  was  humbled  and  abased. 


THE    JEWrSH    CONVERT.  315 

"The  united  skill  of  several  physicians  was 
inadequate  to  the  preservation  of  her  life.  Her 
strength  gradually  decreased.  The  last  public 
work  and  labour  of  love  in  which  she  engaged 
was  to  visit  her  *  dear  old  women.'  I  rode  in  the 
landau  with  her.  It  was  a  memorable  afternoon. 
I  never  felt  so  in  love  with  death  as  at  that  sea- 
son. A  hallowed  influence  pervaded  both  our 
spirits;  a  solemn,  holy  awe,  such  as  is  seldom 
experienced  in  time.  A  sacred  unction  rested  on 
each  little  midst,  as  with  tearful  eyes,  and  falter- 
ing accents,  she  commended  each  to  God.  She 
prayed  with  a  fervour  and  a  solemnity  of  feeling 
as  though  she  knew  it  would  be  the  last  time  they 
should  meet  on  earth  :  and  so  it  proved.  Oh !  the 
loveliness  of  religion  !  God  be  praised  for  a  ho- 
lier, a  happier,  an  everlasting  life — a  life  in  which 
friends  separated  by  death  shall  see  and  enjoy 
each  other,  for  ever  and  ever. 

"As  we  were  returning  home  she  said  to  me,  *|I 
am  very  weak  now.  I  think,  Emily,  that  per- 
haps this  afternoon's  work  may  have  been  rather 
too  much  for  me.  But  God  has  given  me  strength 
to  fulfil  it,  and  I  am  thankful.  I  should  like  to 
die  working  for  Him  who  has  done  so  much  for 
me  ;  but  I  think  that  my  work  on  earth  is  almost 
finished.  Oh,  my  dear  Emily,  I  am  very  happy! 
I  have  an  inward  peace  and  joy  which  is  unspeak- 
able ;  it  is  full  of  glory.     Jesus  is  precious ;  Ho  ia 


316  LEILA    ADA, 

heaven ;  I  shall  soon  be  with  Him ;  He  blesses 
me  every  moment ;  Oh,  His  boundless  love  to  me !" 

"Afterwards,  she  said,  *  I  have  been  thinking 
of  my  dear  father  a  great  deal :  I  am  sure  that 
God  is  powerfully  working  upon  his  heart.  He 
often  converses  with  me  upon  my  religion,  and 
upon  Jesus ;  and  I  can  plainly  perceive  that  his 
prejudices  have  given  way,  and  that  he  is  inclined 
to  regard  the  Christian  religion  as  the  true  reli- 
gion after  all.  0,  that  God  may  continue  this 
delightful  work  till  the  glories  of  Heaven  shall 
crown  what  grace  hath  begun  !' 

"One  very  fine  afternoon,  a  short  time  before 
she  was  almost  completely  confined  to  her  room, 
she  said  to  me,  'Come  with  me  for  one  walk 
around  the  lawn ;  it  will  be  the  last  we  shall  ever 
have  together.'  I  acquiesced  immediately,  and  we 
proceeded  ;  she  leaning  upon  my  arm  for  support. 
It  was  deeply  affecting  to  see  her  stoop  to  touch 
the  flowers  which  her  own  hand  had  so  delighted 
to  culture;  to  see  her  look  upon  the  trees,  and 
fields,  and  the  sweet  river,  while  a  deep  conviction 
occupied  her  mind  that  she  was  looking  and  ad- 
miring for  the  last  time.  As  we  were  slowly 
returning  she  several  times  stopped  to  throw  a 
lingering  look  upon  those  lovely  scenes  which  she 
had  so  often  beheld  with  rapture.  On  ascending 
the  steps  of  her  residence,  she  exclaimed,  *  Emily, 
I  Bhall  ascend  these  steps  no  more  !' 


'iHE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  317 

"  Thus  calmly  and  tranquilly  did  slie  look  upon 
tlie  certain  approach  of  death.  No  doubts  nor 
harassing  apprehensions  afflicted  her ;  in  her  own 
language,  'All  is  well  with  me.  For  me  to  live 
is  Christ,  and  to  die  is  gain.  I  have  a  desire  to 
depart  and  be  with  Christ,  which  is  far  better 
than  to  live." 

"  On  a  morning  not  long  before  her  death,  she 
said,  '  This  is  my  birthday.  I  am  twenty  years 
of  age  to-day ;  and  in  some  measure  on  this  ac- 
count, I  should  very  much  wish  both  your  sistera 
to  come  here  this  afternoon.  Will  you  make  this 
request  known  both  to  them  and  papa  !'  I  at 
once  promised.  In  the  afternoon  she  remarked, 
*I  think  I  have  quite  strength  enough  to  sit  up 
with  you,  and  I  should  like  to  look  upon  the  fields 
and  flowers  once  more.'  Being  placed  as  she  de- 
sired, she  smiled  upon  her  attendant,  saying, 
*  Thank  you ;  your  kindness  in  bearing  with  my 
fancies  is  very  great.'  After  looking  awhile,  she 
said,  *  What  a  beautiful  world  !  but  beautiful  as 
it  is,  it  bears  no  comparison  with  that  to  which  I 
am  going.  There  are  amaranthine  bowers  and 
crystal  streams,  and  ever-verdant  fields,  and  am- 
brosial fruits ;  but,  above  all,  there  I  shall  eter- 
nally be  in  the  visible  presence  of  my  gracious 
Hedeemer,  and  there  I  shall  be  able  to  perfectly 
love  and  serve  Him.  That  is  my  enrapturing 
thought.  0,  the  joys  of  immortality !  I  rejoice 
27* 


318  LEILA   ADA, 

in  my  immortality ;  I  am  going  to  lire  with  my 
Redeemer,  and  with  the  saints  in  light.'  She 
mused,  *  0,  my  dear  father,  if  I  could  only  rejoice 
in  your  salvation  before  I  am  summoned  from 
earth ;  but  I  am  enabled  to  give  you  up  into  the 
hands  of  God.  He  has  always  been  faithful  to 
His  promises :  this  I  have  ever  proved — and 
never  more  than  at  the  present  moment.  Bless- 
ing and  praise  to  His  holy  name  ! ' 

"  We  were  all  seated  round  her,  and  at  times 
she  maintained  an  animated  conversation,  though 
painfully  interrupted  by  hardness  of  breathing, 
&c.  *  Come  sing  with  me  !"  she  exclaimed,  '  and 
sing  that  beautiful  hymn — 

**  Come,  let  us  join  our  friends  above, 
That  have  obtained  the  prize." ' 

"  We  immediately  complied.  A  deep  feeling  of 
the  solemnity  of  our  position — our  dear  friend  and 
sister  with  us  now,  but  just  escaping  to  bliss, 
already  breathing  the  atmosphere  of  heaven — and 
the  additional  effect  which  this  gave  to  the  impres- 
sively beautiful  words  we  were  singing,  filled  our 
eyes  with  tears.  Leila  sat  in  silent  delight.  A 
heavenly  smile  illumined  her  countenance,  indi- 
cating that  she  was  drinking  of  the  river,  the 
streams  whereof  make  glad  the  city  of  God.  In 
the  midst  of  the  exercise  tears  chased  each  other 
down  her  cheek.     We  inc[uired  the  cause.     *  Oh !' 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  310 

she  exclaimed,  *  I  tliouglit,  if  your  earthly  notes 
were  so  beautiful,  what  must  be  the  impression 
created  by  the  songs  of  the  redeemed  in  heaven ; 
and  I  was  so  affected  that  I  could  not  help  weep- 
ing with  excessive  joy.  And  the  words  are  so 
beautiful — but,  0,  how  inadequately  does  such 
solemn  language  impress  us.  Do  think  less  of 
this  world,  and  more  of  eternity  than  you  ever 
did.  When,  like  me,  you  come  to  die,  then  will 
you  practically  feel  what  vanity  of  vanities  is 
everything  earthly.  0,  how  happy — how  very 
happy  I  am  !  It  is  all  over.  Death  !  oh,  death  ! 
where  is  thy  sting  %  I  am  victorious  through  my 
Lord  Jesus  Christ !' 

"  When  we  had  finished  the  last  verse  of  tke 
hymn,  she  remained  for  a  few  moments  in  silent 
thought,  as  though  revolving  its  sublime  excla- 
•mations  of  triumph  in  her  mind.  She  then  said, 
*  What  beauty !  what  grandeur  !  and  I  can  use 
it  as  my  own  language.  I  know  whom  I  have 
believed.  Glory  be  to  my  Saviour  !  He  is  with 
me  now ;  and,  though  my  flesh  and  my  heart  fail, 
yet  He  is  the  strength  of  my  heart,  and  my  por- 
tion for  ever. 

"  As  the  hymn  to  which  reference  is  made  may 
not  be  generally  known  to  our  readers,  we  intro- 
duce it  here.  If  it  has  not  sufficient  interest 
already  to  render  an  apology  unnecessary,  why 


320  LEILA    ADA, 

then  let  our  apology  be  the  mtense  beauty  of  its 
poetry  : 

"  Come  let  us  join  our  friends  above, 

That  have  obtained  the  prize, 
And  on  the  eagle  wings  of  love, 

To  joys  celestial  rise  : 
Let  all  the  saints  terrestrial  sing. 

With  those  to  glory  gone  ; 
For  all  the  servants  of  our  King 

In  earth  and  heaven  are  one. 

One  family,  we  dwell  in  Him, 

One  Church  above,  beneath, 
Though  now  divided  by  the  stream — 

The  narrow  stream  of  death : 
One  army  of  the  living  God 

To  His  command  we  bow ; 
Part  of  His  host  has  crossed  the  flood. 

And  part  are  crossing  now. 

Ten  thousand  to  their  endless  home 

This  solemn  moment  fly ; 
And  we  are  to  the  margin  come, 

And  we  expect  to  die  ; 
His  militant  embodied  host. 

With  wishful  looks  we  stand, 
And  long  to  see  that  happy  coast, 

And  reach  the  heavenly  land. 

Our  old  companions  in  distress 

We  haste  again  to  see, 
And  eager  long  for  our  release, 

And  full  fehcity : 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  32l 

Even  now  by  faith  we  join  our  hands 

Witli  those  that  went  before  ; 
And  greet  the  blood-besprinkled  bands, 

On  the  eternal  shore. 

Our  spirits  too  shall  quickly  join. 

Like  those  with  glory  crowned. 
And  shout  to  see  our  Captain's  sign, 

To  hear  his  trumpet  sound. 
O,  that  we  now  might  grasp  our  Guide  1 

0,  that  the  word  were  given ! 
Come,  Lord  of  hosts,  the  waves  divide, 

And  land  us  all  in  heaven !" 

We  now  recur  to  Miss  H : 


"  Although,  sometimes,  she  suffered  severe  pain, 
yet  not  one  look  of  peevishness,  even  for  a 
moment,  sat  upon  her  countenance  ;  nor  did  a  word 
of  murmuring,  or  fretfulness,  ever  escape  her  lips. 
And  tears  of  gratitude  would  fill  her  eyes,  and 
she  would  exclaim,  *  Thank  you,  thank  you  ;  you 
are  very  kind  !'  at  the  very  slightest  marks  of 
regard  or  attention  manifested  either  by  her 
friends  or  attendants.  Her's  was  a  lovely  Chris- 
tianity !  My  petition  is,  that  her  mantle  may 
descend  upon  me. 

"  The  closing  scene  now  drew  on  apace  ;  for,  it 
was  evident  to  all  that  she  must  soon  die  ;  indeed, 
she  knew  it  herself;  and,  therefore,  she  began  to 
give  final  directions  respecting  the  disposal  of  cer- 
tain matters.  This  was  three  days  before  her  death. 
After  sending  some  substantial  mementoes  of  her 


322  LEILA   ADA, 

love  and  regard  to  those  families  on  her  visiting 
list,  she  turned  her  attention  to  her  family  and 
personal  friends.  Having  expressed  most  of  her 
desires  concerning  these,  she  requested  that  her 
writing-desk  might  be  placed  near  her.  It  was 
done.  Unlocking  it,  she  took  out  of  it  a  number 
of  elegant  Bibles.  '  Precious  books  !'  she  ex- 
claimed, as  she  clasped  them  to  her  throbbing 
bosom,  '  0  precious  books  !  would  I  had  read  you 
more  !'  Presenting  one  to  her  maternal  aunt,  who 
was  present,  she  said,  *  Do  accept  this  token  of 
my  love  for  you,  and  this  letter,  which  some  time 
ago  I  wrote  for  you ;  and,  as  you  read  it,  may 
this  spirit  of  God  lead  your  heart  to  those  blissful 
fountains  of  repose  wiiich  have  made  me  so  happy. 
You  believe,  my  dear  aunt,  that  I  am  quite  happy 
— that  I  have  no  fear  of  death — that  I  am  going 
to  Heaven — do  you  not  V 

" '  I  cannot  doubt  it.' 

"'Well,  then,  it  is  all  through  the  merits  of 
my  Lord  Jesus  Christ.  His  death  atoned  for  my 
sins,  and  the  sins  of  all  our  people,  and  all  the 
world.  I  shall  soon  be  with  Him  for  ever.  Then, 
my  dear  aunt,  will  you  promise  me  that  my  dying 
request,  that  you  will  read  these  Scriptures  of  the 
Old  and  New  Testament,  shall  be  granted  V  Her 
aunt  assented.  *  Thank  you ;  you  make  me  very 
happy ;  and  I  pray  that  the  God  whom  I  serve, 
"jvill  of  His  mercy  enlighten  your  understanding, 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  323 

80  that  you  may  perceive  tlie  truth.  I  am  tired 
now ;  I  must  rest  a  little.' 

"  In  the  eye  which  is  lighted  up  by  the  fever 
of  consumption,  there  is  an  expression  which 
those  who  have  seen  it  can  never  forget,  and 
which  those  who  have  not  seen  it  can  never 
imagine. 

*'  How  beautiful  she  looked  as  she  peacefully 
reposed  upon  the  white  pillow  !  Her  bright  eyes, 
that  were  wont  to  glow  with  the  very  soul  of 
animation,  enclosed  within  their  snowy  lids,  and 
their  long  lashes,  shading  her  marble  countenance, 
which  beamed  with  innocence  and  love.  I  felt  in 
love  with  the  beautiful  clay,  and  almost  wished 
that  my  own  summons  from  mortality  to  immor- 
tality were  as  near. 

"Reviving,  she  said,  'I  can  say  but  little  more.* 
Then,  putting  aside  several  Bibles  for  as  many  of 
her  relatives,  and  a  letter  with  each — *  Let  these 
be  given,  with  my  dying  love,  to  those  to  whom 
they  are  directed.  Say,  too,  I  most  earnestly  beg 
of  each  to  read  them,  and  pray  over  them,  and 
to  obtain  all  possible  help  to  a  knowledge  of  the 
Christian  religion.  And,  tell  them,  that  with  my 
latest  breath,  I  testified,  Christ  is  precious ;  that 
He  was  with  me — pre-eminently  with  me — while 
passing  through  the  valley  of  the  shadow  of  death, 
and  that  through  faith  in  Christ,  I  was  victorious 
over  death  and  the  grave,  and  died  in  full,  perfect 


324  LEILA    ADA, 

assurance  of  eternal  bliss.  But,  be  sure  of  this, 
tell  them  plainly,  that  it  was  all  through  the  death 
of  my  Lord  and  Saviour  Jesus  Christ.  Now  I  must 
repose.  * 'Tis  almost  finished  !'  Her  articulation 
of  these  precious  sentences  was  painfully  inter- 
rupted, so  that,  to  say  them  all,  occupied  her 
some  minutes. 

"  The  following  day  she  requested  that  pen 
and  ink  might  be  brought  to  her.  Affectionately 
clasping  her  Bible,  she  looked  once  more  upon 
those  parts  which  she  had  marked  as  having  given 
her  special  encouragement  and  enjoyment ;  then, 
being  supported,  she  took  the  pen  in  her  dying 
hand,  and  tremulously  and  disjointedly  traced 
upon  the  fly-leaf  the  last  words  she  ever  wrote : 
*  Christ  is  Heaven !  Blessed  tmth !  Hail,  my 
sister  spirit !  thou  now  wilt  prove,  to  all  eternity, 
that  Christ  is  Heaven !" 


CHAPTER   XIV. 

Leila's  ds-ing  hours. — the  closing  scene. 

"  O  iJeath  I  where  is  thy  sting  ?     O  grave  1  where  is  thy  victory  ?" 

"On  the  morning  of  tlie  day  on  wliicli  Leila 
died,  she  said,  *  It  will  soon  be  finished.  Tell  my 
dear  father  to  come  here.'  He  was  called,  but  was 
so  powerfully  affected,  that  for  some  minutes  he 
could  not  speak  to  her  !  What  a  scene !  Friends 
weeping — the  youthful  Christian,  in  heavenly  com- 
posure, awaiting  the  solemn  moment  of  separation 
from  the  body.  Surely  it  was  the  spontaneous 
outburst  of  every  heart,  *  Is  this  death  1  Can  all 
this  holy  joy  and  peace  be  death  ?  Oh  !  then,  let 
me  die  the  death  of  the  righteous,  and  let  my 
last  end  be  like  hers!'  As  I  looked  upon  her 
placid  countenance,  I  exclaimed  exulfingly,  *  0 
death  !  where  is  thy  sting  1  O  grave !  where  is 
thy  victory?'  Gushing  sobs  broke  upon  the  awful 
stillness.  Oh,  the  luxury  of  such  tears ! — tears 
flowing  from  the  most  divinely-sacred  emotions 
of  the  soul.  Let  me  attempt  no  remark  upon 
these  heavenly  breathings. 

*'  Voltaire  laughed  at  Christianity — he  mocked 
at  the  *  madness  of  believing  in  the  Gospel.'  Did 
he  ever  see  a  Christian  die  1  Did  he  ever  witness 
28 


326  LEILA   ADA, 

this  tangible  evidence  of  the  value  of  religion  in 
the  most  awful  moment  of  life  ?  Oh,  never ! 
never!  The  chamber  of  the  dying  saint  is  a 
shrine  at  which  the  boldest  blasphemer  must  bow 
in  homage  to  the  religion  of  Jesus. 

"  Her  father  was  weeping.  *  Do  not  grieve  for 
me,  my  dear  papa,'  she  said  soothingly.  *  If  you 
are  faithful  to  God,  you  will  soon  be  happy  again 
with  me  in  heaven.* 

*'*Then,  my  precious  treasure,  you  are  not 
deceived  !  You  feel  that  your  religion  fully  sup- 
ports you  in  death  V 

*'  *  0  yes  !  0  yes  !  Though  I  walk  through 
the  valley  of  the  shadow  of  death  I  will  fear  no 
evil — His  rod — and — His — '  she  could  proceed  no 
further.  Her  father,  bending  with  grief,  retained 
her  hand  in  his. 

"In  a  little  wliile  she  gathered  strength  : 
'Pather,'  she  enjoined,  'you  love  me  dearly,  do 
you  not  V  *  My  child  do  not  speak  so  to  me ; 
you  know  you  are  the  very  soul  of  mj  existence.' 

"'Will  you  grant  me  one  request — a  dying 
request  V 

"  '  What  is  it  !•  You  know  I  will  not  deny  you  !' 

"  *  It  is  this — that  you  will  never  again  doubt 
Jesus  my  Saviour ;  but  that  you  will  begin  to  love 
and  serve  Him.  0,  think,  my  dear  father,  what 
He  has  done  for  me  !  Eead  the  New  Testament,' 
and  she  looked  inquiringly. 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  327 

"*  My  dear,  I  have  begun  to  read  it.  I  have 
seen  that  your  religion  must  be  true.  I  never 
expected  to  witness  a  death  like  yours,  my  daugh- 
ter. I  have  begun  to  pray ;  you  pray  too,  that 
God  will  help  me  to  follow  you  to  heaven.  I  be- 
lieve, my  deal' — I  confess  to  you  and  all  present 
that  I  believe — in  Jesus.' 

"  The  sudden  revulsion  of  feeling  was  too  great 
for  her  weak  frame.  She  was  just  able  to  articu 
late,  *  Blessing — praise — '  and  then  lay  exhausted. 

"  On  recovering,  she  slowly  reached  her  Bible, 
and  in  faltering  accents  said,  *My  dear  papa,  I 
am  dying — you  have — .  We  shall  soon  meet 
again.  Here  is  the  Bible  which  has  been — so 
truly  blessed  to  my  soul.  Let  it  now  be  yours. 
You  have  all  my  books  of  a  religious  character. 
They  are  choice — learn  them  well.  Praise  the 
Lord — I  am  dying  ;  but  I  am  rejoicing." 

"  She  lay  for  some  minutes  with  her  eyes  closed. 
Occasionally  her  lips  moved  as  though  in  prayer. 
It  is  more  than  probable  that  her  petitions  were 
then  ascending  to  the  throne  of  grace,  that  her 
father  might  be  enabled  to  rejoice  in  the  liberty 
of  God's  children.     They  have  been  answered  ! 

"Again  she  unclosed  her  eyes,  and  looking 
upon  her  father  with  a  smile  of  indescribable 
pleasure — *  Blessing,  honour,  praise,  and  glory  to 
Jesus.     Kiss  me,  dear  papa.' 

"  In  a  little  while — *  Glorious  hope  !  immortal- 


328  LEILA   ADA, 

ity  !  eternal  life !  What  an  eternity !  an  eternity 
of  perfect  love.' 

"  She  then,  with  considerable  intervals,  gave 
directions  for  her  funeral.  '  You  have  said,  papa, 
that  you  will  have  my  mother  removed,  and  that 
we  shall  all  three  lie  together  in  one  tomb.  I  am 
glad  of  that.  At  my  funeral  make  no  show.  Do 
not  have  me  embalmed.     I  wish  my  body  to  be 

clothed  in  linen  and  white  muslin  only 

When  you  have  my  name  put  upon  our  tomb,  be 
sure  you  put  this,  "Thanks  be  unto  God  who 
giveth  us  the  victory,  through  our  Lord  Jesus 
Christ.' " 

"  *  I  hear  the  voice,  "  The  Master  is  come,  and 
calleth  for  thee."  My  whole  soul  responds,  "  Even 
so,  come.  Lord  Jesus."     I  am  full  of  glory.' 

"Although  perfectly  sensible,  she  said  but  very 
little  after  this.  She  appeared  to  be  looking  into 
eternity.  Its  glorious  realities  were  unfolding  to 
her  vision,  and  feasting  her  soul  with  ravishing 
contemplations. 

"About  two  hours  before  she  died,  she  sud- 
denly awoke  from  a  gentle  slumber,  and  exclaimed, 

*  Dear  Emily !  are  you  here  V     I  took  her  hand. 

*  Give  me  a  farewell  kiss,  my  love.  Thank  you ;' 
and  then  pressing  my  hand  with  all  her  remaining 
strength,  *  We  shall  be  united  again  soon,  Emily, 
and  then  you  will  never  have  to  separate  from  me. 
Love  Jesus  ;  it  will  not  be  long.' 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  329 

"  A  little  after  she  ejaculated,  *  Victory  !  vic- 
tory !'  and  raised  her  dying  arm.  After  a  few 
moments — *  Heaven  is — heaven  is — '  the  rest  was 
lost. 

"She  lay  quietly  for  about  an  hour;  then 
gently  putting  out  her  hand,  she  said,  '  Farewell, 
my  dear  papa.  I  am  going  to  glory.  Serve  Jesus 
— you  will  soon  be  there.' 

"  These  were  the  last  words  she  uttered.  Her 
eyelids  closed.  For  a  few  minutes  she  breathed 
softly  and  slowly,  and  then — the  solemn  stillness 
of  death  !  My  friend  was  a  disembodied  saint  in 
glory  !  Her  spirit  had  taken  its  rapturous  flight 
to  that  blissful  rest  which  she  had  so  long  antici- 
pated ;  and  in  preparation  for  which,  she  had  kept 
her  soul  with  all  diligence.  Again  through  gush- 
ing tears,  I  prayed,  *  Let  me  die  the  death  of  the 
righteous.' 

"  She  died  November  27th,  18 — ,  at  a  quarter 
past  eight  o'clock  in  the  evening,  aged  twenty 
years  and  eighteen  days. 

"  Of  such  a  character  as  hers  I  need  say  nothing 
more  by  way  of  eulogy  or  description  :  her  death 
was  an  epitome  of  her  life. 

"Emily  L.  F.  H ." 

Farewell,  sweet  Leila  !  We  loved  thee  on  earth, 
but  no"Vf  we  shall  see  thy  happy  smile  no  more. 
Thine  was  a  beautiful  fading  away.     Thy  eyes, 

28* 


330  LEILA   ADA, 

fraught  with  triumphant  brightness — the  celestial 
shadowings  of  the  angel  beings  who  eagerly 
waited  to  carry  thy  pure  spirit  to  its  native  skies 
— closed  in  clear  and  cloudless  glory  too  bright 
for  us  to  look  on.  Thou  didst  not  die.  To  such 
as  love  like  thee,  dear  Leila,  there  is  no  dark 
valley,  no  chilling  stream,  no  cold  shadowings ! 
Thy  soul  dissolved  in  radiance  like  the  diamond 
star  of  the  morning. 

•*  Which  goes  not  down  behind  the  darkened  west^ 
But  melts  away  into  the  light  of  heaven!" 


CHAPTER  XV. 


"  Thus  lie  giveth  His  beloved  sleep." 

The  death  of  the  just  Las  a  tremendous,  yet  an 
exquisite  beauty.  It  seems  to  open  a  connection 
between  the  living  and  tlie  world  of  spirits — to 
form  for  them  more  sublime  relations  with  beings 
of  a  higher  order.  Have  you  ever  bent  over  the 
sacred  dust  %  If  you  have  you  can  never  feel  a 
preference  for  life. 

The  ominous  thermometers,  which  seemed  to 
have  been  placed  there  to  measure  the  sure  and 
silent  approach  of  death,  still  hung  in  every  room. 
The  knockers  and  bells  were  still  muffled.  And 
only  soft  whisperings  and  hushed  foot-falls  were 
heard  everywhere. 

The  glowing  damask  curtains  filled  Leila's 
room  with  a  solemn  rosy-tinted  light — a  light  in 
beautiful  harmony  with  tlie  deep  hush  that  reigned 
there.  The  table  and  pictures,  and  the  classic 
groupings  on  the  mantel-piece  were  all  draped  in 
white.  The  two  vases  Avhich  stood  on  her  table 
had  been  filled  with  half-blown  white  rose-buds, 
and  silver-starred  Arabian  jessamines,  by  the 
hands  of  Miss  H and  her  sisters.     The  flowers 


332  LEILA   ADA, 

which  Leila  had  so  delighted  to  culture  in  life 
bloomed  around  her  in  death  ! 

There,  too,  lay  her  watch.  It  was  left  un- 
wound ;  and  was  surrounded  by  a  circlet  of 
flowers,  all  delicate  and  lovely.  The  thought  was 
a  sweet  one — full  of  tender  feeling,  which  sug- 
gested it.  For  time  has  now  fot  ever  ceased  with 
Leila.  It  was  merged  into  the  endless  circles  of 
eternity. 

And  there  was  the  bed ;  enshrouded  in  purest 
white.  The  curtains  were  drawn,  and  disclosed  a 
lovely  figure  which  lay  sleeping  upon  it — it  was 
a  beautiful  sleep,  for  she  smiled  as  though  in  a 
happy  dream.  Ah  !  it  was  the  long  sacred  sleep 
which  the  believer  sleeps  in  Jesus  till  on  the 
glorious  resurrection  morn  he  awakes  to  immortal 
life. 

Yes,  there  lay  Leila,  draped  in  a  robe  of  simple 
white  muslin,  as  she  desired.  She  looked  so  inno- 
cent, so  pure,  so  beautiful.  On  her  face  there 
was  no  icy  coldness,  no  ghastly  impression — and 
the  angelic  smile  with  which  she  had  passed 
away,  still  hovered  over  every  lineament.  Her 
hair  was  bound  up  and  laid  smoothly  across  her 
clear  forehead.  The  white  lids  closed  lovingly 
on  her  eyes ;  and  the  heavy  lashes  softly  shadowed 
her  pure  cheek.  Her  head  was  slightly  raised 
upon  pillows,  and  over  her  face  was  diffused  an 
expression  so  celestial — such  a  mingling  of  clear, 


THE   JEWISH    CONVERT.  333 

unclouded  brightness,  the  "  new-born  day  of  bliss,'* 
with  a  fixed  and  holy  repose, — that  it  at  o:ice 
showed  lAiat  silent  form  was  sleeping  the  long 
peaceful  slumber  which  **  Ke  giveth  His  beloved," 
till  tlie  last  trumpet  shall  give  the  joyful  signal, 
and  sound  in  a  voice  that  shall  pierce  the  deep 
silence  of  their  tranquil  rest,  "  Arise,  shine,  for 
the  light  is  come,  and  the  glory  of  the  Lord  is 
risen  upon  you." 

Near  the  end  of  the  bed  stood  the  coffin  which 
was  to  hold  all  that  now  remained  of  Leila.  It 
was  made  of  wood,  covered  with  white  cloth.* 
The  nails,  handles,  and  inscription  plate  were 
also  silvery  white  ;  for  Leila  had  desired  that  it 
should  be  so.  Sweet  emblems  of  the  innocence 
and  purity  of  her  who  was  to  repose  within  it ! 
It  was  covered  with  a  snowy  cloth,  for  her  father 
would  not  have  her  put  in  till  the  latest  moment. 

And  that  latest  moment  came  ;  and  the  weeping 
friends  took  their  last  kiss  and  shed  their  last  tears 
around  her  sweet  face  ;  and  then  the  lid  Avas  put 
on,  and  she  was  seen  by  them  no  more.     And  then 

*  White  was  a  colour  which,  through  its  being  so  typical 
of  purit^',  Leila  always  loved.  ''Simple,  innocent,  elegant," 
she  would  often  say. 

She  desired  that  her  coffin  might  be  made  simply  of 
wood ;  for  she  thought  it  wrong  to  use  any  means  which 
have  the  effect  of  retarding  the  fulfilment  of  tie  Divine 
decree,  *'  Dust  thou  art,  and  unto  dust  thou  shalt  return." 


334  LEILA    ADA, 

a  hearse  drew  up  to  the  door,  and  men  with 
solemn  faces  carried  the  precious  burden  and  put 
it  in  it ;  and  friends  in  hushed  breathings  sought 
to  comfort  each  other ;  but  each  heart  was  too  full, 
and  the  effort  only  caused  the  fountains  to  burst 
open  afresh.  Her  father  saw  them  take  away  the 
coffin  ;  he  sat  still  as  one  in  a  dream  ;  he  did  not 
shed  one  tear  ;  the  shock  had  passed  too  straight 
through  his  heart.  And  still  he  sat  there  ;  and 
one  whispered  to  him,  and  then  he  rose  like  one 
who  has  ceased  to  know  or  feel  anything,  and 
allowed  himself  to  be  put  in  a  carriage.  Then 
the  coffin  was  placed  in  the  newly-made  tomb  ; 
and  he  heard  the  words,  *'  Ashes  to  ashes,  dust  to 
dust,"  and  his  features  convulsed  as  the  earth  fell 
with  solemn  sound  on  the  lid.  But  then  tho 
soothing  words,  "  Blessed  are  the  dead  which  die 
in  the  Lord,"  came  like  a  sweet  hush  over  his 
troubled  spirit ;  and  he  thought  of  Leila,  not  as 
sleeping  in  that  white  coffin,  but  as  an  angel  in 
glory.  It  made  him  weep — he  prayed — and  a  ray 
of  divine  comfort  illumined  his  soul.  He  would 
not  feel  utterly  desolate,  for  he  should  see  his 
sweet  child  again. 

Rest  there,  beloved  Leila !  till  He  who  is  the 
Resurrection  and  the  Life  shall  awake  thee  to 
immortal  health.  Thou  hast  early  found  thy  rest, 
—early  been  taken  to  eternity — earlier  than  has 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  335 

been  permitted  to  us.  But  we  shall  soon  come 
to  tliee.  Soon  we  shall  follow  thee  into  the 
blessed  presence  of  our  Redeemer. 

Safe  art  thou  now — enfolded  on  the  bosom  of 
our  God.  Could  we  but  see  thee  once  again,  with 
what  seraphic  ardour  wouldst  thou  urge  upon  us 
the  tremendous  importance  of  casting  aside  every 
weight,  of  pressing  onward  in  the  heavenly  road, 
of  laying  hold  upon  eternal  life.  Would  we  were 
with  thee !  joining  in  ecstatic  converse  of  the 
AYondrous  grace  which  preserved  us  amidst  all  the 
temptations  and  sorrows  of  earth,  and  safely 
brought  us  to  the  regions  of  eternal  felicity  at 
last.  No  gloomy  shadows  now  arise  to  obscure 
from  thee  the  God  of  thy  supreme  affection.  No 
earthly  vapours  now  cloud  tliy  sight,  or  hide  from 
thee  the  smile  of  thy  Beloved.  Now  with  thee  it 
is  fruition  all,  and  all  delight :  mortality  and  time 
no  more.  Thy  illumined  soul,  beaming  with  the 
reflected  beauty  of  the  Lamb,  is  all  light,  all  love, 
all  felicity,  for  thou  art  plunged  into  the  Infinite, 
even  He  that  is  unsearchable — Jehovah.  Often 
do  we  think  of  thee — often  do  we  feel  thee  near 
us,  whispering  words  of  encouragement  and  holy 
consolation.     Is  it  even  so  ?    Doubtless. — 

It  is  a  beautiful  belief 

That  ever  round  our  head, 
Are  hovering  on  angel  wings 

The  spirits  of  the  dead. 


336  LEILA    ADA, 

Farewell,  dear  Leila !  Thy  feet  early  sandalled 
witli  immortality,  tliou  hast  gone  where  the  Lamb 
Him&elf  shall  lead  thee  to  living  fountains  of 
waters,  and  wipe  away  all  tears,  and  fill  thee 
with  unalterable  rapture  and  repose,  while  we  are 
left  to  weep  beneath  the  tempest-bearing  clouds 
of  earth.  Oh !  that  like  thee  it  were  given  to  our 
sight  to  pierce  the  dull  cold  sky  of  life,  and  hear 
the  soft  whisper  that  soon  the  eternal  doors  would 
close  on  us,  and  we  should  be  with  thee  for  ever. 

Leila  has  since  been  joined  by  her  father.  He 
rapidly  sunk  beneath  the  sorrow  produced  by  her 
death,  and  in  eleven  months  was  laid  beside  her 
in  the  tomb.  He  died  peacefully,  and  with  un- 
shaken reliance  upon  his  Redeemer. 

"  The  hour  is  coming  in  which  all  that  are  in  the 
grave  shall  hear  my  voice  and  shall  come  forth ; 
they  that  have  done  good  to  the  resurrection  of 
Hfe." 

"Amen.     Even  so  come  Lord  Jesus." 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

ILLNESS    AND    DEATH    OF    LEILA's    FATHER. 

Leila's  deatli  fell  heavy  upon  her  father,  as 
such  a  shock  was  likely  to — it  stupified  him.  As 
soon  as  he  was  convinced  that  her  spirit  had  indeed 
fled,  he  sunk  into  a  chair  and  wept  powerfully. 
Life  sheds  such  tears  but  once. 

Suddenly  he  rose,  took  one  calm,  moveless  look 
at  the  sweet  face  of  his  child,  and  then  walked 
away,  leaving  the  friends  to  whom  Leila  had  spoken 
about  it  to  perform  the  last  sad  changes  to  her 
precious  dust. 

He  walked  about  the  garden,  and  mechanically 
gave  all  orders  as  usual.  But  all  interest  in  what 
was  going  around  him  had  ceased  ;  to  him  earth 
was  emptier  than  an  eggshell.  Nothing  could 
arrest  his  attention,  except  in  that  automaton 
degree,  when  you  plainly  see  that  the  heart  is 
unchangeably  filled  with  other  thoughts.  Hours 
on  hours  he  occupied  in  reading  those  books  which 
were  Leila's,  and  in  which  her  notes  were  to  be 
found ;  sometimes  these  were  exchanged  for  her 
letters  and  journals,  or  else  he  tended  her  favourite 
flowers  ;  and  walked  in  her  favourite  haunts  in  the 
garden — scenes  where  they  had  had  so  much  peace 
and  holy  joy  together.  Much  time  he  also  spent 
29 


338  LEILA    ADA, 

in  Leila's  bed-chamber — where  her  bed  was  still 
made  up,  just  as  it  used  to  be  ;  he  would  have  it 
so — and  the  voice  of  earnest  prayer  was  by  an 
accident  once  heard  to  proceed  from  thence.  It 
seemed  then  that  he  loved  to  present  his  petitions 
from  that  same  bedside,  Avhcnce  hers  for  him  and 
herself  had  so  often  ascended  to  the  Father  of  their 
spirits. 

Ever  since  the  death  of  Leila  he  had  felt  not 
the  slightest  doubt  respecting  the  Messiahship  of 
Jesus  ;  he  peacefully  reposed  upon  Him  for  sal- 
vation ;  and,  though  his  sorrow  might  often  cloud 
his  spiritual  enjoyment,  he  never  questioned  for  a 
moment  the  fact  of  his  acceptance.  Indeed  he 
laughed  at  such  a  possibility.  "  Doubt  GOD  !" 
he  once  said,  when  a  remark  to  the  effect  was  made 
to  him,  and  he  said  it  with  such  an  accent  of  per- 
fect conviction  as  was  never  to  be  forgotten. 

In  Leila's  "  Memoir,"  it  was  noticed  that  before 
she  died  he  resolved  to  begin  prayer  in  the  name 
of  Jesus,  though  at  the  time  no  one  knew  of  it. 
For  a  Avhile  he  experienced  those  difficulties,  those 
torturing  doubts,  in  striving  to  realise  His  Divine 
character,  which  most  Jews  feel,  and  which  cannot 
be  cause  of  wonder  when  the  feelings  of  a  whole 
life  have  to  be  uprooted.  "  On  the  night  when 
my  child  died,"  he  said,  "  I  prayed  with  an 
earnestness  and  fervour  like  nothing  I  had  ever 
attained    before.      My   heart    seemed    strangely 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  339 

affected.  I  seemed  to  see  Leila  all  smiling  and 
happy  beyond  anything*  I  could  utter  ;  I  felt  such 
a  conviction  that  she  was  near  me,  that  I  could  not 
divest  myself  from  it,  and  I  almost  expected  to 
see  her.  I  became  very  happy  as  I  still  continued 
in  silent  adoration  upon  my  knees — for  I  was  so 
solemnly  affected  that  I  had  no  power  to  rise — a 
stream  of  light  entered  my  soul,  and  I  felt  a  great 
lightness  and  joy.  All  doubt  vanished,  and  I  felt 
in  my  inmost  soul  a  calm  settled  conviction  that 
Jesus  was  Messiah  and  God.  I  have  never  doubted 
this  for  a  moment  since." 

It  soon  appeared  that  the  effect  which  had  fallen 
upon  him  through  Leila's  death  was  not  easily  to 
pass  away.  His  abstraction  grew  deeper,  his  feeling 
of  desolation  stronger.  Invalid  as  it  had  made  him 
in  body,  still  more  so  in  mind,  he  was  fast  sinking 
into  the  same  grave  with  his  child — the  more  surely 
because  the  disease  was  more  mental  than  physical ; 
for  this  gave  its  own  mortal  keenness  to  the  wound. 
When  Leila  died  his  hair  was  only  lightly  streaked 
with  grey  :  five  months  afterwards  it  was  almost 
all  of  a  silvery  white.  With  Leila's  Bible  in  his 
hand  he  would  pass  hours  under  the  shade  of  one 
old  favourite  cedar  where  they  had  often  sat  to« 
gether,  whose  vast  boughs  required  a  storm  to  move 
them,  and  through  whose  heavy  foliage  the  sun- 
beams never  pierced ;  or  whole  evenings  would 
pass  away  while  he  paced  the  chestnut  avenue 


340  LEILA   ADA, 

where  he  had  so  often  walked  with  her  in  later 
years — where,  in  her  early  childhood,  he  had  so 
often  pelted  her  with  roses,  as  with  gay  laughter 
and  a  merry  bound  she  ran  hiding  amongst  the 
trees,  or  else  he  crowned  her  with  violets,  and  then 
merrily  compared  her  to — 

"  The  Danae  of  flowers, 
With  gold  heaped  in  her  lap." 

There  he  dreamed  of  the  dim  and  distant  past — 
of  things  gone  never  to  return.  And  there  the 
beauties  of  his  remembrance  often  made  him 
happier. 

*'  How  often,"  he  said  to  me,  as  we  once  took 
this  walk  together,  "  how  often,  when  I  have  in 
vain  sought  rest  for  my  spirit  from  those  things 
which,  spite  of  me,  would  feed  upon  my  heart — 
when  I  have  closed  my  book  in  weariness,  or  flung 
aside  my  pen  in  vexation  of  soul — and  have  gone 
forth  into  the  garden  to  look  at  her  flowers,  sadly 
and  heavily,  until  I  have  entered  the  shadows  of 
these  old  trees,  all  sending  forth  their  soft  sound 
among  the  leaves,  just  as  they  used  when  we  were 
together,  and  I  have  felt  my  heart  and  steps  grow 
lighter.  I  forget  that  all  my  former  hopes  are 
now  set  down 

"Mid  the  dull  catalogue  of  earthly  things,* 

and  return  with  a  handful  of  immortal  flowers— 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  341 

I  mean  witli  a  quiet  joy,  that  I  soon  shall  walk 
with  her  amidst  heavenly  fields  for  ever.  And 
this  for  a  time,  at  least,  helps  me  to  proceed  on 
my  way  rejoicing." 

As  well  as  this  scene  being  to  him 

"That  fount  of  liglit — a  first  familiar  thing," 

there  was  a  charm  of  the  picturesque  about  it 
too.  Besides  the  chestnut  trees,  were  numerous 
ashes  —  the  light  and  graceful  weeping  ash  of 
England,  through  whose  fragile  boughs  the  sun- 
shine falls  like  a  shower  of  sifted  gold  upon  the 
grass  and  little  plants  beneath — trees  beloved  of 
the  robin  and  the  bee,  and  around  whose  foot  the 
violets  grow  most  luxuriant.  I  remember  there 
was  hardly  one  of  them  whose  roots  were  not 
covered  with  these  most  lovely  of  flowers,  shed 
by  the  perfumed  hand  of  spring  :  whether  art  had 
refined  upon  nature,  or  whether  nature  planted 
them  there  herself,  I  never  inquired ;  but  it  was 
so.  Beyond  was  a  shrubbery,  opening  into  a  luxu- 
riant vista  of  blossom,  that  was  a  delicious  con- 
trast to  the  old  dark  trees  left  behind. 

We  sat  down  under  the  shadowy  arms  of  one 
great  tree.  We  spoke  of  Leila,  and  crowding 
memories  of  soft  hours  that  in  her  company  had 
been  spent  there — trifling  things  it  may  seem  to 
write  about — but  all  loving  hearts  have  felt  the 
sacred  delight  of  these  remembrances.  Mr.  T. 
29* 


342  LEILA    ADA, 

dwelt  upon  them  with  a  sad  mournfulness,  though 
with  a  pleasure  which  only  the  parent  of  such  a 
daughter  could  have  felt,  and  adverted  to  the 
comfort  he  found  in  expecting  soon  to  join  her 
for  ever  in  heaven.  I  knew  he  was  very  weak, 
and  daily  getting  more  so ;  that  his  head  was 
bowed,  never  to  be  upraised  again,  but  I  could 
hardly  at  that  time  understand  why  he  expected 
death  to  be  near :  and  I  said  so. 

"  I  am  persuaded  I  am  not  superstitious,"  he 
said.  "But  never  do  I  anywhere  feel  more 
strongly  than  I  do  here,  that  my  disease,  whether 
most  of  mind  or  body  matters  not,  is  incurable 
— that  I  am  going  to  Leila  soon  ;^^  he  laid  a  calm 
emphasis  on  that  word,  that  made  me  notice  it 
particularly.  "  I  wish  you  not  to  suspect  me  of 
some  morbid  sentiment.  I  cannot  easily  describe 
the  feeling — it  may  be  only  a  consequence  of 
being  as  I  am  invalid  in  body  and  mind — but  I 
am  sure  I  shall  not  walk  here  many  times  more. 
And  this  makes  me  always  seem  to  be  taking 
leave  of  the  scene  every  time  I  come  to  it,  what- 
ever intention  I  may  come  with." 

Of  all  passions  love  is  the  most  engrossing, 
and  the  most  superstitious.  How  ready  it  is  to 
take  a  sigh,  a  whisper  of  the  winds,  a  falling  leaf 
as  an  omen  !  AVell,  it  must  be  so  with  an  emo- 
tion purely  spiritual,  since  it  can  have  no  exist- 
ence at  all  among  what  is  real.     Not  that  I  say 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  343 

Mr.  T.'s  feeling  was  a  superstitious  one  ;  that  he 
felt  just  what  he  said,  I  was  sure ;  but  it  was  a 
very  likely  presentiment  to  take  up  its  abode  in 
the  bosom  of  one  who  felt  he  had  lost  all  he 
counted  dear  in  this  life  that  he  was  daily  sink- 
ing in  a  degree  which  no  one  near  him  imagined  ; 
and  who  longed  to  be  with  his  treasures  again. 

When  Leila  died,  Emily  of  course  returned  to 
her  own  home.  Most  gladly  would  Mr.  T.  have 
stayed  her  longer — that  beautiful  affection  which 
had  subsisted  between  her  and  Leila  had  in  some 
measure  enwreathed  its  sweet  colouring,  bright 
like  the  rainbow's  serpentine,  around  himself — 
but  her  marriage  was  approaching.  Still  she 
continued  to  visit  him  very  often ;  and  these 
visits  he  found  to  be  such  a  source  of  happiness, 
that  nothing  could  please  him  more  than  when 
she  was  able  to  protract  them  to  several  days. 

His  strength  continued  to  fade  away ;  and 
soon  the  manifestations  of  his  illness  made  such 
rapid  advances,  that  those  around  him  prepared 
for  the  result  he  anticipated.     His  physician  came. 

"You  know  your  disease,  sir,  as  well  as  I. 
My  medicines  are  useless  unless  you  help  your- 
self. You  are  consuming  of  inconsolable  grief. 
You  should  travel ;  and  you  should  not  even 
sleep  alone.  Indeed,  you  must  do  anything  but 
think." 

"  Travelling  wont  do ;    the    remedy  would  be 


344  LEILA    ADA, 

worse  than  the  disease.  I  cannot  leave  here, 
where  all  my  ties  to  life  remain." 

"Well,  you  must  rouse  your  spirits.  Your 
pulse  is  very  faint — scarcely  sixty  a  minute.  It 
used  to  be  seventy,  or  seventy-five." 

But  the  excessive  debility  increased ;  and  soon 
it  was  necessary  to  constantly  use  powerful  stimu- 
lants in  order  to  keep  up  the  action  of  the 
heart.  I  have  known  him  use,  in  twenty-four 
hours,  as  much  hydrocyanic  acid  as  would,  in  a 
few  moments,  have  killed  nine  persons  if  divided 
into  as  many  parts  and  taken  at  once. 

It  was  a  cold,  misty  morning  of  September 
rain — the  dreariest  rain  of  any,  because  it  ends  the 
sunshine  of  summer,  and  because  it  washes  away 
the  last  sweet  flowers  and  green  leaves.  Emily 
had  just  finished  her  breakfast,  and  was  wondering 
if  the  raw  damp  air  would  hurt  her  little  roses  if 
she  put  them  out,  when  she  received  a  letter  from 
Mr.  T.,  urging  her  to  come  and  soothe  his  last 
moments. 

"  May  I,"  he  said,  "  ask  this  of  your  husband 
and  of  yourself,  and  with  an  expectation  that  it 
will  be  allowed  me  as  the  last  favour  you  can 
grant.  You,  Emily,  have  probably  many  days  to 
live — I  but  a  few.  I  miss  your  light  step  and 
your  dear  smile  more  and  more  every  hour  as  I 
get  weaker.  You,  whom  my  child  loved  so  fondly, 
and  to  whom  I  myself  am  indebted  for  so  much 


THE    JEWISH    CO.WEliT.  346 

consolation,  think  liow  precious  you  are  in  my 
sight.  Pray  come,  then,  and  remain  with  me  the 
little  time  I  have  to  live — and  I  think  it  will  be 
very  little," 

Emily  sat  down  in  a  chair  and  wept  long  over 
the  affectionate  letter.  How  vividly  did  she  pic- 
ture to  herself  his  loneliness,  the  unbroken  soli- 
tude of  his  thoughts.  No  one  to  talk  to  him 
about  Leila,  and  her  beautiful  Christian  life,*  to 
read  aloud  his  favourite  passages,  or  replace  his 
scattered  books.  Affection  always  exaggerates, 
and  Emily  wondered  how  she  had  never  felt  more 
about  this  before.  "  I  think  I  ought  not  to  he- 
sitate about  going  directly."  Her  husband  would 
not  be  home  till  the  afternoon.  She  wrote  a 
note. 

"Dearest  Edward, 

"  The  subjoined  letter  from will  ex- 
plain my  absence.  So  anxious  as  he  is  to  see  me, 
I  think  I  ought  to  go  thither  at  once.  Do  you 
follow  me  as  soon  as  you  have  dined. 

"  Your  affectionate, 

"Emily." 

Emily  was  seen  approaching.     She  had  hardly 

*  His  household  ^vas  managed  by  a  sister  to  Leila'a 
mother — the  aunt  incidentally  referred  to  in  Emily's  ac- 
count of  Leila's  dying  hours.  And  though  she  might  at 
this  time  have  a  slight  feehng  in  favour  of  Christianity, 
that  was  all. 


346  LEILA    ADA, 

placed  her  foot  on  the  steps  when  the  door  was 
opened.  Mr.  T.  stood  in  the  hall  before  her  ;  in 
another  moment  her  hand  was  grasped  tightly. 

"  I  am  so  glad  to  see  you — afraid  you  might  not 
be  able  to  come — at  least  so  soon." 

Emily  looked  at  him.  Pale,  thin,  eyes  unna- 
turally bright,  and  a  voice  weak  and  spiritless — 
tears  filled  her  eyes. 

"How  you  have  suffered  —  how  I  have  re- 
proached myself  the  last  hour  for  not  being  with 
you  more." 

He  held  Leila's  Bible  in  his  hand — a  finger 
separating  the  leaves  where  he  had  been  reading. 
He  turned  over  a  page  or  tAvo,  and  pointed  out  to 
Emily  that  beautiful  expression  of  filial  trust  in 
God — "  The  Lord  gave,  and  the  Lord  hath  taken 
away;  blessed  be  the  name  of  the  Lord."  And 
the  calm  light  which  beamed  over  his  intelligent 
features,  seemed  an  indubitable  assurance  that  he 
had  made  the  language  entirely  his  own. 

"  The  complete  seclusion  in  which  of  choice  I 
have  lived,  has  made  for  me  no  friends.  Between 
myself  and  my  brother  there  is  a  breach  which, 
now  I  am  a  Christian,  cannot  be  made  up.  But 
to  you,  Emily,  I  may  use  the  happy  answer  of 
the  Shunamite  woman — 'I  dwell  among  mine 
own  people.'  A  whole  life  of  that  enjoyment 
and  attention  which  come  of  affection,  is  in  the 
words.      Familiar   faces — sickness,  whose    suffer- 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  347 

ing:  fj-ives  to  love  a  more  tender  and  exalted  cba- 
racter — hearts  rejoicing  with  our  joy,  and  sorrow- 
ing with  our  sorrow — friends  to  whom  our  very 
faults  endear  us.  Lately  I  have  felt,  indeed,  the 
beauty  of  'dwelling  among  mine  own  people.'  " 

"  More  of  intimate  Christian  converse  you  have 
wanted  sadly." 

"Yes ;  but  you  will  stay  with  me  now?" 

"I  think  so — I  wish  to." 

I  have  quite  a  passion  for  studying  human 
beings.  I  have  a  love  for  God's  human  creatures, 
and  a  faith  in  their  intellectual  and  moral  being, 
which,  if  enthusiastic,  is  not  dreamy  and  objectless 
— albeit,  it  sometimes  gets  me  smiled  at.  But 
separate  from  this,  there  would  always  have  been 
that  about  Mr.  T.  which  would  have  enchained  my 
attention.  That  calm,  affectionate  smile,  and  that 
placid  face,  would  at  once  have  gained  my  heart ; 
and  really  it  does  one's  moral  constitution  good, 
to  find  there  is  such  a  thing  as  kindliness  and  in- 
tegrity in  this  distorted,  hideous  world.  That 
single-hearted,  honest  look,  which  told  you  directly 
that  he  always  said  what  he  meant,  and  meant 
what  he  said — the  attractive  expression  of  his  dark 
eyes — the  hair  thrown  back  to  relieve  hi.s  liigh 
forehead — the  subdued  movements,  pcacofiil  ns  his 
home.  I  used  to  look  on  him  and  Leila  as  I  did 
on  Emily,  with  something  of  that  feeling  which, 
while    travelling  along  a  Avhite    and    dusty  road, 


348  LEILA    ADA, 

fixes  the  eye  on  some  fair  fragile  flower,  spiritual 
in  loveliness,  dreamlike  in  beauty,  over  which  the 
blue  sky  flings  its  mildest  sunshine,  the  trees  their 
softest  shadow,  as  if  its  fresh  pure  blossom  be- 
longed to  another  and  higher  life  than  the  parched 
shrubs  of  the  highway. 

"  It  is  good  for  me  that  I  have  been  afilicted," 
may  always  be  truly  said  by  the  religious  man. 
This  was  proved  by  Mr.  T.  The  faith  that  looks 
through  and  beyond  affliction  and  death,  strength- 
ened his  soul;  hope  became  the  prophet  of  a 
"far  more  exceeding  and  eternal  weight  of 
glory,"  which  should  be  thus  wrought  out ;  feel- 
ings Avliich  had  long  been  left  to  waste  were  now 
aroused,  and  his  whole  heart  was  enlarged  and 
purified  by  loving  the  Lord  Jesus,  and  thoughts 
of  the  sweet  world  to  come,  with  all  its  height- 
ened affections  and  glory,  in  eternal  union  with  his 
loved  ones. 

Thus  even  in  suffering,  and  amidst  depression 
of  spirits  paiiiiul  to  witness,  he  was  yet  prepared 
to  shadow  forth  the  gentle,  loving  spirit  of  His 
Master  and  Lord.  His  usually  quiet  deportment 
became  more  calm  and  dignified  still.  Rather 
than  give  way  to  an  uneasy  expression,  he  would 
say  nothing.  This  vigorous  guard  of  his  conduct 
and  lips  might  often  be  noticed.  Once  he  said 
to  me,  as  we  were  discussing  a  literary  subject, 
*'  Let  us  cease,  if  you  please.     My  mind  is  weak, 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  349 

auJ  inclines  me  to  fretfulness ;  so  I  can  view  no- 
thing in  its  just  light,  and  shall  get  to  fault-find 
ing — by  no  means  a  profitable  business." 

A  few  days  after  Emily  went  to  him,  in  answer 
to  his  letter,  he  said  to  her — "  Those  feelings  of 
exceeding  weakness  which  sometimes  come  over 
me  quite  suddenly,  have  made  me  think  I  might 
perhaps  die  at  such  a  time,  from  inability  of  the 
heart  to  beat  any  longer.  If  you  find  it  prove 
so,  therefore,  do  not  be  alarmed." 

On  a  morning  not  long  after  this  he  went  into 
his  library.  He  had  been  there  between  one  and 
two  hours,  when  two  hard  and  rapid  pulls  at  the 
bell  caused  all  within  hearing  to  take  alarm  at 
once.  He  was  sitting  in  a  large  high-backed 
chair,  drooping  with  faintness,  and  speaking  with 
difiiculty. 

"Emily,"  he  said,  taking  her  hand,  "this  is 
like  death;  but  all  is  right.  Oh,  Jesus!"  he 
turned  his  eyes  upwards,  and  tears  of  holy  joy 
glistened  in  them ;  "  if  I  am  now  to  die  I  shall 
be  received  into  Thy  bosom — I  shall  enter  the 
paradise  of  God." 

"  Will  you  allow  us  to  support  you  to  your 
bed-room  1"  asked  Emily. 

"  Thank  you ;    I  would    rather.     And    if   you 
would  be  good  enough  to  bring  me  some  hot  wine 
and  water,  I  may  be  better." 
30 


350  LEILA   ADA, 

He  went  to  bed ;  from  wliicli  lie  rose  very 
little  during  the  week  he  lived  after  tliis. 

The  last  thing  he  had  been  doing  was  to  make 
an  entry  in  his  journal — for  it  lay  open  on  his 
table,  and  the  writing  was  unfinished.  He  never 
gave  me  permission  to  publish  anything  relating 
to  himself  only;  indeed,  I  do  not  suppose  he 
thought  it  likely  I  ever  should  think  of  it;  but 
I  cannot  believe  he  would  object  to  my  using 
this,  his  last  written  communing  between  God 
and  his  soul. 

"  God  is  gracious ;  -but  let  me  beware  of  de- 
ceiving myself  into  a  belief  that  I  am  uncon- 
ditionally admitted  into  the  number  of  His 
children.  He  will  only  be  my  Father  when 
with  all  my  heart  I  repent,  and  desire  His  favour 
above  everything  else. 

"  In  this  way  I  have  repented.  Behold,  0 
Jesus,  my  Redeemer !  I  lament  my  past  life — my 
indifference  to  Thee,  with  sincerity.  I  denied 
Thee  in  ignorance  and  unbelief;  and  now  I  look 
up  to  Thy  cross  with  hope,  and  feel,  0  Lord, 
that  Thou  wilt  not  reject  me.  I  approach  Thee, 
O  Most  High,  with  humble  confidence ;  in  the 
full  faith  that  Thou  wilt  sanctify  me  through 
Thy  spirit,  in  virtue  of  the  sacrifice  made  for  me 
by  the  Son  of  God.  Thou  knowest  my  temper, 
my  mind,  my  education ;  and  when  for  my  trans- 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  351 

gi'essions  there  is  not  even  an  excuse — as  often  it 
must  be  so — still  I  am  persuaded  that  Thy  mercy- 
is  greater  than  my  manifold  offences,  and  that 
they  will  be  pardoned  on  my  exercising  faith  in 
Christ  Jesus.  Through  Him  I  have  access  to 
God  as  my  Father.  Through  Him  I  have  re- 
ceived the  spirit  of  adoption,  which  entitles  me 
to  say  *  Abba,  Father.'  Through  Him  I  look 
forward  to  certain  immortality,  and  a  blissful 
union  with  all  I  hold  most  dear.  I  have  all 
through  the  merits  of  my  Redeemer. 

"  To  know  that  God  is  my  Father  and  Christ 
is  my  Saviour,  and  the  Holy  Spirit  is  my  sanc- 
tifier,  gives  me  courage  in  the  hour  of  tempta- 
tion, and  when  through  weakness  of  body  my 
spirit  might  be  doubtful  and  sad.  But  this  calms 
the  anxious  care  of  my  heart,  and  fills  it  with 
glorious  aspirings  after  the  crown  of  immortal 
life.  It  is  a  knowledge,  too,  which  entirely  re- 
lieves me  from  that  appalling  awe  with  which  I 
used  to  reflect  on  Thine  Infinite  Majesty  ;  and  it 
also  banishes  that  despondency  which  tlien  I 
felt  if  I  thought  on  my  sins,  and  upon  Thy 
justice  and  purity. 

"  How  great  is  iliG  peace  of  mind  imparted " 

Here  the  manuscript  ends.  This  was  a  true 
repentance  and  true  faith.  To  such  a  soul  death 
was  only  a  messenger  of  eternal  peace. 

It  was    one  of   those   glorious    evenings   with 


352  LEILA    ADA, 

which  summer  sometimes  favours  us  before  she 
takes  her  final  departure  ;  when  her  whole  wealth 
seems  crowded  into  one  single  sunset.  The  fish- 
pond in  the  garden  shone  lilvc  an  unbroken  lake 
of  amber,  and  the  gentle  evening  breeze  swept 
hushingly  over  the  closing  flowers.  Mr.  T.  arose 
only  for  one  hour,  and  that  was  at  noon  ;  and 
then  lying  down  again,  he  soon  went  to  sleep. 
The  west  was  shut  out,  but  the  whole  room  was 
filled  with  a  rich  purple  haze.  Everything  in 
that  light  wore  an  aspect  strange  and  unfamiliar ; 
and  through  the  dim  atmosphere  there  seemed  to 
float  that  wondrous  feeling  of  glory  and  mourn - 
fulness,  which  is  so  well  suited  to  the  reverie  of 
the  sorrowing.  The  two  marble  figures  opposite 
the  window,  stood  out  with  a  distinctness  like 
things  of  life — yet  a  life  entirely  difi'ering  from 
our  own.  With  me,  sculptures  are  a  feeling  of 
the  pure  and  coldly  beautiful.  I  cannot  look 
upon  them  as  the  semblance  either  of  man  or 
woman.  Pale,  calm,  passionless — their  beauty 
belongs  to  another  world — they  may  awe  me  into 
worship ;  they  are  too  emotionless  to  make  me 
love  ;  their  shadowy  and  mysterious  loveliness, 
their  obscurity  deep  as  thought,  seem  the  creation 
of  a  spell. 

Emily  stole  softly  to  his  bedroom.  In  the  early 
part  of  the  day  he  had,  with  that  restlessness, 
so  common  to  invalids,  which  imagines  any  change 


THE    JEWISH    CONVERT.  353 

must  be  relief,  several  times  requested  ttat  his 
pillow  might  be  moved.  But  now,  this  was  a 
calm,  beautiful,  renewing  sleep.  After  drawing 
the  blinds,  so  that  none  of  the  light  from  the 
window  might  ftill  on  his  face,  Emily  sat  down  by 
his  side  to  watch  over  him.  The  love  which 
bends  over  the  sleep  of  the  dying  is — save  that 
which  bends  over  the  face  of  the  dead — one  of  the 
most  beautiful  of  earthly  loves — so  silent,  so  deep, 
so  solemn. 

At  that  sweet  sunset  hour  he  awoke,  and  open- 
ing his  eyes — but  without  any  .of  the  startling 
return  to  consciousness  with  which  most  awake — 
he  fixed  them  on  Emily.  She  thought  he  did  not 
at  first  recognise  her  ;  but  in  a  moment  he  smiled 
sweetly  upon  her,  and  took  her  hand. 

"  I  have  been  dreaming,"  he  said. 

"  And  3^our  dreams  were  happy  ones,  I  am 
sure." 

"  Oh  !  indeed  yes  !  What  I  have  seen,  Emily 
— glorious — unutterable — Leila  !" 

With  the  utterance  of  the  words,  he  again  sank 
into  unconsciousness,  but  still  retained  his  hold  of 
her  hand,  as  it  lay  amongst  the  bedclothes  by  his 
side.  A  little  while  afterwards  he  murmured 
something,  in  which  she  distinctly  recognized  the 
words,  "  Lord  Jesus  Christ,"  and  then  the  names 
of  his  wife  and  daughter — "  Leila  !"  in  a  few 
moments  again  "  Leila !"  and  then  he  drew  one 
30* 


354  LEILA    ADA, 

long  and  louder  breath.  His  hand  clasped  hers 
rather  tightly  for  a  moment,  and  then  it  relaxed 
again.  She  thought  it  felt  cold  :  she  feared  to 
awaken  him ;  but  a  strange  awe  crept  over  her, 
in  the  gloom  which  now  pervaded  everything  in 
the  apartment.  All  along  his  breathing  had  been 
low  ;  but  now  on  bending  her  ear  over  him  it  was 
inaudible.  Gently  disengaging  her  hand,  she  rang 
for  lights,  and  then  saw  that  his  features  were 
indeed  fixed  in  the  pale  hues  of  death. 

Yes  !  the  parent  of  the  lovely  Leila  had  thus 
softly  passed  aw/iy  into  the  lands  of  unsullied  light 
and  perfect  bliss  !  He  had  joined  his  sweet  child, 
where  God  is  heaven  and  heaven  is  God  ! 

A  week  afterwards  he  was  laid  in  the  same 
vault,  and  side  by  side  with  his  wife  and  daughter  : 
"  Lovely  in  their  lives,  in  death  they  were  not 
divided." 

"  I  heard  a  great  voice  out  of  heaven,  saying, 
Behold,  the  tabernacle  of  God  is  with  men,  and 
He  will  dwell  with  them,  and  they  shall  be  His 
people ;  and  God  Himself  shall  be  with  them, 
and  be  their  God.  And  God  shall  wipe  away  all 
tears  from  their  eyes  ;  and  there  shall  be  no  more 
death,  neither  sorrow,  nor  crying,  neither  shall 
there  be  any  more  pain,  for  the  former  things  are 
passed  away. 

**  And  the  city  had  no  need  of  the  sun,  neither 
of  the  moon  to  shine  in  it ;  for  the  glory  of  God 


THE    JKWISH    CONVERT.  355 

did  Ugliten  it,  and  the  Lamb  is  the  light  thereof. 
And  the  nations  of  them  which  are  saved  shall 
walk  in  the  light  of  it,  and  the  kings  of  the  earth 
do  bring  their  glory  and  honour  into  it.  And  the 
gates  of  it  shall  not  be  shut  at  all  by  day  :  for 
there  shall  be  no  night  there.  And  they  shall 
bring  the  glory  and  honour  of  the  nations  into  it. 
And  there  shall  in  no  wise  enter  into  it  anything 
that  defileth,  neither  whatsoever  worketh  abomina- 
tion or  maketh  a  lie  ;  but  they  v/hich  are  written 
in  the  Lamb's  book  of  life." 


THE   END. 


I 


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